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Old 08-31-2012, 02:38 PM   #16
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Thanks for the support all, it means a lot.

extraredstuff - Hospice is something I looked into already and when she is in pain and uncomfortable (which she's not right now) we will get that care for her.

My family and I have moved into her house now, and she's loving seeing her granddaughters all the time. It's the one thing that lifts her spirits so high. Everyone she knows has been calling and coming to visit, and we all let her know how much we love and care for her.

I'm still talking with doctors to see if there's anything else we can do, but up to this points, any treatment would just make her uncomfortable and will not work. In other words, it's not worth it to try anything drastic as the outcome will be the same. If it is to be this way, I want her to live out these days peacefully without discomfort and pain.

She knows we love her and we're with her and I think that overrides any emotional breakdown that could come with telling her what's going on.

Smitch - I'm sorry to hear about your brother. I totally understand where you're coming from and woud probably feel the same. However, this is a different situation (as it is a prolonged event) and different person (as in my mom might have taken it differently than your brother.) I would expect all these situations are case by case. In our case I feel it's best not to tell her.

However, it may still be the case that she finds out, especially if she outlasts her prognosis. Like I said I'm still talking to doctors and if they decide that treatment would be the right choice, she might have to find out anyway. The thing is, 4 doctors (including a nuerosurgeon) have told me there is no chance and an aggressive surgery or treatment will just make it more uncomfortable and not worth doing.

Thanks again for the support everyone.
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Old 09-10-2012, 01:39 PM   #17
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I'm so sorry. You sound like you are a very caring loving daughter. Grandmothers do love to be surrounded by their grandchildren don't they.
As a mom, as far as being told or not, I would want whatever would make it easiest for my children. I know at such an emotional time, it is difficult to think of the logistics of the legal aspect of leaving this world, but your Mom may want to make sure those things are in order. I would think however, that you & her siblings know her best. All people are different. My Dad would want to know. He would want to make sure every i is dotted and every t crossed. My Mom didn't have anything to leave anyone. She would just want to spend every minute with her grandchildren. Nothing more would matter. And she would never have wanted to be a burden on her children.

I would also like to add this, brain tumors are tough, and if you haven't already, you may want to research the effects they have on personality. As a 16 year old girl it was very difficult for me to see my Grandfather change when he experienced his brain tumors.

I hope you don't mind if I add your family to my disboard friends I pray for. Bless you all.
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Old 09-17-2012, 05:01 PM   #18
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I am so sorry. My thoughts and prayers are with your family.

I can tell you without a shadow of a doubt that if the same thing happened to my mom I would do exactly what you are doing. I know my mom and if she was given that news she would not be able to handle it.

That being said I do think it does depend on the person. My oldest brother needed emergency open heart surgery. He had a heart attack at the age of 49 and within three days needed the surgery. He had another heart attack during the surgery and was in a coma for 3 days before passing away. He would have wanted to know and I fully think he would be one to fight until his last breath.

He was 16 years older than me and pretty much helped my mom raise me because our dad died when I was 15. He bought my first car and gave me away at my wedding. My family is not the type to say "I love you". I went to visit my brother every day in the hospital and kissed him right before he went into surgery but I never told him I loved him. It tore me up that I did not tell him but my husband put it in prospective for me. He asked if my brother ever spoke the words that he loved me to me. When I said "no" he said but you know he did with everything that was in him.

I am so sorry you and your family are going through this. I pray that the peace of God will bring you comfort during this difficult time.

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Old 09-20-2012, 04:22 PM   #19
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Thanks for your support.

Deesknee - I don't mind at all, thank you. And I'm a a loving son, not daughter but thanks anyway.

Southerngirl - I'm sorry you had to go through your brother's situation. I can say without a doubt, he knew you loved him even though nothing was said. Thanks for your kind words.

As of now, my mom is under hospice care. However, she has no pain as of now. She is just sleeping more and more. I have to help her every step of the way to eat, drink, go to the bathroom and so on. She is getting weaker by the day and all I can do is just hold on. It's tough, but I can be strong... I think....

Thanks again for all the support.
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Old 09-20-2012, 04:48 PM   #20
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So sorry that you are going through this with your mom.

She is blessed to have such a caring son and family.

Prayers for Gods peace and strength in the days ahead.
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Old 09-20-2012, 05:04 PM   #21
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Praying for you both

So very sorry to read of your situation. I think perhaps your Mom may already know or at least have a feeling of what is going on. Perhaps that is why she decided to go on holiday with you at the last minute. It may not have been a conscious thing, but somewhere deep inside she knew she needed to be with her family. I am praying that she will not be in pain and that your family and she may spend her remaining days sharing your love. God Bless.
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Old 09-22-2012, 10:45 PM   #22
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Lots of prayers for your mom for peace and comfort
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Old 09-23-2012, 07:52 AM   #23
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My thoughts and prayers are with your mom and family. I don't understand though, why the doctors are telling you things, and not telling her? Isn't that a violation of her rights? If she is deemed incompetent, and you are her guardian, then I understand. She should have a say in all of this though, since it is her life. She may want to go for a second opinion, or get care at home, etc. That is her right.
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Old 09-23-2012, 08:42 PM   #24
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Originally Posted by Schmeck View Post
If she is deemed incompetent, and you are her guardian, then I understand.
Close enough, so I guess you understand.
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