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Old 04-04-2012, 10:35 AM   #61
mvazul
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Originally Posted by DVCLiz View Post
mvazul, what's the point you are trying to make? That you can be an internet bully? Because that's how you are coming across.

Mrs. Pete made a perfectly innocuous statement about something general and you mistook it for a personal attack. It clearly wasn't and everyone else on this thread understood that.

In contrast, you have been defensive and belligerent on every post you have made. I just don't understand why you need to keep doing it. Everyone else understands your point of view and you have made your opinion known. Fine, we get it. Move on. Otherwise, please leave the thread so we can have a pleasant conversation about sending our seniors off to college.
I guess we see what we want to see - myself included. I had moved on. Others keep bringing it up, asking questions. I answered. Most definitely NOT being a bully. As I have stated, we will have to agree to disagree. I am okay with that. I am moving on. Promise.

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I know!! That is what makes me cry at most things this year! I'm so excited and happy for her but she's my buddy, I'm gonna miss her. When she performs, I just remember that little kid who loved dresses and always sang or asked questions. Now she's taller than me but still loves dresses & sings beautifully. Prom & graduation are going to be tough!
My son is now 6'6"!! i have no idea how or when that happened. I am 5'1". My ex is 5'9". I always tell my husband it is his influence - he is 6'4". My son is in track and cross country. I love watching him run. I am not looking forward to him leaving and yet, at the same time, SO ready for him to be on his own. I'm excited to see what he will do with his life.
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Old 04-04-2012, 10:47 AM   #62
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So, if your comment was just a general statement and not directed at me (when I was the one who brought it up), then how is my comment about my experience so offensive? I never said EVERY student.
I didn't find your comment offensive. I wouldn't have been able to say WHO brought up the topic. I was discussing ideas, not setting out to insult people.
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Mrs. Pete, which did she end up choosing - sand or snow?
Snow, and I'm thrilled for her.
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I'll reiterate that everyone should wait until you know what school to buy sheets as not everyone has extra long beds. The central campus towers at NC State University, which house a few thousand kids, have regular size twin beds.
True. At my girl's school, though MOST rooms have extra-long twins, a few have regular twins. Some rooms come with micro-fridge combos, while others do not. Since dorms are old and some dorms are new, I think these discrepancies are common.
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Old 04-04-2012, 10:56 AM   #63
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I wish I could pay for all my DD's college, but it is just not in the cards for us.
This is my first child going off to college, so I was new to whole FAFSA thing. I dont even remember it when I went to college 20+ years ago (but I lived at home with my mom and went to school so it wasnt too expensive)

Both my DH and I work and its not that hard to make over $80,000 a year when you both work at decent jobs. It seems that any income over that gets you nothing from FAFSA. I dont think that if we make $80K we should be compared to some making $200K or $300K. It doesnt take into account I have two other kids, that for a few years my husband was out of work, that we didnt always make our current salaries. It is just frustrating. I wish I could have been saving more but I was too busy trying to stay on top of the bills for a lot of those lean years.

When my DD was starting looking at schools, I wasnt limiting where she was looking. Once I got the 411 on FAFSA, I told her it would not be wise to look at anything too expensive or too far away because I would never be able to get her home for holidays. We kind of set a 3 hour away limit. Once of her initial choices was Purdue because both my parents went there but, with a $45,000 a year price tag, that was out of the question.

So she picked Illinois State. She is going to take the $5500 Federal loans freshman year and we will pay for the rest with installment payments. Its going to be tight but I will do my best. In four years she will be about $25,000 in debt and I dont think it is unreasonable. Both my DH and I had student loans, so she can join the club

As for shopping, I havent started yet but she has a list a mile long. Waiting on seeing who her roommate/s will be and hopefully we can share the costs of some big ticket items.

