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Old 10-26-2012, 02:32 PM   #736
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Glad to see that you and your baby are doing well. Glad your in therapy it will help you sort through the feelings that are yet to come. Your an amazing mommy and don't for get it. I'm glad that your parents have been such a great support for you.

Time will pass that he may beg for forgiveness and want you back make sure that you know what your answer will be when that happens so your not swept off your feet in a moment of emotions... thinking of you. Good Luck
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Old 10-26-2012, 03:09 PM   #737
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I just wanted to send along my continued support. I'm glad your Mom will have the opportunity to be with you at the birthing classes. What a wonderful bonding experience for the two of you! They sound like phenomenal people from what you have described.

On another note, its very nice that so many friends and family have offered you support. I was concerned that the would twist things. That he doesn't get it is very interesting and thank goodness you don't have to deal with it anymore.

Best of everything,
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Old 10-26-2012, 04:30 PM   #738
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Fantastic news that you are healthy and safely in Canada. It is pretty amazing that DH did not think through the consequences but also not surprising. Hang in there and look forward to the birth of your son. You did the right thing!!!

Too bad you can't be a fly on the wall when that girl's parents come to visit. I would guess they will lie but who knows.

Take care of yourself!
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Old 10-26-2012, 05:59 PM   #739
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Originally Posted by TRK0011 View Post
DH and I are on speaking terms, he's being nice right now but every now and then he gets really upset.

I don't think he had any idea I would do this, and he's been left to deal with the fallout. I just don't think DH thought people would react this way, and it's making him see just how horrible what he's done was.
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He seems so upset that I left, and so hurt that pretty much everyone is horrified at what he did. I don't get it - did he really think people would think this was OK? He's an intelligent guy, how did he not see these reactions coming?
He sounds like a a really self absorbed, emotionally immature SOB who doesn't have the wherewithal to think outside of himself.

Just because he's intelligent does and of a certain chronological age doesn't mean he is at the same level of emotional maturity. He seems to still be at the level of a 16 year old there.

Ask your counselor to explain the difference. FBI & police profilers, when they are making up a profile of who they think the suspect is, say that determining the age of the suspect is the hardest thing to do. That is because the guy could be 30 but acts like he's 16 - like your husband.

I'm glad you got out now. You and baby are so much better off than having a 16 year old as a spouse and father.
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Old 10-26-2012, 06:27 PM   #740
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OP, you might want to tell him next time he tries to update about his adulterous relatinship with a teenager that you're not even remotely interested in listening to his troubles. he's been nice right now??? Big deal...a little too little and waaayyyy too late.........

If he wants an update about the baby,then update him about the baby. Beyond that, you have nothing to say and certainly sholdn't concern yourself with the storm that he's brought upon himself.

He's shocked that people would react this way? Is he smoking crack? Did he honestly think people were going to be patting him on the back and telling him "Good job for leaving your 7 months pregnant wife for a crazy teenager"?????????? Talk about a fool.......they deserve each other....

Karma baby, karma...here it comes.......
Heck, let him spill his guts and meantime, make sure you're recording his statements! LOL

OP, Glad you are doing okay.

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Old 10-26-2012, 06:55 PM   #741
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I'm so glad to see you are safe and baby is well. I agree with the previous folks about keeping your contact with him minimal. Let him get his information from his family. Or let your mom or dad speak with him. I'm sure they will be all warm and fuzzy during the conversation. NOT.

Focus on the biggest and most rewarding job you will ever have and give that little boy lots of hugs and kisses from all his DIS aunts and uncles. You should be very proud of yourself taking control of this situation and making a safe and loving place for your son to be born into.
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Old 10-26-2012, 07:38 PM   #742
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Disney Doll View Post
OP, you might want to tell him next time he tries to update about his adulterous relatinship with a teenager that you're not even remotely interested in listening to his troubles. he's been nice right now??? Big deal...a little too little and waaayyyy too late.........

If he wants an update about the baby,then update him about the baby. Beyond that, you have nothing to say and certainly sholdn't concern yourself with the storm that he's brought upon himself.

He's shocked that people would react this way? Is he smoking crack? Did he honestly think people were going to be patting him on the back and telling him "Good job for leaving your 7 months pregnant wife for a crazy teenager"?????????? Talk about a fool.......they deserve each other....

Karma baby, karma...here it comes.......


Take care of yourself and your baby!
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Old 10-26-2012, 07:57 PM   #743
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Still thinking about you OP!!! Glad to hear your baby boy is doing well!

You have already shown you are a very strong Mommy
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Old 10-26-2012, 07:57 PM   #744
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OP, I do get that you feel badly for him BUT please do NOT let him suck you back in.

