Kids and first boyfriend/girlfriends

[Sgt Mickey]

My dd is in 6th grade and has her first boyfriend.

Yes I think it is a little young (she is 12) but I have allowed it.
I just remember being that age and even though I didn't date because I was overly shy but I remember this is the age I really had huge crushes on boys. I do remember those who couldn't date lying to their parents and totally acting another way at school. SO I do believe that allowing her to do something will perhaps help/prevent her in wanting to tell me what is going on in her life I hope so.
No she cannot do whatever she wants this is defiantly a pick your battle sort of thing. I guess I don't see a difference in calling someone her boyfriend and texting him and hanging out in groups then having a friend that is a boy and doing the same thing.

SO last night at football practice one of the other moms a couple people down from me was talking about her son wanting to have a girlfriend and she was telling the other moms she wasn't allowing that and she told him it was stupid to have a girlfriend now and if she was to see the girl and she would also tell her it was stupid BUT he is allowed to hang out with her just not call her his girlfriend which to me same thing.
BUT what gets me is then I hear my dd name and how she has a boyfriend she can't believe it and how her son isn't going to have a girlfriend. REALLY does it make you a better parent??? NO you don't have to let your son do whatever you want but what do my choices with my child have to do with you???

I guess what really bothers me is why does this even bother me.
I am okay with my choice. Just becasue I let her have a boyfriend doesn't mean she can do whatever: SO again why does it bother me this much.

[Tinker'n'Fun]

Originally Posted by Sgt Mickey

My dd is in 6th grade and has her first boyfriend.

Yes I think it is a little young (she is 12) but I have allowed it.
I just remember being that age and even though I didn't date because I was overly shy but I remember this is the age I really had huge crushes on boys. I do remember those who couldn't date lying to their parents and totally acting another way at school. SO I do believe that allowing her to do something will perhaps help/prevent her in wanting to tell me what is going on in her life I hope so.
No she cannot do whatever she wants this is defiantly a pick your battle sort of thing. I guess I don't see a difference in calling someone her boyfriend and texting him and hanging out in groups then having a friend that is a boy and doing the same thing.

SO last night at football practice one of the other moms a couple people down from me was talking about her son wanting to have a girlfriend and she was telling the other moms she wasn't allowing that and she told him it was stupid to have a girlfriend now and if she was to see the girl and she would also tell her it was stupid BUT he is allowed to hang out with her just not call her his girlfriend which to me same thing.
BUT what gets me is then I hear my dd name and how she has a boyfriend she can't believe it and how her son isn't going to have a girlfriend. REALLY does it make you a better parent??? NO you don't have to let your son do whatever you want but what do my choices with my child have to do with you???

I guess what really bothers me is why does this even bother me.
I am okay with my choice. Just becasue I let her have a boyfriend doesn't mean she can do whatever: SO again why does it bother me this much.

It bothers you because they specifically noted your daughter. I would have been upset also. Say all you want about me, but leave my kids out of it!!!!

It does not matter if it is too young or not, it's the fact they brought your daughter into it!

You may want to downplay the boyfriend/girlfriend talk with your daughter. It looks like the kids are bringing it home and she is being the one with all the attention right now. At her age she is most likely very self conscious and doesn't want to be talked about. Let her know it is still okay with you but she should not really speak of it at school.

[Sgt Mickey]

Originally Posted by Tinker'n'Fun

It bothers you because they specifically noted your daughter. I would have been upset also. Say all you want about me, but leave my kids out of it!!!!

It does not matter if it is too young or not, it's the fact they brought your daughter into it!

You may want to downplay the boyfriend/girlfriend talk with your daughter. It looks like the kids are bringing it home and she is being the one with all the attention right now. At her age she is most likely very self conscious and doesn't want to be talked about. Let her know it is still okay with you but she should not really speak of it at school.

Well it may not be her anyway he is a football player on the same team so he is friends of the kid who's mother was the one going on and on about it. He had a crush on her for a little bit so apparantly his friends all knew so know they all know the are a 6th grade item

[Ginny Favers]

Oh, please. Some people need to mind their own business. At that age, the term "boyfriend" or "girlfriend" is just a term.

My 6 year old has a boyfriend, too. They see each other at school and play together, and also talk about marriage. I am not worried.