Wasnt she just watching Thumbelina and twirlling around the living room in her tutu??
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Old 04-04-2012, 11:19 AM   #64
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Originally Posted by JBurke View Post
I wish I could pay for all my DD's college, but it is just not in the cards for us.
This is my first child going off to college, so I was new to whole FAFSA thing. I dont even remember it when I went to college 20+ years ago (but I lived at home with my mom and went to school so it wasnt too expensive)

Both my DH and I work and its not that hard to make over $80,000 a year when you both work at decent jobs. It seems that any income over that gets you nothing from FAFSA. I dont think that if we make $80K we should be compared to some making $200K or $300K. It doesnt take into account I have two other kids, that for a few years my husband was out of work, that we didnt always make our current salaries. It is just frustrating. I wish I could have been saving more but I was too busy trying to stay on top of the bills for a lot of those lean years.

When my DD was starting looking at schools, I wasnt limiting where she was looking. Once I got the 411 on FAFSA, I told her it would not be wise to look at anything too expensive or too far away because I would never be able to get her home for holidays. We kind of set a 3 hour away limit. Once of her initial choices was Purdue because both my parents went there but, with a $45,000 a year price tag, that was out of the question.

So she picked Illinois State. She is going to take the $5500 Federal loans freshman year and we will pay for the rest with installment payments. Its going to be tight but I will do my best. In four years she will be about $25,000 in debt and I dont think it is unreasonable. Both my DH and I had student loans, so she can join the club

As for shopping, I havent started yet but she has a list a mile long. Waiting on seeing who her roommate/s will be and hopefully we can share the costs of some big ticket items.

Wasnt she just watching Thumbelina and twirlling around the living room in her tutu??
I agree -- and I said already -- that I think the FAFSA has some big problems, though I don't have any ideas on how to improve the situation. I think most people have situations similar to yours: That is, the FAFSA doesn't take into account very real issues that make it hard for you to pay. However, some people are the opposite: I'm thinking of a pair of twins who were in my class a few years ago. I forget the details, but the upshot was that because their parents were divorced and their mother was poor, they were going to get loads of financial aid -- in addition to their wealthy father being very willing to fund their entire education, though his income wasn't going on the forms. They ALSO both earned full-ride scholarships (they were #1 and #2 in the class). Just to make life even more unfair, they both looked like models and were accomplished musicians and athletes. These girls really had it all . . . and FAFSA too! They should be out of school by now. Wonder how they're doing.

Like you, we set some limits on what we could afford to pay, and we recommended that our kids stay within those limits. Our goal was to help her get a college education, not a dream experience. Our oldest agreed that graduating debt-free was a great goal, and she had no problem finding a school that she loves within our budget.
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Old 04-04-2012, 11:24 AM   #65
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My son applied only to his #1 pick, and was accepted. We have already paid the various deposits, and he even registered for his classes last week.

He is getting a generous merit scholarship, as well as some grants from the school. We will have to do the federal loans along with Sallie Mae (or something similar) to pay for the rest. He is planning to join ROTC, but will not be eligible for a scholarship until second semester. While that will help considerably, he is not in one of the "choice" majors, so it will not cover it all and there will be some loans needed for all four years. He made the choice to do ROTC, since he does not want to graduate with a mountain of debt. This way, not only is he guaranteed a job for his first 5 years out of college, he will also only have a minimal amount of loans. Our plan is to help him pay them while he is in school, and then once he graduates he can take over the remainder.

As for shopping, we have the recommended list from the school. We have not bought anything yet, but are looking around at prices for fridges and TVs. Sheets, we will need the XL, so looking for when stores put them on sale.
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Old 04-04-2012, 03:04 PM   #66
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Another thing that stinks---most CSS Profile schools expect the non-custodial parent in a divorced family to contribute.
I don't see why they shouldn't. Why should one parent be able to get out of contributing just because they are divorced? They are still the child's parent.
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Old 04-04-2012, 03:26 PM   #67
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Does anyone know of a good discussion board, similar to DIS, for college.
Since this is my first child going off to college, I would love to find a board where I could talk with other parents on what to expect, financial aid, handling her leaving, etc..

