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Old 09-28-2012, 05:55 PM   #136
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Originally Posted by bankgirl05 View Post
I too disagree, of course every case is different, and congrats to your SIL and her husband...

The OP does not have to "make it work". What her son deserves is a HAPPY home environment, whether that be with a single mom surrounded by loving grandparents, friends and family or an eventual "step father" who loves him as his own. Her son DESERVES a mom who is healthy, happy, and self assured that she does not have to subject her son to any thing that could possibly come from a man who admitted repeatedly and emphatically that he did not want this child. Sure, people have doubts about thier parenting abilities, and thier qualifications, but to openly say, "I do not want this child" takes a whole other kind of beast, one that does not DESERVE to be in this child's life.

A bad father is not a good subtitute for no father.
This is so true. Besides, if DuH (I love that!) wants OP back in a few months after the baby is born, Canada is not exactly the other side of the world. Let him make the effort and let OP decide from a position of strength if she wants him or not.
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Old 09-28-2012, 06:43 PM   #137
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If I were you I would move back in with your parents. Canada sounds perfect to me when it comes to family support.
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Old 09-28-2012, 07:25 PM   #138
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Oh wow! I am so terribly sorry for what you are going through. I just gave birth to our 3rd son and couldn't imagine what you are going through at 7 months pregnant with no support from your husband. I completely understand about the baby being a surprise as this one was also the same for us. I was on the pill and the next month I was pregnant. It happens and there is nothing you can do about it. So now we are blessed with a 9 yo, 6 yo and a newborn.

As for the situation with your husband..... If it were me and he had voiced that he had no interest in myself or the baby and he were seeing this young girl, I would be booking it to Canada! I couldn't stand the thought of being without my family and dealing with this amount of stress while carrying a child. I also don't know that I could put this behind me even if the situation changed and he wanted to stay together.

Please take care of yourself and that little person inside you. That is the most important thing right now. Tons of prayers heading your way.
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Old 09-28-2012, 08:01 PM   #139
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Your husband sounds just like my father, he did not want my mom to have me and he was also having an affair when my mom was pregnant and was actually shacked up with her during my birth but my mom thought he was away on military duty.

Coming from my situation I would want absolutely nothing to do with a man that did not want his child. If it were me I would take my son and surround him with family that will love and cherish him like he deserves.

I am so sorry that you are going through this. Focus on your son and staying healthy for him. There is nothing in the world that compares to the love you will have for your baby.
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Old 09-28-2012, 08:32 PM   #140
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I didn't read all the responses. I was in your shoes, but wasn't married. I made him leave and my daughter is great 7 years later. You can do it alone..


With that said do not leave. He can say you abandoned him and you would potentionally be entitled to nothing. File for legal separation right away, this gives you time to think but freezes all current assets. Regardless of what he wants, in the end you make sure he pays child support.

Please feel free to message me if you'd like to talk further regarding my experience you are now going through.
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Old 09-28-2012, 08:58 PM   #141
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With that said do not leave. He can say you abandoned him and you would potentionally be entitled to nothing. File for legal separation right away, this gives you time to think but freezes all current assets. Regardless of what he wants, in the end you make sure he pays child support.
Not an issue in California. It will be 'irreconcilable differences' and CA is a community property state, so 50-50%. As others have said, she may be better off having him terminate parental rights than getting child support.
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Old 09-28-2012, 09:21 PM   #142
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Not an issue in California. It will be 'irreconcilable differences' and CA is a community property state, so 50-50%. As others have said, she may be better off having him terminate parental rights than getting child support.
This got me wondering... if he doesnt even want to have this child, wouldnt he give up his right anyways? but still have to be responsible for the child aka pay child support?

Im no expert at this...
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Old 09-28-2012, 09:34 PM   #143
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Not an issue in California. It will be 'irreconcilable differences' and CA is a community property state, so 50-50%. As others have said, she may be better off having him terminate parental rights than getting child support.
I'm basing my advice on personal experience. She needs to follow all proper legal steps. Just working off emotions is going to get her into a very tight spot. Instead of going through courts for months/years to split all assets and work out child support/custody, she should ensure he cant walk into a bank tomorrow and clear out the account or close it. He is saying he doesnt want the baby NOW, but things can change. Or he (or the mistress) could simply become vindictive and want to hurt her by fighting her on custody.

