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Old 12-12-2013, 10:41 PM   #1
whatname
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Divorced parents - what do you do on Christmas

I have a friend who is having her 1st Christmas since divorcing. Her ex will have her son from late afternoon Christmas eve until 3pm Christmas day. She will have her daughter the whole time. Son is 8. Daughter is 11. She doesn't know what to do with her daughter. She wants the 3 of them to have Christmas and open gifts together, but she knows it will be hard, and somewhat unfair, to make her daughter wait for the son to come home. Any ideas of what they can do or have planned for her daughter? She is not sure what to do Christmas eve either. They are both having a hard time with this holiday.

Thanks for the help!
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Old 12-12-2013, 10:50 PM   #2
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For Christmas Eve could they do something special and either "big kid" or "girlie". Like get dressed up and go to a fancy concert, or stay up for a midnight church service if they're religious, or go out to eat at a restaurant that's too much for an 8 year old, or bake together, or paint their toenails with Christmas colors.

For Christmas day, what about a movie?
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Old 12-12-2013, 10:57 PM   #3
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Maybe she can start a new tradition with her daughter. There are a lot of families that open their presents later because the children are with the other parent. Maybe there can be one special present that her daughter opens in the morning, and they can do something together - make a new tradition, whether it be something like Mickey'snewestfan's suggestions, or baking something, making a gingerbread house. I like the church idea (if they're religious), or going to the movies. I often did that with my kids on Christmas Day.
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Old 12-12-2013, 11:30 PM   #4
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Quote:
Originally Posted by whatname
I have a friend who is having her 1st Christmas since divorcing. Her ex will have her son from late afternoon Christmas eve until 3pm Christmas day. She will have her daughter the whole time. Son is 8. Daughter is 11. She doesn't know what to do with her daughter. She wants the 3 of them to have Christmas and open gifts together, but she knows it will be hard, and somewhat unfair, to make her daughter wait for the son to come home. Any ideas of what they can do or have planned for her daughter? She is not sure what to do Christmas eve either. They are both having a hard time with this holiday.

Thanks for the help!
That's tough, but I'd wait til ds got home. Could they all open a few gifts on xmas eve day together? Then maybe her and dd could do something fun (bake cookies, watch movies, do an art project etc.) until ds got home. There's no way I'd do xmas without one of my kids though. Can she change the visitation for next yr? It should at least alternate right?
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Old 12-13-2013, 01:10 AM   #5
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My daughter is home with me (refuses to see her dad) and my boys go with my ex. My daughter and I have started our own Christmas traditions since the divorce. My ex is now remarried so he now doesn't take the boys on Xmas Eve (but my kids are 19 and almost 15) but when he did my daughter and I would get Chinese food on Xmas Eve, load up on junk food, and do mani/pedi's on each other as well as watching A Christmas Story marathon. Then on Xmas morning we would make cinnamon rolls together and watch a chick flick or 2. Now we do all of that but we also go volunteer at the homeless shelter on Christmas morning and then come home for breakfast and a movie.

It definitely helped to get the old traditions out of my head and start new ones. I really enjoy that time with my daughter. Maybe she could do something like that.
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Old 12-13-2013, 05:32 AM   #6
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Maybe she can start a new tradition and have their Christmas morning on Christmas Eve morning. So kids & mom celebrate Christmas Eve morning at her house as if it were Christmas.

Then she and daughter can start some sort of Mom & Daughter tradition for Christmas Eve night, and Christmas morning. Volunteer, church, visit others, neighborhood secret Santa, etc.
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Old 12-13-2013, 07:28 AM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cglaura View Post
Maybe she can start a new tradition and have their Christmas morning on Christmas Eve morning. So kids & mom celebrate Christmas Eve morning at her house as if it were Christmas.

Then she and daughter can start some sort of Mom & Daughter tradition for Christmas Eve night, and Christmas morning. Volunteer, church, visit others, neighborhood secret Santa, etc.


Yes! On the years the kids went to their dads on Christmas Eve, we had Christmas Eve morning together. I can't speak much on the Christmas Day with a child. Traditionally it was a great 'self' day. Sleep late, stay in my pj's for a good long time etc.

