Disney Information Station Logo

Go Back   The DIS Discussion Forums - DISboards.com > Just for Fun > Community Board
Find Hotel Specials & DIScounts
 
facebooktwitterpinterestgoogle plusyoutubeDIS Updates
Register Chat FAQ Tickers Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read


Closed Thread
 
Thread Tools Rate Thread
Old 09-27-2012, 07:49 PM   #76
Tinijocaro
DIS Veteran
 
Tinijocaro's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 4,289

I'm so sorry for you. You will get through this and maybe in time, find a real man who can be a great daddy for your boy.

Do not trust this man (I hesitate to use the word man, boy actually comes to mind). Do not trust him, do not trust him. Cover your ***, get finances together, get a lawyer. Do not trust him or anything he says when the divorce is going down.
Tinijocaro is offline  
Old 09-27-2012, 07:55 PM   #77
DisneyFan32WI
Sometimes I just like to be plain and boring
 
DisneyFan32WI's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: usa
Posts: 4,645

I just wanted to let you know that we are here for you!! I'm sorry that you have to go through this. I don't have any advice. My heart just aches for you.
__________________
DisneyFan32WI is offline  
|
The DIS
Register to remove

Join Date: 1997
Location: Orlando, FL
Posts: 1,000,000
Old 09-27-2012, 07:56 PM   #78
goofyintoronto
Proud foot flusher
I really wanted to like it, but I didn't
 
goofyintoronto's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Toronto Canada
Posts: 9,384

Quote:
Originally Posted by abdmom

I agree with this. If you wait until the baby is born, there is a possibility that your husband may prevent you from returning to Canada with the baby. However, if you go before the baby is born, he can't force you to stay in California or return once the baby is born.

Consider not putting his name on the baby's birth certificate. This would make it harder for your husband to gain any sort of custody, although it sounds like he doesn't want any.
I AGREE!! Id go to Canada before the baby is born. If you wait til you have the baby, you will have a much harder time getting into Canada with the baby. Id also not put his name on the birth cert. Looks like he doesnt care either way. very sad. I wouldnt stick around and stay with someone who made it clear he wants someone else. If he wants to leave i'd hold the door open for him. You deserve far better. believe that!

As for your folks. Please dont think you cant go home just because your parents are partying it up right now. They want whats best for you. Im sure they'd take you with open arms. Besides im sure they can still travel even with you living there.

Sent from my Samsung Galaxy S2 using DISBoards App
__________________





........."Please stand clear of the doors. Por favor, mantengase alejado de las puertas".........







AUGUST "2013" DINING REVIEW / AUGUST "2012" DINING REVIEW





I've been BOO'ED by Forum Jumper!!!
goofyintoronto is offline  
Old 09-27-2012, 08:05 PM   #79
Seahunt
DIS Veteran
 
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: Florida Baby!
Posts: 4,975

I am so sorry for you. Deja vu - I recently watched a 48 hours episode about a missing Canadian mom that sounds so much like your situation it gives me goosebumps.

His statements AND a crazy girlfriend? I agree with everyone who says GO GO GO. I don't think you can be too safe. Please take care.
Seahunt is offline  
Old 09-27-2012, 08:08 PM   #80
goofinoff
These pretzels are making me thirsty!
I feel like we are in the middle of A Very Brady Idol
 
goofinoff's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: South Portland, Maine
Posts: 3,816

I haven't read through the whole thread, just the first page, so I apologize if this has already been said. One of the first things I thought of was your pregnancy. This is going to be a very stressful time for you and could very well have an effect on your pregnancy. You need to call your doctor, get an appointment and explain to him/her what is happening in your life. He/she may want to keep a closer eye on you during this. My sister in law lost her first husband when she was 8 months pregnant. While it's not the same situation, it's still stress. You have to make sure that you are taking care of yourself and your baby! You need to eat regularly and get plenty of rest. I know it's going to be difficult to sleep and eat when you're upset but you are not just taking care of yourself now!

I'm so sorry this is happening to you. It's supposed to be a happy time.

(Promise me you will see the doctor and that you will take care of yourself! Ok?)

Your Dis family will keep an eye on you!!
__________________
goofinoff is offline  
Old 09-27-2012, 08:10 PM   #81
sandramaac
Needs to look harder...
wonder what the punishment would be for excessive burping
 
sandramaac's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2001
Posts: 1,480

Quote:
Originally Posted by bankgirl05 View Post
OP, I feel for you... I wish you strength and peace...

I'm not sure if this is the same state to state, but when I was preparing to leave my husband, my attorney advised me to take half of all of our liquid assets and put them into a single name account that he could not touch. He actually told me I could take alll the cash out if I wanted, since they were joint accounts and each of us had equal rights, but that would make me look nasty, so he suggested I just take half, before the ex got a hold of it. Also told me to take anything of any personal, emotional value out the day I leave, so as not to have to battle over it later. Start shipping things you would like to have to your parents. Or have them come visit and take things with them if you acn not leave immediately. I forgot a box of "highschool momentos" and did have to have it included in the divorce proceedings... jerk, like what would he want with my yearbooks, scrapbooks, trophies etc.???

