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Old 10-28-2012, 09:02 AM   #766
The Mystery Machine
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Originally Posted by TRK0011 View Post
Yep, the mom is (was?) a friend of the family, that's how DH met this girl. The mom knew me through DH, but not well - she always adored DH and called him the son she never had. Honestly, unless she's an absolute idiot she must know something is going on - I know at one point she had looked through the girls cell phone bill and noticed that she was texting DH hundreds of times a day, because the girl brought it up to DH. I don't know, DH will tell her whatever he tells her.

I have no intention of being sucked back in to DH's drama with this girl - when he brings her up I change the subject or just get off the phone. I don't mind talking to him about how the baby is doing, or about work or something, but there's not much else to say at this point. He apologizes nearly every time we speak for what he did, but it's way too little too late for me. I feel sad for him and the decisions he's made, and there are days when I still feel guilty for leaving, but they are getting less and less, and I think I'm starting to get a little stronger.
Good for you.

I do not blame you for not getting involved in that hot mess with the GF's family, that is just flipping creepy all the way around.

Continued support here....
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Old 10-28-2012, 09:36 AM   #767
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Originally Posted by karriemouse View Post
I can't believe your exH is surprised that everyone doesn't think he's 'husband of the year'!! How deluded can you get?!
It's the narcissistic side of their personality. My ex still cannot believe people aren't so happy for him. He really thought everyone (including our kids) would pat him on the back and say "atta boy! Good for you for getting out and making yourself happy."
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Old 10-28-2012, 09:43 AM   #768
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Originally Posted by TRK0011 View Post
Yep, the mom is (was?) a friend of the family, that's how DH met this girl. The mom knew me through DH, but not well - she always adored DH and called him the son she never had. Honestly, unless she's an absolute idiot she must know something is going on - I know at one point she had looked through the girls cell phone bill and noticed that she was texting DH hundreds of times a day, because the girl brought it up to DH. I don't know, DH will tell her whatever he tells her.

I have no intention of being sucked back in to DH's drama with this girl - when he brings her up I change the subject or just get off the phone. I don't mind talking to him about how the baby is doing, or about work or something, but there's not much else to say at this point. He apologizes nearly every time we speak for what he did, but it's way too little too late for me. I feel sad for him and the decisions he's made, and there are days when I still feel guilty for leaving, but they are getting less and less, and I think I'm starting to get a little stronger.
I think you're dealing with everything the right way. You will get through this, I promise. You aren't the one who should be feeling guilty. You didn't want to be in this position. You didn't create this situation. He did. Now he can live with his choices. You are strong and you will get through these rough few months. You will be happy again.
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Old 10-28-2012, 01:23 PM   #769
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Originally Posted by TRK0011 View Post
I just wanted to add that I have seen a counselor, twice now with another appointment next week. I'm not great with opening up to people, but she's nice and I think it will help to have someone to talk to.

Talking to DH isn't upsetting me to be honest, it's just odd. He seems so upset that I left, and so hurt that pretty much everyone is horrified at what he did. I don't get it - did he really think people would think this was OK? He's an intelligent guy, how did he not see these reactions coming? I almost feel sorry for him, then I remember that he did these things TO ME and it makes me mad at him again.

My stress levels have certainly gone down just from being away from him and his interactions with this girl. Last he told me, the two of them weren't really speaking but I didn't ask why. I do know she and her family are going to visit California in a few weeks and the mom wants to meet up with him because she has baby gifts for me - so I guess she has no idea what happened. I'm kind of interested to know what he's planning on telling her!
They may not be speaking, but I'm sure they are still texting each other. No one stops that compulsive order that fast. You mentioned the mom saw her dd's phone and noticed 100's of texts to your dh. Don't fool yourself, she knows, she may be in denial, but she knows something is going on. That is probably why she wants to drop off presents at your house. To find out what is going on.
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Old 10-28-2012, 04:00 PM   #770
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I do know she and her family are going to visit California in a few weeks and the mom wants to meet up with him because she has baby gifts for me - so I guess she has no idea what happened. I'm kind of interested to know what he's planning on telling her!
My guess is, he won't tell her that you left. He'll make excuses for why you're not home. A friend's ex is STILL not telling people that he's divorced, even though he left for another woman years ago. I often wonder how that makes the girlfriend feel, when she comes across yet another friend or family member of his that thinks he's still married to my friend.
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Old 10-28-2012, 04:17 PM   #771
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And the beauty of it is that that part of his life is no longer your problem OP.

What he tells other people about his bad behavior...not your problem. You've told some folks the truth and the truth will get out eventually.

His relationship with his skanky tee and her mother...not your problem.

Your only problem is if he's going to want access to your child or not. I'm praying for "no".
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Old 10-28-2012, 04:31 PM   #772
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I'm another one who has been following your story but not posting. I felt others were saying everything I wanted to say and probably better than I would say it. I'm so glad you are with your parents and making a new life for yourself.