File a motion first thing monday morning, freeze all joint accounts and assets. Divorce is messy by itself, but when there is a 3rd, immature/young/mean party involved it can get much worse.

You should ask him to leave, call your mom and dad and ask them to come visit and help you work through this. Your family knows you best and will give you much better advise (or better suited to your life) than a bunch of people you never met.


Best of luck to you regardless of what you decide to do.....I do agree with what I did go back and read, however.... you should not be with him, he showed no remorse for what he's doing and continued to disrespect you even while you were breaking in front of him.


Oh and (sorry so long).... the b*tchy/vindictive part of me is saying call the parents of the girls hes seeing, I'm going to go out on a limb and say if they are friends with your husband they wouldn't be all that happy he is dating their 19 year old daughter, especially since he's married with a child.
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Old 09-28-2012, 09:38 PM   #144
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I only read the original post.

My heart aches for you and the precious baby you are carrying,
Please take care of yourself, reach out to your family and get the support that you need to get thru this....
At some point, you will feel and be stronger...you Have to, for your baby!!! You can Do it!!!!
my prayers are with you.............please let us know how you are doing...hugs your way
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Old 09-28-2012, 09:45 PM   #145
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I'm basing my advice on personal experience. She needs to follow all proper legal steps. Just working off emotions is going to get her into a very tight spot.
No one's suggesting she doesn't follow all proper legal steps. She's meeting with a lawyer. What's being suggested is that she take 50% of everything out of their accounts, take what is sentimental to her, and get herself to Canada so she can have good medical coverage when the child is born. Whether it's your personal experience or not, the fact is that in California, where she lives, abandonment is not an issue-whereas getting herself to CA ASAP absolutely is.
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Old 09-28-2012, 09:57 PM   #146
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No one's suggesting she doesn't follow all proper legal steps. She's meeting with a lawyer. What's being suggested is that she take 50% of everything out of their accounts, take what is sentimental to her, and get herself to Canada so she can have good medical coverage when the child is born. Whether it's your personal experience or not, the fact is that in California, where she lives, abandonment is not an issue-whereas getting herself to CA ASAP absolutely is.
We will have to agree to disagree.... regardless of abandonment, she still needs to stop and think with a clear mind, not with an emotional one.
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Old 09-28-2012, 10:04 PM   #147
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We will have to agree to disagree.... regardless of abandonment, she still needs to stop and think with a clear mind, not with an emotional one.
Nothing emotional about it. It's where the best support system and medical care availability are, as well as the best chance of keeping her child away from her DH.If you read the thread, the very logical, non-emotional reasons are all right there.
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Old 09-28-2012, 10:10 PM   #148
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Originally Posted by Albort View Post
This got me wondering... if he doesnt even want to have this child, wouldnt he give up his right anyways? but still have to be responsible for the child aka pay child support?

Im no expert at this...
He might, or he might not. He might decide that if he's going to have to pay, he, or at least his parents, deserve custody or visitation. Another reason to get to Canada ASAP- if she gets away before they actually SEE the kid, there's less chance of him forming an emotional bond.
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Old 09-29-2012, 12:36 AM   #149
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That said, why would you want to subject your child to this situation? Your husband has shown his true self and even if all returns to before is that what you want for yourself and the baby?

I bet your parents would be so happy to have you come home and start a new life there. Having your son surrounded by people who want and love him is a great gift and you can take the time to heal.

I'm sorry this has happened to you. Please keep us posted.
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Old 09-29-2012, 01:03 AM   #150
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If you were my daughter, I would be grieved and hurt if I thought that you believed I valued my freedom to travel over you and my unborn grandchild! I would want to know so I could be there to support you and love on you.

As so many PP have noted CALL YOUR PARENTS NOW!
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