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Old 09-28-2012, 12:12 PM   #31
Pigeon
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FIL should stop trying to manage the birthday party as it is none of his business.

If the birthday person didn't like cake but didn't want an alternative, I'd serve cake as the traditional dessert, and the birthday person could blow out the candles and have some broccoli. If the birthday person preferred pie or ice cream cake or twinkies, we'd stick a candle in that and call it good.
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Old 09-28-2012, 12:13 PM   #32
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Quote:
Weird to not have a cake..actually not having cake is okay, I find it REALLY odd to not serve a dessert of some sort.
Would make me laugh that grandpa wants cake, so he brings his own.

I would not be insulted at all, I'd happily accept the cake, take a pic of grandpa and the birthday boy with the cake and call it a day.
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i see nothing wrong with FIL bringing a cake. (Plenty of people bring desserts, wine, beer, etc to a party!)
If the kid hates the idea of birthday cake, candles and singing, then I would just serve the cake and omit the singing part.


I am not big sweets eater, but I always have some kind of dessert for people who want it, regardless of the event.
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A little flexibility on SIL's part would be nice. Is this really something to have a cow over?
Yea, I get her house, her "rules", but jeeze louise, the old guy just wants some cake. Maybe have the teens fav dessert, and cake?
I totally agree with all of the above.


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Originally Posted by kirstenb1 View Post
With the FIL bringing the cake, it's like he's telling the host that the party is incomplete without one. I think it's different than bringing a side dish or bottle of wine. I think it's borderline insulting.
Insulting? By bringing a cake to a bday party? We'll just have to agree to disagree, cause i think its kinda sweet & funny at the same time! Lol.


Just because the boy doesnt like cake it doesnt mean everyone else doesnt need to have some. Youre throwing a party, youre guests brought presents and are celebrating youre birthday...I think they at least deserve some type of dessert. Cookies, pie, cupcakes, icecream whatever! To not serve anything sweet because the bday boy doesnt like it, is just weird IMO.
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Old 09-28-2012, 12:39 PM   #33
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Originally Posted by maslex View Post
Quick question for you.

Do you feel the birthday cake/ice cream at a party is for the actual birthday kid or is it for the guests at the party?

Here's the background. SIL had her son's birthday "party" (he was 16 last year so it was basically just some close family getting together, not a bunch of friends, no games, no party favors, etc) She had pizza, chips, soda. But she didn't get a cake because she said since her son doesn't like cake, she wasn't getting one (she said, it is HIS day you know). Well, her FIL heard that there wasn't going to be any cake and he thought there should be one there whether her son ate cake or not, so the guests could have a piece. (and I know he does like cake because he'll always have a piece, sometimes two when he's over at my kids parties) So she was soooooo upset last year about her FIL bringing the cake.

Now the time of year has rolled around again. She's having a get together tomorrow afternoon for her son's birthday (17th) with the same thing. Pizza, chips, soda but no cake, no ice cream. I understand it's her house, her rules and I could care less if she has cake or not but I'm sure it's going to be another big blowout if FIL brings a cake because he feels that people should be served cake at a party.

What's your take on it?
First:
I think it's the hostesses decision what to serve or not serve at the party, and a guest bringing something that he thinks the hostess 'should' serve is rude.

As to the specific question about the birthday cake: I always ask my kids (or my husband if it's his birthday) what kind of cake they want for their birthday dinner/party. Sometimes they want a specific cake, sometimes they want cupcakes, sometimes they want ice cream sundaes instead, my daughter usually wants an apple pie .

I think if the birthday teenager doesn't want cake, then whatever desert or meal he wants instead should be served. Birthday cake (or any desert) really isn't required, and for a teen or adult's party, I wouldn't think twice about it. For a child's party, I would think that some sort of cake or desert would be served for the other guests (ie the children), but adults should just get over it.
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Old 09-28-2012, 12:58 PM   #34
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We've had a few parties for DS over the years for various reasons and at every party there is something on the menu that he won't eat. This is for the guests to enjoy and he doesn't get bent out of shape about it. I think there should be at least one "yum" for those attending even if birthday boy doesn't eat cake. YMMV
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Old 09-28-2012, 01:38 PM   #35
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My brother doesn't like regular cake, but he does like strawberry shortcake so every year for his birthday both a small regular cake and strawberry shortcake are served.

We are in the "there must be dessert at a birthday party" camp (well, any party really).
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Old 09-28-2012, 02:31 PM   #36
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Quote:
Originally Posted by maslex View Post
Quick question for you.

Do you feel the birthday cake/ice cream at a party is for the actual birthday kid or is it for the guests at the party?

Here's the background. SIL had her son's birthday "party" (he was 16 last year so it was basically just some close family getting together, not a bunch of friends, no games, no party favors, etc) She had pizza, chips, soda. But she didn't get a cake because she said since her son doesn't like cake, she wasn't getting one (she said, it is HIS day you know). Well, her FIL heard that there wasn't going to be any cake and he thought there should be one there whether her son ate cake or not, so the guests could have a piece. (and I know he does like cake because he'll always have a piece, sometimes two when he's over at my kids parties) So she was soooooo upset last year about her FIL bringing the cake.

Now the time of year has rolled around again. She's having a get together tomorrow afternoon for her son's birthday (17th) with the same thing. Pizza, chips, soda but no cake, no ice cream. I understand it's her house, her rules and I could care less if she has cake or not but I'm sure it's going to be another big blowout if FIL brings a cake because he feels that people should be served cake at a party.

What's your take on it?
I would say that SIL is a poor host and FIL is a poor guest.

SIL should provide a dessert.

FIL should work it out with his DIL prior to the party and compromise.

If said DIL "fights" with her FIL over bringing "desserts" then he has to respect her wishes.