I was wondering how often you call your husband or he calls you? You want to be careful you're not keeping that line of communication open and giving him the idea that you are sympathetic to his situation. You seem to have a tender heart and I know you can't just fall out of love with someone over night, despite how much he may deserve that. But this guy needs all his soft places to become hard so that he hits bottom. That's often the only way people like him ever wake up to reality. I'm not in any way criticizing anything you're doing, just offering a bit of caution. He's made it clear he wants nothing to do with your baby, you've made it clear you want no more of life with him, so I don't see where it benefits you at all to take his calls. I know from experience that your healing will be impeded by constant contact with him. Blessings to you!
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Old 10-28-2012, 04:45 PM   #773
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I don't know that he has Narcissistic Personality Disorder, but it wouldn't surprise me. According to Mayo Clinic, here are the symptoms:
Narcissistic personality disorder symptoms may include:

"Believing that you're better than others

Fantasizing about power, success and attractiveness

Exaggerating your achievements or talents

Expecting constant praise and admiration

Believing that you're special and acting accordingly

Failing to recognize other people's emotions and feelings

Expecting others to go along with your ideas and plans

Taking advantage of others

Expressing disdain for those you feel are inferior

Being jealous of others

Believing that others are jealous of you

Trouble keeping healthy relationships

Setting unrealistic goals

Being easily hurt and rejected

Having a fragile self-esteem

Appearing as tough-minded or unemotional

Although some features of narcissistic personality disorder may seem like having confidence or strong self-esteem, it's not the same. Narcissistic personality disorder crosses the border of healthy confidence and self-esteem into thinking so highly of yourself that you put yourself on a pedestal. In contrast, people who have healthy confidence and self-esteem don't value themselves more than they value others.

When you have narcissistic personality disorder, you may come across as conceited, boastful or pretentious. You often monopolize conversations. You may belittle or look down on people you perceive as inferior. You may have a sense of entitlement. And when you don't receive the special treatment to which you feel entitled, you may become very impatient or angry. You may insist on having "the best" of everything — the best car, athletic club, medical care or social circles, for instance."
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Old 10-28-2012, 05:51 PM   #774
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Originally Posted by disneychic2 View Post
I'm another one who has been following your story but not posting. I felt others were saying everything I wanted to say and probably better than I would say it. I'm so glad you are with your parents and making a new life for yourself.

I was wondering how often you call your husband or he calls you? You want to be careful you're not keeping that line of communication open and giving him the idea that you are sympathetic to his situation. You seem to have a tender heart and I know you can't just fall out of love with someone over night, despite how much he may deserve that. But this guy needs all his soft places to become hard so that he hits bottom. That's often the only way people like him ever wake up to reality. I'm not in any way criticizing anything you're doing, just offering a bit of caution. He's made it clear he wants nothing to do with your baby, you've made it clear you want no more of life with him, so I don't see where it benefits you at all to take his calls. I know from experience that your healing will be impeded by constant contact with him. Blessings to you!
I have to agree with this post, especially the bolded. I would cut off contact with your dh and let all communication be through the lawyers. Have your father call him and give him the message when the baby is born.
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Old 10-29-2012, 04:34 PM   #775
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Originally Posted by TRK0011 View Post
Yep, the mom is (was?) a friend of the family, that's how DH met this girl. The mom knew me through DH, but not well - she always adored DH and called him the son she never had. Honestly, unless she's an absolute idiot she must know something is going on - I know at one point she had looked through the girls cell phone bill and noticed that she was texting DH hundreds of times a day, because the girl brought it up to DH. I don't know, DH will tell her whatever he tells her.

I have no intention of being sucked back in to DH's drama with this girl - when he brings her up I change the subject or just get off the phone. I don't mind talking to him about how the baby is doing, or about work or something, but there's not much else to say at this point. He apologizes nearly every time we speak for what he did, but it's way too little too late for me. I feel sad for him and the decisions he's made, and there are days when I still feel guilty for leaving, but they are getting less and less, and I think I'm starting to get a little stronger.
I believe if he were really sorry he wouldn't be seeing her, or having ANY contact with her anymore.
As others have said, he's sorry he got caught.
Stay strong, you're doing the right thing for you and your baby.

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Old 10-29-2012, 05:29 PM   #776
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Hang in there! You can get stronger each day if you put in the effort.
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Old 10-29-2012, 05:35 PM   #777
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Oh my I am so sorry!!! You absolutly need to protect yourself and the baby. As for health insurance he can't take you off, varies in different states, until a divorice would finalize. And in my state he would be required by law to cover the baby until 18. Use your family and friends as support and lean on them. You #1 priority is the baby and you sound like a fantastic soon to be mommy!!!
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Old 10-29-2012, 11:05 PM   #778
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OP I thought of you and one of my favorite quotes.

"No language can express the power and beauty and heroism of a mother's love."
-Edwin Chapin
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Old 10-29-2012, 11:46 PM   #779
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I have been following your story and finally decided to post. Most of my thoughts have been expressed from other posters. But I did want to send my prayers to you and say what an amazing woman you are! You are giving your son such an amazing life in Canada with family that will love him so much!! I cant wait to read about his arrival! Many blessings!!
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Old 10-30-2012, 08:16 AM   #780
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OP, I know you were worried about putting so much on your parents in the beginning and I even posted that I'm sure your parents would want to help you as they have done. I also wanted to add that you being there with them and having your mom with you during your birthing/parenting classes and maybe even the birth of your sweet baby is a gift she will always treasure. It's more than anything you could have ever imagined for her. So if you are ever thinking you are being a burden for them, think of it as a gift. You are sharing the life of their grandson.
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