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Old 11-10-2012, 07:59 PM   #796
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He doesn't understand how all this happened?

What about it does he not understand?

He had an affair. He caused his own problem. He doesn't want to see a counselor to figure out why he was such a whack. Not your problem......

BooHoo.....cry me a river buddy. Yoo made your bed, you lie in it.

Meanwhile, you my dear, have that perfectly wonderful baby to look forward to....the light of your life. Wishing you well and keep us posted when you can.

XOXO
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Old 11-10-2012, 08:01 PM   #797
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Originally Posted by TRK0011 View Post
So I thought I'd come on and update today since it's been a while.

First up, I know people were asking about my due date - baby is due December 1st, so actually the beginning of next month. He's measuring right on track and everything is still good with him, gaining weight and doing everything he's supposed to be doing. I'm so excited to meet him at this point!

I'm doing OK too - little by little things are getting easier. There are still good days and bad days, but I'm trying to appreciate the good when they come and just battle through the bad as best I can. My parents have been absolutely incredible, I wish I could describe how much they've helped me through all this but words honestly don't seem enough. My dad is so excited for my little guy to be here, he keeps buying all these Christmas presents and I keep having to remind him, baby will be about three weeks old and won't know it's Christmas!

I still speak to DH every now and then, but there's very little to say. He told me last time we talked that he and the girl weren't speaking anymore - it turns out that DH's mother found out who the girl was and that she was the daughter of the friend of the family, and went and told her everything. She also found out about the texts I'd been getting from the girl, and told the mother that if she didn't make it stop, that she would push me to go to the police. I guess the mother of the girl didn't take this all too well, sent DH a message saying they wouldn't be visiting California after all, and he hasn't spoken to anyone in the family since. He was upset and crying and saying he didn't understand how all this happened...I had nothing to say. I did tell him he should reconsider seeing a counselor of some sort, but he brushed it off. This was all about three days ago - he's sent me messages and called a couple of times since then, but I'm not just going to sit and listen to him whine about a crappy situation all of his own doing. I suppose that doesn't make me sound very nice, and normally I would be the first person to lend an ear if a friend was in need - but I don't think he deserves it.

Anyway, that's where I'm up to. I really appreciate everyone who has been checking in and sending well wishes - on the crappy days I come back and read through this thread and am reminded of how kind you've all been and how much support I have. It makes things better
You are doing great!

Your H does NOT deserve it. When was he your friend? My ex badmouthed me so much after I left. HE cheated, made a huge mess but I was horrible? Ok then. Eventually they start to get it, not entirely but sooner or later it hits them. Takes a long time. Years.

I'm glad to hear the girl's family found out. And that his parents are being slightly supportive of you and the baby is nice to hear. My ex-inlaws haven't spoken to me in years. As if it was somehow my fault. Whatever.

I'm so happy you went to your parents! Best wishes.
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Old 11-10-2012, 08:06 PM   #798
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TRK0011
So I thought I'd come on and update today since it's been a while.

First up, I know people were asking about my due date - baby is due December 1st, so actually the beginning of next month. He's measuring right on track and everything is still good with him, gaining weight and doing everything he's supposed to be doing. I'm so excited to meet him at this point!

I'm doing OK too - little by little things are getting easier. There are still good days and bad days, but I'm trying to appreciate the good when they come and just battle through the bad as best I can. My parents have been absolutely incredible, I wish I could describe how much they've helped me through all this but words honestly don't seem enough. My dad is so excited for my little guy to be here, he keeps buying all these Christmas presents and I keep having to remind him, baby will be about three weeks old and won't know it's Christmas!

I still speak to DH every now and then, but there's very little to say. He told me last time we talked that he and the girl weren't speaking anymore - it turns out that DH's mother found out who the girl was and that she was the daughter of the friend of the family, and went and told her everything. She also found out about the texts I'd been getting from the girl, and told the mother that if she didn't make it stop, that she would push me to go to the police. I guess the mother of the girl didn't take this all too well, sent DH a message saying they wouldn't be visiting California after all, and he hasn't spoken to anyone in the family since. He was upset and crying and saying he didn't understand how all this happened...I had nothing to say. I did tell him he should reconsider seeing a counselor of some sort, but he brushed it off. This was all about three days ago - he's sent me messages and called a couple of times since then, but I'm not just going to sit and listen to him whine about a crappy situation all of his own doing. I suppose that doesn't make me sound very nice, and normally I would be the first person to lend an ear if a friend was in need - but I don't think he deserves it.

