What makes a person a "grown up"?

[duffy]

Originally Posted by JessicaR

For what it's worth, I agreed with you.

I understand.

[BroganMc]

When I was a kid dealing with a chronic illness that threw me in a world of doctors, hospitals and disability I thought I was very mature. Much more than any if my piers or siblings. No one in my world, kids or adult, had the same issues. But I was still prone too all the hormonal drama a young person experiences. There were many times I knew better, but couldn't get past my emotions.

In my 30s my mom was diagnosed with terminal cancer and I put of all my personal goals to be her caretaker. That led me to becoming the main support for my dad too. They carted for me as a kids and I felt it was my turn to reciprocate. Everything I di revolved in some way around keeping them happy and healthy for as long as possible.

I think that is what defines maturity. When you stop thinking of yourself first and make someone else the priority. Parenthood is what usually makes people grow up. But for those who never have children, it is just taking responsibility for someone else.

Now if you all my siblings, 2 recognize my choices and efforts. One still has attitudes at times. Considering gets labeled with the moniker 'self absorbed' I think its just sibling rivalry at play.

Now as my beloved fictional character Doctor Who says: what's the point on being grown up if you can't act childish sometimes? A grown up who forgets how to cherish the inner child is a very sad person. If you can't laugh, play or enjoy the things you love, them you'll burn out fast. You just know there are limits to your playtime.

Now my 15yo niece is going through some family drama right now that is making her feel very mature for her age. Mature and isolated from her peers. Its exactly like I felt as a kid. I admire her for taking responsibility, but worry about her burning out. So my gift to her is to give her times when she does not have to be the grown up. It really ducks to have your childhood taken from you too soon.

As for financial independence marking maturity, I don't buy it. I was paying my own bills for years and running my own business before my mom got sick. It was all about me then. I was a responsible,trust worthy kid but still not quite finished.

I will still get that feeling of being a phony, but that is tied more to my naivete. I promise you there are many things in life that will teach you there is far more to learn. As soon as you get older and your body starts failing you, you feel like you've regressed to babyhood.

[beaucoup]

What makes a person grow up? Responsibility.

[flyergrad09]

To me, you're an adult when you're willing to accept that you don't know everything. When I was a teenager, I used to hate it when my mom would give me unsolicited advice because I didn't want to hear that I might be wrong. Even in the early part of undergrad, I would ignore her advice. Now that I'm a little older, I suck up everything that she says like a sponge! There's a lot in the world that I need help with, and my philosophy is that I'm blessed enough to have a mother around while I'm in my mid-20s, so I may as well learn everything that I can from her.

Oh, and that whole financially independent thing? I don't agree with that. Maybe 20 years ago, but anymore, you can't guarantee that your adult child will be able to find a job after college, and even then it probably won't pay enough for them to afford rent, food, and paying back loans. I moved out last year to go to graduate school, and I wound up having to move back home. To me, the decision to move back home in order to prevent myself from having more debt is a more adult decision than the choice to stay in your own place and pay all of your own bills with a credit card that you can't afford.

[Handbag Lady]

The second you realize fart jokes are funny, just not at work.

[TomorrowlandFamily]

Originally Posted by beaucoup

What makes a person grow up? Responsibility.

Responsibility is what made it click to me that I was a "grown up". When I was 18, I went on a road trip with three friends, from Texas to Chicago. Along the way, we had car trouble and my first thought was to call my dad. But suddenly I thought I should be handling this on my own (it was my car). We got a tow and I called home to let my parents know what happened and that the car was being worked on and that we were ok. I paid the bill with a credit card and even though I had a knot in my stomach the whole time wanting my dad to make everything all right, I knew then and there that I was grown. Before that happened, I still thought of myself as a kid.

[Gumbo4x4]

Originally Posted by Handbag Lady

The second you realize fart jokes are funny, just not at work.

Not at work? Rats

<<<kicks can....

[Colleen27]

Originally Posted by RitaE

Often when I read the DIS, I think it's at that point where you tell your Mom to butt out of your personal business.

I think adulthood is simply the willingness and ability to make thoughtful decisions and take responsibility for the outcome. I don't believe it has anything to do with financial independence; by that logic a stay at home parent isn't an adult, but I can't imagine anyone here arguing that a SAHM's husband should be able to dictate her friendships and social activities.

