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Old 10-02-2012, 12:53 PM   #46
jujube
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OP, hang in. I was on the PTA board because I was friendly with the head witch. I was also the one who welcomed new people in spite of te coven. It sometimes took a while to get through all of the committee volunteers.
Even though I was chairman of a committe, I still caught crap from some women. My SIL and I were in charge of a particlar booth and 2 hags who had been doing the booth for years and had not even put their names on the list came up and told us to move. We just rolled our eyes and told them to get 2 more chairs.
I always say that is women were not such witches to each other, we'd rule the world.
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Old 10-02-2012, 01:21 PM   #47
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Another perspective here

When my foster son was in high school, we had a young mom that would help out in the stand at soccer games.

She would constantly remind us that she was younger. It would be in a “kidding around” manner, but she would not pass up the chance to say things like “That was waaay before my time” or “Ha! I wasn’t even born yet!”. It was strange. She didn’t look any younger (think years of tanning booths and fried hair), but she was so dead set on telling us how young she was.

Honestly, unless I am very close with somebody, I have no idea how old they are. After a certain age, it really isn’t in the best interest to list your age or talk about your age if you want to be taken seriously. I see the OP listed her age (as well as her husband’s age) in her ticker. Maybe she is mentioning it to others in real life as well?

This does not give those nasty moms a reason to be rude.

I am just trying to offer some advice. If you aren’t hung up on your age, others will follow. If they mention that you are so young and just a “trophy wife” (do people still use that term?), just look at them point blank and ask “How in the world do you know my age?”.
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Old 10-02-2012, 01:44 PM   #48
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Originally Posted by Social Worker Sue View Post
Another perspective here

When my foster son was in high school, we had a young mom that would help out in the stand at soccer games.

She would constantly remind us that she was younger. It would be in a “kidding around” manner, but she would not pass up the chance to say things like “That was waaay before my time” or “Ha! I wasn’t even born yet!”. It was strange. She didn’t look any younger (think years of tanning booths and fried hair), but she was so dead set on telling us how young she was.

Honestly, unless I am very close with somebody, I have no idea how old they are. After a certain age, it really isn’t in the best interest to list your age or talk about your age if you want to be taken seriously. I see the OP listed her age (as well as her husband’s age) in her ticker. Maybe she is mentioning it to others in real life as well?

This does not give those nasty moms a reason to be rude.

I am just trying to offer some advice. If you aren’t hung up on your age, others will follow. If they mention that you are so young and just a “trophy wife” (do people still use that term?), just look at them point blank and ask “How in the world do you know my age?”.
She said her husband works with some of their husbands. If so, I would imagine that at some point age came up in conversation. I'm not hung up on age, but I know around how old a lot of my husbands coworkers are. Just from normal conversation, birthday celebrations, etc. I also know some of their spouses ages from same conversations. "So and so invited us to her husband's 40th birthday.", things like that.

My husband is younger than I am, only 2 years but oddly it still means some of the stuff we grew up with was a little different. I remember telling a coworker once that I mentioned a cartoon and he didn't know it, then saying the year it ended and that must be why. It's stupid little tidbits, and I would bet by what I said people would assume he was even younger. I'd imagine similar things occurred with the OP.

Also, she may look younger. I'm 35 and the other day I had someone talking down to me for a while. I ignored it, but then when I said something about my son in school they almost gasped. Apparently this person assumed I was around 18, no excuse for how she acted but it was at least a reason.
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Old 10-02-2012, 01:50 PM   #49
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PTA is not immune to "meany moms" any more than any other organization.

Personally, I've had better luck volunteering at PTA than in band boosters or other school organizations. Like anything, it simply depends on the group of people involved.

I guess I'm fortunate that our PTA is full of intelligent, welcoming volunteers who come from all walks of life and manage to work together well.
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Old 10-02-2012, 02:00 PM   #50
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kbendig View Post
She said her husband works with some of their husbands. If so, I would imagine that at some point age came up in conversation. I'm not hung up on age, but I know around how old a lot of my husbands coworkers are. Just from normal conversation, birthday celebrations, etc. I also know some of their spouses ages from same conversations. "So and so invited us to her husband's 40th birthday.", things like that.

My husband is younger than I am, only 2 years but oddly it still means some of the stuff we grew up with was a little different. I remember telling a coworker once that I mentioned a cartoon and he didn't know it, then saying the year it ended and that must be why. It's stupid little tidbits, and I would bet by what I said people would assume he was even younger. I'd imagine similar things occurred with the OP.

