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Old 09-27-2012, 02:03 PM   #46
kamik86
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Personnally I did the right thing for me in school and when I have kids I will be telling them to do the right thing for themselves.

Personally I don't care if pot is illegal or not because I"m not going to smoke it either way. I don't care if x person is smoking pot I will or won't be friends with them either way. All I care is that they aren't smoking around me as I don't want to be taken down with them if that is when they get caught.

If someone was going to harm themselves I would encourage my child to tell, if someone was going to harm others the same, if someone is going to smoke week I don't care.
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Old 09-27-2012, 02:04 PM   #47
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Originally Posted by Desnik View Post
Apparently I need to say this again, there is no way my DD is giving up names & telling on anyone!!!

And the reason why she texted from school was because she was so shocked by what happened & we are very close & she tells me everything. She could be labeled as a "goody two shoes" & stuff like this freaks her out. She just didn't think she would be put in that position at school.
Really? I'm sorry, but in this day and age, I find that to be really surprising. I have talked to my kids about the possibility of being offered drugs since they were young enough to really understand. You read about it all the time in the paper- kids finding street drugs and bringing them to school. In fact, there were just two little guys (elementary aged) who found this stuff called SMILES- (I think that is what it was called) and though it was those breath freshening drops in a small town not too far from me. They were very sick.

It might be time for you to talk about the stuff that really goes on in all high schools with your daughter.
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Old 09-27-2012, 02:04 PM   #48
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Originally Posted by luvmy3 View Post
You seem to feel so strongly about it, what are you doing? Are you visiting local schools and patrolling to see if any kids are doing drugs so you can do the right thing and report them? Probably not its easier to let someone else do it, right?
Sorry, i'm not overly concerned about some 10th grader with a nickel bag in her purse. I have other things to worry about.
Thank you for asking! I actually do a lot in both of my boys' schools. In my 8th grader's school, I run a 60 fit program 3 times a week to keep the kids active and off the streets. In my oldest's high school, I volunteer for anything and everything. From working the concession stand at football games to chaperoning school dances.

The kids all know who I am and we have a mutual respect for each other. I call them on their crap when they pull it and they know they can't get away with anything when I'm around. Do I make a difference in their lives? Who the hell knows? But at least I'm trying.
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Old 09-27-2012, 02:05 PM   #49
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Originally Posted by jp24 View Post
Pretty sure if drugs are being offered and peddled around the school, your kid is in danger. Those drugs have to come from somewhere and those people usually aren't wholesome and pure. If more than one supplier is represented in school, there's potential for some sort of turf war breaking out.

Make no mistake about it, if it's not kept out of your child's school, your kid is in danger.
How very overblown. Stoners aren't waging turf wars over the pot trade in middle class high schools.

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Originally Posted by Desnik View Post
Again, my issue isn't that kids are smoking pot, as I said I already was at that age. My issue is the blatant use of it on school grounds. The kids have no fear about getting caught. Is everyone forgetting that pot is still illegal? If I was pulled over & had it in my car I would get arrested. So a kid who has it on them in school & is smoking it in school during school gets a pass cause they are a teenager & expected to smoke up??
I think part of that is a backlash against the disproportionate punishments handed down for pot possession these days. My approach with my own kids is to give them the tools and confidence to make good choices, but it would take a lot more than a casual "Wanna smoke?" for me to get the police involved because I don't think it does us as a society any good to ruin young lives over something as relatively minor as pot possession.

I wouldn't feel that way if the punishment better fit the crime, but right now it isn't. A kid who assaults a classmate gets suspended; a kid caught with pot is expelled and also disqualified from attending the alternative school, so they're basically forced into drop-out status. And around here, "normal" is prosecuting anyone 16 or older as an adult so that conviction stays with them forever, even though theft, vandalism, even assault committed by a child of the same age is generally handled by the juvenile system. Why? Because "tough on drugs" is a great political position.
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Old 09-27-2012, 02:10 PM   #50
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Originally Posted by Desnik View Post
My DH was totally blowing smoke by saying he'll give the principal one week. It was more of a way to let the principal know that DH was seriously upset & didn't want his info blown off. Like I said this principal is new & he wasn't sure how serious he would take the info. Also he didn't give himself time to think before he called he just reacted.

To answer some other things brought up, no we do not have drug sniffing dogs or random locker searches. We are in a small upper middle class suburb & everyone knows everyone. It's the kind of town where the cops will not even break up parties of under age drinkers they just tell the kids to keep quiet because there're friends of the parents. I got that info from my cousin who found out about a party her DD attended & when she made a big stink about it all the other parents told her "kids will be kids".

Maybe I am over reacting, but my father, sister & uncle are all addicts. I started drinking at 12 and at 14 I was doing major drugs. I do not do anything anymore, and there isn't even alcohol in our house & DH has never had a drink or drug in his life. We have always talked to our kids about the dangers of drugs & alcohol & unfortunately they have seen first hand what they do to people.

