Operation Big Thunder: the Dole Whip Conspiracy COMPLETE - Page 5 - The DIS Discussion Forums

Captain_Oblivious · 08-01-2012, 02:59 PM

6:20 a.m., Saturday, July 14. Anticipation was running high as we pulled out of our driveway and began the long drive. In keeping with the “secret” vacation theme, we still didn’t tell the kids where we were going. Well, we did tell them we were most likely not driving directly east. Julie had gathered up all of our AAA road maps and put them in a bag for the kids to use as a reference to try and figure out where we were at any given point. Of course, the bag included maps of New England states, Montana, and even Hawaii, so I’m not sure it was all that helpful.

Traffic was smooth until we passed through Annapolis, Maryland. We could see a gathering rain storm in the distance that basically produced a curtain of water on the highway. We hit that and traffic slowed to a crawl. Naturally, this was when Scotty needed to go to the bathroom.

Any East Coast resident will tell you that there is no easy way to drive around Washington, D.C. I-95 becomes part of the Washington Beltway, which is infamous for being as gridlocked as…well, every government institution inside the Beltway. It can also be jammed south of D.C. all the way to Fredericksburg, VA. If you’re trying to head south, you either attempt to brave the Beltway, drive directly through the city, or attempt an end-around by taking U.S. 301. 301 turns south at Bowie, MD, runs through the town of Waldorf, and then crosses the Potomac River into Virginia, where it eventually joins back up with I-95 north of Richmond. The section in Maryland is a pain to drive, because it’s a constant stop-start drive through a sea of traffic lights (and red-light cameras). I only bring this up because it is, of course, in sharp contrast to the amazingly efficient highway system we have here in Delaware.

Anyway, we chose to drive on U.S. 301 on the theory that it’s better to at least keep moving than risk being stuck on the Beltway. Despite the traffic lights, it worked pretty well, and we were driving over the Nice Bridge into Virginia by mid-morning. No, really, that’s its name: the Harry W. Nice Bridge.

The kids were having a little trouble following the maps, but once they figured out where U.S. 301 was, they deduced that we were indeed in the United States. So they had that going for them, which was nice.

Virginia provides fewer stop lights, so we got back up to ludicrous speed. When we hit I-95, the Kings Dominion amusement park was visible just to the southeast. The kids saw the towers and got their hopes up...maybe this was the secret destination!

I dashed them by speeding by the exit at...well, whatever the speed limit was. Can't be too careful in Virginia.

We made it to North Carolina by lunchtime. We stopped in Roanoke Rapids for lunch at a pre-controversy Chick-Fil-A which was packed with people, but the line moved well enough that our food was ready soon enough. Then an old lady grabbed our tray when my name was called. I set out across the restaurant, wondering if I’d have to break off my John Brown boot in her hindquarters to get my food. I tracked her down and eventually emerged victorious with the precious meals. I certainly hope she eventually got something to eat.

Back on the road, we blasted our way through North Carolina, with the kids content to play DS or watch movies. I have to get them credit—they travel really well. As we counted off the miles, we got closer and closer to our goal, and if you recall from the intro, you know what I’m talking about. The pinnacle of American road trips…the tourist mecca that beckons us to make our pilgrimage…the place that captivates our dreams throughout the year until we can finally return…that dream within a dream...

South of the Border. Named due to its location just south of the NC/SC border line, we started seeing the famous billboards once we hit North Carolina. And if you've never heard of the famous billboards, here's a brief rundown: they're everywhere. They're gaudy. And they're usually full of terrible puns. In short, Barry would love them. Here's an example:

I’ve driven past this tourist trap several times in my life, and never once had the guts to stop. Every time we go by, the parking lot looks empty, and I wonder how the place can stay in business wallowing in its eternal crappiness. And yet somehow, it survives.

In any case, Julie and I decided that in the interests of detailed, informative Trip Reporting, your intrepid travelers would finally stop and experience the spectacular awfulness that is South of the Border. Mostly because we couldn’t convince anyone else to do it.

Here’s the water tower, signaling the type of customer they’re trying to attract.

The famous sombrero tower. I had a friend who went up in this when he was young. He excitedly asked the teen running the elevator what he could see from the top. “Nothing,” the teen replied.

We went straight for the fireworks shop. No, I don't know why they're flying a Canadian flag.

Yes, that package says, “Maximum Powder allowed by law.”

You too can celebrate your nation’s freedom by blowing up a small piece of it.

