Disney Information Station Logo

Go Back   The DIS Discussion Forums - DISboards.com > Disneyland > Disneyland Trip Reports
Find Hotel Specials & DIScounts
 
facebooktwitterpinterestgoogle plusyoutubeDIS UpdatesDIS email updates
Register Chat FAQ Tickers Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read


Reply
 
Thread Tools Rate Thread Display Modes
Old 10-21-2012, 10:11 PM   #211
kaoden39
Prayers and pixie dust from your friends on the DIS
Hugs
I have been flipping all around the internet
 
kaoden39's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Fairfield, CA
Posts: 30,104

Molly, I hate to sound awful and please forgive me but she sounds like a major manipulator. She is probably afraid of the unknown so she if fighting it. It would be so much easier for her if she was in assisted living. There are some nice places out there now. It's not like it was years ago where they are put into a hospital like room.
kaoden39 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-21-2012, 11:27 PM   #212
bumbershoot
DIS Veteran
 
bumbershoot's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Tacoma WA
Posts: 45,096

Michele, you hit the nail on the head. Perfectly, and there's no offense taken. In fact, you've been virtually high-fived.

Today she was talking to Robert via a gmail "hangout" (video call) and got upset and was crying, and I went over and hugged her. Later, when it was just us, she started "crying", aka NOT crying at all, and I had to leave the room. There's a difference, and I KNOW that difference, and I cannot stand fake crying, even in someone who is otherwise righteously upset.

Everyone in the family can tell that she has reverted back in her mind to back when she didn't like me. It's not her fault, she didn't ask for this, I can't be upset with her for being back to that point her in head...but gosh darnit it hurts. On the other hand, Robert's brother and sister now like me, and they are on my side, and BIL feels totally bad for me (SIL probably will too, but she doesn't really know yet).

Ugh, that feels like "it's all about meeee".

I feel sad that she thinks that these strokes somehow reflect badly on her as a person, or that she can control them; that she feels like they are "mistakes". I feel sad that she's losing her memories. I remember how badly my grandmother felt as she went into Alzheimers; how scary it was for her. I really really feel for my MIL. It's not fun and we know this. So when she's actually upset, we hurt right along with her.

Sigh.
bumbershoot is offline   Reply With Quote
|
The DIS
Register to remove

Join Date: 1997
Location: Orlando, FL
Posts: 1,000,000
Old 10-22-2012, 08:21 AM   #213
nancy drew
DIS Veteran
 
nancy drew's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Chicago
Posts: 1,018

Is there some sort of, I don't know, counselor person who can ease your MIL's mind about assisted living? I hope this doesn't come out the wrong way, and I'm not aiming this comment at you, but surely your MIL isn't the first person ever to fight the idea of AL, and I would think (and hope) that over the years there has been some sort of protocol among hospital staff and AL staff for presenting this as beneficial, not scary.

Have you chosen an assisted living facility (I hate that word)? Maybe they have someone on staff who can come and talk to your MIL and help put her mind at ease?
__________________

Me DD 10 DS 8
1982: Contemporary 1989: Contemporary 1998: Disneyland (day trip) 2005: Wilderness Lodge 2006: Wilderness Lodge 2007: Contemporary 2008: Disneyland (Park Vue) 2009: Disneyland (HoJo) 2010: Pop Century 2011: Disneyland (PPH/DLH) and Boardwalk 2012: San Diego and Disneyland (PPH) 2013: Polynesian and Port Orleans Riverside 2014: Dolphin and Disney Dream
nancy drew is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-22-2012, 10:53 AM   #214
bumbershoot
DIS Veteran
 
bumbershoot's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Tacoma WA
Posts: 45,096

All of this has been put on me, and between sleeping, taking basic care of E, and visiting the MIL, I haven't had the time to go looking. Yesterday I thought it would be brought up, there would be resistance, she would get used to it, and I'd go tour at least ONE place (right near our home).

Instead, when I got BIL out of the room and let her friend talk to her (who has friends in AL and knows it's not prison), a care manager (social worker) came in and undid it ALL. Said that no one could force her to go, etc etc, that it was HER decision... Undid it ALL. And it's not like we WANTED to do this; her doctor at the hospital told me that he woudln't let her go until we got this in place.

