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Old 09-05-2012, 07:47 AM   #16
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At our wedding DH and I did not register anywhere and we received only one gift at the wedding. The rest were cards with and without check/cash. Unless you have a special specific gift, I would go with the card and check/cash.

I am sure someone from the Cinci area can tell you the going rate at weddings in their area, I would be putting in $200.00 in my card based on your information.
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Old 09-05-2012, 07:48 AM   #17
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The differences are interesting, it would be considered bad form to ask for or expect cash as a gift for a wedding here. Wedding Showers are also not common here. It would also be seen as not done to have to make people call up and ask about gifts.
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Old 09-05-2012, 07:51 AM   #18
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tinker'n'Fun View Post
At our wedding DH and I did not register anywhere and we received only one gift at the wedding. The rest were cards with and without check/cash. Unless you have a special specific gift, I would go with the card and check/cash.

I am sure someone from the Cinci area can tell you the going rate at weddings in their area, I would be putting in $200.00 in my card based on your information.
Ok so $200 in addition to the $2000 cost of going.
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Old 09-05-2012, 07:56 AM   #19
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Ok so $200 in addition to the $2000 cost of going.
Yep, that is what "I" would do. The cost of attending is your choice or would have been mine if I accepted to come to the wedding. Both out of town guests and home guests gave us gifts. They were in different denominations but it was based on their personal preference.

If you want to give a card with nothing in it, I am sure the Bride/Groom will be as happy as the the card with money. They are asking for your presence, not a cash amount. But I would at least give enough to cover the cost of the plate, and based on your information it would be around $200.00 where I am from, actually a bit less, but everyone likes a little "extra" for the honeymoon.

Go and enjoy yourself no matter what you choose to do, I really mean it. They will be glad you enjoyed their day with them, we certainly were!!
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Old 09-05-2012, 07:59 AM   #20
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Ok so $200 in addition to the $2000 cost of going.
That's definitely a consideration. I think you need to bring a gift of some kind, but given the expense incurred already, I think a $50 range will be perfectly acceptable. Everyone is aware how much a transatlantic flight costs. Your presence will be a huge present in and of itself. The bottom line is, you should only give what you can afford.
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Old 09-05-2012, 07:59 AM   #21
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The differences are interesting, it would be considered bad form to ask for or expect cash as a gift for a wedding here. Wedding Showers are also not common here. It would also be seen as not done to have to make people call up and ask about gifts.
That's bad form in the US as well. Doesn't stop some people....

Why not have your wife contact her cousin to see if there is a registry?
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Old 09-05-2012, 08:02 AM   #22
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That's bad form in the US as well. Doesn't stop some people....

Why not have your wife contact her cousin to see if there is a registry?
This has been debated on the Dis for years. It is all regional. I hope you don't show up to a wedding on Long Island with an actual, physical gift. People will look at you funny.

Etiquette, like most things, changes based on location and custom. The US is a glorious melting pot of many traditions. Yours is not the "correct" way for everyone.
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Old 09-05-2012, 08:06 AM   #23
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This has been debated on the Dis for years. It is all regional. I hope you don't show up to a wedding on Long Island with an actual, physical gift. People will look at you funny.

Etiquette, like most things, changes based on location and custom. The US is a glorious melting pot of many traditions. Yours is not the "correct" way for everyone.
The op said it is bad form to ask for or expect ....


It is bad form to ask for or expect any gift for any occastion. That is not regional. Now it may be regional for things to be tradionally done a certain way. However, if someone goes against the traditional, regional norm, they should not be looked at funny. Again, that would be bad form.
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Old 09-05-2012, 08:07 AM   #24
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The differences are interesting, it would be considered bad form to ask for or expect cash as a gift for a wedding here. Wedding Showers are also not common here. It would also be seen as not done to have to make people call up and ask about gifts.
At my wedding, 99% of the guests gave cash or checks. I have never given an actual gift for a wedding, just a check. No one asks for cash - it just is what it is, a traditional wedding gift.

