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Old 09-30-2012, 10:58 PM   #16
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Oh, sweetie, my heart is breaking just reading your posts. The other posters are absolutely correct...you are worth it just because you are you! Call the hotline, do what you can to escape you environment, find your empowerment and get moving on your life! Being overweight doesn't prevaricate happiness. Your mom feels unable to control what is happening in your life so she is looking for blame, in other words, things are bad because your are overweight. That's a bunch of crap! Take some steps, you can do it, and you are totally, completely worth it.
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Old 09-30-2012, 10:59 PM   #17
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Everyone can make friends and get jobs. When I was younger I was the ultra skinny person and people would joke about/with me about my weight. I was also very shy. But I agree with the other posters in that your mother is toxic in her attitude.

If you are not in counseling, you need to get into it. I personally do not wear jeans because I have put on weight since I lost my job 3 years ago. So jeans are not comfortable. I am currently that person in the commercial that wears the yoga pants all the time.

Where I used to work, my co-worker was and still is a very good friend of mine. She was very overweight. She is a very delightful woman. I have other "pooh" sized friends and would never not be their friend because of their weight.

As far as medications, if one isn't working, keep pushing until they get you on one that does work. I was on one for so long that it finally stopped working. They had to change my medication to something different. There is something that will work for you.

Hang in there, don't give up! I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
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Old 10-01-2012, 07:27 PM   #18
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My heart is breaking for you!
First, you are worthy of friendship, a life and self value! The latter being most important.
You are worthy of happiness. You just forgot that or never really understood that.
It's ok!
It will be however you need to make the first of several steps. Take a deep breathe, again it will be fine!
Please talk to a live person you trust if not a professional ( I only say this due to money being a factor in what you are stating) So I guess I am asking do you have anyone outside of the family to talk to?
If no, its no wonder you feel so isolated. Everyone needs a friend!
Talk to us, it is ok. I have leaned on the friends I made here many times throughout the years and I love them with my whole heart!
Best way to do this is break the wall down in steps. Then its not a wall anymore!
What is most important to you, not what we may think, just you.
Lets break it down together
By the way, I am sure there is so much positive about you, you just aren't seeing it at the moment.
Hang in there and keep swimming!
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Old 10-01-2012, 09:41 PM   #19
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Don't call the hotline. Go to the emergency room. You need a few days without the stress of your mom and you need immediate help. There is nothing wrong with needing help but there is very much wrong with your mom treating you like this.
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Old 10-01-2012, 10:52 PM   #20
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Thanks for everyone's support and concern. I just need a little calming down time.
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Old 10-02-2012, 12:29 AM   #21
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Listen to Buckalew, she's got great advice!

My daughter has felt exactly the same way about me, I'm pretty sure. She has suffered from anxiety, depression, been diagnosed with the wrong things, given the wrong meds. Psychotropic meds of any kind, or meds that contain hormones make things much, much worse for her.

Can't tell you the number of hours I have lied awake worrying about her. And I have said a few inappropriate things which she always remembers with a bit of a twist or embellishment. Like your mom, I was trying to get her to fight for her own happiness, even though I knew it had to come from her. I did pay a therapist, that was kind of a disaster.

Did a lot of research and came to realize that her hormones were probably out of whack and diet might help. I could not make her change her diet, of course, so I changed mine. And was kind of obnoxious about it.

In January she decided to try it too, and it's been sort of a miracle for her. When she stays off gluten, sugar, and watches her carbs, her PMS and mood swings are under control. She did lose weight, but the mental stuff is even more impressive. She's socializing. She made a friend at work and moved into an apartment with her, got a nice boyfriend, is doing well at work. Still doesn't exercise, but if she sticks with her diet most of the time she continues to do well.

I keep my fingers crossed all the time, but she is doing it for herself. I hope you can find a way to help yourself too. Finding a job is a good first step. Gives you some independence and a way to meet new people. Good luck.
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Old 10-02-2012, 07:32 AM   #22
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Drugs can help you. Now they are not going to cure you however they can make life managable so you can work and have your own money.