Ok, show of hands: how many of you looked at that picture and immediately thought of Muppet Vision 3D?

We stopped for some more pictures. Anytime you get the chance to ride a concrete jackalope or a dinosaur with a sombrero, you gotta do it.

We also made a pit stop. The only way to describe South of the Border’s bathrooms: Do NOT go in there! I did think it was a nice touch that they had an attendant with a tip basket by the door. Every once in a while he would get up and run a paper towel over a square inch of the sink.

Lest you think South of the Border is completely nasty, they do have their highbrow sections as well. See, this place has its own “tradition in fine dining”. That’s got to be a nice place.

Um…never mind. Get in the car, kids.

South of the Border…we stopped here so you don’t have to.

Coming Up Next: Are we there yet?

FreezinRafiki · 08-01-2012, 03:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Captain_Oblivious

I only bring this up because it is, of course, in sharp contrast to the amazingly efficient highway system we have here in Delaware.

I think I found the lie.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Captain_Oblivious

So they had that going for them, which was nice.

Caddyshack

Quote:

Originally Posted by Captain_Oblivious

Virginia provides fewer stop lights, so we got back up to ludicrous speed.

Spaceballs.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Captain_Oblivious

And if you've never heard of the famous billboards, here's a brief rundown: they're everywhere. They're gaudy. And they're usually full of terrible puns. In short, Barry would love them.

Go for the billboards, skip the destination. Got it.

Hey Steve! I got a mention already!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Captain_Oblivious

In any case, Julie and I decided that in the interests of detailed, informative Trip Reporting, your intrepid travelers would finally stop and experience the spectacular awfulness that is South of the Border. Mostly because we couldn’t convince anyone else to do it.

Something tells me Julie had nothing to do with this decision...

Quote:

Originally Posted by Captain_Oblivious

Yes, that package says, “Maximum Powder allowed by law.”

More Fireworks than a Dave? I'M IN!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Captain_Oblivious

You too can celebrate your nation’s freedom by blowing up a small piece of it.

Simpsons

Quote:

Originally Posted by Captain_Oblivious

Ok, show of hands: how many of you looked at that picture and immediately thought of Muppet Vision 3D?

No, I thought of the Simpsons. I said so right up there. ^^

Quote:

Originally Posted by Captain_Oblivious

We stopped for some more pictures. Anytime you get the chance to ride a concrete jackalope or a dinosaur with a sombrero, you gotta do it.

Words to live by. Tombstone material, perhaps?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Captain_Oblivious

Every once in a while he would get up and run a paper towel over a square inch of the sink.

But I'll bet it was a very clean square inch.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Captain_Oblivious

See, this place has its own “tradition in fine dining”.

So did the Donner Party.

JESSketeer · 08-01-2012, 03:26 PM

Hello!

I was browsing through the TR's section of the DIS and your TR title just stood out! This game you play is really thoughtful!

Here's my first guess...

Quote:

Originally Posted by Captain_Oblivious

We also made a pit stop. The only way to describe South of the Border’s bathrooms: Do NOT go in there! I did think it was a nice touch that they had an attendant with a tip basket by the door. Every once in a while he would get up and run a paper towel over a square inch of the sink.

Ace Ventura: Pet Detective

glennbo123 · 08-01-2012, 03:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Captain_Oblivious

South of the Border…we stopped here so you don’t have to.

Coming Up Next: Are we there yet?

Crap, I'm too late for most of 'em. (Thanks for posting during work hours!)

The first one above is from the Scrubbing Bubbles commercial.

The second one (next chapter title) is from the movie, um, "Are we there yet?"

I use that "You never sausage a place" line around the house as much as I can. Another one I like is "Don't forget the little Juan's".

afwdwfan · 08-01-2012, 04:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Captain_Oblivious

I did think it was a nice touch that they had an attendant with a tip basket by the door. Every once in a while he would get up and run a paper towel over a square inch of the sink.

I'll come back to comment on everything later since multiple quotes are a little difficult with the phone app. I'm calling this for a lie though.

Mrs. Knowitall · 08-01-2012, 05:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by afwdwfan

I don't want to have to call this a lie, but I keep hearing about this pie. I think some proof of awesomeness needs to be shared with your readers.

Winner of "Spot the Lie" get a piece of Key Lime Pie of Awesomeness mailed to them in an envelope!*

*If you're the winner, please send us a SASE and allow 10 weeks for delivery.