Also, she may look younger. I'm 35 and the other day I had someone talking down to me for a while. I ignored it, but then when I said something about my son in school they almost gasped. Apparently this person assumed I was around 18, no excuse for how she acted but it was at least a reason.
I look and have always looked younger too (though my wrinkles are starting to show my age). When I was preg with DS, we actually lived near where we live now (when he was 16 months old is when we moved to NC). I was 23 but looked about 19. I was at the grocery store that I shop at now and was wearing my college sweatshirt. I was about 7 months along and some stranger lady actually came up to me and handed me a business card for an adoption agency and told me that I had options and some other such. I was shocked but I was also naive and timid, so I said thanks and walked away. What I should have said was "I am a 23 year old working college graduate who is happily married..thank you very much for being so rude...you should learn to mind your own business". Recently, though, it was rather nice to look younger. I was at dinner with my twin DDs-13 and their friend. The waitress was taking our order and when one of them called me mom, she nearly fell over and said she thought we were all sisters. Nice!!! She got a BIG tip!
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Old 10-02-2012, 02:12 PM   #51
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Okay, I have to admit, I stopped reading after the first page. A lot of posters are being "catty".

Quote:
Originally Posted by luvmy3 View Post
That is because that is what all the "mean girls" do after HS, they join their kid's school's PTA.

I have learned through the years to not be too vocal in the PTA because I'm not one of them and if you aren't you can forget about being heard
I volunteer for whatever they need me to do, but that is about it.
Not true at all and by you saying that, you are not better than "them". I was severely bullied as a child and I am now PTO President.

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I am really sorry you have had this experience. PTA shouldn't be this way. It should be all parents working together for the benefit of the kids.

I don't think it's fair, however, to generalize against all PTA parents (and yes, I say that because I am one). With any group of women, you may find a faction that is catty, petty and mean, but that doesn't have anything to do with it being PTA. You can find that in offices, Moms' groups, fitness clubs, etc... I wasn't a mean girl in high school, and I am not a mean girl now.

At our school, the PTA works VERY hard for the good of the school and the students. Do issues come up? Sure, but we try to talk through them and work together. Sounds like the OP has found a group of women who are behaving immaturely, but I don't think that means we have to bash all women everywhere who volunteer their time to benefit their kids' schools.
Absolutely. Thank you for saying this.

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Originally Posted by SaraJayne View Post
Yup.

And people wonder why no one wants to join the PTA.

OP, you can either speak up or stop attending PTA meetings. I know which one I'd do, but that is up to you to decide.
Not all PTA's are like this.

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Originally Posted by mdsoccermom View Post
First, I wouldn't call any of that bullying. People need to stop using that word.

Second, you are an adult. Stand up for yourself to these women. If they comment on your age or marriage, say something to them. But to have your husband call the principal over remarks said from one grown woman to another? Then yes, you are proving to these women that perhaps you are too young.

Sorry if that sounds harsh, but I cannot stand when people let others walk all over them. PTAs can be clique-y. You have a choice. Stand up for yourself and prove something if it bothers you or step away from the PTA and find other ways to volunteer.
Great post.

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Originally Posted by luvmy3 View Post
You are right, it doesn't have anything to do with PTA, it has to do with the women who are drawn to the PTA power positions. There is a reason people generalize, and that is because there is truth in it.

And FTR, I'm a PTA parent, I'm just not one of those women
Not true. As I mentioned before, I am the President of the PTO. We welcome everyone. I am not drawn to that position because of power. I was nominated probably because nobody else wanted it. Why? Probably because parents not on the PTO board like to talk about the officers like they think they are *special*. WHile some may, I certainly do not nor do any of the other mom's on our board. We are there to make the school a better place for our children and that is all.

People really need to stop generalizing. My DD goes to a private school and we can't get parents to go to meetings. They just want to write a check and have others doing work. The difference is, the entire PTO board now works full time. It's not easy.

I'm sorry other posters had such bad examples but not all PTO's are like that. It's not easy putting all those events together.

OP - hang in there. Like other posters said, maybe listen a bit and volunteer for committees. That is how I started, then I was a Committee chairperson and PResident of the PTO. Not that it's your intention but it's easier to ease your way in rather than ramming it down your throat. We had a grade 1 mom come to the first meeting and tell us how all of our events were awful, we didn't make enough money and we should do this..this..and this....When we asked if she wanted to Chair a commitee she said, no, she didn't have the time.

So, step back and consider your approach. Could it be you are reading into this? If they truly are being *mean* don't give them the satisfaction and stick it out.

