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Old 10-16-2012, 01:30 PM   #1
jeepgirl30
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Should I say/do something?

Every instinct is telling me to stay out of this but in light of the Amanda Todd thing I am questioning when adults need to step in and alert people. Now this is no where near as big of an issue but still i'm concerned.

A little girl my DD12 is on and off again friends with is having some difficult time deciding who she is friends with and who she is dating on a day to day basis.

According to my DD, she will "date" someone for 2-3 days breakup with them and start "dating" someone else. Seems harmless and pretty silly so i never kept up. She texts my daughter for a few days a lot then just stops for awhile.

The other day the girl announced on the bus she thought she was pregnant and that was why she was moody. Apparently kids are now calling her nasty names. She later said no she isn't but she has had sex. The kids are still calling her nasty names and my DD is telling me she doesn't want to be friends with her at all.

I explained I understand and wouldn't make her be friends and would actually prefer she not hang out with someone like that but she absolutely can not be mean or call her names.

I don't know though, I wonder if the school is aware this little girl is going around setting herself up like this? should i send a note to the guidance counselor? I do not know her parents. They are divorced and dad doesn't not live in the area.

I feel this girl is looking for attention but she is going to get the wrong kind going about it this way.

Again, this is not life threatening and no means related to bullying but a little 12 year old saying she is having sex and could be pregnant is really sad.
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Old 10-16-2012, 01:33 PM   #2
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At 12, I wouldn't hesitate to call the guidance counselor at the school. Just tell them what your daughter relayed to you, and let them handle it from there. Odds are, they are already aware of issues with the girl, but if not, they can at least keep an eye on her and see how's she's doing. I wouldn't directly interact with the girl or her family, and I probably wouldn't follow up after talking to the guidance counselor, but making sure the school has a heads-up seems like a reasonable thing to do.
Goodness knows, if kid were ever acting like that, I'd hope that some adults took the situation seriously and let someone know about it.
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Old 10-16-2012, 01:34 PM   #3
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Honestly, its not a bad idea to talk to the principal or guidance counsellor in this case. I dont think it would hurt at all. She definitely needs some guidance! And youre right, it looks like she's seeking attention. having sex at age 12 is a little disturbing. I have a 12 yr old boy, he JUST found out that in order to have sex, the boys parts are inserted into the girls parts....all this time he thought having sex was kissing and rolling and "humping". LMAO!!! We just had this conversation on Saturday!
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Old 10-16-2012, 02:05 PM   #4
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Let me see if I understand: you are going to call the school and notify them that a girl who is sort of but not really friends with your daughter is sexually active?

I don't think this is any of your business.
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Old 10-16-2012, 02:08 PM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Janepod View Post
Let me see if I understand: you are going to call the school and notify them that a girl who is sort of but not really friends with your daughter may possibly be sexually active?

I don't think this is any of your business.
I agree. No, you shouldn't say or do anything.
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Old 10-16-2012, 02:10 PM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Janepod View Post
Let me see if I understand: you are going to call the school and notify them that a girl who is sort of but not really friends with your daughter is sexually active?

I don't think this is any of your business.
I agree and if she is just looking for attention it could be all a big story!
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Old 10-16-2012, 02:12 PM   #7
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Quote:
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Let me see if I understand: you are going to call the school and notify them that a girl who is sort of but not really friends with your daughter is sexually active?

I don't think this is any of your business.
True. However, if she's not steered in the right direction now, she could be completely out of control by the time she hits highschool. Although I do see your point, just stay out of it. Let the parents worry about it.
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Old 10-16-2012, 02:13 PM   #8
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I do think that if you're going to get involved here, you need to at least consider the possibility that the girl is either lying or is confused as to what actually constitutes "sex" vs. "heavy petting" and other activities. I know middle school kids know way more than I knew at that age, but there's still a lot of naivete out there.

If you DO get involved, realize that it could well backfire. If the girl IS lying or just making a grab for attention or whatever, you've now outed her as sexually active to the administration, which means that her parents will likely be contacted as well. If it comes out that you're the one who started it all, that could be incredibly awkward. If you heard this about your daughter and found out that the info came from the mother of a girl that your daughter is kind of friends with ... how would you feel?