Quote:

Originally Posted by afwdwfan

Congratulations on your return to the classroom. (or I'm sorry, whichever is more appropriate)

Thanks!!! I'm really looking forward to it! (We'll see how I feel about it in a couple weeks!)

Quote:

Originally Posted by Captain_Oblivious

Welcome Camille.

What is CP?

Captain Poopy-pants - your alter-ego.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Captain_Oblivious

Also, I'm terrible at keeping secrets.

HINT: THIS IS NOT THE LIE.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Captain_Oblivious

Julie had gathered up all of our AAA road maps and put them in a bag for the kids to use as a reference to try and figure out where we were at any given point. Of course, the bag included maps of New England states, Montana, and even Hawaii, so I’m not sure it was all that helpful.

heh-heh-heh

Quote:

Originally Posted by Captain_Oblivious

I have to get them credit—they travel really well.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Captain_Oblivious

You too can celebrate your nation’s freedom by blowing up a small piece of it.

Ok, show of hands: how many of you looked at that picture and immediately thought of Muppet Vision 3D?

No, I thought of the Simpsons.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Captain_Oblivious

We also made a pit stop. The only way to describe South of the Border’s bathrooms: Do NOT go in there!

HINT: THIS IS NOT A LIE!!!!!!! AVOID THEM AT ALL COST!!!! (And I'm generally not a very picky person.....)

Quote:

Originally Posted by FreezinRafiki

Something tells me Julie had nothing to do with this decision...

It was morbid curiosity, Barry.

Quote:

Originally Posted by FreezinRafiki

Simpsons

No, I thought of the Simpsons. I said so right up there. ^^

Great minds.

reelmom · 08-01-2012, 05:50 PM

Joining in for the fun. Great start.

PlutosRHM55 · 08-01-2012, 05:58 PM

Oh my gosh, the traffic near DC is absolutely awful. I swear people who are all over the bad traffic in NYC have obviously not driven in the lower East coast. It is just awful and plus rain, good thing you guys made it out fairly quickly and without cranky children. I would've been so anxious. Your kids really do deal with travel better than I ever did at their age.

Oh my gosh, that is one bad, big tourist trap. I always thought they may have gotten more... classy. I stand corrected then. I absolutely love the Sombrero tower though makes me laugh they have an elevator to go up in. Thank god I may not ever go there. Good thing you guys were only there for a bathroom break, you guys were smart about that. I thank you for showing me a place I will never let my curiosity bring me to.

Can't wait to read more!

CopperWife · 08-01-2012, 06:05 PM

Not gonna lie......I would have to stop for the puns alone.

vdub322 · 08-01-2012, 06:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Captain_Oblivious

6:20 a.m., Saturday, July 14. I set out across the restaurant, wondering if I’d have to break off my John Brown boot in her hindquarters to get my food.

I didn't see anyone else say this yet, but Remember the Titans!

I love your trip reports, by the way, so I'm coming out of lurker status! Can't wait to read more!

dellasgirl · 08-01-2012, 06:32 PM

Reading along also.

About South of the border we have passed by there on everyone of our trips to the mouse and only once stopped--never again
but i do love the billboards it lets me know i am almost 1/2 way.
Nell

declansdad · 08-01-2012, 06:48 PM

Even Canadian (well at least East Coast Canadians) know about South of the Border. We even see the bumper stickers around here. That is probably why they fly the Canadian flag.

chloe770 · 08-01-2012, 09:27 PM

We have taken this trip before and I have to say your description of both the traffic around DC and of South of the Border is pretty dead on.

KatMark · 08-01-2012, 09:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mrs. Knowitall

Captain Poopy-pants - your alter-ego.

Oh my...I love it Julie.

Mark, I'll be back tomorrow to comment on your post.

FreezinRafiki · 08-02-2012, 07:22 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mrs. Knowitall

Winner of "Spot the Lie" get a piece of Key Lime Pie of Awesomeness mailed to them in an envelope!*

*If you're the winner, please send us a SASE and allow 10 weeks for delivery.

10 weeks? You're being very optimistic about the Delaware Postal Service.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mrs. Knowitall

It was morbid curiosity, Barry.

Great minds.

I quoted both of those together because it seems our minds have more in common that just greatness.