Today he's letting her go. With NOTHING in place. When it could have been at least almost in place, except that the social worker messed it up.


Of course then she got a chance to actually MEET my MIL and watch her memories come in and out, watch how forgetful she is now, and SEE the reason why the doctor was saying that, and as we were prepping to go last night was acting like the savior, that she would bring in pamphlets for MIL to look at. Oh, like the pamphlets all the other care managers gave us?

I just talked with the doctor, expressed my issues with the care manager, and requested a new one. And explained to him that our AL discussions were because of what HE had said.

The care manager is the one at the hospital who would be the AL cheerleader, and yesterday she did not fill that role.

Barely slept last night except for between 2 and 4. Tried to sleep, went to bed at 10, but it just didn't work.
bumbershoot is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-22-2012, 11:51 AM   #215
6Smiles
DIS Veteran
 
6Smiles's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Arizona
Posts: 710

Molly -

I'm sorry you are having to go through all this. I know as a caregiver/nursing student and watching several families have to try and make these decisions the case managers can be either the best advocate for the family or undo all of what your trying to accomplish which is what it sounds like this case manager did.

If you could possibly speak with her nurse and have her advocate to the case manager given her intimate care role with your MIL that can sometimes help sway the doctor for more time and case manager to do what is best for the family all around.

I pray a resolution is swift in coming and will keep your family in my prayers.

Kris
__________________
Kris
6Smiles is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-22-2012, 02:37 PM   #216
nancy drew
DIS Veteran
 
nancy drew's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Chicago
Posts: 1,018

Ugh, that is so awful. I am so sorry. It sounds like they are rather disorganized.
__________________

Me DD 10 DS 8
1982: Contemporary 1989: Contemporary 1998: Disneyland (day trip) 2005: Wilderness Lodge 2006: Wilderness Lodge 2007: Contemporary 2008: Disneyland (Park Vue) 2009: Disneyland (HoJo) 2010: Pop Century 2011: Disneyland (PPH/DLH) and Boardwalk 2012: San Diego and Disneyland (PPH) 2013: Polynesian and Port Orleans Riverside 2014: Dolphin and Disney Dream
nancy drew is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-22-2012, 04:19 PM   #217
kaoden39
Prayers and pixie dust from your friends on the DIS
Hugs
I have been flipping all around the internet
 
kaoden39's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Fairfield, CA
Posts: 30,104

Molly, this is about you too. Obviously you are the one that is left the chore of taking care of this. It is not an easy chore, there are so many aspects of picking out a AL place. I am so sorry that you are all having to go through this. Hopefully the Dr or nurse can step in and help fix what the case manager did.

kaoden39 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-22-2012, 04:21 PM   #218
suzcruz
Mouseketeer
 
suzcruz's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2008
Location: La Canada, CA
Posts: 266

longtime lurker on your threads but speaking up now to say,what about hiring people to care for your MIL in her home? my MIL has dementia and we have 2 people (one during the week and one on the weekends) who live with my MIL on a 24 hour basis, cook & clean for her, drive her to doctors appointments etc. The two ladies treat my MIL so well plus they are so much cheaper than assisted living. Assisted living for dementia patients is MUCH higher than regular assisted living. hope this is helpful in some way to you
__________________
Eastern Carribean Cruise 7/2012*Western Carribean Cruise 4/2011*Wonder Nowhere Cruise 1/2011*WDW Grand Floridian 6/2009*Mexican Riviera Cruise 8/2008*Disneyland Too Many Times To Count!!!
suzcruz is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-22-2012, 05:42 PM   #219
DizNee Luver
Luver of all things Disney!
 
DizNee Luver's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Philomath, Oregon
Posts: 9,477

Still thinking of you Molly.....hopefully things will fall into place and life will calm down a bit for all of you.
__________________
Road Trip 2014HEREClub 33HEREWDW TRHEREOct PTRHERE 2013 Divas #3HERE2012 Holiday Trip HERE
WDW Dec 12 PTR~Cancelled: HERE 2011 Holiday Trip: HEREDivas, Take 2~2012: HEREDiva's TR~2011: HERE
10 of Us Summer Trip~2010: HERE 25th Anniv.TR~2009: HERE

DLR: 1967, 1972, 1984, 2005, 2008, 2009, 2009, 2010, 2011, 2011, 2012, 2012, 2013, 2013, 2014 WDW: 2013


DizNee Luver is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-22-2012, 11:12 PM   #220
bumbershoot
DIS Veteran
 
bumbershoot's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Tacoma WA
Posts: 45,096

Thanks to all of you!

