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Old 09-24-2012, 03:40 PM   #1
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Poor dd loses her college roommate!!!

So, my dd, along with all the other college freshmen, stressed over whether or not they would get along with their future roommates. My dd got her roommate info and they chatted and texted in late July and into Aug and were pretty sure they were going to get along.
So, we move her in, and the roommate seems to be a nice kid...family was a bit flakey but hey, who's isn't in some way. So, dd tells us that the roommate went home for Labor Day Weekend...newly moved back to NYC from Ca. Well, she didn't come back for a week...some issue with anxiety issues and meds. Okay. So, today, dd calls to tell me that she woke up to her roommate's packing!!! Seems she isn't liking college, she misses home, the college isn't a good 'feel'. Now, her mother went to school there, so it wasn't an unknown. But, evidently, the poor girl was having issues. So, now, most of her stuff is gone, but there is some left behind. She will have to return at some point to get the rest of her stuff.
My poor dd is so sad...she really liked her roommate..and is now scared silly that they will put someone in with her that she doesn't like!!! Just when we thought everything was going so wonderfully. We went down to RI to see her first theatrical effort...it was wonderful. She was so happy. And now??? Worried to death about who she'll be sharing a room with again. Wonder if there is any chance at all that they'll leave her alone, and she can be a single. Probably not. Ah well.
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Old 09-24-2012, 03:48 PM   #2
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I transferred from one university to another between semesters my freshman year. My roommate came back from Christmas and was stunned to find me there--her previous roommate had not told her she was not returning!

Have your daughter ask if she can pay to keep the room as a single. I had a single in the dorms for a year--it was only $100 extra per semester back then. I first got it when I had a roommate leave a few weeks into the year and I went and asked if there was anything I could do to keep the room to myself rather than get to know someone new. Had I not asked, I would not have ended up with my own room
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Old 09-24-2012, 03:48 PM   #3
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Very similar situation happened for my DD her Freshman year! Same explanation, anxiety etc, same time of year! The roommate didn't return for a lot of her stuff. My DD did not have a roommate placed until the 2nd semester and that was because the new roomate had requested a change from her current situation and DD had room sooooooooo...it worked out ok, and my DD was moving to an apartment the next year anyway. Maybe your DD can ask if she can have some input in the new roommate , ask around who maybe would like to room with her?
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Old 09-24-2012, 03:50 PM   #4
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Bless her heart, that's not fun. I feel sorry for the roommate,too. She must have really not been adjusting. My DD19 went through a very rough 1st semester last year. She was so anxious, she was vomiting all the time-- she lost 15-lbs. When I went to visit her she looked like a skeleton! When she started talking she just became hysterical and cried and threw up. I was horrified. I was ready to bring her home ASAP, but once she settled down DD decided to stick it out. Eventually things got better and she finished out the rest of the year there. But it was a VERY difficult adjustment for her (and she did not go back to that college, either--she's enrolled in a college 2 miles from our house.)

Encourage your DD to keep an open mind. I'm sure that any roommate they put in there is going to be just as upset and worried as she is. Hopefully, it will be a good match. And if not, they can go together to the RA and try to work things out. DD and her roomie were cordial and civil to each other, but they had almost nothing in common and they kept to themselves. I figure if the roommate isn't stealing from her, keeping her stash of illegal drugs in the room or bringing her boyfriend home for nighttime activities they're in pretty good shape.
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Old 09-24-2012, 03:55 PM   #5
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I changed room mates between first and second semester. I requested a move to another room where the other room mate had flunked out. It was super awkward telling my first room mate that I was moving, but I had to get out of there. She was all kinds of crazy...

Ask around, freshman have a significant drop out rate for one reason or another. The college transition is complicated!
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Old 09-24-2012, 03:59 PM   #6
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I had the roommate from H E double hockey sticks my freshman year. Coincidentally there was a triple at the end of my floor with 2 girls that I had become friends with and they also had a roommate that they did not care for. Luckily for us the too bad roommates liked each other so I swapped with the other bad roommate and everyone had a roommate they wanted.

Our year was divided into quarters and after the first quarter in my new room one of my roommates left and they never put anyone else in our room. We had a triple with just 2 girls for the rest of the year.
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Old 09-24-2012, 04:02 PM   #7
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Freshmen & Sophomore year I had the same roommate. Junior year I went through four(?). The first one didn't "click", second one flunked out, third one quit. Senior year I got an off campus apartment.
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Old 09-24-2012, 04:10 PM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by minkydog View Post
Bless her heart, that's not fun. I feel sorry for the roommate,too. She must have really not been adjusting. My DD19 went through a very rough 1st semester last year. She was so anxious, she was vomiting all the time-- she lost 15-lbs. When I went to visit her she looked like a skeleton! When she started talking she just became hysterical and cried and threw up. I was horrified. I was ready to bring her home ASAP, but once she settled down DD decided to stick it out. Eventually things got better and she finished out the rest of the year there. But it was a VERY difficult adjustment for her (and she did not go back to that college, either--she's enrolled in a college 2 miles from our house.)