What would concern me is if they're going places together, alone, or if she's given you any reason not to trust her. But hanging out in supervised groups, texting back and forth-- all that is totally innocent and appropriate, and nothing's wrong with it.

[Tinker'n'Fun]

Originally Posted by Sgt Mickey

Well it may not be her anyway he is a football player on the same team so he is friends of the kid who's mother was the one going on and on about it. He had a crush on her for a little bit so apparantly his friends all knew so know they all know the are a 6th grade item

I would still talk with her. Sixth grade feelings are really touchy. If you heard the conversation it may have gone home to her friends houses and may reach her.

I hope it dies down for you quickly.

[Sgt Mickey]

Originally Posted by Ginny Favers

Oh, please. Some people need to mind their own business. At that age, the term "boyfriend" or "girlfriend" is just a term.

My 6 year old has a boyfriend, too. They see each other at school and play together, and also talk about marriage. I am not worried.

What would concern me is if they're going places together, alone, or if she's given you any reason not to trust her. But hanging out in supervised groups, texting back and forth-- all that is totally innocent and appropriate, and nothing's wrong with it.

Thank you. She defiantly will not be allowed to hang out with him alone. So far it has only been school, The YMCA for teen night and the football game. AND she attends the non school stuff with her group of friends PLUS him. PLUS the texting which I think she may wear out her phone

[Sgt Mickey]

Originally Posted by Tinker'n'Fun

I would still talk with her. Sixth grade feelings are really touchy. If you heard the conversation it may have gone home to her friends houses and may reach her.

I hope it dies down for you quickly.

Thanks I will. I did mention it last night but didn't have a one on one talk which I think I will do as I take her to dance tonight.

[pacrosby]

Sounds like you have a handle on it and it's all just innocent labeling.

That said....my dd is in 7th grade and I heard all about the girls who had boyfriends last year (wasn't her 'thing' eventhough the opportunity was there for the taking). What I learned...it's not always as innocent as we may think. And sometimes the whole boyfriend thing starts to become alittle too important and interferes with the things that kids that age perhaps should be more interested in. Just food for thought.

[ncmickeyluvr]

My dd is in the 7th grade and last year was the first year with "boyfriends". DH was really against it at first but we decided to allow it. I think that having these relationships is a way to allow them to explore a bit while having lots of control over the situation. I had my first boyfriend in high school and he had a car!!!! Talk about being thrown into the fire!!

[Suzanne033]

Originally Posted by Ginny Favers

Oh, please. Some people need to mind their own business. At that age, the term "boyfriend" or "girlfriend" is just a term.

EXACTLY!!!! My DD had her first 'boyfriend' in 6th grade. I told her it was fine but that she wasn't allowed to delete any texts between them so that I could monitor the conversation. (It is very easy to check if texts have been deleted because AT&T itemizes all the text sent and received by time so I can easily match them up.)

Anywho, more often than not, this was the conversations:

DD: Hey!
BoyF: hey (apparently boys never take the time to capitalize and rarely punctuate)
DD:What's Up?
BoyF: nothing you?
DD: Nothing.
BoyF: thats good
LONG PAUSE
DD: Did you do your homework for Lit?
BoyF: no playing xbox
DD: What game?
BoyF: madden
DD: That's good.
BoyF: yeah

Seriously, this was what I saw EVERYDAY!!!!!

[monorailsilver]

I am like you (I think).

My dd is 11 & in 6th grade. She gets along well with the boys (and the girls too).

She has had 2 boy-friends since Kindergarten. With one of them we as the parents joke to the two of them about their wedding. In 1st grade when one of them went up in front of the class they got to pick someone to help them & they always picked each other. They went to a b-day party for the other boy-friend and she was sitting on his lap. Innocent, really it was.

Fast forward a few years & they still hang out but they won't admit it. We go for hikes or do stuff with Cub Scouts & she will hang out with him. Again they claim they don't like each other but they just gravitate towards one another because of their relationship.

The other boy-friend lives across the street from the first one. Over the years they have had play dates with one another. But that boys mom wonders if her son likes my dd & I just eye roll & say "ya think?"

I started dating around 7-8th grade. Nothing big just basically passing notes to each other in school via the locker (oh what those kids will be missing with phones & texting...no folded up notes like a triangle or star shape).

Next year they will have dances at school & do I really expect her not to dance with a boy?