I found a couple, but they were all about bragging. I dont need to brag or want to hear all about everyone's perfect child with the perfect SAT score and all AP classes. Barf.
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Old 04-04-2012, 03:28 PM   #68
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Each family should do what they feel is best for their situation, but I think it's bizarre to insist that every college student should graduate with some debt. What on earth for? If parents are willing and able to pay 100% of college costs, why saddle a graduate with college debt? That doesn't make sense to me.

On a more cheerful note, who is shopping and what are you planning to buy for your rising freshman? Since DD will be going to school far away, we will probably go down a day early to do the major microwave/fridge things, instead of having to haul them all the way to Florida. Can't wait to start shopping for extra long sheets!
With the cost of college nowadays, there are few families that can pay for 100% of their kids college education. It's nearly impossible to save that much money in today's economy....even the economy of 15 years ago, when some of us should have been saving something. But, like many others, we were just trying to keep our heads above water.
So, my child should get to go to a college that costs $45,000, and she only gets a small scholarship (since she didn't study as hard as she could have), and she doesn't have to pay towards it? Nope, I have to disagree. My dd will take out loans to pay for school. And then, as I said, as time goes by, we will take over a large part of those loans. But at this point in time, that just isn't possible. We will pay what we can now...and pay what we can later on, down the road. But even then, dd will have some debt. And I truly don't think that's a bad thing.
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Old 04-04-2012, 03:29 PM   #69
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Does anyone know of a good discussion board, similar to DIS, for college.
Since this is my first child going off to college, I would love to find a board where I could talk with other parents on what to expect, financial aid, handling her leaving, etc..

I found a couple, but they were all about bragging. I dont need to brag or want to hear all about everyone's perfect child with the perfect SAT score and all AP classes. Barf.
And that's been the problem with sites I've heard about. It's a big ole brag session. And my kids are way to normal...middle of the road. I don't want to hear about little Susie's issue with not getting into Harvard...just Yale and Princeton!!!
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Old 04-04-2012, 04:00 PM   #70
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Originally Posted by JBurke View Post
Does anyone know of a good discussion board, similar to DIS, for college.
Since this is my first child going off to college, I would love to find a board where I could talk with other parents on what to expect, financial aid, handling her leaving, etc..

I found a couple, but they were all about bragging. I dont need to brag or want to hear all about everyone's perfect child with the perfect SAT score and all AP classes. Barf.
I would be interested in that, too. Our son is in the Gifted class, has had mostly honors and AP courses and did well on his SAT's, but that's the only information I give. As we always tell him, he may be good, but there will always be better.

I did belong to a Facebook page for parents of new Purdue students. I didn't stay long. There was too much bickering about parents insisting ALL parents should be 100% responsible for their kids' tuitions - no matter what. and then there were those who were really rubbing it in that their kid got awesome scholarships when most of our kids got nothing. I guess maybe that is why I'm so touchy about the subject. I certainly don't mean to be. I left that group, because I couldn't stand it.

So, a different group would be nice. And i apologize to everyone here who I may have offended. It was certainly not my intention.

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With the cost of college nowadays, there are few families that can pay for 100% of their kids college education. It's nearly impossible to save that much money in today's economy....even the economy of 15 years ago, when some of us should have been saving something. But, like many others, we were just trying to keep our heads above water.
So, my child should get to go to a college that costs $45,000, and she only gets a small scholarship (since she didn't study as hard as she could have), and she doesn't have to pay towards it? Nope, I have to disagree. My dd will take out loans to pay for school. And then, as I said, as time goes by, we will take over a large part of those loans. But at this point in time, that just isn't possible. We will pay what we can now...and pay what we can later on, down the road. But even then, dd will have some debt. And I truly don't think that's a bad thing.
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Old 04-04-2012, 04:18 PM   #71
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I don't see why they shouldn't. Why should one parent be able to get out of contributing just because they are divorced? They are still the child's parent.
In a perfect world, this would be true. Unfortunately, I and many others in my situation do not live in that world. The law in the state I live in says that the non-custodial parent's obligation ends at eighteen, and my ex will not contribute a thing for college. At least we knew that going into the college admission process and were able to make informed college choices (ie, applying to FAFSA only schools.)