I walked away from our house and everything we owned together, because in the end it was just "things" and my peace of mind was so much more important.

Like someone said, document everything, keep a notebook, with dates, conversations etc. If he wants to come to collect things, I suggest having a friend or neighbor over "for coffee" while he is going to be there so that you are not forced to engage in unpleasantness.

Best of luck to you.
GREAT ADVICE HERE TO OP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
If you can hold up, and you and baby are ok, get your things in order before you make any quick decisions!!!!!!!!
sandramaac is offline  
Old 09-27-2012, 08:10 PM   #82
Liberty Belle
I was going to reply, but I see I already did...three years ago!
Hey, I warned you. Now go have a drink. It's the only thing that takes it away
Makes sleestack noises when her throat itches
 
Liberty Belle's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Kentucky
Posts: 16,263

I'm so sorry OP. This just breaks my heart. I have NEVER been one to say cheating is a deal-breaker or "once a cheater, always a cheater, " but in this case I think what he's done would have destroyed any chance that I'd remain with him. I'm sorry, I know you say you still love him, but I think he's a disgusting pig's ***.

You got a lot of good advice. I can offer only a cyber-hug and my prayers, but it sounds like you're keeping a clear head and are getting things in order.

I would like to reiterate a couple things others have said:

I would move back to Canada as soon as possible (definitely before baby comes). And don't trust this "man" about anything. I wouldn't even trust him to tell me if it was raining outside or not. As painful as it is, he has shown you that he does not have your best interest in mind at all and I think that's only going to get worse.
__________________


DH: Me: DS (20): DS(10):
(Hunter) (Leo) (Anatevka) : (Cookie)
Liberty Belle is offline  
Old 09-27-2012, 08:33 PM   #83
Luv'sTink
DIS Veteran
 
Luv'sTink's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: WA. & Vancouver, BC
Posts: 5,356

I have not read the entire thread, but please be sure you will be covered for medical as soon as you enter Canada.

My husband is Canadian and he told me, you might need to be a resident of the providence, for something like 30 to 90 days. Check first. He could be wrong as he hasn't lived there for 12 years.. lol
__________________
Me DH DS
POFQ Christmas 2006 & 2008!
I am not one of the DIS's "perfect" parents ..I'm just a Mom who loves her son
Luv'sTink is offline  
Old 09-27-2012, 08:43 PM   #84
canadianjovigirl
DIS Veteran
 
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 915

Quote:
Originally Posted by Luv'sTink View Post
I have not read the entire thread, but please be sure you will be covered for medical as soon as you enter Canada.

My husband is Canadian and he told me, you might need to be a resident of the providence, for something like 30 to 90 days. Check first. He could be wrong as he hasn't lived there for 12 years.. lol
My experience has been when moving province to province you have a 90 day wait but if you are moving from out of the country your coverage can begin on the day you enter that province. The on line websites will list this info.........
canadianjovigirl is offline  
Old 09-27-2012, 08:47 PM   #85
punkin
Went through pain just to look like a lopsided Whoopi Goldberg
 
punkin's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: Maryland
Posts: 12,186

Quote:
Originally Posted by canadianjovigirl View Post
My experience has been when moving province to province you have a 90 day wait but if you are moving from out of the country your coverage can begin on the day you enter that province. The on line websites will list this info.........
I may be wrong (I'm not Canadian) but I think you are right and there are also emergency provisions for pregnant women as well. OP can double check this easily.
__________________
“You don’t want coon dogs chasing squirrels!” Justice Antonin Scalia.
punkin is offline  
Old 09-27-2012, 08:50 PM   #86
mrsksomeday
My Prince uses a power wheelchair!
 
mrsksomeday's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Southern Illinois
Posts: 7,640

Quote:
Originally Posted by TRK0011 View Post
Despite all the anger and disgust and generally wondering what the heck happened in the last two days...I still love him. It's pathetic. A huge part of me doesn't want the two of them together because she'll end up hurting him. Seriously, that can't be normal, I'm supposed to hate him, I wish I did, it would make this a lot cleaner.

I am so very sorry this has happened to you .

You are not pathetic, you love a man you thought you would be with for the rest of your life, a man you were going to have a child with. The problem is that man is not real, he showed his real true self by cheating on you, talking about not wanting the baby, not even showing concern with the horrible text messages the mistress sent you.

I agree with the doctor and attorney appointments asap. You have got to take care of yourself medically and financially. How far away does this mistress live from you? I would be worried about her. Document everything, try to not be alone anywhere, be aware of your surroundings, you never know what an unstable person might do. I am not trying to scare you, I am just wanting you to be proactive.
mrsksomeday is offline  
Old 09-27-2012, 08:51 PM   #87
BCDisneyFanatic
DIS Veteran
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Vancouver, BC
Posts: 1,530

Quote:
Originally Posted by canadianjovigirl View Post
My experience has been when moving province to province you have a 90 day wait but if you are moving from out of the country your coverage can begin on the day you enter that province. The on line websites will list this info.........
I just returned to Canada at the end of August after four years abroad, and that has not been my experience. I've had to pay out of pocket for some rather expensive tests that couldn't wait for the three month waiting period. However, there may be some way to make a special appeal to the province's medicare plan.