Anyway, that's where I'm up to. I really appreciate everyone who has been checking in and sending well wishes - on the crappy days I come back and read through this thread and am reminded of how kind you've all been and how much support I have. It makes things better
first of all, your due date of Dec 1 is my birthday! Very special day! Lol. Im so glad your doing well considering. your dad is so cute buying all those her for the baby.

As for your DH, he deserves everything coming his way. Honestly. I dont know how you can still talk to him. youre a very strong woman. And the comment about you not being a nice person. really now? your far too nice. he should thank his lucky stars cause you could do so much worse to him.

so glad the girls parents found out about everything. how can she, and your H, live with themselves after all theyve done? disgusting.

thanks for the update. wishing you lots of lucky on your delivery!

Sent from my Galaxy SII
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Old 11-10-2012, 08:28 PM   #799
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Originally Posted by Disney Doll View Post
He doesn't understand how all this happened?

What about it does he not understand?

He had an affair. He caused his own problem. He doesn't want to see a counselor to figure out why he was such a whack. Not your problem......

BooHoo.....cry me a river buddy. Yoo made your bed, you lie in it.

Meanwhile, you my dear, have that perfectly wonderful baby to look forward to....the light of your life. Wishing you well and keep us posted when you can.

XOXO

perfect!
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Old 11-10-2012, 08:40 PM   #800
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I should clarify - the exact words he used were "I don't know how my life ended up like this." It seems pretty obvious to me. I almost feel sorry for him at times - how do you make such a mess of things and not be able to understand where you went wrong?!

His parents have been very, very nice to me so far. His mom sent me an email after she told the girl's mother everything, telling me what had been said. His parents are nice, normal people and they're truly horrified at the way their son is behaving. They've asked if I'm coming back to California, and asked if they can visit the baby and I some time in the new year. I asked them if we could wait and make that decision once he was here, and they agreed. I don't want to cut them out of my son's life if at all possible, I'm just waiting to see how this all plays out.
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Old 11-10-2012, 09:15 PM   #801
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I've been keeping up with this thread OP, but this is my first reply. I have to say that the way you have handled this all shows true class.

Good luck and best wishes on the birth of your son. One of my daughters was born in December and I loved that time. Her birth forced me to slow down and I truly got to relax and enjoy the pace of the holidays.

Hugs to you! You are a strong woman to be looked up to!
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Old 11-10-2012, 10:42 PM   #802
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You are definitely doing the right things. You owe him nothing--don't let his whining get to you! Praying for strength for you and an easy delivery of your little one.
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Old 11-10-2012, 10:42 PM   #803
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Another fan of your strength, OP. You are a classs act: it is obvious your H never deserved you. He overachieved in a big way.
It is wonderful that your parents are going to get to spoil your son. He so deserves it...your parents raised you to be strong & you will all inspire the same in your son.
I hope that it will work out for you & your baby that his paternal grandparents can be in his life too, but if not it sounds like your dad is ready to step in for everyone.
May God bless you & your family.
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Old 11-10-2012, 11:19 PM   #804
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It sounds as if dude is in complete denial. Perhaps he has a narcissistic personality?

At any rate, it sounds as if things are settling down for you. I think you've done an amazing job holding things together and calmly executing your plan. I wish you and your little guy all the luck in the world.
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Old 11-10-2012, 11:55 PM   #805
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Hey, OP - thanks for the update.

Hang in there. I am so glad that you are with your parents.
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Old 11-11-2012, 12:14 AM   #806
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TRK0011 View Post
I should clarify - the exact words he used were "I don't know how my life ended up like this." It seems pretty obvious to me. I almost feel sorry for him at times - how do you make such a mess of things and not be able to understand where you went wrong?!
He does understand how he went wrong, don't let him fool you. What he doesn't understand is how he got caught and how you and the other woman aren't falling over your feet to keep him in your lives. He doesn't understand how you could DARE to leave him and try to move forward with your life.

Please don't ever feel sorry for him, he knew exactly what he was doing, exactly who he was texting, and exactly who he was betraying. Your soon to be xH brushing off your suggestion of counseling just goes to show you he doesn't want to take responsibility for what he has done.
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Old 11-11-2012, 12:25 AM   #807
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Hi OP!!! So happy to hear that you and your baby continue to thrive during this difficult time. Count me in as someone who is in complete awe of your strength.