I would then go to plan C and go out for dessert.
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Old 09-28-2012, 02:40 PM   #37
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Quote:
Originally Posted by scrapquitler View Post
First:
I think it's the hostesses decision what to serve or not serve at the party, and a guest bringing something that he thinks the hostess 'should' serve is rude.

As to the specific question about the birthday cake: I always ask my kids (or my husband if it's his birthday) what kind of cake they want for their birthday dinner/party. Sometimes they want a specific cake, sometimes they want cupcakes, sometimes they want ice cream sundaes instead, my daughter usually wants an apple pie .

I think if the birthday teenager doesn't want cake, then whatever desert or meal he wants instead should be served. Birthday cake (or any desert) really isn't required, and for a teen or adult's party, I wouldn't think twice about it. For a child's party, I would think that some sort of cake or desert would be served for the other guests (ie the children), but adults should just get over it.
What if your *child* doesn't like or want cake at their party? Why is it okay to have a cake for a certain age group and not another?

What if there are *children* at this 17 year old's birthday party? Why should they be deprived of a piece of cake?

The whole thing is dumb.

It seems that many people look for problems with their "my house my rules" mindset. That to me is so juvenile and you will have a long road ahead of you if you can't be flexible at certain times in your life.

When you invite people to your home they are your guests and you should do everything to make them feel special and welcomed.

But, according to how some people here think -- if someone dares show up with an extra dessert or food/drink item, then you should slam the door in their face because they have insulted you!
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Old 09-28-2012, 02:53 PM   #38
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I'm really confused by some of the responses...

If you take the "birthday" portion out of the equation and just say she was having a pizza party, would it be rude or unacceptable for FIL to bring a cake?

It would be quite normal in my circle! That is why I usually bring wine. Most people end up with way too many desserts!


I just don't understand what the big deal is.
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Old 09-28-2012, 03:25 PM   #39
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Originally Posted by shoney View Post
I'm really confused by some of the responses...

If you take the "birthday" portion out of the equation and just say she was having a pizza party, would it be rude or unacceptable for FIL to bring a cake?

It would be quite normal in my circle! That is why I usually bring wine. Most people end up with way too many desserts!


I just don't understand what the big deal is.
I was going to say the same thing.
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Old 09-28-2012, 03:37 PM   #40
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Some people do enjoy sweets, even if my kid chose not to have a cake I would make sure something got served, even if it was a simple homemade cake. Maybe the FIL didn't take it that way about the cake, it sounds like he wanted a piece of cake and brought one. Nothing to get upset over. Life is to short to make a big deal out of it.
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Old 09-28-2012, 03:40 PM   #41
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I think there is an expectation of a celebratory dessert, whether that be cake, cupcakes, cheesecake, etc. I have no problem with the FIL bringing a cake. As a matter of fact, my FIL was a pastry chef and never came to any party or celebration at our house empty handed. He always brought something sweet.

I think the OP's SIL should relax. Life is too short to worry about these things. If the birthday boy doesn't want to eat the cake, his mother should serve something he likes, in addition to the FIL's cake.
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Old 09-28-2012, 03:46 PM   #42
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Quote:
Originally Posted by maslex View Post
Quick question for you.

Do you feel the birthday cake/ice cream at a party is for the actual birthday kid or is it for the guests at the party?

Here's the background. SIL had her son's birthday "party" (he was 16 last year so it was basically just some close family getting together, not a bunch of friends, no games, no party favors, etc) She had pizza, chips, soda. But she didn't get a cake because she said since her son doesn't like cake, she wasn't getting one (she said, it is HIS day you know). Well, her FIL heard that there wasn't going to be any cake and he thought there should be one there whether her son ate cake or not, so the guests could have a piece. (and I know he does like cake because he'll always have a piece, sometimes two when he's over at my kids parties) So she was soooooo upset last year about her FIL bringing the cake.

Now the time of year has rolled around again. She's having a get together tomorrow afternoon for her son's birthday (17th) with the same thing. Pizza, chips, soda but no cake, no ice cream. I understand it's her house, her rules and I could care less if she has cake or not but I'm sure it's going to be another big blowout if FIL brings a cake because he feels that people should be served cake at a party.

What's your take on it?
I think most people missed the part where the kid's mom said he doesn't like cake, but maslex said he does as he will eat a piece or 2 when at a party for her children's birthdays.

So i think his mom is just saying he doesn't like cake so she doesn't have to bake/buy one. Plus i think she is whining about FIL bringing one just to whine about her FIL.
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Old 09-28-2012, 04:05 PM   #43
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I just think Birthday cake is a tradition so I would have a cake and then whatever the birthday boy likes.

My nephew doesn't like cake, he likes chocolate chip cookies. My sister will usually order the small cookie cake and the a traditional cake for the candles and song.

The cake is was always the centerpiece for my kids parties when they were small.

Now my daughter does the same thing for her kids. But boy I gotta tell you, cakes have gotten very fancy in the last 25 years. I would order a cake from my supermarket bakery and tell them how to decorate it.

Now, the have several tiers and cupcakes and edible flowers covering them. What a business it has become.
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Old 09-28-2012, 04:18 PM   #44
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It would be a moot point at my house because all of us love cake. LOL

But I would think a cake would be a requirement at a birthday get together. I don't see a problem with FIL bringing one.

Even if it was just a pizza party, I'd have some sort of dessert and for me it would most likely be cake or brownies.
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Old 09-28-2012, 04:37 PM   #45
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The cake is for everyone, not one or the other. If the birthday person doesn't like cake, then you get a pie. Or Twinkies. Or a pile of candy. Or a really big donut.

Everyone then shares whatever the non-cake item after the birthday song.
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