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Old 10-08-2012, 02:04 PM   #31
justhat
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Can I follow your family to observe? Just, kidding of course, but I am curious to see how all 5 boys (bless you!) develop, who moves out earliest, etc. I really do see a trend at our school - the youngest boy in the family, especially if he is the youngest sibling, seems to be the coddled, indulged child, very rarely half as successful in school as siblings, etc. This is especially true if the parents are divorced.
That is usually the youngest child of any gender.
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Old 10-08-2012, 03:35 PM   #32
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My 3 yo pulls this on occasion and I don't give in to her. I have a bad back and I just physically cannot carry her for very long. It's frustrating.

She seems to do better if we make a game out of things, like we may practice hopping to the car or I may do like a stop and go race with her when we are walking somewhere.

I do try to give her a reason when I say no. I tell her, mommy can't carry you because her back is hurting so can you be my big helper instead. That seems to help a bit more than just saying "no" straight out.
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Old 10-08-2012, 05:17 PM   #33
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Buy a baby carrier like an ergo. He gets carried and you still can be hands free.
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Old 10-08-2012, 07:11 PM   #34
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That is usually the youngest child of any gender.
I had to laugh at that comment. For some reason several of us in my family have 2 older children and then a DD that came later in life. Our DDs are the most responsible ones in the group! We laugh that our DDs had to be responsible since they have old people for parents!

She is 16 now, but she was never the baby of the family. One memory that I will always have of her is when she was 3 and she would put that hand on her hip and point her other finger at her 16 year old brother and tell him what was what!
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Old 10-08-2012, 08:25 PM   #35
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Originally Posted by Schmeck View Post
Can I follow your family to observe? Just, kidding of course, but I am curious to see how all 5 boys (bless you!) develop, who moves out earliest, etc. I really do see a trend at our school - the youngest boy in the family, especially if he is the youngest sibling, seems to be the coddled, indulged child, very rarely half as successful in school as siblings, etc. This is especially true if the parents are divorced.
Wow, that was a lot of generalizing in one statement.

This thread has a lot of bias against boys. Individuals are individuals, regardless of gender, birth order, or whether or not their parents are divorced.

As a wife of a youngest son (who is more successful than his older brother by far), and the mother to two boys who are both doing well in school, these sorts of statements get under my skin.
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Old 10-08-2012, 09:05 PM   #36
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The family I sit for had a 3 yr old that wanted to be carried for every little thing after her brother was born. you have to stay strong and not give in. This little girl had her parents carrying her and a car seat at the the same, they made multiple trips to the car and house for her. The mother finally stood strong and said no more. She said to her DD walk to the car or you stay here at the sitters and she went to the car. She went kicking and screaming but she did it. When they left their house she was told they would leave her there if she didn't walk to the car. She screamed and cried but finally would go to the car, if she didn't get out of the car, they told her they would leave her there. Now, they were not mean, just stated the fact she was old enough to walk and there are times that they can't carry her. If she didn't want to walk while they were out then she can get in the stroller. After a couple of weeks the crying and screaming stopped. Now, she knows there are times they can't carry her and she no longer flips out.
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Old 10-09-2012, 08:30 AM   #37
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Originally Posted by nessz79 View Post
Wow, that was a lot of generalizing in one statement.

This thread has a lot of bias against boys. Individuals are individuals, regardless of gender, birth order, or whether or not their parents are divorced.

As a wife of a youngest son (who is more successful than his older brother(s) by far), and the mother to two boys who are both doing well in school, these sorts of statements get under my skin.
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Old 10-09-2012, 10:54 AM   #38
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When I read posts like these, the first thing that comes into my mind is - who's the parent here? Some things need to be "nipped in the bud". Most children try all sorts of things to get attention and it's perfectly normal. It's the parents reactions to these situations that is the problem, not the child

Our three were as much loved as any other children could be, but we were very consistent in setting and enforcing boundaries. Our oldest, at three when her brother was born, tried different angles to get the "one upmanship", but soon learned that she was still much loved, but could not get away with such behavior. No whining in our home either, just shows very unhappy children. I think that's one of the things that upset me the most at Disney, grocery stores, (anywhere) is when parents allow their children to constantly whine because they aren't getting their way, but yet the parents won't shut them up (another thing that must not be allowed to start to begin with).
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Old 10-09-2012, 01:02 PM   #39
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Originally Posted by powellrj View Post
I had to laugh at that comment. For some reason several of us in my family have 2 older children and then a DD that came later in life. Our DDs are the most responsible ones in the group! We laugh that our DDs had to be responsible since they have old people for parents!

She is 16 now, but she was never the baby of the family. One memory that I will always have of her is when she was 3 and she would put that hand on her hip and point her other finger at her 16 year old brother and tell him what was what!
Sounds like my 3rd! She's only 3.5 years younger than my 2nd, but is definitely Miss Independent. She constantly shuts down her older siblings like that.

She does, however, play the baby card when she wants to. As in, she knows that if she shrieks at her brother and looks at us with terrified eyes, he'll get in trouble. Even if she instigated, she knows she's little and can get away with stuff, wrong as it is. She might not be the youngest forever, but she at least has another year ahead of her (I just had an ectopic pregnancy so I know it'll be months before I consider another one), so she'd be at least 4yo before she became a big sister so I think she'll play that "youngest card" for awhile.