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Old 12-13-2013, 07:49 AM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by whatname View Post
I have a friend who is having her 1st Christmas since divorcing. Her ex will have her son from late afternoon Christmas eve until 3pm Christmas day. She will have her daughter the whole time. Son is 8. Daughter is 11. She doesn't know what to do with her daughter. She wants the 3 of them to have Christmas and open gifts together, but she knows it will be hard, and somewhat unfair, to make her daughter wait for the son to come home. Any ideas of what they can do or have planned for her daughter? She is not sure what to do Christmas eve either. They are both having a hard time with this holiday.

Thanks for the help!
Christmas Eve morning becomes her Christmas day morning, easy really.

Open the presents, play hang out watch a Christmas movie son leaves with dad.

Mom and daughter do fun things together,

Cheap things are do make overs on each other, good ones first then clown faces second. dress up fashion shows out of anyone closet in the house. bake ton of cookies/ junk food in clown make up and watch movies talk about all the gossip of their lives. taking turns reading chapters in dd favorite book.
selfie pics need to be taken.



really you need to convince your friend that this will be a positive thing and that she controls how she feels about it. she has a perfect opportunity to make this the best or the worst Xmas.
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Old 12-13-2013, 09:45 AM   #9
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When my youngest was really little (he will be 7 in January) and my oldest (13 now) was going to be at his Dad's on Christmas morning, Christmas Eve morning was our Christmas! Santa came early since he knew that oldest DS would be with his dad. It was pretty easy to explain and youngest DS accepted it. We haven't had to deal with it the past couple of years though b/c DS#1 refuses to go to his dad's for Christmas because he likes our traditions and dislikes that his dad does nothing. I'm done fighting about it, so he makes the choice, not me.
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Old 12-13-2013, 09:55 AM   #10
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I only have 1 kid. But, we do the gift opening early Christmas Eve day, because she goes to her DF's house later Christmas eve.

For several years we would have her do early Christmas Day morning with me, then her df and I would meet near my work so he could have her, then I would go to work. But that just got too crazy waking up crazy early, she could still take her presents to her DF's house, but trying to get us both ready then go to work, so we tweaked it.
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Old 12-13-2013, 10:00 AM   #11
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Ds and his ex just went through deciding (read: arguing) about how to switch off for Christmas. My biggest suggestion was: let them be in one place on Christmas Day at least until late in the day. You can always switch next year.

So, after much debating, he will have Christmas with them on Christmas Eve (Santa will come the night of the 23rd). So, he just has Christmas a day early at his house.


This is what I would do in your friend's situation too. They will have almost all day on Christmas Eve, let that be their Christmas Day. Then on Christmas Day she can have a day with her dd--go to a movie, or lay around in pj's and watch movies at home, mani-pedis, play some games, take a walk, whatever her dd wants to do.

I think if it was just me and dd, I would get up and bake cinnamon rolls, pull out her favorite Christmas movies and a couple of board games that is fun with just two, turn on the tree lights, snuggle down with hot cocoa and the rolls and just veg out all day. hmmmm-ok, now I need to find a day during the holidays we can do just that!!
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Old 12-13-2013, 10:05 AM   #12
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I agree with the poster who suggested that the mom has the ability to make this the best Christmas ever, or the worst.

It is not fair to the DD or the mom to hold off on all Christmas celebrations until 3:00 when the son is returned home on Christmas Day. So - as others have suggested - some juggling is in order. Christmas on Christmas Eve morning is one possibility - as previously suggested.

Figure out something to do after DS leaves - perhaps a late night Christmas Eve service. Perhaps going to where the great Christmas lights are and just drive around. Perhaps going out for something unusual - like Chinese. Perhaps you two could have a spa night, and do silly facials and manis and pedis.

Find a couple of "chick flicks" to watch on Christmas day, and have a great time!
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Old 12-13-2013, 10:52 AM   #13
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Thanks for all the suggestions. I will definitely pass them on. You are right. She needs to see this as a positive and not negative and create some new traditions. She and both the kids, daughter especially, are having difficulty adjusting to this. The ex is the one who left and has no interest in his daughter, except for trying his best to get his child support reduced.

She may come to church with us on Christmas eve. I think the idea of getting out of the house for a while on Christmas may be a good one for them. They do alot of volunteer work, so maybe they can do that. Funds are extremely tight for them, but maybe I can get them movie passes.

Great ideas!! Thanks!
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Old 12-13-2013, 11:24 AM   #14
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Good suggestions. Important to have the day be special for the daughter too. Even though it will be hard without her sibling, she needs to feel like Xmas is still special
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Old 12-13-2013, 12:20 PM   #15
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So the ex is the father of both of these children but only wants to have the son on Christmas????
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