Quote:
Originally Posted by suzcruz View Post
longtime lurker on your threads but speaking up now to say,what about hiring people to care for your MIL in her home? my MIL has dementia and we have 2 people (one during the week and one on the weekends) who live with my MIL on a 24 hour basis, cook & clean for her, drive her to doctors appointments etc. The two ladies treat my MIL so well plus they are so much cheaper than assisted living. Assisted living for dementia patients is MUCH higher than regular assisted living. hope this is helpful in some way to you
I don't know where the money for that would come from. I got a look at several months of bank statements, and honestly I'm not sure where her food money is. It's nearly even with Ss and widow pension coming in, then rent at her senior housing place and all sorts of insurances. Craziness. We could help for awhile, but it would be a burden that the other sibs couldn't help with. We're still trying to get a handle on all the options, and the care manager was absolutely useless with that. Best she could manage was to bring up a company called Fedelta. Oh thanks, helpful. (I mean, I WILL contact them, but she tells us about that and hands MIL pamphlets on what's GOT to be the MOST expensive place in the area, that's also an HOUR away and across a TOLL BRIDGE from any of us???? seriously? that's all she's got?)

I told the care manager exactly what I thought of her nonsense yesterday, and I did it in front of the doctor AND the entire nurses's station. Not loud, not obnoxious, just very matter of factly to let her know it was inexcusable, unacceptable, and terrible. That their family has their own dynamic, and she messed it up. That she needs to be more observant about last names and not assume that families must "match". And, MOST importantly, we were ONLY doing it because the doctor (that was standing right there) had TOLD ME that she wasn't being released until we got AL set up!!!!!

She took it professionally, but I'm not sure it sunk in.



I've never felt closer to my BIL; he sent me the sweetest text message, made me cry happy-tears today.

I went nearly hysterical AFTER talking to the care manager about her "care".

Got to explain to MIL that "giving another chance" isn't going to be "sink or swim". That we have to get things set up to HELP her, so it's not all up to her and her faulty memory.

There are two areas I'm never going again with her...one, this memory she has that directly goes against the diabetes educator last Wednesday, the Home Health nurse last Thursday, Robert on Friday, and ME all of those days b/c I witnessed the first and was told about the second and third...which she is convinced we're saying she is lying about, and because the reality has been covered by this incredibly fault memory in her head, she won't accept it. And also, the concept that she is human and gets to have a say in things (uh duh, but we're not saying you are *lying*, we are saying you are having memory problems!). WILL NOT go there again with her, and stopped the convo cold when she started looping into it for the tenth time today and beyond.

She still doesn't remember the "new" HOV lanes near her place, and didn't recognize my car again, and was mystified at the construction on the highway on our way to our home, but she seems to get that I have done a lot for her, and it seems Robert has convinced her that she does, in fact, like me. So that went better once she got the sucked-on-a-lemon face gone.

If you're upset enough at a hospital, the pharmacist will offer YOU drugs, LOL.

She *says* that she will look at AL places once Robert is home, with him, as he is the brilliant favored child of all children now, because SHE had calmed down by the time he talked to her again. She forgets that HE was the one, with me, that brought the whole dang thing up, and is acting like the initial problems were MY fault and her older son's. Whatev'. Another topic I won't loop around with her again.

I spent a couple hours with her at home, and got it all resolved that she would eat at 6 and take her pills, and she would call me when she did that. As I left *at 5:10* I saw BIL's ex, going for a visit, and I talked with him. She had JUST called him (what, the second I left her apartment?), she was eating, and was happy he was coming over. Uh WHAT? What happened to 6pm? Well, I told him that she needed to take her dinnertime pills. Sigh.

