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Old 10-04-2012, 08:40 AM   #16
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I will not miss either of my children's boyfriend/girlfriend or their parents. They both picked people totally different then us/them. It is extremely uncomfortable to be with the parents for pictures etc.
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Old 10-04-2012, 08:46 AM   #17
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hmmm, no. I never get attached to DD19's boyfriends. She's with one now who is very nice. They've been dating about a year. If she dumped him tomorrow, I wouldn't give him a second thought. If she decided to marry him, I guess, he'd be fine (he's a good boy), but attached? Maybe if he gives me grandchildren. I know my mother started regarding DH as somewhat semi-human when I had DD.
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Old 10-04-2012, 08:57 AM   #18
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hmmm, no. I never get attached to DD19's boyfriends. She's with one now who is very nice. They've been dating about a year. If she dumped him tomorrow, I wouldn't give him a second thought. If she decided to marry him, I guess, he'd be fine (he's a good boy), but attached? Maybe if he gives me grandchildren. I know my mother started regarding DH as somewhat semi-human when I had DD.
That will most likely be DH's opinion of the bfs that come and go too: "semi-human"

But this little guy was smart. When we took the kids to the fair, dh told the boys "now I am expecting you boys to look out for these girls". The boy said "don't worry, sir, no one is going to mess with her". He won dh's heart as dd rolled her eyes.
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Old 10-04-2012, 09:08 AM   #19
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Old 10-04-2012, 09:21 AM   #20
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I have to preface this with the fact that my kids are much older (30+) but I feel it's words to the wise.... Don't get attached to ANY of them... Even Husbands or Wives, you never know- Only after they have children, should you get attached because even if the relationship doesn't work out, the kids are still (hopefully) going to be in your life, so you need to maintain good relationships with their parents.

As far as the Parents of your childrens BF/GF - they are NOT your friends, our children's dating life should not be YOUR social life, find your own friends. I have gone thru many many BFs/GFs and have treated them really well- taken them on elaborate family vacations, expensive holiday/B-day gifts- NO MORE- I will treat everyone with respect & be nice to everyone, but remembering- They are NOT family, and I will maintain a healthy distance from them!
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Old 10-04-2012, 09:57 AM   #21
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I give her a lot of credit. I wouldn't be anyone's 3rd wife.
He's her second husband, so she's been through a divorce before too. I certainly don't hold it against her.

Haven't you ever heard the saying, "never say never?" If you were single and met someone you really clicked with, went out several times, fell in love, etc. you just might marry them. I don't think anyone can really say for 100% sure what they would do, until they are faced with the actual situation, no matter what it is.
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Old 10-04-2012, 10:30 AM   #22
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We are the kind that at least like to know the family before we allow our children to go somewhere. So we would have @ least met before they went anywhere. In this case it just happened that we met because of being new band parents. Our kids had been "together" for a few months before we met.

We are still friends - we talked this a.m. in fact for our usual hr on the phone. And nothing about the kids breaking up.
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Old 10-04-2012, 10:34 AM   #23
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Quote:
Originally Posted by punkin View Post
hmmm, no. I never get attached to DD19's boyfriends. She's with one now who is very nice. They've been dating about a year. If she dumped him tomorrow, I wouldn't give him a second thought. If she decided to marry him, I guess, he'd be fine (he's a good boy), but attached? Maybe if he gives me grandchildren. I know my mother started regarding DH as somewhat semi-human when I had DD.
This is me....seriously I want them to date nice people, but if they break up with someone I'm sure there's a reason and honestly I don't care.
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Old 10-04-2012, 10:55 AM   #24
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He's her second husband, so she's been through a divorce before too. I certainly don't hold it against her.

Haven't you ever heard the saying, "never say never?" If you were single and met someone you really clicked with, went out several times, fell in love, etc. you just might marry them. I don't think anyone can really say for 100% sure what they would do, until they are faced with the actual situation, no matter what it is.
Totally agree. My mother remarried about 10 years after my dad left her. She was shell-shocked for a long time. Then Dave entered our lives. Dave had been married for about 20 years to his first wife, divorced for about 7 years, then married another lady kinda on the spur of the moment. It lasted 9 months before they mutually called it quits. When he and my mom started getting interested in each other, I have to admit, i was concerned. But they took it slow and dated about 4 years, a long time considering they were in their late 40s. Mother and Dave were happily, ecstatically, supremely in love for 16 years until cancer took him away.

I would have never in my wildest dreams thought my mom would marry a guy who had already been married twice. What are the odds that it would work? And she was sooooo skeptical of men after my dad hurt her. But she is a living example of "never say never."
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Old 10-04-2012, 11:01 AM   #25
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Quote:
Originally Posted by luvmyfam444 View Post
of my dd's. I won't meet them OR their families until she is ready to get married. That way I can't get attached to any of the boys.

dd went on her first "non"date for homecoming. They have been "together" since April - but never on a date til homecoming.
I have become friends with his mom - didn't mean to - we just really hit it off & we had another mutual friend...we are still friends - no issue there.
BUT dd dumped the boy...for no good reason! Just 2 wks after the dance - where they had a blast together.