I do wonder for the future though, like our oldest just has that drive to be the best in everything, #2 wants to be just like his sister, #3 could care less about anyone. So it makes me think about how that will translate academically and career-wise.


My husband is 3 of 4, and I am 3 of 3, and both of us are more successful than our older siblings too. And my husband's younger brother is in line with his 2nd sister.



ETA: My point though was that the comment that other poster made about youngest boys is not specific to boys. That can be the youngest either way, just depends on the kid and how the parents react. For awhile I thought I was done at 3, so I definitely wanted to keep my 3rd a baby as long as possible. But then I realized she still needed to grow up like the others and loosened the reigns. Then we thought we were having another so it was that much more important to encourage her independence. But I would have been like that girl or boy.
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Old 10-09-2012, 02:44 PM   #40
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Can I follow your family to observe? Just, kidding of course, but I am curious to see how all 5 boys (bless you!) develop, who moves out earliest, etc. I really do see a trend at our school - the youngest boy in the family, especially if he is the youngest sibling, seems to be the coddled, indulged child, very rarely half as successful in school as siblings, etc. This is especially true if the parents are divorced.
Yes, they all develop differently. When ds3 was 3 and in preschool, he was that kid you had to peel him off of me, but fine once I was gone. I never treated him differently than the older 2 (the first 3 are each 2yrs apart, almost exactly). That year, I was pregnant with ds4. Once ds4 was born (august) and ds3 was in his second year of preschool he was fine, no attachment issues at all. DS4 had no attachment issues either, nor does ds5 (he is the baby and is 3.5). All have gone to preschool, all have done different activities. None of them have needed a sibling or a friend to play with at all times, they all have done their own things (legos, blocks, cars, trucks, outside play), without having to have another person there to entertain them. My boys, cook, clean, do laundry, clean their bathroom toilet etc. Do I snuggle with them and coddle them, sometimes, but they are also all very independent. Has one learned to read earlier than another, yes, better than another yes. DS4 is severely apraxic (speech), but smart, smart, smart, just does not have the words to express what he is thinking, it is a big process for him. Whereas, ds5, is counting to 20 forward and backwards, writes his name, knows the letters, sings the alphabet, etc. Ds4, can barely do any of that. DS1 is in honor classes, DS2 will follow with that, only difference is ds1 does not study, ds2 has to study, ds3 needs to really work at school, ds5 will not have to work hard. Potty training the first 3 were text book trainers. All just before age 3. DS4 took forever and at age 6, still sometimes has an accident at night. DS5 trained himself at 2.5 yrs, never wore pullups at night, never ever had an accident during day or night. He just put on underwear one day and did it. Whereas, ds1 was 8 before he rode bike without training wheels, ds2 taught himself in the basement at age 6, ds3 was 5, ds4 was 4 riding no training wheels, ds5 is not ready yet, but I am willing to bet will be riding no training wheels before he turns 4 or shortly after. Talking for all 5, was all over the board, from age 8 months to age 4 (due to apraxia). We are not divorced, but very stable household. Very busy household to say the least.
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Old 10-09-2012, 02:50 PM   #41
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Buy a baby carrier like an ergo. He gets carried and you still can be hands free.
I am pretty sure that a 3-year-old is too big for an Ergo, or any other baby carrier.
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Old 10-09-2012, 04:49 PM   #42
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Originally Posted by Schmeck View Post
Can I follow your family to observe? Just, kidding of course, but I am curious to see how all 5 boys (bless you!) develop, who moves out earliest, etc. I really do see a trend at our school - the youngest boy in the family, especially if he is the youngest sibling, seems to be the coddled, indulged child, very rarely half as successful in school as siblings, etc. This is especially true if the parents are divorced.
I've observed the exact opposite to be true. I know many families that the youngest is quite a lot more successful in school than their older siblings. The ones who are extremely indulged and coddled tend to be more high strung and unruly, but for the most part they also seem more driven and resourceful. Even though they are coddled and indulged, they also tend to be more strictly disciplined because the parents learned from the mistakes they made with their older kids.
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Old 10-09-2012, 06:48 PM   #43
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Op here- turns out one of the first pp was right! Ds whining got worse and worse, and it turns out he had an ear infection. A round of antibiotics and he is all better and racing me to the car!
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Old 10-09-2012, 08:21 PM   #44
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Promise to take away something that matters to him, not you, next time. Taking him out of the grocery store only punishes you. Offer to take him to the playground or someplace that doesn't matter. If he wants to bs carries and throws a fit, take him back inside and don't go. Stand your ground and don't sway. In the grocery store, plan some short stops (small shopping not big weekly shop) and let him tantrum. Keep your cool and do not sway and do not leave. If you leave he wins and you lose that time and the next. Start today so you can start showing him you mean business before your trip and hopefully you will see results. Similar issues with car sat resistance won in our family with these methods. Good luck!
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Old 10-09-2012, 11:32 PM   #45
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Op here- turns out one of the first pp was right! Ds whining got worse and worse, and it turns out he had an ear infection. A round of antibiotics and he is all better and racing me to the car!
I'm so glad your son is feeling better. Parenting can be so challenging.
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