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Old 09-28-2012, 09:15 AM   #16
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I would have encouraged DS to do more for himself when he was younger. I mean I guess I did "OK" - he's not completely helpless, but I still think there were too many times when I just did things myself because it was quicker.
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Old 09-28-2012, 09:23 AM   #17
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I am a mom of an almost 2 year old (couple weeks til bday) and I appreciate everyone sharing their experiences, definitely food for thought for me and others at the start of their parenting journey.
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Old 09-28-2012, 09:26 AM   #18
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Putting a tv in dd16's room when she was 7 (actually not really her room, but a second room attached to her room that I thought would be a common room for the other kids, but that didn't happen). Haven't seen her since, but have learned a good lesson, and no one else will get a tv in their room, although they keep asking.
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Old 09-28-2012, 09:27 AM   #19
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You guys all make great points, and I'm shaking my head in agreement with a lot of them!!

One thing I constantly tell myself is to slow down and keep it simple. For instance, when one of our dd's is struggling in school. I find myself trying to speed up cramming extra help on top of them at home etc. Like if we just keep chugging along, they'll miraculously get it. Never happens.

It seems to help better to go back to and review what they do know. Then try to chip away at what's causing trouble.
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Old 09-28-2012, 09:48 AM   #20
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Originally Posted by Mickey'snewestfan View Post
I would tell myself "Self, you are insane to think you can stop at a dog adoption event with a 10 year old and "just look". Don't do it, just drive on by".
My DH would say the same thing about taking me anywhere near dog adoptions. We have 2 rescues, it's funny cause they love him best.

Originally Posted by Andtototoo View Post
I wish I'd ignored all the advice about "refusing to accept a child being a picky eater" and accepted that she's a picky eater and that's the way it is. Trying to force someone to eat what they don't want to eat was stupid and most of all, ineffective.
On the flip side, I wished I had pushed DD to try more foods when she was younger. She had so many ear infections & meds when she was learning to eat that I really think it affected her taste and willingness to accept new foods and textures.

I'm torn because sometimes I read threads here that make me glad we don't have kid neighbors, but I wish when we moved that we picked a street with tons of kids. We have playdates but it's not the same as running out the door to a pack of neighbor kids and running through yards, etc.

I also wish I had been able to relax more and have more fun with them. DH is definitely the fun parent & I'm sure the fav (anyone see the Middle this week?)
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Old 09-28-2012, 10:02 AM   #21
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Ditto on the food thing. When I was a kid, my parents made me eat everything, there is a family story of me going to bed as like a 5 years old with a chicken liver still in my mouth because I couldnt bring myself to swallow it!!!
But anyway, now I realize, my parents were doing me a big favor, and I wished I had taken that approach with my daughter, but between her being picky and my husband and I working so many hours, we usually gave in to what she wanted and that was a big mistake. At age 18 and a freshman in college she is really just starting to branch out with what she eats and making sure that her diet is balanced and healthy. I am happy to say she has lost a lot of weight by doing this and she looks and feels so good. I cant help but feel that if we had introduced her to better food choices when she was younger and stuck to our guns this wouldnt have been such a struggle, so yes, definitely something I would have done differently, knowing what I know now.
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Old 09-28-2012, 10:12 AM   #22
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Both my kids are picky eaters, but I am too. I never pushed my kids to try things except maybe a small bite. If they didn't like it, they could spit it out.
I still remember as a child sometimes sitting at the dinner for 3 hours after dinner was over , being made to eat some pretty nasty stuff (pickled pigs feet, liver, tongue) .
I vowed I would never ever make my kids do that.

I wish I had more patience with my children. I try but its so hard not to fly off the handle sometimes.
I wish we did way more stuff as a family. Seems we are always going in different directions.

I wish DH was more affectionate and spent more time with the kids. He is just like his parents. He loves our kids but isn't very kissy huggy or very hands on.
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Old 09-28-2012, 10:13 AM   #23
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Mine was enabling them too much. I try so hard to help them and keep them from being hurt. I was ALWAYS there for them. Guess I should of let them fall sometimes and make more mistakes that they could hopefully learn by.

At least that is what my oldest just told me. Claims I had them both in a bubble. Ironic, if I don't help then I am called heart less by the same daughter.
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Old 09-28-2012, 10:26 AM   #24
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A couple things I would have changed have to do with what I know now about my kids and their personality.

If I would have known that my DD was going to grow up to be a perfectionist and worry so much about every grade, I would have made sure she failed at some things when she was younger so she could see that life went on.

I have nothing against gaming but had I known how much it would suck my son in, I wouldn't have allowed it.