So...now I've got to go to counseling because I'm feeling sorry for the boy! His mom said he was just fine with it. I was almost in tears when I heard.What's weird is I dreamed they had broken up the night before they broke up.

I guess I'm having such a hard time with it because it was her first dance, & date (but not really a date - since they weren't alone) & they looked so darn cute together!

And NO...I wasn't trying to marry her off or anything...I don't care if she had a couple of other boys - she can share - but keep this one too

Dh & I discussed it - there will be no more boys allowed until she's 32.
Ouch~! I get it. I try hard not to get attached to the GFs/BFs of my children. But it's hard. DS26 has dated some very nice young women, one or two of which I thought my really be "the one." DD19 has dated a couple of young men who were really special, too. When they break up, as young adults do, I don't know who I feel the worst for, my child or their former love interest.
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Old 10-04-2012, 11:06 AM   #26
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Originally Posted by luvmyfam444 View Post
We are the kind that at least like to know the family before we allow our children to go somewhere. So we would have @ least met before they went anywhere. In this case it just happened that we met because of being new band parents. Our kids had been "together" for a few months before we met.

We are still friends - we talked this a.m. in fact for our usual hr on the phone. And nothing about the kids breaking up.
Glad you were able to maintain a friendship with the mother.

I am a mother of boys...but I learned the same lesson last year. I loved the girlfriend. Seriously, like a daughter. I never thought they'd stay together forever, but I did love her. And...we also became friendly with the family and our families were strangely alike and we were ALL so compatible. The Dad's in the families do the same job, the other mom and I have been SAHMs forever and were sooo much alike. We did things at their house and they came to our house. The mom and I became best friends.

Things didn't end well between DS and the girlfriend. The mom and I tried to keep up our friendship, sort of, for a short time. It just wasn't going to work. We are friendly in public, but that is the extent of it and really, how it needed to be.

Anyway... DS has a new girly and she is lovely, but I just cannot get close with her. I don't encourage him to bring her over, I try to keep my distance. It makes me sad, to a point, but I do think its best this way.
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Old 10-04-2012, 11:10 AM   #27
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Totally agree. My mother remarried about 10 years after my dad left her. She was shell-shocked for a long time. Then Dave entered our lives. Dave had been married for about 20 years to his first wife, divorced for about 7 years, then married another lady kinda on the spur of the moment. It lasted 9 months before they mutually called it quits. When he and my mom started getting interested in each other, I have to admit, i was concerned. But they took it slow and dated about 4 years, a long time considering they were in their late 40s. Mother and Dave were happily, ecstatically, supremely in love for 16 years until cancer took him away.

I would have never in my wildest dreams thought my mom would marry a guy who had already been married twice. What are the odds that it would work? And she was sooooo skeptical of men after my dad hurt her. But she is a living example of "never say never."
A perfect example of what I was talking about!!

I'm so glad they found each other and had some good years together.
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Old 10-05-2012, 08:21 AM   #28
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Nobody told me about the attachment until it was too late!
Now I've got to figure out what to do with the pics....I've left them on FB because she hasn't taken hers down either...but everytime I see them it makes me sad. My profile pic is from the dance - just her -but it reminds me of everything. And I'm a scrapbooker - I plan to scrap the pics.

GOOD GRIEF! I can't imagine if it was a marriage & divorce!! if I'm this attached from a teenage puppy love.

I've got to figure out how NOT to go thru this again!
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Old 10-05-2012, 10:06 AM   #29
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After I broke up for good with my long time on-again-off-again high school boyfriend he tried to guilt me into getting back together with him by telling me how his mom carried a picture of me in her wallet and showed it to people as "the girl she hoped would someday be her daughter-in-law." I have to admit, I did like her. Probably better than her son.
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Old 10-05-2012, 10:15 AM   #30
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Yep, you really, really do need a way to learn how to navigate this...
You still have the pics on FaceBook and plan on scrapbooking them?????

I've seen a lot of this here on the DIS over the years.
My advice for parents is always to not get over-involved and over-attached.

I just posted this on the recent thread about a similar situation, the DD's first homecoming 'date'...
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Originally Posted by Wishing on a star View Post
At 14, I think some minimal parental involvement is great.
However, to the OP... From here on out, this should def. be more like your make-up approach - 'Less is more'.
A kids dating and personal life just should be just that... THEIRS.
Not a 'family' event with over-attachment and drama, etc.
And, I don't even want to have to mention living vicariously thru one's kids... just throwing that in... not making any assumptions about this OP.

Last edited by Wishing on a star; 10-05-2012 at 10:21 AM.
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