One boy asked her out in 4th grade & she said no. All her friends nicknamed her, think a Brangelina type name.

I know she isn't interested in dating but I do know there are some bf/gf things in her school since she was in 4th grade. Those are the mean girls that are all dating. One of those mean girls is dating the boy that asked my dd out. She can have him...

[Sgt Mickey]

Originally Posted by pacrosby

Sounds like you have a handle on it and it's all just innocent labeling.

That said....my dd is in 7th grade and I heard all about the girls who had boyfriends last year (wasn't her 'thing' eventhough the opportunity was there for the taking). What I learned...it's not always as innocent as we may think. And sometimes the whole boyfriend thing starts to become alittle too important and interferes with the things that kids that age perhaps should be more interested in. Just food for thought.

Your absolutely right and that is one thing I hope that I can teach her and get across to her is that sure it is okay to have a boyfriend BUT you need a life outside of that. SO far it hasn't been a problem. She is involved in dance, cheering and just started band at school. Plus she really has a good group of girl friends this year. SO I am hoping this is something that the open communication will help with. M oldest wasn't much of a dater either even being a senior in hs it is not his top priority.

[Sgt Mickey]

Originally Posted by ncmickeyluvr

My dd is in the 7th grade and last year was the first year with "boyfriends". DH was really against it at first but we decided to allow it. I think that having these relationships is a way to allow them to explore a bit while having lots of control over the situation. I had my first boyfriend in high school and he had a car!!!! Talk about being thrown into the fire!!

Yikes.

[JennaDeeDooDah]

Originally Posted by Ginny Favers

Oh, please. Some people need to mind their own business. At that age, the term "boyfriend" or "girlfriend" is just a term.

My 6 year old has a boyfriend, too. They see each other at school and play together, and also talk about marriage. I am not worried.

What would concern me is if they're going places together, alone, or if she's given you any reason not to trust her. But hanging out in supervised groups, texting back and forth-- all that is totally innocent and appropriate, and nothing's wrong with it.

Originally Posted by pacrosby

Sounds like you have a handle on it and it's all just innocent labeling.

That said....my dd is in 7th grade and I heard all about the girls who had boyfriends last year (wasn't her 'thing' eventhough the opportunity was there for the taking). What I learned...it's not always as innocent as we may think. And sometimes the whole boyfriend thing starts to become alittle too important and interferes with the things that kids that age perhaps should be more interested in. Just food for thought.

I'm in total agreement with both of these. I had boyfriends all through elementary and middle school. In elementary, it meant absolutely nothing. We didn't even eat lunch together. In middle school, it was a bit more "serious". We would sit together at lunch, hang out before school, write notes to each other, and even call each other. In fact, sometimes we would hug goodbye. I did have my first kiss in middle school and it was a very big deal for me. Other friends, though, were losing their virginity at the same time. At that age, people are at such different levels of maturity. To me, it is important to talk to your daughter about what is and is not age appropriate. Make sure you get her input on what she feels is and is not appropriate, as well. Get an idea of what she means when she calls a guy her boyfriend. Are they holding hands, kissing occasionally, and that's it, or do they go to the movies with friends and make out the whole time? You are going to be the best judge of what is right for you, your daughter, and your family. Other people may think that they are the expert on what should be done, but in the end, you are the ones who live with the consequences of being too protective, too loose, or right in the middle.

[Sgt Mickey]

Originally Posted by Suzanne033

EXACTLY!!!! My DD had her first 'boyfriend' in 6th grade. I told her it was fine but that she wasn't allowed to delete any texts between them so that I could monitor the conversation. (It is very easy to check if texts have been deleted because AT&T itemizes all the text sent and received by time so I can easily match them up.)

Anywho, more often than not, this was the conversations:

DD: Hey!
BoyF: hey (apparently boys never take the time to capitalize and rarely punctuate)
DD:What's Up?
BoyF: nothing you?
DD: Nothing.
BoyF: thats good
LONG PAUSE
DD: Did you do your homework for Lit?
BoyF: no playing xbox
DD: What game?
BoyF: madden
DD: That's good.
BoyF: yeah

Seriously, this was what I saw EVERYDAY!!!!!

YES my dd big thing was she wasn't sure if she wanted him to know she did dance
so it was
so where were you

somewhere

where

at class

what class

ummmm


what class??

dance

what kind

all kinds

oh thats cool