Even if the OP isn't covered, her child will be as soon as he is born. Therefore, the medical costs would likely be less than a couple of thousand dollars, assuming that a C-section isn't necessary.

However, her current insurance may be willing to cover her care in Canada until her waiting period is up, or she may be able to get bridging insurance to cover that period. DH and I have taken it out with Sun Life, and they will cover us for any expenses for the three months - although we have to pay up front, they will reimburse us.
BCDisneyFanatic is offline  
Old 09-27-2012, 08:54 PM   #88
uscgmouse
Mouseketeer
 
uscgmouse's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Newport, RI
Posts: 413

I am so sorry! I cannot even imagine what you are going through.
__________________
uscgmouse is offline  
Old 09-27-2012, 08:55 PM   #89
tasha99
DIS Veteran
 
tasha99's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Oregon coast
Posts: 3,606

Quote:
Originally Posted by TRK0011 View Post
Thank you for such fast responses. I wanted to touch on what a few people have said.

As far as finances go, I'm just assuming from my shaky legal knowledge that I will be entitled to half of everything we purchased as a married couple, which is basically everything we own. I would have to rely on him to some extent to get things moving on selling the house, cars, etc.

We both have good jobs, I make slightly more than he does and he already made a comment about not wanting to pay child support because I have the higher income and "that's not fair." So that might be a battle. I actually don't know if a court can make him pay child support if I move to a different country. One reason I'm nervous to leave is my job - without going into detail, it's a job I'd have a hard time replacing in the area of Canada my parents live, and if I just up and leave, they won't hold it open for me here. Being unemployed at this point in my pregnancy was not on the cards - we have savings but a lot of them are tied up and it will take time to get them split up. As I said, my parents could finance things for a while, but gosh I hate to do that to them.

This sounds absolutely absurd, but I just never thought this would happen to me. No one in my family has ever gotten divorced, no single parents or anything. My parents are the sweetest, kindest people, and they love DH (they'll love him a lot less after this) - they're going to be so shocked. I just get short of breath even thinking about actually picking up the phone and calling them to tell them this.

I assumed custody would not be an issue - he said he wants nothing to do with this baby and I can take him with me. He did make some comment about me moving back to Canada and him never getting to see him, but I don't understand how he can say such opposite things at the same time. One problem will be his parents. They are sweet, generous people who have done SO much for this baby already - they bought everything for the nursery, a stroller and car seat, put a huge amount of money aside to start a college fund - and they're so excited to finally have a grandchild living nearby (their other four grandkids are on the east coast). I know they'll be devastated, and I actually wonder if my mother in law would legally try to stop me leaving.

I called my phone company and had the texts from this girl blocked because they were so horrible. She started forwarding me on messages from him - there was even one he sent her this afternoon while I'm sat here going through hell saying something like "in such a good mood today, miss you loads, can't wait to talk to you later." I have kept them, so I have them if necessary. There is no WAY this baby will be going near her.

I have definitely considered a therapist - I'm going to check out that Psychology Today website and look for someone that will take my insurance, even just for a week or two while I try to think things out.

Despite all the anger and disgust and generally wondering what the heck happened in the last two days...I still love him. It's pathetic. A huge part of me doesn't want the two of them together because she'll end up hurting him. Seriously, that can't be normal, I'm supposed to hate him, I wish I did, it would make this a lot cleaner.
I'm sorry, but the bolded is a huge assumption. If you stay in California and your husband wants it, he will likely get visitation. If he's still with her, there is a good chance your baby would be staying with him and the unstable one. You can try to get a restraining order, but you can't count on it.

I think you should go to Canada asap (like yesterday), but talk to a good divorce atty in the US first.

tasha99 is offline  
Old 09-27-2012, 08:58 PM   #90
westjones
Mother of Two Disney Princesses
Boy I learn something new all the time on these boards!
 
westjones's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2002
Posts: 8,132

I haven't read all the responses, but I am SO sorry for what you are going through. I am the mother of 2 girls who are just now 19 and Freshmen in college and I can tell you they and all of their friends the same age are still VERY immature and I can't imagine them getting involved in something like this, but I really can't imagine the type of man who at your husband's age would get involved .... he can't be a good person.

So basically you really don't want to be heading into your future with him and you want better for your son.

Talk to your parents. They will want the best for you. Not sure how the health insurance works in Canada....are you a citizen? But perhaps you will be covered there with their health care.

I would check into the health care situation...you never know if your baby will need a lot of care (when mine were born they were in ICU for two weeks, so insurance is important). But if he is born in Canada maybe the baby will be covered.

I so hope you find a way out of this situation. You deserve better than what this man is giving you.
westjones is offline  
Closed Thread



Thread Tools
Rate This Thread
Rate This Thread:

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

facebooktwitterpinterestgoogle plusyoutubeDIS Updates
GET OUR DIS UPDATES DELIVERED BY EMAIL



All times are GMT -5. The time now is 08:12 PM.

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.

Copyright © 1997-2014, Werner Technologies, LLC. All Rights Reserved.

You Rated this Thread: