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Old 10-14-2012, 02:57 PM   #571
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If she can document that she repurchased similar items once arriving in Canada I don't see how it would be a problem.
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Old 10-14-2012, 06:06 PM   #572
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No additional advice to add, just hoping things go well for you and sending good thoughts your way
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Old 10-14-2012, 06:22 PM   #573
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Thinking of you OP and wishing you Best of Luck and Safety too....Get near those that truly love you and your precious baby and have you both as the Priorities you Both Are!!!

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Old 10-14-2012, 07:32 PM   #574
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OP, since he talked about coming home to an empty house, do you think he knows what you are posting here with regards to leaving. If you two share a laptop and you didn't delete the history or cookies, he may have found this thread in the history and may know what you are planning.
It seems weird if he would just say that out of the blue.
Everytime you are on your laptop, delete your history and cookies before logging out and like another poster said, take the laptop with you.

Also, don't forget to cancel any direct deposits you get from work into a joint account.
best of luck
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Old 10-14-2012, 07:50 PM   #575
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I agree with a pp to have mom put her carryon size suitcase in a larger one and bring another larger one with her. Use those two large ones for baby clothes, blankets, etc and add your clothes as well if room. Use your two large ones for your clothes--maternity and items that make sense for where you will be liviing in Canada. I wouldn't take too many toiletries as they are heavy. Dont worry about packing neatly; just get the stuff in the suitcases!!

In your carryon put personal items that are important to you. Take photos out of frames to lessen weight.

If you can get some of your clothes out of the house--I would use garbage bags--and to ups to ship ahead of time without dh knowing you could do that

I would leave the baby items. Even the stroller and pack and play unless you think you'd have time to stop at ups to mail them on the way to the airport. Remember you need to move quickly once you start.

I would not involve another person in this, no mattter how trustworthy you think this person is. Baby gear is not worth dh finding out. And all it would take is the slip of a tongue or yet another person going by your house and seeing what is going on for dh to find out.

I also agree to be very very careful about what you say to inlaws. I would not do/say anything without lawyer approval. The inlaws will most likely back their son or even if they don't, use him to get at the baby.

Sending good thoughts your way that you are able to make a safe exit.
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Old 10-14-2012, 08:03 PM   #576
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Agree with others be as stealth as possible. If there is anyway to return and get credits that you could use later that might be easier then trying to ship.

I wish you luck and good thoughts.
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Old 10-14-2012, 09:17 PM   #577
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The trouble with returning things for credits is that those credits will normally not be usable for the equivalent store in Canada.

And if the OP later orders things from the US stores to be sent to her home in Canada, she will end up paying the high prices an earlier poster mentioned, for shipping, duty, and taxes.

The best solution is to bring as much as she can with her, because it comes in duty-free with a returning Canadian, and to list all the other baby stuff she would like to bring in on her customs form.

Then, if she gets a chance to bring those things in later, either having them shipped or having someone drive them up, she won't have to pay any taxes or duty as long as she has that customs form to show.

If she ends up buying new in Canada and leaving the rest behind, that will be okay too.
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Old 10-14-2012, 09:38 PM   #578
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OP, I have been following your thread but didn't get around to posting until now. I'm so sorry for what you're going through. We're here for you!

I am not advocating this idea as an excuse for your DH's behavior, but from all you've told us, it sounds to me like he has a mental illness. Maybe depression, bi-polar disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder...???? As someone who as struggled with mental illness myself, these erractic behaviors, lack of knowing what he wants, and suicide threats all point to mental illness in my book. Not that I think you owe him anything, but perhaps you could suggest to him that he see a therapist/counselor? Perhaps if he realizes there is something wrong and can start getting treatment, it will make the future divorce and custody arrangements easier to hash out if you're not dealing with someone who is sick and not getting any treatment.

Be careful how you phrase things to him though if you decide to say something. You don't want to sound accusatory. It's kind of like telling an alcoholic or drug addict they have a problem and you want them to seek treatment. Say you're concerned about the suicide threats and you wouldn't want him to do anything rash, and that perhaps he should talk to a professional about it because they can help him sort through the feelings better than you can.

Just an idea!