If the girl were in physical danger or suffering abuse then yes, I'd get involved. But you're worried about a 12YO who is "setting herself up" and getting made fun of. I don't know that that would be enough to get me involved in the life of a relative stranger.

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Old 10-16-2012, 02:13 PM   #9
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If this were someone DD knew, here is what I would tell her to do...

1) Interact with the girl on a limited basis (as in don't go out of your way to befriend her, but don't shun her either)

2) If present when the girl was being called names, stand up for her and let others know that their behavior is wrong, and that no one deserves to be treated that way.

I would not contact the school. A parent perhaps, but definitely not the school.
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Old 10-16-2012, 02:20 PM   #10
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OP here.

I do not believe the girl is sexual active. My concern is not about her being active. My concern is she is going around telling people she is and is getting very negative responses. I'm afraid this will lead to her getting harrassed and labeled as a tramp. I think she is trying to get attention but not realizing how bad negative attention will be later on.

I have no clue what to do, IF anything. I feel like someone needs to guide this girl in the right direction and no one is doing it.

As I said my instincts are saying do nothing and I'll probably stick with that. However, what if down the road this child does become bullied/cyber attacked and I stood by and did nothing? When do you know to step in and stop a spark from being a fire and when do you know it isn't quite a spark?

In other cases the DIS goes crazy saying so many people failed and did nothing. Yet something like this people shout over reaction! it seems a hard line to draw.
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Old 10-16-2012, 02:46 PM   #11
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I would not contact anyone in a position of authority, but I might encourage my daughter to talk to her about it if the opportunity presents itself.
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Old 10-16-2012, 02:47 PM   #12
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I don't think anyone is suggesting the OP get involved in this girl's sex life, and I don't think that's the real concern.
A quick phone call to the guidance counselor to say "I heard from DD that SuzieQue has been having a hard time on the bus, with kids calling her names and her sharing inappropriate stories about her - possibly made up - personal life. With everything about bullying that's been going on lately, I just wanted to make sure someone at the school was aware of the issue so they could keep an eye on her and make sure she's doing OK."

I can't begin to see what's wrong with that, or how it would get back to the OP's DD. (And if it does, the guidance counselor should be fired on the spot!)

This isn't the same situation, of course, but here's a great example of something good that came because someone decided not to ignore the words of a 12 year old girl: http://baltimore.cbslocal.com/2012/0...-boyfriend-25/
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Old 10-16-2012, 03:00 PM   #13
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Bottom line, I would tell my dd to talk with guidance herself if she thinks there is an issue that needs to be addressed.
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Old 10-16-2012, 03:05 PM   #14
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jeepgirl30 View Post
OP here.

I feel like someone needs to guide this girl in the right direction and no one is doing it.

As I said my instincts are saying do nothing and I'll probably stick with that. However, what if down the road this child does become bullied/cyber attacked and I stood by and did nothing? When do you know to step in and stop a spark from being a fire and when do you know it isn't quite a spark?

In other cases the DIS goes crazy saying so many people failed and did nothing. Yet something like this people shout over reaction! it seems a hard line to draw.
I don't get that either. There can pages of a thread where it mentions that so many people let down a bullied child but then a thread like this comes up and everyone says to MYOB. So when do you switch and not MYOB?

Her behavior is crying for attention for some reason. I can't see any downside to letting a counselor know this girl is making potentially bad choices. She needs someone to help her understand how her behavior and comments are not appropriate and can lead to bigger problems. Everything should be confidential so I can't imagine how it will be connected to anyone. Obviously, these comments are being heard by several classmates.

It's fine to say let the parents handle it but what about kids who have uninvolved parents or bad role models? Are they just left on their own?
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Old 10-16-2012, 03:10 PM   #15
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I would encourage the OP to contact the guidance office also. Just the fact that you are aware she is being bullied and notify the school will hopefully help.

The school can only help if adults step up and make them aware. Whether or not she is lying is not the important thing - what's important is how other students are treating her, and the fact that at least one adult was concerned about her and took five minutes to let the school know.
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