For me, I wish I had not overreacted when they were younger. I feel I yelled too much and made a big deal out of little things. Thankfully, my kids insist they don't remember that at all. My mom insists she yelled all the time and none of us remember that either. Maybe my family has an uncanny ability to block out the bad.
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Old 09-28-2012, 12:36 PM   #25
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One thing I would have done differently (looking back now) was to make my younger DD remain on the softball team her sophmore year in HS. She did well her freshman year and started back with the team her sophmore year. However due to coach changes, she quit after 2-3 weeks and I let her do it. She was talented and with some experience and good coaching, I'm sure she could have ended up with some college scholarships for softball. Oh well, she did win a state scholarship and is now a school teacher.

One thing I was glad I took a " it's just not that important attitude towards" was make-up. I did the same with my older DD. For their 12th birthday, I told them they could pick one item of makeup - I didn't care what they wanted, and they could wear that and the next birthday they could add another item. They each chose what was the most important to them and were happy. Of course, at Christmas I would put something they hadn't chosen in their stockings, which made it a non issue.
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Old 09-28-2012, 01:34 PM   #26
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I have spent a lot of time with my kids, I have no regrets that way.

But I seem to have parented both of my boys exactly the way I was parented. That is very relaxed and laid back. It worked really well for me, I grew up happy, relaxed, loved and well-adjusted. But I probably should have been a little tougher than that on my own boys. It kills me to admit that, but it's true. I know that's the reason my 16 year old is now making me crazy. He's a good guy, though, we'll get through it.
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Old 09-28-2012, 02:30 PM   #27
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My biggest mistake is not realizing sooner than all doctors aren't good. I was young when DD was born and hadn't had a lot of dealings with drs. I took her to a bad one for over a year before the light bulb went off that I needed a second opinion. The new dr was heaven sent.
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Old 09-28-2012, 02:50 PM   #28
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What a bunch of loser parents you all are!

I've tried to be in the moment with my kids as much as possible but yeesh it's hard. I'd echo the sentiment about time passing so fast. Having kids really does make time go a warp speed.
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Old 09-28-2012, 08:32 PM   #29
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Originally Posted by wdwmom0f3 View Post
I was just thinking about this recently. I think I made a mistake with my oldest child because she didn't want to get more involved in activities at school such as a sport or clubs and such. She lacks in self esteem and I think that would have possibly helped her.

My middle child is a cheerleader and it has done wonders for her. My niece was just like my older child, down on herself, lacked self confidence and now she is a cheerleader and it has changed her for the better too. She is trying harder in school and all of that. My son plays soccer and football so we have him involved in things too. The more he does the better he feels about himself. I firmly believe that keeping your kids busy will help keep them out of trouble and build their self confidence.

So that was my mistake with my oldest DD. I wish I had guided her better and helped her find something that she could have excelled in. Now that she is in college and she is working she is doing much better.

My second mistake is that I never really pushed my children with their grades. I expected A's & B's but if they came home with a C I wouldn't really do anything about it but just tell them to do better. That has recently changed though. I am requiring them to maintain all A's and I will occasionally accept a B as long as they have been really trying in that class. I am hoping that this will push them to do their very best. My oldest DD is in college and she is just happy if she passes a class. I want her to try her very best.

This last mistake is my biggest though. I feel like I have totally failed my children because we have not stayed active in church. I am embarrassed about it too. We went for years but since moving back to Alabama and closer to family we spend many weekends at my parents, away from home. My children are missing it so DH and I have talked about it and we are about to start trying to find a new church for us to attend. I have just started going to a woman's bible class on Wed. mornings and I love it. I feel like this is a step in the right direction for me and my family.

One thing that I have learned is that we all make mistakes, but as long as we learn from them we wont make them again and some mistakes even make us stronger people.
Wow, you sound like me! DD1 had/has asthma and I was afraid if I enrolled her in soccer (that was her sport of choice) it would've aggravated her asthma, so she did nothing. She has taken a very difficult path in life (and is still struggling to a point) but she's getting there. DD2 cheered for 5 years, and ds has played baseball since he could.
Anyway, my biggest regrets are not reinforcing how important school and studying to get good grades really is, and not letting dd1 play or be involved in SOMETHING. I never worried about making a bed or picking up toys or making them eat things they didn't want to try. My kids do often question why we didn't make them do chores, though; we tried and gave up much too easily.
DH would say the parts of life where he worked 2 jobs and missed an awful lot of them growing up.
The only thing I can say is I feel we are slightly over the top of the hill, onto the downslope. At the ages my kids are, they've seen alot of other styles of parenting, and they say they're glad they were raised the way the were, our parenting mistakes included. I guess the bottom line is they know they are loved.
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Old 09-28-2012, 08:59 PM   #30
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Thank you for starting this thread. This makes me want to not do laundry every day and not worry about clothing in the floor and beds being made all the time. I am going to try to not sweat the small stuff!

I don't want to miss a moment with my boys!
(ME) (DH) (DS 11) (DS 8) (DS 2)

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