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Old 10-14-2012, 07:16 AM   #556
kmccain
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Originally Posted by torinsmom View Post

My point is that it may be better just to cut them out now.
I totally agree with this. If he is making threats now you don't know what he is capable of once he realizes your gone. I think once you get there just lay low until things settle down and you and the baby are safe.
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Old 10-14-2012, 07:26 AM   #557
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I would take clothes and as someone said a stroller and playpen etc can be checked. Big things like a crib etc are going to be too big to bring and too heavy to ship. The cost would probably be the same as buying a new one. I would just leave those things. Besides you never know even if you can't be a couple he will still be the babys father and maybe he can use those things if you two ever work out visitation. Shipping some of these items may be cheaper than checking an extra suitcase so I would look into that.

His saying he will overdose if you leave is a flimsy attempt to manipulate you. He's a grown up and he makes his own choices. You are not responsible for his bad choices.
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Old 10-14-2012, 07:45 AM   #558
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You need to think about SAFETY! Items can be replaced but you and the baby can't. Personally, if I think you should leave now. Pay cash and get a hotel and tell your mom where you are staying. Don't return to any place where your husband can find you. I say leave now and pay cash for everything.

Items can be replaced!!


Please leave now! The freak of a husband is not stable and can do something that can physically hurt you and the baby.
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Old 10-14-2012, 07:49 AM   #559
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Please....he's going to overdose if you leave him but he cooing with his teenage paramour. Frankly, if he said that to me, I might be tempted to say "Well, that would make my life infinitely easier right now" and give him an . Manipulation, pure & simple...don't fall for it.

As far as his parents.....say nothing and do nothing without the advice of an attorney. Blood is thicker than water, especially the mother/son bond. You will end up being the bad guy, no matter how much they claim to like you.

Baby items....you need to move quickly so pack whatever you can in clothing and leave the rest behind. Unless, as a PP suggested, you have a VERY good friend who will be willing to be on call to be at your house at a moment's notice to grab the car seat and maybe the pack & play to take and ship to you later. You really cannot prepare too much ahead of time to go....you're going to need to have things seem as normal as possible, He's going to leave for work, you're going to literally have to throw things into a suitcase & be gone. Have a mental list of what you need to take. If you have a way of mailing some stuff ahead of time....maybe some of your clothing can be mailed or your favorite toiletries...I know my DH has no idea what I have in my closet....that would free up some luggage space for other stuff to bring on the day you leave.

I feel for you OP. This is a terrible situation.
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Last edited by Disney Doll; 10-14-2012 at 10:21 PM. Reason: fixing typos
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Old 10-14-2012, 09:09 AM   #560
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Shipping between Canada and the US is MUCH MUCH more expensive than between two cities in the US. I would forget that option. By all means, pack another suitcase of the baby's clothes and bring the stroller on the plane. Canada has different requirements for car seats, so leave that behind.

As another poster said, they are just things. Getting on the plane quickly and safely is your priority.
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Old 10-14-2012, 11:27 AM   #561
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About importing the baby stuff (that's how Canada will view it):

OP, you'll have to fill out a Form B4 at the customs and immigration check entering Canada... that's for Canadians moving back to Canada, to get their stuff in duty free.

List the baby furniture and large items as "goods to follow" on your B4.

If you never bring them into Canada, no problem.

But if you work things out with your soon-to-be-ex so that you end up having them shipped, you will have them listed on your B4, so you can show that and avoid having to pay duty and/or sales tax.

And I want to second what abdmom said about the car seat... if it doesn't have a CMVSS sticker on it, you'll never get it through customs. They watch like hawks for imported car seats.

Good luck!
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Old 10-14-2012, 11:29 AM   #562
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Originally Posted by Feckless
And a child should have as much contact with both parents as is in their best interests. Maybe that's taking a child to a movie once a week. I disagree with cutting off all contact - ultimately you will pay the price for that. This is a deeply flawed person who is not mature enough for daily parenting, no doubt, but bad husbands can still parent in some way.
I haven't posted anything in this thread, but have followed it since the beginning. Now I feel the need to, though. It has nothing to do with him being a bad husband (I mean he totally is for all he has done). She needs to keep that poor baby away from her husband. Have you not read the entire thread and all the OP has posted? He has said he doesn't want the baby and that she got pregnant on purpose. Then he is running around having an affair with an unstable teenager, who is threatening her. Why should she put the baby in harms way? He doesn't want the child. He doesn't want to be a father. I'd rather have no parent than someone like that.
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Old 10-14-2012, 11:31 AM   #563
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This is the third time I've tried to update today, DH keeps coming in and interrupting.