08-01-2012, 02:59 PM	#61
Captain_Oblivious DIS Dad #257 Don't underestimate your audience. I'm sure there's a fart joke in here somewhere Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: Delaware Posts: 6,114	Mission Log #1: Checkpoint Pedro 6:20 a.m., Saturday, July 14. Anticipation was running high as we pulled out of our driveway and began the long drive. In keeping with the “secret” vacation theme, we still didn’t tell the kids where we were going. Well, we did tell them we were most likely not driving directly east. Julie had gathered up all of our AAA road maps and put them in a bag for the kids to use as a reference to try and figure out where we were at any given point. Of course, the bag included maps of New England states, Montana, and even Hawaii, so I’m not sure it was all that helpful. Traffic was smooth until we passed through Annapolis, Maryland. We could see a gathering rain storm in the distance that basically produced a curtain of water on the highway. We hit that and traffic slowed to a crawl. Naturally, this was when Scotty needed to go to the bathroom. Any East Coast resident will tell you that there is no easy way to drive around Washington, D.C. I-95 becomes part of the Washington Beltway, which is infamous for being as gridlocked as…well, every government institution inside the Beltway. It can also be jammed south of D.C. all the way to Fredericksburg, VA. If you’re trying to head south, you either attempt to brave the Beltway, drive directly through the city, or attempt an end-around by taking U.S. 301. 301 turns south at Bowie, MD, runs through the town of Waldorf, and then crosses the Potomac River into Virginia, where it eventually joins back up with I-95 north of Richmond. The section in Maryland is a pain to drive, because it’s a constant stop-start drive through a sea of traffic lights (and red-light cameras). I only bring this up because it is, of course, in sharp contrast to the amazingly efficient highway system we have here in Delaware. Anyway, we chose to drive on U.S. 301 on the theory that it’s better to at least keep moving than risk being stuck on the Beltway. Despite the traffic lights, it worked pretty well, and we were driving over the Nice Bridge into Virginia by mid-morning. No, really, that’s its name: the Harry W. Nice Bridge. The kids were having a little trouble following the maps, but once they figured out where U.S. 301 was, they deduced that we were indeed in the United States. So they had that going for them, which was nice. Virginia provides fewer stop lights, so we got back up to ludicrous speed. When we hit I-95, the Kings Dominion amusement park was visible just to the southeast. The kids saw the towers and got their hopes up...maybe this was the secret destination! I dashed them by speeding by the exit at...well, whatever the speed limit was. Can't be too careful in Virginia. We made it to North Carolina by lunchtime. We stopped in Roanoke Rapids for lunch at a pre-controversy Chick-Fil-A which was packed with people, but the line moved well enough that our food was ready soon enough. Then an old lady grabbed our tray when my name was called. I set out across the restaurant, wondering if I’d have to break off my John Brown boot in her hindquarters to get my food. I tracked her down and eventually emerged victorious with the precious meals. I certainly hope she eventually got something to eat. Back on the road, we blasted our way through North Carolina, with the kids content to play DS or watch movies. I have to get them credit—they travel really well. As we counted off the miles, we got closer and closer to our goal, and if you recall from the intro, you know what I’m talking about. The pinnacle of American road trips…the tourist mecca that beckons us to make our pilgrimage…the place that captivates our dreams throughout the year until we can finally return…that dream within a dream... South of the Border. Named due to its location just south of the NC/SC border line, we started seeing the famous billboards once we hit North Carolina. And if you've never heard of the famous billboards, here's a brief rundown: they're everywhere. They're gaudy. And they're usually full of terrible puns. In short, Barry would love them. Here's an example: I’ve driven past this tourist trap several times in my life, and never once had the guts to stop. Every time we go by, the parking lot looks empty, and I wonder how the place can stay in business wallowing in its eternal crappiness. And yet somehow, it survives. In any case, Julie and I decided that in the interests of detailed, informative Trip Reporting, your intrepid travelers would finally stop and experience the spectacular awfulness that is South of the Border. Mostly because we couldn’t convince anyone else to do it. Here’s the water tower, signaling the type of customer they’re trying to attract. The famous sombrero tower. I had a friend who went up in this when he was young. He excitedly asked the teen running the elevator what he could see from the top. “Nothing,” the teen replied. We went straight for the fireworks shop. No, I don't know why they're flying a Canadian flag. Yes, that package says, “Maximum Powder allowed by law.” You too can celebrate your nation’s freedom by blowing up a small piece of it. Ok, show of hands: how many of you looked at that picture and immediately thought of Muppet Vision 3D? We stopped for some more pictures. Anytime you get the chance to ride a concrete jackalope or a dinosaur with a sombrero, you gotta do it. We also made a pit stop. The only way to describe South of the Border’s bathrooms: Do NOT go in there! I did think it was a nice touch that they had an attendant with a tip basket by the door. Every once in a while he would get up and run a paper towel over a square inch of the sink. Lest you think South of the Border is completely nasty, they do have their highbrow sections as well. See, this place has its own “tradition in fine dining”. That’s got to be a nice place. Um…never mind. Get in the car, kids. South of the Border…we stopped here so you don’t have to. Coming Up Next: Are we there yet? __________________ Me (Mark) DW (Mrs. Knowitall) DD11 DS9 DS7 DIS Dads Club Member #257 Operation Big Thunder: The Dole Whip Conspiracy Rust Belt Road Trip 2011 A Vacation From My Problems (A Sept. 2010 Trip Report) COMPLETED 12/14 Non-Disney Southern Road Trip Report COMPLETE at the DIS Dads webpage COMPLETED TRIP REPORT: Voyage of the Delawareans: November 8-12 4-Night Cruise Last edited by Captain_Oblivious; 08-03-2012 at 12:43 PM.