I am we'll aware of the way things are in the world & of course knew my DD would be offered drugs at some point. But in school, during class? Absolutely not! A party yeah but in the classroom?
I think that if you live in a town where cops ignore kids drinking because they know the parents, you have bigger problems than having pot in school. THis is not acceptable, we are a small area middle to upper middle class, we know most people and I can tell you that our cops would never allow this to happen.
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Old 09-27-2012, 02:11 PM   #51
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Originally Posted by jp24 View Post
Thank you for asking! I actually do a lot in both of my boys' schools. In my 8th grader's school, I run a 60 fit program 3 times a week to keep the kids active and off the streets. In my oldest's high school, I volunteer for anything and everything. From working the concession stand at football games to chaperoning school dances.

The kids all know who I am and we have a mutual respect for each other. I call them on their crap when they pull it and they know they can't get away with anything when I'm around. Do I make a difference in their lives? Who the hell knows? But at least I'm trying.
That is great but what are you doing to make sure all those drug dealers aren't making the school dangerous? What are you doing to make sure innocent kids aren't being offered drugs while in the classroom? I mean I can list a ton of things I do for my kids' 3 schools but we are talking about "doing what is right" and drugs here, not concession stand duty.
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Old 09-27-2012, 02:12 PM   #52
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Originally Posted by Colleen27 View Post
How very overblown. Stoners aren't waging turf wars over the pot trade in middle class high schools.



I think part of that is a backlash against the disproportionate punishments handed down for pot possession these days. My approach with my own kids is to give them the tools and confidence to make good choices, but it would take a lot more than a casual "Wanna smoke?" for me to get the police involved because I don't think it does us as a society any good to ruin young lives over something as relatively minor as pot possession.
This is a good point. The penalties for marijuana are far too high for most folks to feel good about getting law enforcement involved. Honestly, in most states the cure for pot is many times worse than the disease.

Bringing it to the school's attention would be fine if all she was going to get is some detention or maybe a suspension. It's not fine when it's going to result in expulsion, jail time and the inability to get into college or find a decent job for the rest of her life. I couldn't live with myself for doing that to a kid whose only crime was smoking pot.
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Old 09-27-2012, 02:13 PM   #53
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Originally Posted by Desnik View Post
My 14yo 9th grade DD texted me from school today to tell me she was offered drugs!

During her art class the girl that sits next to her made a comment that she stunk and needed perfume, so she opens her bag and in it was a bag filled with weed. She asks my DD hey, do you want some? You wanna smoke with me later. My DD replied, "no thanks, I'm good." Then texted me after the class to tell me what had happened. She was a little shaken up and went on to tell me she was scared and it was such a crazy thing she couldn't even believe it happened.

For years I have heard rumors about drugs in the school & some of DD's friends had told me some hair raising stories about the H.S. But, having never had first hand experience I chalked it up to kids spreading rumors and it couldn't have been as bad as they were saying.

When DD started this year in the H.S. she told me that the kids walk into the woods during lunch and smoke pot. She then went on to tell me that the tearchers were aware, joked about it and mentioned smelling it in the school because one of the classes has a window facing the woods. Anyway of course I was dumbstruck but again I let it go and told DD to stay away from the kids doing it.

Then this happens today. I really wasn't sure how to handle it. When I called DH he hung up with me and immediately called the school and spoke to the principal. He told my DH he had just started at the school in Dec and was well aware of the drug problem and said it has actually gotten better since he arrived but admitted more needed to be done. My DH told him he'll give him a week to come up with a plan to end the drugs on school property otherwise he will call the police. He also told him we would help in any way we could. (I'm a SAHM and would totally be willing to monitor the area outside during lunch, I can't believe there isn't even one adult present!) The principal said he'd call my DH next week and apologized and admitted the drug situation was bad. He asked if DD was willing to give names it would help and promised he would never say where he got the info from but DH told him no. He doesn't want her put in that position.

So my question is, how would you handle this? Am I under reacting, did DH over react? Should we, could we do anything else? I just don't know how to proceed.

I will say I am so proud of my DD for saying no and telling me about it!
I have zero tolerance for any kind of drug in schools! Unfortunately, here in Colorado, many students have legal prescriptions for pot.
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Old 09-27-2012, 02:20 PM   #54
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That is great but what are you doing to make sure all those drug dealers aren't making the school dangerous? What are you doing to make sure innocent kids aren't being offered drugs while in the classroom? I mean I can list a ton of things I do for my kids' 3 schools but we are talking about "doing what is right" and drugs here, not concession stand duty.
Well, luckily neither one of my boys have been offered drugs in their schools. Nor have I witnessed any drug or alcohol use. But rest assured, if I were to hear about it, there would be a confrontation. First with me and the offending party. They'd get a chance to flush it down the toilet and converse with their parents about it. If they declined, they would get a chance to work it out with the police, parents and school board.
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Old 09-27-2012, 02:20 PM   #55
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I think that if you live in a town where cops ignore kids drinking because they know the parents, you have bigger problems than having pot in school. THis is not acceptable, we are a small area middle to upper middle class, we know most people and I can tell you that our cops would never allow this to happen.
I agree with this completely. If they aren't stopping underage drinking for whatever reason (I am wondering if they "fear" repercussions from parents if they do) then your issues are bigger than some pot in high school.
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Old 09-27-2012, 02:24 PM   #56
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So when there is an underage party going on the only thing the cops do is to tell them to keep it down because the cops and parents are friends? Hmmm, think this has anything to do with the blatant drug use at your "upper middle class" school? There seem to be no consequences from the law about drinking so why worry about a little weed?