Obviously...this isn't going to work. Of course, AL wasn't going to stop the strokes. No one, not even the doctors, are convinced that anything is going to stop them. They don't know why they are happening and there's nothing obvious enough to DO, other than the drugs. So really it's just about making sure she's taking them AND trying to keep her from burning the place down, before her next one.



I hope I can sleep tonight without bursting into tears every half hour. I really really hope so. If Robert were here, it's entirely possible I would have taken that pharmacist up on something for tonight (shocking, I know!), but I gotta be conscious for the kidlet!
__________________
-molly + robert + eamon (10!!)

DLR '05-'09 found within this link
DLR 7,9,12 2012 Universal Feb '12 DLR Dec '11 and Feb '12

Made weight goal 1yr8m8days after starting...currently working to maintain 85 lb loss thanks to Weight Watchers!
bumbershoot is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-22-2012, 11:22 PM   #221
kaoden39
Prayers and pixie dust from your friends on the DIS
Hugs
I have been flipping all around the internet
 
kaoden39's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Fairfield, CA
Posts: 30,104

Molly, I feel so bad that you are going through all this. I think that maybe a nice glass or five of wine wouldn't be a bad thing. Unless you are a unhappy drinker then don't.


When is Robert due home? Hopefully you can figure out her banking information so you can get her into some sort of AL place.


kaoden39 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-22-2012, 11:49 PM   #222
bumbershoot
DIS Veteran
 
bumbershoot's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Tacoma WA
Posts: 45,096

I did have a lovely Sam Adams tonight...oh it was so tasty.

He gets home on the 25th, and is taking a week off to help her. I'm threatening to go to Fiji.
bumbershoot is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-22-2012, 11:55 PM   #223
kaoden39
Prayers and pixie dust from your friends on the DIS
Hugs
I have been flipping all around the internet
 
kaoden39's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Fairfield, CA
Posts: 30,104

Quote:
Originally Posted by bumbershoot View Post
I did have a lovely Sam Adams tonight...oh it was so tasty.

He gets home on the 25th, and is taking a week off to help her. I'm threatening to go to Fiji.

May I suggest Maximus by Lagunitas brewery? Its a strong IPA and it is good if you like an IPA.


The 25th isn't so terribly far off. Fiji sounds rather good right now!
kaoden39 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-23-2012, 03:03 PM   #224
bumbershoot
DIS Veteran
 
bumbershoot's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Tacoma WA
Posts: 45,096

I had a couple years where I really liked the IPAs, but my tastes changed. Bummed out my brother, because he adores them and liked introducing me to the ones he loves.

Saw her today, she's finally realizing the extent of her continued memory losses and forgetfulness. I hate HATE hate to be the one bringing her to this understanding, but the things we have in place *right now*, of having people call AS she takes her pills and AS she is making food, failed this morning (halfway...her pill box for this morning was empty at least) because she either didn't make food as Robert was on the phone with her, or she forgot that she did. No way to know.

Awful awful awful. Terrifying to think of for yourself or for a loved one. Or for a hated one for that matter. Doesn't matter who is dealing with it; memory loss is terrible.


Organizing, getting ready to do learning work with E, and I might have a chance to post happier things in a little bit.
bumbershoot is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-23-2012, 03:22 PM   #225
kaoden39
Prayers and pixie dust from your friends on the DIS
Hugs
I have been flipping all around the internet
 
kaoden39's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Fairfield, CA
Posts: 30,104

I have a friend whose dad had Alzheimers. It got to the point that he did not know my friend and he thought that my friends son was him. It was so sad. Loren's bff grandpa is starting to get pretty bad. He was convinced yesterday that he was in a flood and that there was a tornado. The odd thing was there was a tornado about 2 hours away from us all. I feel so bad for you all to be going through this.
kaoden39 is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply



Thread Tools
Display Modes Rate This Thread
Rate This Thread:

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

facebooktwitterpinterestgoogle plusyoutubeDIS Updates
GET OUR DIS UPDATES DELIVERED BY EMAIL



All times are GMT -5. The time now is 08:10 AM.

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.

Copyright Š 1997-2014, Werner Technologies, LLC. All Rights Reserved.

You Rated this Thread: