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Old 09-22-2012, 11:51 AM   #31
dzorn
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My husbands grandmother got married at 86 yes they man was younger (late 70s). If you find someone you want to spend the rest of your life with you are never too old.

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Old 09-22-2012, 11:52 AM   #32
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A little back ground on my story. I'm currently 34 yrs old and I'm a divorced mum of two girls. I'm also in a relationship with my boyfriend and we plan to marry next May and when that time comes I would have had another birthday and would have turned 35. My boyfriend is also divorced and has a son who we get every other weekend, however he is a few yrs younger than I. Not much but a few. Well, his family can't stand the idea of him marrying me because they say that I'm to old and not to mention we both have a sneaky suspicion they don't like the idea that my skin is carmel - in other words I'm a woman of color. I don't feel old and I certainly don't look old or my age. I'm constanly being mistaken for someone in thier late 20's.

I'm proud of my age and of myself but lately I've been starting to feel like my ship may have sailed/passed on the whole remarriage thing strickly based on what others may think. Do you think there is a certain age where perhaps one is to old to remarry?
I am 2 yrs older than dh, big whoop.

As far as your future IL's just smile and do not give much credence to their opinions. They will just have to suck it up and get over themselves. Life is too short.

Now, go ahead and get married.
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Old 09-22-2012, 11:57 AM   #33
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I think it's got to be your race. I'm very sorry they think that way.
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Old 09-22-2012, 12:03 PM   #34
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Never too old to get married, but I do think you are too old to put up with his family's bs. I think your bf needs to stop telling you what they say or he needs to have a real discussi8n with them to say if they keep on it may. Put him in a position to where he has to choose and it won't be them.
Oh trust me, I've told him to stop telling me what they say because it just gets me all upset. But sometimes what they say to him gets him so fired up that he can't keep it inside. Last weekend we all were suppose to go down to his parents beach house and I thougt "finally, we were making progress" then all of a sudden his mother changed her mind and said that only he and his son were invited because she was afraid that my kids would cause comotion and she didn't want them to bother her neighbors. He finally had had enough and screamed at her so badly. He asked her what did she think the kids were going to be doing swinging from the trees and screaming like fools. She danced around the subject but really didn't have much to say on the matter. He was fumming. He's admitted that after that exchange the relationship between him and his mother was practically over. He told her to either grow up and accept it or at least admit that she has a problem with my skin tone.

He has also decided not to give her an invitation to the wedding until a month before that way he doesn't have to hear her negativity and we can enjoy planning it. Oh, and here's the kicker we live right across the street from them. I can see them drive in and out of their driveway from my living room front window. It's as if we don't exist to her. Trouble is her husband (William's step-father) doesn't seem to share her attitude but stays quiet.

I do feel guilty that he's having to choose between me and his mum. I mean that's his mum and you would think that she would only want him to be happy, but it's obvious it has to be her way or else. I lost my mum to breast cancer last year so seeing him go through this hurts because it's as if he's lost her even though she's right across the street.
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Old 09-22-2012, 12:06 PM   #35
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My BIL died last March of cancer. My SIL is 41 and plans on remarrying some day. It wouldn't surprise me if she did so within the next year or so. She loved her husband a lot, but just wants companionship. Maybe my post is a little off topic.
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Old 09-22-2012, 12:07 PM   #36
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Gosh, I wish I'd met/married my DH at 35, instead of 45, so we could have had those extra years together!! I'm three years older than him too.

I too think they are pulling the "she's too old" card, because they trying to grasp at any excuse to oppose your marriage to keep them from looking racist.

The only issue I had, getting married later in life (I'd been a single mom for 9 years) is we both were so set in our own comfortable patterns and ways, that compromising was a little more difficult...but NOT insurmountable!!

Even now, we keep separate bank accounts. It seems like every couple fight about money and what the other spends money on. So, we decided that we'd split the bills and we can each keep our own money to spend as we want. It has worked out very well!!
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Old 09-22-2012, 12:17 PM   #37
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What is the age difference between you? Not my business, I am just curious . I don't think 35 is too old to remarry.
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Old 09-22-2012, 12:19 PM   #38
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OP: I am sorry about your mom. And I am sorry that you and your bf have to deal with his mom's behavoir,but you can't feel guilty if he has to choose, his mom wants to behave badly and she will be bringing it on herself. You love who you love and that is all that should matter good luck to you.
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Old 09-22-2012, 12:21 PM   #39
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Oh, age is definitely something his family keeps bringing up. Both William and I have already discussed growing our family and we have come to the decision that 3 kids between the two, ages range from 14, 7 and 4 are more than plenty for us. So being the right age to have kids isn't a concern for us. However, it seems to be that even though they don't want to openly admit it my being a woman of color does seem to bother them and on top of that my kids are mulitracial because my ex-husband was Dutch.

William has had many conversations with his mum as have I trying to get to the bottom of why we don't have their support. His mum will tell him it's because I'm to old, I have kids, and I've been married before. He tries to tell her that more that half of the reasons she doesn't want us together could be said of him as well for he too has been married and has a child. He's told her that the women she's tried to set him up with just aren't a fit for him and he says that I'm the missing part of his puzzle that makes the full picture. When I talk to her she says that she likes me just fine and perhaps it's my imagination and that I'm pretending that there is something there that isn't. We've been together for two yrs and last year we got a house together. We weren't allowed to their home for the Thanksgiving or Christmas holiday and this year doesn't look like it will be any different on their side. William has told me if they don't include me and my girls than he will refuse to join them as well. His older sister has told him repeadily not to stay with me and when he presses her for an explanation as to why she just says that he can do better.

I have a very good job and have been at the University I work for now for over 12yrs. Before he and I moved in together I owned my own home, I'm well educated and traveled. I've never been in trouble with the law, don't smoke and only drink on ocassion. My girls are very respectful and she has even remarked on their behavior. We both attend the same church where in a short time I have been much more active than she has ever been. She herself has been remarried. Now, William's father and his entire side of their family loves me. I fit in quite well with all of my neighbors and have been invited to many social events in our neighborhood. In fact my best friend is my neighbor and I recently found out that prior to us moving into our home his mother went to my friend and told her about us moving in and how that I was married before, I had two kids and that I was black and that she hoped we wouldn't cause trouble. I don't think she likes the fact that her little plan to plant unfavorable ideas in my neighbors mind especially since we're so close now didn't work. She'll absolutely faint when she finds out that Sammie not only is my friend but will walk down the isle as my matron of honor.

I know it may seem as though I'm bashing her but really I wanted nothing more in the beginning but for us to get along and had such high hopes. I for one am done with trying to jump thru hoops to try and please her and prove to her that I'm no different than any other decent woman out there. Heck, even William's ex-wife likes me!!!
Seems to me that you are investing too much time and energy into figuring out why they don't want you marrying their son. Way too much drama dealing with and thinking about them. Just because we're born into a family doesn't mean that family is healthy and that we should have any more of a relationship with them than need be. They sound toxic and I do not keep toxic people in my life, whether it's family or friends. Thankfully I haven't faced this in my family, however there are former friends who I don't associate with because they are not healthy and cause stress.

BTW, I'm also in Maryland. What area do you live in? I'm in Montgomery County.
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Old 09-22-2012, 12:24 PM   #40
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Goofy'slady View Post
A little back ground on my story. I'm currently 34 yrs old and I'm a divorced mum of two girls. I'm also in a relationship with my boyfriend and we plan to marry next May and when that time comes I would have had another birthday and would have turned 35. My boyfriend is also divorced and has a son who we get every other weekend, however he is a few yrs younger than I. Not much but a few. Well, his family can't stand the idea of him marrying me because I don't feel old and I certainly don't look old or my age. they say that I'm to old and not to mention we both have a sneaky suspicion they don't like the idea that my skin is carmel - in other words I'm a woman of color. I'm constanly being mistaken for someone in thier late 20's.

I'm proud of my age and of myself but lately I've been starting to feel like my ship may have sailed/passed on the whole remarriage thing strickly based on what others may think. Do you think there is a certain age where perhaps one is to old to remarry?
This is the SILLIEST most RIDICULOUS thing I've heard!!! I'm so sorry dear that you are having to deal with his family being completely insane (trust me, it sounds like they are). YOU ARE ROYALTY! do NOT let anyone else treat you as less than such! Find yourself a gorgeous bridal gown (if you haven't already) and remind yourself you ARE the most beautiful bride-to-be, and have a WONDERFUL wedding!!! I cannot believe that people would be so (I'm sorry but the only word that comes to mind for me is STUPID) small in their thinking! I wish you the most magical happily ever after EVER! No matter what his family tells you, don't let them get to you...YOU ARE LOVED and YOUNG beautiful bride!
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Old 09-22-2012, 12:29 PM   #41
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Seems to me that you are investing too much time and energy into figuring out why they don't want you marrying their son. Way too much drama dealing with and thinking about them. Just because we're born into a family doesn't mean that family is healthy and that we should have any more of a relationship with them than need be. They sound toxic and I do not keep toxic people in my life, whether it's family or friends. Thankfully I haven't faced this in my family, however there are former friends who I don't associate with because they are not healthy and cause stress.

BTW, I'm also in Maryland. What area do you live in? I'm in Montgomery County.
I'm in Anne Arundel. But you're right about to much time and energy wasted on this dribble. I'm done and moving on. If they can't accept things for what they are then oh well. I owe it to myself, William, our relationship and our family to move on with our plans and our future. I'd love for it to include them but if not oh well, their lost. William still has his father's side of the family - I wish they were closer but some day hopefully that will change as well. Until then we have a wedding to plan!
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Old 09-22-2012, 12:34 PM   #42
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This is the SILLIEST most RIDICULOUS thing I've heard!!! I'm so sorry dear that you are having to deal with his family being completely insane (trust me, it sounds like they are). YOU ARE ROYALTY! do NOT let anyone else treat you as less than such! Find yourself a gorgeous bridal gown (if you haven't already) and remind yourself you ARE the most beautiful bride-to-be, and have a WONDERFUL wedding!!! I cannot believe that people would be so (I'm sorry but the only word that comes to mind for me is STUPID) small in their thinking! I wish you the most magical happily ever after EVER! No matter what his family tells you, don't let them get to you...YOU ARE LOVED and YOUNG beautiful bride!
Oh, I have found the most beautiful dress (I think). It's paid for and I pick it up next weekend.
http://www.davidsbridal.com/Product_...ermaid-Trumpet
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Old 09-22-2012, 12:44 PM   #43
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I'm in Anne Arundel. But you're right about to much time and energy wasted on this dribble. I'm done and moving on. If they can't accept things for what they are then oh well. I owe it to myself, William, our relationship and our family to move on with our plans and our future. I'd love for it to include them but if not oh well, their lost. William still has his father's side of the family - I wish they were closer but some day hopefully that will change as well. Until then we have a wedding to plan!
That's the attitude! Concentrate on the positive and let go of the other. Perhaps they will come around, but if not, so be it.
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Old 09-22-2012, 12:53 PM   #44
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Oh, I have found the most beautiful dress (I think). It's paid for and I pick it up next weekend.
http://www.davidsbridal.com/Product_...ermaid-Trumpet
Beautiful!!
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Old 09-22-2012, 12:55 PM   #45
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I think it's never too late to marry...even if you're 100
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