Please don't ever think that you are not being a nice person. You have handled this situation with more class and grace than your H has in the tip of his pinky toe. Clearly he is delusional if he doesn't understand how he got to where he is.

You are truly blessed to be alway from someone like that and surrounded by people who love and care about you and your baby.

Stay strong and best wished for the remainder of your pregnancy.

Oh, and thanks for the update. You've been in my thoughts and prayers.
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Old 11-11-2012, 01:26 AM   #808
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I too am pleased to see how well you have handled things. Sometimes I feel we tend to brow beat people here but IMHO there would be very little you could do to your former spouse that we wouldn't cheer about. Even castration. J/K.

Your little boy is one lucky kid. I would like you to condsider keeping his grandparents in the loop by sending photos and emails a lot. When the time is right for a visit, you will know but I hope they won't bring their son along as a surprise. He may begin to wear them down over time. But that is all in the future. I'm glad to see Karma is working her magic.
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Old 11-11-2012, 05:05 AM   #809
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Originally Posted by TRK0011 View Post
I should clarify - the exact words he used were "I don't know how my life ended up like this." It seems pretty obvious to me. I almost feel sorry for him at times - how do you make such a mess of things and not be able to understand where you went wrong?!

His parents have been very, very nice to me so far. His mom sent me an email after she told the girl's mother everything, telling me what had been said. His parents are nice, normal people and they're truly horrified at the way their son is behaving. They've asked if I'm coming back to California, and asked if they can visit the baby and I some time in the new year. I asked them if we could wait and make that decision once he was here, and they agreed. I don't want to cut them out of my son's life if at all possible, I'm just waiting to see how this all plays out.
To address the bolded.... .

Don't feel too sorry for him. He only tells you what you want to hear to manipulate you. That is why getting the heck out of dodge was important. You are able to sit back from afar and see it for what it is instead of living in that mess.

Many hugs of support to you!!!!
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Old 11-11-2012, 05:34 AM   #810
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TRK0011 View Post
I should clarify - the exact words he used were "I don't know how my life ended up like this." It seems pretty obvious to me. I almost feel sorry for him at times - how do you make such a mess of things and not be able to understand where you went wrong?!

His parents have been very, very nice to me so far. His mom sent me an email after she told the girl's mother everything, telling me what had been said. His parents are nice, normal people and they're truly horrified at the way their son is behaving. They've asked if I'm coming back to California, and asked if they can visit the baby and I some time in the new year. I asked them if we could wait and make that decision once he was here, and they agreed. I don't want to cut them out of my son's life if at all possible, I'm just waiting to see how this all plays out.
Oh please..... He knows perfectly well how his life ended up like this. He slept with a skanky teenager and got caught. What he means is "I can't believe I got caght".

Now the reality of the situation HE CAUSED is slapping him in the face, his parents are probably all over him (I know my parents would be if my brother did something like htis to his wife) and he's going down the toilet. His little honey bun isn't there to comfort him either. Some of his other friends and relatives are probably "underwhelmed" at hs behavior too. If I knew this guy, I'd be hard-pressed to have anything to do with him after what he's done. This was not a mistake, this was not an error in judgement. THIS WAS A CHOICE.

I'm glad his parents are being nice, and if there is some way to allow them contact with their grandchild, then do so. But I still maintain that you shold tread very, very carefully with all this......it is the rare parent who will not ultimately in some way defend/support their child. My friend's brother had a heart attack while in bed with his girlfriend, and his mother said "Well, I don't blame him for wanting a girlfriend. His wife (of like 20+ years) never ironed his shirts". Yeah...like his girlfriend was!

Maybe your in-laws will be the rare parents who will say "We have no sympathy. You made your bed, you can lie in it" but my guess is that over time he will wear them down in to feeling sorry for him and you will slowly become the "bad guy". He'll start with little stories about how you didn't do this or didn't do that. How you went out with your girlfriends once in a while and WHO KNOWS what you did. You're not dealing with a man with any integrity here. Or the baby will come and you will be putting the brakes on things and he'll start buzzing in their ear about him being able to see HIS child and them being able to see THEIR grandchild and get them all revved up.

Be prepared...
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Stop telling your God how big the storm is. Instead, tell the storm how big your God is.
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He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog.
You are his life, his love, his leader.
He will be yours, faithful and true, to the last beat of his heart.
You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion.
~~In loving memory of Teddy~~1994-2007~~
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