Your husband made a threat that the school needs to get this taken care of in a week, yet your very own DD won't give up who offered the weed? Who eariler in this thread quoted "the only way for evil to trimumph is for good men to do nothing"? Seems that should apply to the DD now too, right?

If everyone in this happy little upper class neighborhood are friends then talk to the offender's parents about it. I'm sure that'll nip it in the bud. It can have a Brady Bunch ending.
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Old 09-27-2012, 02:26 PM   #57
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This is a good point. The penalties for marijuana are far too high for most folks to feel good about getting law enforcement involved. Honestly, in most states the cure for pot is many times worse than the disease.

Bringing it to the school's attention would be fine if all she was going to get is some detention or maybe a suspension. It's not fine when it's going to result in expulsion, jail time and the inability to get into college or find a decent job for the rest of her life. I couldn't live with myself for doing that to a kid whose only crime was smoking pot.
I agree that the penalties for smoking pot are too high. But it's the law, no matter how ludicrous. At the very least, a call to this person's parents is in order. I'd certainly want to know if it were my kids.
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Old 09-27-2012, 02:27 PM   #58
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OP, I would not have done anything. While I know pot is illegal and I don't want my kids doing stuff like that where they could get their whole futured ruined, I would have just let this go. I'm really surprised that this shocks you so much.

I went through high school in the late-70s and early-80s. We had one exit door that led outside. Walk a few feet, through a hole in the fence, and you were in the "Reefer Lounge". There was nasty old furniture back there and everything. Probably about 50 feet from the school but RIGHT off property. Kids went there all day, everyday. The school knew about it and did what they could. They also ended hiring a narcotics officer for the school who would occasionally hunt kids down. Nothing new or any different today except for the fact that the penalities for getting caught for kids is tragic.

I would have used the opportunity to reinforce to my child (even if you don't think you need to because your daughter is actually appalled by it) that you believe this is wrong and it is ESPECIALLY wrong to do this in school. I would also tell your daughter to keep her distance from this other girl if she's worried about any sort of associations. Other that that, I would let it go.

My son goes to a private school and, I have found that in this particular case, the drug problem is much, much less. But it is still there. He told me that some guy walked by him one day and offered him a Vicodin. I just rolled my eyes. My son seemed incredulous over it but more to the fact that the guy was just an idiot. Anyway that's just how I'd handle it--between me and my kids.
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Old 09-27-2012, 02:27 PM   #59
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Personally, I think it is very hypocritical of your family to refuse to name names (the best way to help the school tackle the issue that you have) and yet lay down ultimatums to the school about how they must solve this issue in a week.

As far as what I would do (and I have a tenth grader and an eighth grader):

1. I would tell my child she is not to have her phone out or be texting during school hours unless there is a true emergency--which this was not.

2. I would remind my child of issues about drugs (and ongoing conversation at my house) and tell her I was proud of her for not getting involved.

3. I would be sure my child had several strategies for dealing with such situations without involving herself. Actually, this would be review too---I expect my kids to deal with these types of situations--just as I did 25 years ago; it is part of teen life. To the best of my knowledge there is no known drug problem in the small school my son attends, and there certainly is not one my DD will encounter in her online school but I know it CAN still happen (at school, scouts, the movies with friends, camp, Sunday school, etc) so I make sure my kids are prepared.

4. If my DD were as bothered as you say yours is, I would encourage her to be part of the solution by naming names to the administration. I would let her know that if no one provides the info the school has little chance of fighting the problem--so if it is a problem she feels the school should be focusing on she has a duty to help by reporting what she knows.
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Old 09-27-2012, 02:31 PM   #60
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Well, luckily neither one of my boys have been offered drugs in their schools. Nor have I witnessed any drug or alcohol use. But rest assured, if I were to hear about it, there would be a confrontation. First with me and the offending party. They'd get a chance to flush it down the toilet and converse with their parents about it. If they declined, they would get a chance to work it out with the police, parents and school board.
So you'd only report them if they didn't dispose of the drugs and talk to their parents? What happened to all that "sometimes doing the right thing isn't always the popular thing". Isn't the right thing to report it the proper authorities like the school board and police? You are pretty much telling us we aren't doing the right thing if we don't say anything. I think you called it lazy parenting IIRC.
How is that any different than a student or their parent not reporting it? Its really isn't.
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