HE CHOSE THIS.

Just keep repeating that to yourself. HE CHOSE THIS. Its all HIS actions that have made your life together turn in the direction that it has.

I would keep the calls to a minimum because you cannot allow HIS being all upset to UPSET YOU. HE CHOSE THIS. Suggest if the call will be in reference to the BABY then you will talk to him. If it goes in the direction of everyone being upset with him. Tell him you need to go and lay down. You do not need to be his sounding board.

As far as opening up to your counselor .. that may take sometime. Just please, OP, keep going. I really think you need this and you will find allot of resolve from seeing a counselor.

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Old 10-26-2012, 08:40 PM   #745
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Originally Posted by TRK0011 View Post
I just wanted to add that I have seen a counselor, twice now with another appointment next week. I'm not great with opening up to people, but she's nice and I think it will help to have someone to talk to.

Talking to DH isn't upsetting me to be honest, it's just odd. He seems so upset that I left, and so hurt that pretty much everyone is horrified at what he did. I don't get it - did he really think people would think this was OK? He's an intelligent guy, how did he not see these reactions coming? I almost feel sorry for him, then I remember that he did these things TO ME and it makes me mad at him again.

My stress levels have certainly gone down just from being away from him and his interactions with this girl. Last he told me, the two of them weren't really speaking but I didn't ask why. I do know she and her family are going to visit California in a few weeks and the mom wants to meet up with him because she has baby gifts for me - so I guess she has no idea what happened. I'm kind of interested to know what he's planning on telling her!
He'll lie. They lie and lie and lie until they don't remember what lie they told.

My BIL tells people that my sister is using this teenager (his GF) as a scapegoat to blame any and all marriage problems on.

Yeah, the PI's pictures and videos lie to make the GF the scapegoat also. Please.

He'll probably blame you and tell her that you up and took off taking his unborn baby away. They are delusional. My BIL's a doctor, for goodness sakes--very intelligent and yet extremely stupid. He was so predictable--even I could sneak and follow him around and find him--he wasn't outsmarting anyone.

Good luck and just stay away from him--he'll only break your heart.
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Old 10-26-2012, 09:44 PM   #746
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You are an amazing mama!

I have a 15-month-old. I would do anything for him. Your baby isn't even born yet, and he/she knows how awesome you are. You got a high five!

Stay strong, prayers are with you!!!
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Old 10-26-2012, 09:59 PM   #747
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OP, it's wonderful to hear you have such support from family and friend. It will get better.
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Old 10-26-2012, 10:01 PM   #748
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OP, I just want to add my support and awe I have of you along with so many on this thread. You are going to be a great mom.

I'm just curious, whenever you talk to DH does he ever ask about his baby you will soon be giving birth to? is he really that self absorbed that it sounds like his main concern is having this huge pity party for himself?

That in itself is proof you made the right decision.

It disgusts me that a life he helped create is being so disregarded by him. He doesn't deserve either of you.

Hugs to you OP, you and your baby are in my thoughts and prayers daily.
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Old 10-26-2012, 10:17 PM   #749
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Glad to see you're doing well under these extreme circumstances. Stay strong for yourself and that baby.
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Old 10-26-2012, 10:23 PM   #750
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TRK0011 View Post
I just wanted to add that I have seen a counselor, twice now with another appointment next week. I'm not great with opening up to people, but she's nice and I think it will help to have someone to talk to.

Talking to DH isn't upsetting me to be honest, it's just odd. He seems so upset that I left, and so hurt that pretty much everyone is horrified at what he did. I don't get it - did he really think people would think this was OK? He's an intelligent guy, how did he not see these reactions coming? I almost feel sorry for him, then I remember that he did these things TO ME and it makes me mad at him again.

My stress levels have certainly gone down just from being away from him and his interactions with this girl. Last he told me, the two of them weren't really speaking but I didn't ask why. I do know she and her family are going to visit California in a few weeks and the mom wants to meet up with him because she has baby gifts for me - so I guess she has no idea what happened. I'm kind of interested to know what he's planning on telling her!
He really DID think that everyone was going to give him a ticker tape parade for, well, just being him. He really did. It never occurred to him that there would be negative consequences for his actions. That's the way the narcissist's mind works: If I like it, it's good and everyone will see it's good and congratulate me on my cleverness and my happiness. Because it's all about MEEEEEEEEEE and my wonderfulness.

He'll probably tell that mom some sob story about how you left him for no apparent reason and how he's an innocent victim. Or like my father, he might say you died.
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