I don't think the practice of coddling kids and distrusting their judgment/decisionmaking until ever-increasing ages does anyone any favors. It seems like a lot of parents are striving for a Mayberry-perfect for their children in which no lessons are ever learned from mistakes and I just don't believe that is possible. Mistakes teach lessons more powerful than any lecture, and preventing every mistake you see your teen or young adult making deprives them of important life lessons.

[Robinrs]

Originally Posted by duffy

I can see it now: 40-year old male lives with his parents, is financially dependent on them, and molests children. Now, because he's supported by other adults, he's still a child himself? And therefore, should be prosecuted as a child? "Your Honor, how can I be thrown in prison with all those mean grownups, I'm just a child! You can tell I'm still a child, because Mom and Dad pay my bills."

How about trust-fund babies? Those who live off the money earned by parents or grandparents and don't need to make their own living. They're children, because they don't need to earn their own money?

Give me a break. At some point, you're accountable for your own actions. That's when you become an adult. Money has nothing to do with it.

What the..

I DON'T believe a person is an adult until they financially support themselves. Your analogy has nothing to do with what I said.

The legal age would be applicable in court, of course. I was giving my personal opinion of what I believe an adult is as the thread is about. You may not agree with it and that's your right. It's also my right to believe what I believe.

Money is power. I didn't decide it, the system did.

[charming23]

I think someone is a grown-up when they learn how to care for someone else. Whether it be a child, a significant other, or a parent.

[duffy]

Originally Posted by Robinrs

What the..

I DON'T believe a person is an adult until they financially support themselves. Your analogy has nothing to do with what I said.

The legal age would be applicable in court, of course. I was giving my personal opinion of what I believe an adult is as the thread is about. You may not agree with it and that's your right. It's also my right to believe what I believe.

Money is power. I didn't decide it, the system did.

Originally Posted by Robinrs

I'm old as dirt and have been so many "ages", my own and my child's and all my nieces, nephews and cousins..

I nearly DIE laughing when I hear people call an 18 boy an adult.

Some females mature faster, I didn't but my friends did, but guys?

I really think it's time to rethink that stupid "law".

I agree with several PPs that you become an adult when you become financially independent. I never understand how people who are being supported by someone else can feel like an adult. I didn't move out of my parents' house till I was 28 and grew up the minute I had my first apartment! (this was NY, it was hard to find or afford to move out alone) Even then I leaned a lot on my parents so I wasn't "fully grown" yet.

I truly believe I became an adult when I had Michael. I was 36. Not a second before that was a fully grown. Now my kid is WAY more mature than I am at 19. I was the youngest child and when you're the baby you sort of stay the baby.

I love the following article about the Teen brain: http://www.npr.org/templates/story/s...ryId=124119468

Adult? Riiiiight...

From my vantage point, women become adults by 30 and men by 40...HOPEFULLY.

My bolding. Which is it?

Enlighten us. If the law is so "stupid", what should it be? Women are adults at age 30, and men at age 40?

By the way, how old is "old as dirt"? 55?

[Too Far From Home]

I don't think financially supporting one's self has anything to do with it. Many very responsible young people stay at home with their parents until they wed. In fact, moving out of a healthy home just for "freedom" is pretty irresponsible, if you ask me. And some are simply not given the tools to support themselves financially, though they might be as mature (or more mature) than a corporate executive.

My oldest was more mature and responsible at age 12 than many people will ever achieve. My youngest will struggle with maturity his entire life (though he is pretty responsible).

I think that a person should be considered a mature adult when they begin to process the world around them from a mature perspective - thinking of others, and consequences, before making decisions. The age in which a person reaches that point is an individual thing, and some people never get there.

[Deb & Bill]

There is a difference between the legal definition of an adult (17, 18, etc) depending on the state) and the concept of a "grown-up". Specific laws apply to adults. You can be an adult and treated as an adult in the eyes of the law, yet still not be grown up.

I believe the original question was What makes a person a "grown-up"?

[Planogirl]

I don't think that only financial independence indicates a grownup. As others have pointed out, you can be married and rely on someone else for your income. I believe that having the ability to make decisions and being in control of your life at least means that you are in some ways grown up.

I moved out when I was 18. I wasn't grown up but I learned to be through experience. I believe that experience is important too.

[Disney Doll]

Originally Posted by scrapquitler

Self sufficiency, personal responsibility and independence.

Unfortunately, there are many 'adults' who are not 'grown up'.

This