Are you on disability? If you cannot work due to your condition you can get on disability. However that takes work and filling out papers and a doctor to help you in that direction.

My point is that YOU have to get yourself professional help. Medications have come a long way in the last few yrs. Jump back in the game and try to get help.

If you feel like hanging yourself again, please go to the emergency room.

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Old 10-02-2012, 07:56 AM   #23
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Originally Posted by Luv0fDisney View Post
My mom makes me feel bad. She's constantly always putting me down saying that bigger people have trouble making friends if at all, and those who are over weight only "think" they have friends.

It makes me upset when she says this. "Everyone wears jeans" BS. I know not 100% of the world wears jeans... She's constantly putting me down and I can't take it any more. I'm literally in a cross bind.

I suffer from major depression and can't live on my own, but living here at home is making me crazy when my mom says these stupid things and when I say I can't she goes into her annoying positive attitude "Yes you can" blah de dah. I literally can't. and she wont hear it. "People don't hire over weight people" so i said I got hired for the movie theaters and the telemarketing job, and I was the same size," and she went "oh it was luck."

Anti depressents don't work. Drugs don't work. etc.
I am sooo aggravated with her it's not even funny. I just am at the crying point and I don't care about anything or anybody any more. I really don't want to go to Disney World with her any more because she's always putting me down. But w/ history I can't go because "you need a friend to go with you." I can't go any where by myself other then my aunt's house. I feel trapped and its because of her. I can't go to MA because my BROTHER had an incident. I am NOT my brother. "You need experience" she says. Well how am i going to get experience if she won't let me?

I know I'm 25 but i'm at the boiling point where i'm confused. I'm not sure what is bad or good, appropriate or inappropriate. Argh. I want to scream and hang myself literally. I have no friends and having my parents put me down makes me feel 100x worse.

every day when i wake up , i always am thinking when am i going to go to bed?
i just needed to vent.
Your mom is a real piece of work. Don't listen to her.
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Old 10-02-2012, 09:07 AM   #24
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Good advice and you need to believe in yourself and seek out the proper help, the first med or the first dr you see do no always have the answers.

Since you want to get out of the house even for a short period of time, how about joining a gym, or seeking out excercise classes through your rec dept. Or just get out and walk. It gets you out of the toxic environment for a bit, it can help clear your mind or help you sort things through while walking and it is excercise, it may not make you lose a ton of weight, the walking that is, but it may help you just FEEL better.

Good luck OP, I wish the best for you
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Old 10-02-2012, 09:10 AM   #25
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OP -

Please reach out to someone right now... a hot-line, a family member, a friend, your doctor, etc. There are people and programs that can help you.

Call your Doctor, tell them how you are feeling and get into the office for a full physical and some blood work. You can call any hot-line but if you have a local hot-line, they can put you in touch with services that can help you. Or, try the Dept. of Social Services for programs that can help you begin to reach your potential.

I'm hoping your mother's heart is in the right place but she's just going about it the wrong way.



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Old 10-02-2012, 09:50 AM   #26
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Originally Posted by Buckalew11 View Post
Good advice here.

And I think your mom feels out of control with you and that is why she acts and speaks as she does. She wants a better life for you but has no idea how to help you have one and she is probably scared for you. She is not handling it well, but that is what I think the thing is that she herself is going through.

She says those things because she *thinks* it will make you want to change your body because that is what she wants for you. I do 2 moms' hair who have overweight daughters...I have heard this concern from them but it comes out in a bad, ugly sounding way.

I might be wrong about your mom but I think there is a good chance I'm right.

Get yourself some help. Medicine can and does help. You are worth it and you can be out of this very dark place.

You DO want to live!!! You want to live and be happy and fulfilled! You want to reach out and help others! Fight for your life, fight for yourself, your happiness!

And that weird thing you described? About faces and recognition? I have heard of that! I have no idea where but I have heard that described quite recently...possibly related to the ptsd? So get help because if I've heard of it, others have too--people who can help you with it.