Encourage your DD to keep an open mind. I'm sure that any roommate they put in there is going to be just as upset and worried as she is. Hopefully, it will be a good match. And if not, they can go together to the RA and try to work things out. DD and her roomie were cordial and civil to each other, but they had almost nothing in common and they kept to themselves. I figure if the roommate isn't stealing from her, keeping her stash of illegal drugs in the room or bringing her boyfriend home for nighttime activities they're in pretty good shape.
Yep, I have to agree...that poor girl was so unhappy. It's funny but the exact same thing happened to my dh...he missed home so badly that he had to leave college. Took the rest of the year off, working in a nursing home, and then went back to school but lived at home!!! That's why we started sending our dd off to sleep over camp at the age of 10!!! She ended up going for a month at a time, and now has a job as a counselor there, every summer!!! So, our ploy worked. Dh does say that if his parents had been a little firmer and made him stick it out, things may have worked out differently. But, to this day, he doesn't like traveling or being away from home!!!!
I'm hoping that dd will get a new roommate that works out. I told her to talk to the RA and see what policy is in this case, and if she has any say in what happens. She would like to be alone, but if that isn't the case, maybe she can have some imput in the new placement. We'll see....just one more hurdle to get over!!!!
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Old 09-24-2012, 04:11 PM   #9
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That is difficult. My first roommate cried every night on the phone to her parents. She came from somewhere in the south (S. Carolina maybe?) and wanted to have an "experience of a lifetime".... well that didn't go well. She left in October ish and apparently started school back up somewhere close to home. I had the room to myself until January, when my future best friend moved in.
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Old 09-24-2012, 04:23 PM   #10
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Something similar happened to me in college. I would have paid extra to have a single but that wasn't an option at my school. If your dd can't pay to be a single, then she needs to be proactive and find someone who wants to room with her/doesn't like their current situation. She and the new roommate should go to housing and tell them that they have arranged the room switch. Housing doesn't care which room has a vacancy. Housing just fills rooms. If your dd waits for housing to take action, she is likely to be assigned some random new roommate- maybe good, maybe bad. If she passively asks the RA if she has any say, the answer will probably be no (even if that's not the case). The RA wants the situation to be as simple as possible.
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Old 09-24-2012, 04:31 PM   #11
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I had no 2nd semester roommate both years I was in the dorms! First year I really liked my room mate but she decided to move into her sorority mid year and they never moved anyone in. 2nd year roommate I didn't like so much but we tolerated each other. She decided to move in with friends and left mid year and again, no roommate was placed with me so I had a single 2x for no extra cost.

I was really kind of bummed because I wanted to have a room mate. It was strange being the only one on the floor with no room mate.
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Old 09-24-2012, 05:33 PM   #12
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NHdisneylover View Post
I transferred from one university to another between semesters my freshman year. My roommate came back from Christmas and was stunned to find me there--her previous roommate had not told her she was not returning!

Have your daughter ask if she can pay to keep the room as a single. I had a single in the dorms for a year--it was only $100 extra per semester back then. I first got it when I had a roommate leave a few weeks into the year and I went and asked if there was anything I could do to keep the room to myself rather than get to know someone new. Had I not asked, I would not have ended up with my own room
My freshman year my roommate moved to a vacant room with a friend of his, and I ended up with a single for the second semester, at no extra charge. They had other vacant rooms, so they didn't need the space. Worked out pretty well as I could use my room for study groups for my classes and not have to do that in the common areas.
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Old 09-24-2012, 05:38 PM   #13
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This

Quote:
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Something similar happened to me in college. I would have paid extra to have a single but that wasn't an option at my school. If your dd can't pay to be a single, then she needs to be proactive and find someone who wants to room with her/doesn't like their current situation. She and the new roommate should go to housing and tell them that they have arranged the room switch. Housing doesn't care which room has a vacancy. Housing just fills rooms. If your dd waits for housing to take action, she is likely to be assigned some random new roommate- maybe good, maybe bad. If she passively asks the RA if she has any say, the answer will probably be no (even if that's not the case). The RA wants the situation to be as simple as possible.
I went through a few room mates Freshman year too.. first one was a doozy. Anyway, there will probably be a lot of shifting around. If she can find someone else that will be happier with her then where they are they should be able to move in. Otherwise, yes, she will probably get someone "random". For me that worked out much better than the first one I had and it was fine. Good luck!
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Old 09-24-2012, 05:43 PM   #14
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I had 5 roommates my freshman year. I was in a triple room. One moved home and commuted because she missed her boyfriend, one left finals week first semester because she cracked under the pressure, the third moved into another dorm to be close to the friends she made while living in temporary housing, numbers 4 and 5 came second semester and saw it through.
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Old 09-24-2012, 05:45 PM   #15
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I don't get it. Are parents these days not preparing their kids for the responsibility of going to college away from home? I'd be absolutely appalled if either one of my boys came home because of "anxiety" and couldn't find the strength to go back to college. I'd tell them it's time to grow up, suck it up and figure it out. But then again, I've been teaching them to take responsibility for their own actions for a long time now. Sadly, I've been finding that I'm the exception, not the rule. Could be why this country is heading in the direction it is.
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