Good luck.
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Old 10-02-2012, 02:38 PM   #52
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Originally Posted by Kbendig View Post
Also, she may look younger. I'm 35 and the other day I had someone talking down to me for a while. I ignored it, but then when I said something about my son in school they almost gasped. Apparently this person assumed I was around 18, no excuse for how she acted but it was at least a reason.
That's what always gets me - I don't look mid-30s. I've never looked my age, to the point of being singled out to have a manger double-check my ID at clubs because I didn't look old enough to get in or drink, having a nurse make a comment about "babies having babies" when I was 29 and having my *last* child (I can only imagine what she'd have thought if the 10 and 7yos had been there with me!), and getting mistaken for my teenage son's sibling or sitter every now and then.
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Old 10-02-2012, 02:57 PM   #53
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Child bride? My response would have been "It is so nice to be the trophy wife." They are just jealous.

I would slowly fade out from PTA. I pay my dues every year and that's it. I let the stay-at-home moms fight over whose bringing cupcakes.
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Old 10-02-2012, 03:01 PM   #54
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Child bride? My response would have been "It is so nice to be the trophy wife." They are just jealous.

I would slowly fade out from PTA. I pay my dues every year and that's it. I let the stay-at-home moms fight over whose bringing cupcakes.
See...not nice. How is this any better than calling someone a trophy wife? Not all PTA parents are stay at home parents and stay at home parents are very busy as well, ther eis nothing wrong with being a stay at home parent.

Pay dues??? I've never heard of that. How much is it and why do you have to pay it? Just curious.
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Old 10-02-2012, 03:31 PM   #55
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Pay dues??? I've never heard of that. How much is it and why do you have to pay it? Just curious.
PTA membership dues here is $12 for the school year.
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Old 10-02-2012, 03:45 PM   #56
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PTA membership dues here is $12 for the school year.
So, you have to pay to just be a part of the PTA? What happens if you don't pay?
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Old 10-02-2012, 03:52 PM   #57
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Being military, we have moved A LOT!! I have seen how things are done are many different schools. Our last school (private school in AL) had a wonderful group of parents participating in the PTA. I have rarely met a nicer woman than the president. She would go out of her way to make new people feel comfortable and welcome. It was a great experience at that school.

Now, this thread is very timely, because I was ranting like a crazy woman about the PTO at our new school last night. While I was very active at our previous school, my DH is currently deployed and I just don't have the time this year at the school. I have not even joined the PTO yet. A couple of weeks ago, the PTO president, was in the lobby after school looking for volunteers for the upcoming Fall Festival. I told her that I wasn't sure I could help, but I would give her my number just in case.
Fast forward to last night, I get a text from her. (Now this is a separate topic, but I don't know her. Personal opinion here, but I don't like making initial contact with a text. Seems unprofessional to me.) She wants to know if I can take a 45 min. shift making cotton candy at the Fall festival this Friday. I explain that my DS has a cross country meet and I do not if or when we would make the Festival.

Good grief, what comes next drove me nuts. I start getting the following texts: Where is the meet? What time is it? The Athletic Dept was not suppose to schedule sporting events during the festival. I will check this out.

Seriously? Check what out? Leave me alone. She texts me back to tell me the meet should be over by 5:00. She will double check and get back to me. Double Check What? Is she seriously checking my schedule to see if I can make it on time. I stopped responding pretty quickly, by the way. LOL

It is NONE OF HER BUSINESS, but even after the meet, I have to take my DS home to shower. I have told my DD9 that I "might" take her to the festival for a very short time. I am busy darn it!! I have been on her side of the fence, where I was responsible for events. BUT, I will NOT be bullied into volunteering. Not going to do it. Actually, I am so stubborn, that she just ensured I won't volunteer.

Sorry to go on so long. I guess I am still annoyed. To the OP, there are usually tons of volunteer opportunities at schools without going through the PTO/PTA. I agree with others that you should go directly through the teacher. If they don't want your help, their loss.
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Old 10-02-2012, 03:57 PM   #58
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ccgirl, nowhere did I claim that all PTA moms are mean girls, so instead of telling me what I said isn't true you should read the words I actually said. Note, I did not say ONLY mean girls. Those mean girls in HS are the ones running PTAs all over the country because those type of girls crave that kind of power over those "below" them just like they did in HS. If you don't think that generalization is true, take a look at the examples in this thread and then google yourself PTA and see what pops up. You will see its very common.
Are there women involved who were never a mean girl, of course. Are there women there who are doing it just for the kids, of course. Never said there weren't
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Old 10-02-2012, 03:58 PM   #59
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So, you have to pay to just be a part of the PTA? What happens if you don't pay?
You aren't a member and you don't get to vote at the meetings (not that anyone actually checks that or even really counts, its just what looks like the majority when hands are raised).

Last time I joined, our dues were $15.
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Old 10-02-2012, 04:36 PM   #60
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PTA membership dues here is $12 for the school year.
We do too and I don't pay anymore.
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