You can do this! I'm going to pray for you right now, sweetie. You are worth so much to so many--do NOT feel alone. Call and talk to someone--call the number that was posted above. God loves you...you are valued.
I recently heard of it too, there was a special on TV about it. They focused on a woman who cannot recognize anyone, even family members, just a few seconds after seeing them. When she meets up with people she always needs to preface her greeting by saying she has a disorder where she can't recognize faces and to please tell her who they are. I just looked it up, it looks like it's called Prosopagnosia. OP, I'm not trying to diagnose your problem but just wanted to give you the info I've come across in case it would be of help to you to research it further. It seems many who have it don't realize it's even a real condition and aren't diagnosed until after having experienced it for years. Maybe you could eventually look into that?

And please don't let your mom get you down. I agree with what the other posters have said about getting help and trying to get out of the house to be on your own. But until that happens, while you are still at home and having to deal with your mother, PLEASE build up a kind of armor that lets her words bounce off of you. DON'T take them to heart, no matter how harsh they are. Keep telling yourself that you are worth it (you are!) and that nothing your mom says is true. Just accept in your mind that your mom has issues and she hasn't a clue about how to treat you and that her words are meaningless.

You have a very distinct purpose to be here... each of us does. You are unique, and you are loved by God. I know I'm just a stranger, but sometimes it's easiest to vent and talk with those you don't know. I'd love to talk with you if you ever feel the need. Please PM me, now or in the future any time.

Please hang in there!
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Old 10-02-2012, 01:25 PM   #27
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I agree with everyone else. You have the same right to breathe the air as all of us do. You have the right to a happy life, without being told what a loser you are constantly.

We're all losers sometimes, and we're all winners sometimes. Join the group! Go out each day - look for that job - even if you are turned down, you will get practice in applying for jobs!

I find that when a person is depressed at all - get a job helping others. How about a nurse's aide or cleaning person at a local hospital? They are always short of help. Maybe that's for you. Believe in yourself. You are an important part of society. Go out & explore new possibilities.


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Old 10-02-2012, 01:36 PM   #28
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I too suffer from depression. I am bi-polar and have severe anxiety issues. I have found that meds go in 5/7 year cycles. They work and then I have to find something different. Are you seeing a psychologist? Call now and ask for a payment plan. This is the doctor to consult for your meds. I do believe you can find a med that works, but it takes work and right now you have such deep depression you barely have any energy.

Got that. Been there.

Focus on you. Right now all of your depression is focused on your mom. Yes she is a huge issue, but truly you are the issue. You. Take time to fix you. There is help and there is free help.This is not about jeans, or a job. Thin people get depressed. Folks with jobs get depressed. You are focusing on the outward issues.

Contact the hotline. Not recognizing people. Feeling like you are drowning. Can't get up.... these are all serious issues.

You go girl! Don't let anyone tell you that you cannot deal with this. You can. Make the call. March you butt into counseling. Move forward.
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Old 10-02-2012, 01:41 PM   #29
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My very first instinct is to tell you to get the heck away from your mother.

Overweight people DO have friends and CAN get jobs and we meet strangers every day.

I am overweight and just had a surprise birthday party thrown for me at work. By my friends, that were strangers when I first met them. Trust me when I say that they are not just pretending to be my friends or faking it. I got presents and everything.

You have a right to your feelings, and being upset did have nothing to do with the show you were watching.

You sound like a very articulate woman to me who is just on the verge of discovering who she can be and who knows what the future holds for you. You have landed two jobs on your own, that is an incredible accomplishment. Build on that and start to pay your own credit card bills and stash money away so you can move out and be on your own.

Don't be afraid to ask for help from the right people. Therapy is a gorgeous thing.

PS-Not everyone wears jeans.
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Old 10-02-2012, 01:42 PM   #30
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There is some good advice; please pick what you think will work and try it.
If you are against meds, you don't have to be on them forever...sometimes just long enough to get you through. Everyone is worthy of love and life and happiness.
Please keep us updated.
ETA I am plus-sized, and my mom reminds me of that as frequently as she can. I have learned to let it roll off my back, but that sure didn't happen overnight! I also agree with OPs who've said maybe your mom thinks she is helping (totally backwards, yes) or that she is having an issue and is taking it out on you.
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