DH spent close to $1000 to go to his niece's wedding in the midwest (in the middle of nowhere). Flight was over $500, plus hotel and car rental. He only gave $100, because it was just him, and it was expensive to attend. If we didn't have to travel, and both of us attended, we'd give closer to $400.

It sounds like you have other (understandable) reasons to want to attend this wedding, in addition to wishing the bride and groom well. My DH had no other reason to attend his niece's wedding besides the actual wedding (really never left the hotel), except for maybe also keeping family peace.
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Old 09-05-2012, 08:07 AM   #25
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Originally Posted by jrmasm View Post
That's bad form in the US as well. Doesn't stop some people....

Why not have your wife contact her cousin to see if there is a registry?
I don't know anyone who has ever asked for cash. It is just what is done. You would never buy a gift for a wedding. It would be strange to walk into a reception with a box!

gifts are for the shower. Some may give a gift card if nothing is left on the registry that appeals to them or their budget.
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Old 09-05-2012, 08:10 AM   #26
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The idea of having to cover the cost of the even per person is distasteful for me and I would think in my friends and relatives. And again cash for weddings in this country would be unusual and frowned upon.
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Old 09-05-2012, 08:10 AM   #27
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This is accurate. If a shower invitation is forthcoming, it will include that information.

You can always check some of the major retailers' sites to see if they are registered: Amazon, Williams Sonoma, Bed Bath & Beyond, Macy's, etc.

Enjoy the wedding!
I agree. I've even just googled the two names together and found registries before. The nice thing about this is you can go ahead and purchase the gift from the registry and let them deliver it to the couple rather than having to deal with it at the actual wedding.
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Old 09-05-2012, 08:12 AM   #28
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I don't know anyone who has ever asked for cash. It is just what is done. You would never buy a gift for a wedding. It would be strange to walk into a reception with a box!

gifts are for the shower. Some may give a gift card if nothing is left on the registry that appeals to them or their budget.
It is common to have a gift table at a wedding.
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Old 09-05-2012, 08:12 AM   #29
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Andy B View Post
The differences are interesting, it would be considered bad form to ask for or expect cash as a gift for a wedding here. Wedding Showers are also not common here. It would also be seen as not done to have to make people call up and ask about gifts.
Quote:
Originally Posted by jrmasm View Post
The op said it is bad form to ask for or expect ....


It is bad form to ask for or expect any gift for any occastion. That is not regional. Now it may be regional for things to be tradionally done a certain way. However, if someone goes against the traditional, regional norm, they should not be looked at funny. Again, that would be bad form.
...you focused on "expect" and I focused on "cash."
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Old 09-05-2012, 08:17 AM   #30
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Ok so $200 in addition to the $2000 cost of going.
I am not from Cincinnati, but I am from Ohio (same state, Cincinnati is about 2 hours away from here). As others have said, wedding traditions vary around the country.

Around here, $200 would be a *very* nice gift. If you can afford to give it, I am sure the couple would be thrilled to accept it. However, if it is a financial burden on top of your travel expenses, I think you could definitely give less. I would generally give $50-$100 unless it's a very close relative. (In some parts of the country, it's traditional to give a very large gift, but I don't think that's the case here. Give a nice gift, but give what you can afford.)

Money is very acceptable as a wedding gift around here. You would put your cash or check inside a greeting card. There will likely be a special box to collect the cards at the reception. Bringing a regular gift is also acceptable, and I'm sure the couple is registered somewhere, but as others have said, it is considered bad form to list the registry on the formal invitation (equivalent to "demanding a gift".) Since you're traveling, it would probably just be easier to give money.

Edited to add: I saw some posts mentioning a gift table at the reception. I think it is likely that there will be a gift table at the reception in Cincinnati. (In some parts of the country, it is common to ship the gift to the bride/groom before or after the ceremony. It is becoming more common in this part of the country, too... but there are still plenty of people who bring gifts to the reception and the bride and groom will have a table set up to accept those gifts. On the gift table, there will likely also be a box or some sort of container for cards.)
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