08-01-2012, 05:58 PM	#68
PlutosRHM55 Pluto's Un-Mentioned Manager Join Date: Sep 2010 Location: Amongst the thousand happy haunts beginning to materialize, but suffering a disquieting metamorphosis... Your cadaverous pallor portrays an aura of foreboding, you know? Posts: 10,010	Oh my gosh, the traffic near DC is absolutely awful. I swear people who are all over the bad traffic in NYC have obviously not driven in the lower East coast. It is just awful and plus rain, good thing you guys made it out fairly quickly and without cranky children. I would've been so anxious. Your kids really do deal with travel better than I ever did at their age. Oh my gosh, that is one bad, big tourist trap. I always thought they may have gotten more... classy. I stand corrected then. I absolutely love the Sombrero tower though makes me laugh they have an elevator to go up in. Thank god I may not ever go there. Good thing you guys were only there for a bathroom break, you guys were smart about that. I thank you for showing me a place I will never let my curiosity bring me to. Can't wait to read more! __________________ Name's Timmy Awaiting DGE 2014 JII & Tiki Room Forever In Memory of TimmyToga CURRENT PTR: Even Miracles Take A Little Time... A Beyond Birthdays PTR PAST TRs: Cheerleaders! Blisters! Oversized Water Bottles! ... It Must Be Disney! February 2011 Trip When I First Felt The Magic... FINALLY! April 2010 Trip

08-01-2012, 06:05 PM	#69
CopperWife Mouseketeer Join Date: Jul 2012 Location: Chicago suburbs Posts: 171	Not gonna lie......I would have to stop for the puns alone. __________________ May 2011 split stay AS Sports/POR ~ May 2005 POFQ ~ July 2002 AKL ~ June 1998 CSR ~ multiple misc. trips as a child me DH DD9 DD6

08-01-2012, 06:32 PM	#71
dellasgirl Mouseketeer Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: why would YOU care Posts: 224	Reading along also. About South of the border we have passed by there on everyone of our trips to the mouse and only once stopped--never again but i do love the billboards it lets me know i am almost 1/2 way. Nell __________________

08-01-2012, 06:48 PM	#72
declansdad DIS Dad#639 Still waiting for his first one Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: New Brunswick, Canada Posts: 16,019	Even Canadian (well at least East Coast Canadians) know about South of the Border. We even see the bumper stickers around here. That is probably why they fly the Canadian flag. __________________ Darcy ASM - March 2004 --- POP - July 2005 --- POP and the Poly - August 2007 --- CBR - Aug 2008 --- POFQ August 2009--- POP Christmas 2010--- POFQ Aug 2011 --- Disney Dream and MK March 2013 me dw (pooksma) ds DIS Dads Club Member #639 Our WDW photos on Photobucket. Our Disney Dream and MK visit March 2013 Trip Report

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08-01-2012, 05:50 PM	#67
reelmom If I don't get tagged, I am gonna hold my breath until I am blue! Didn't work. The tag turned blue instead! Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: Newnan, GA Posts: 5,352	Joining in for the fun. Great start.

08-01-2012, 09:27 PM	#73
chloe770 Isn't it just more fun to be surprised? Without SpongeBob I would never get anything done Join Date: May 2008 Location: The Small Wonder Posts: 1,098	We have taken this trip before and I have to say your description of both the traffic around DC and of South of the Border is pretty dead on. __________________

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