The flights are all booked. My parents found an OBGYN for me in their area who was recommended by a friend, and I have an appointment to meet with her the day after I get in to check up on the baby after the flight.

I've had a crappy few days to be honest, and I'm emotionally exhausted. DH goes between treating me like crap and being really sweet and affectionate. I have no idea what he wants at this point, I'm not sure he does either - he's mentioned a few times that he doesn't want me to go anywhere, and once said that if he came home to an empty house, he would take an overdose because he'd rather be dead than be without me. But at the same time, he's texting this girl constantly, telling her he loves her, etc. He mentioned yesterday that he was hurt because there was a guy she was at college with who she was interested in, and he was trying to convince her not to see him because he didn't want to lose her. He also mentioned that he sleeps with his phone under his pillow so that he doesn't miss her texts in the night. The thought of a nearly 30 year old man sleeping with his cell phone so he doesn't miss texts from a teenager is so, so wrong. I took everyone's advice and started writing down stuff that made me really mad, or was especially hurtful, so I could read it if I needed strength. Some of it is just plain creepy to be honest.

I do have a practical question I wanted to get opinions on - what should I do with all the baby stuff I have? I have an entire nursery set up, plus a stroller, car seat, high chair, pack'n'play, etc, as well as a million clothes. Some was from my family, some from his, some from friends - what do I take and what do I leave? My parents have offered to get everything I need for the baby, and I have some money set aside to pay for things, but it seems a shame to leave everything here and buy it all again. Should I just take the stuff my family got for us, or should I leave it all behind?

I've written down a lot of the legal questions that have come up in this thread and I do have answers to some of them, I'm just not totally comfortable saying what my lawyer has said online - he warned me about posting too much stuff about custody, etc, and I don't want to say something that could be used against me later. I hope that's OK.

I'm planning on calling my in-laws once I'm back in Canada - I'm going to give DH a chance to talk to them first, but I'll be totally honest with them. I do want them to have a relationship with the baby, regardless of what DH does, so I hope things can remain friendly.
This man has no clue and apparently would find two wives to be his solution if he could. You are lucky to get out now and not later for sure.

As far as the baby items, I would leave everything as is until you are ready to go out the door and perhaps take the stroller to gate check and whatever packable items you really want. Things can be replaced.

Women are most vulnerable at this time in their lives and his threat of suicide is only one indication that he may "go over the edge" so to speak. Please be careful and safe travels to you...hopefully you are on your way very soon.
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Old 10-14-2012, 12:29 PM   #564
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i second some of the pp. i am a fellow canadian and by all means come back home and take advantage of our great health care and have your baby here. your husband sounds like a d___ and you wouldn't want your son to be raised by someone that feels like he was a mistake. for the sounds of it he wont let that go and a kid should be loved always..
get your finances ready move back home with your parents until you get back in your feet on your own. best of luck.. we are also in a small town in canada and i wouldn't trade this place in the world. its great to raise children.. ;-)
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Old 10-14-2012, 12:39 PM   #565
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Can any of the baby's things simply be returned to the store and repurchased when you arrive?
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Old 10-14-2012, 12:45 PM   #566
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Can any of the baby's things simply be returned to the store and repurchased when you arrive?
Ooooh....that is a brilliant idea.
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Old 10-14-2012, 12:51 PM   #567
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Do you have a good friend there that knows what is going on that you might be able to leave things with the day you leave and have her ship them to you later?
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Old 10-14-2012, 01:22 PM   #568
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Can any of the baby's things simply be returned to the store and repurchased when you arrive?
Don't forget hubby is still living there. What do you think he will say when he walks past the baby's room and notices the furniture is missing?

She doesn't want to tip him off in any way. Things have to remain looking as normal as possible until she actually walks out for good.

I also second what gottalovePluto said. The situation is unstable and could go volitile at any moment. If she left immediately it would be safer.
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Old 10-14-2012, 01:37 PM   #569
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Don't forget hubby is still living there. What do you think he will say when he walks past the baby's room and notices the furniture is missing?

She doesn't want to tip him off in any way. Things have to remain looking as normal as possible until she actually walks out for

r.
Yes, but if the gifts are returnable they could be loaded into a friends car for returning or returned en route to the airport.
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Old 10-14-2012, 02:48 PM   #570
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Yes, but if the gifts are returnable they could be loaded into a friends car for returning or returned en route to the airport.
Taking the baby things for the baby's use is one thing, taking things out of the marital home and converting to cash is another. You may get in trouble with disposing of marital property. OP, if you can't take it with you, I'd just leave it. The cash is not worth it.
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