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Originally Posted by TRK0011 View Post

I've had a crappy few days to be honest, and I'm emotionally exhausted. DH goes between treating me like crap and being really sweet and affectionate. I have no idea what he wants at this point, I'm not sure he does either - he's mentioned a few times that he doesn't want me to go anywhere, and once said that if he came home to an empty house, he would take an overdose because he'd rather be dead than be without me. But at the same time, he's texting this girl constantly, telling her he loves her, etc. He mentioned yesterday that he was hurt because there was a guy she was at college with who she was interested in, and he was trying to convince her not to see him because he didn't want to lose her. He also mentioned that he sleeps with his phone under his pillow so that he doesn't miss her texts in the night. The thought of a nearly 30 year old man sleeping with his cell phone so he doesn't miss texts from a teenager is so, so wrong. I took everyone's advice and started writing down stuff that made me really mad, or was especially hurtful, so I could read it if I needed strength. Some of it is just plain creepy to be honest.
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Old 10-15-2012, 07:59 AM   #579
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After reading your recent post, I agree with the pp that it sounds like he has a mental illness. I hope your flight is soon. I don't think you should approach him about his problems face to face, you just don't know what he'll do. Not sure if your lawyer would think this is a good idea even in writing or calling. Maybe his parents could help him. It's not something for you to worry about right now. Just get out.
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Old 10-15-2012, 08:07 AM   #580
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I cant believe the way your husband is reacting. It sounds like he wants the both of you. He says he'll kill himself if you move out? Yet he wants to continue to date this teen? incredible! He is acting like a teen himself, sleeping with his phone. Pathetic. Who in their right mind would stay with a man like that? He's in another world if he thinks he can have both. Mental illness or not, I wouldnt suggest therapy, it might set him off. Take care of yourself first. Maybe once you get to canada you can email him and suggest therapy. But i wouldnt do it face to face.
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Old 10-15-2012, 08:19 AM   #581
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I agree. The thing for the OP to do right now is lay low, plan quietly and get out quickly when the time comes.

Ship some clothing (yours and/or baby's)beforehand if you think it can be done without husband noticing.

Ship small things with sentimental value beforehand if you think it can be done with husband noticing.

Gather important papers together (copies of financial info, tax returns, credit card bills and balances, savings accounts, retirement accounts) so they are ready to go into the carryon.

Have a mental list in terms of what you are packing as far as your clothing, the baby's clothing etc., so that on "leaving day" you can pack quickly.

The idea about Mom having a smaller suitcase inside a bigger one is good. If Mom is only coming for a quick day or two to get you out, then she shouldn't need many clothes and so therefore with her 2 suitcases, plus your two suitcases, you could maximize what you take.

Don't forget the computer!!!!!!

Don't contact his family until you are safely settled in Canada, and then only under the advice of an attorney...even then, I'd probably be hesitant to contact them, frankly.
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Old 10-15-2012, 08:32 AM   #582
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Quote:
Originally Posted by goofyintoronto View Post
I cant believe the way your husband is reacting. It sounds like he wants the both of you. He says he'll kill himself if you move out? Yet he wants to continue to date this teen? incredible! He is acting like a teen himself, sleeping with his phone. Pathetic. Who in their right mind would stay with a man like that? He's in another world if he thinks he can have both. Mental illness or not, I wouldnt suggest therapy, it might set him off. Take care of yourself first. Maybe once you get to canada you can email him and suggest therapy. But i wouldnt do it face to face.
You'd be surprised how many times that happens. I know a guy who pulled that with his wife when he got caught with another woman. "No, honey, no, I don't want a divorce, I love you, I still want us to be together.....but I'm not giving her up." And then acted like his wife was the unreasonable one when she wouldn't put up with him having someone on the side.

Happens all the time. I don't get it. Marriage vows are pretty clear about only two people being included.
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Old 10-15-2012, 08:51 AM   #583
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Thinking of the OP today and hoping her mom arrived and they may (hopefully) be on their way. The sooner the better...
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Old 10-15-2012, 09:14 AM   #584
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OP please think long and hard about contacting your Inlaws! I got along fine with mine until their son walked out the door and then all bets were off. They will NOT be the same inlaws you have today once you leave!

I hope everything goes smoothly for you and your move! As for your husband he is acting like a spoiled teenager (interesting considering who he is "dating")don't let him try to guilt you into staying! He made his decisions...he has to live with them!
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Old 10-15-2012, 09:18 AM   #585
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lynne M View Post
You'd be surprised how many times that happens. I know a guy who pulled that with his wife when he got caught with another woman. "No, honey, no, I don't want a divorce, I love you, I still want us to be together.....but I'm not giving her up." And then acted like his wife was the unreasonable one when she wouldn't put up with him having someone on the side.

Happens all the time. I don't get it. Marriage vows are pretty clear about only two people being included.
OMG thats unreal! Cant say im surprised. I dont understand the point of marrying a person if you dont plan on being faithful to him/her. If you wanna mess around, fine. Just dont do it after you take marriage vows.
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