You can't force someone to do the right thing.

I wonder---do some states require non-custodial parents to contribute to college?
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Old 04-04-2012, 04:37 PM   #72
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You know what stinks about that....and this is just something that occurred to me as we go through the FAFSA process.... When you apply for financial aid, it is the PARENTS' income that is taken into consideration, whether the parents intend to pay or not. That's a real bummer for students whose parents don't plan to help. Perhaps the parents make plenty and are not eligible for aid. The student, on the other hand, probably makes very little and would (should) indeed be eligible for aid.

I'm not giving you a hard time. Your plan was the same as we basically had for our son. But it seems like there is a gap there that makes the financial aid eligibility requirements really unfair for kids whose parents can pay (kind of) but won't.

Someone please correct me if I'm wrong on any of that, I don't profess to be an expert on this at ALL!
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The reason they take the parents' income into consideration is simple: if fiancial aid was based just on the student's income, very few kids would be able to afford school. Schools do not have enough money to fund kids based on their incomes alone. Even if some schools could do that, it would lead to parents just saying, "Well, then, I'm not helping", whether they could afford to or not.

It does stink for those students whose parents truly refuse to help, though. Thank goodness community colleges are relatively affordable.

I understand, though, that the feds and colleges have to draw the line somewhere. Hey, I don't think it is fair that FAFSA considers a step-parent's income, either. Someone can marry a new spouse and BOOM---they are suddenly responsible for a non-biological child's college education.

Another thing that stinks---most CSS Profile schools expect the non-custodial parent in a divorced family to contribute. (FAFSA-only schools do not. FAFSA only schools are great for when a non-custodial parent wants to willingly contribute. That income is not considered in the aid calculation ) Profile is ok for those that will pitch in, but in our case, my ex will not give a dime, so my dd had to concentrate on schools that use FAFSA only.

And to reiterate what a pp has said----students are very limited in the amounts of loans thay can take. The first year, I believe the Stafford loan limit is $5500. Subsequent years, the limit increases---I think the cap is about $7500 or so per year. The student may be eligible for a small Perkins loan, but I think that is dependent on the family having a lower income (not certain on that, though). Think about it---who is going to loan a kid with no job the equivalent of a small mortgage? And, would you even want your child graduating from college with that much debt to weigh them down?
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We have a daughter heading out to college in the fall. She's not going to the school I thought she'd choose, but we're very pleased with her decisions. The school she'll be attending is an ideal fit for her.

We have our financial aid "offer". I knew we wouldn't get anything real, but I was hoping for work study. Nope. Our EFC says we should be able to pay 2Xs the cost of a year's worth of college! Yeah, I don't buy into the "if you pay for it, they won't appreciate it" concept either. You've been living with this kid for 18 years. You already know whether he's appreciative of what he's given or not. If he's a spoiled brat, he probably does need to put in some serious work hours, but if you have a kid who generally knows the value of a dollar and who has worked hard in high school, he's not likely to blow off college just because it doesn't cost him anything financially.

We've set up some rules with our oldest about what we'll pay /what we expect her to pay, but we're taking care of the lion's share of it. I was the kid whose parents wouldn't do anything to help me -- not even fill out the FAFSA in a timely manner. At one point I went to the Financial Aid office and explained that my parents weren't willing to help me at all, and I asked them what I could do to help with my horrible financial aid situation . . . they looked over my information and came to the conclusion that I was lying. They told me that I couldn't possibly be living on the money I was earning. But I was.

Still, even having been the person on the short end of that particular stick, I don't have a better idea about how to manage financial aid more fairly. As you said, people will lie about their willingness to pay. I agree that a better answer is needed, but I wouldn't even know where to start in making it genuinely fair for everyone.
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I find it very insulting that there are some who think we are lying just to get out of paying for our son's college education. As I have stated, we have spent a ton of money on attorneys fees over the last 14 years. And the ex won't pay a dime to help. He's not remarried, no other kids and makes over $6,000 a month.

If it works for your family to pay, great. But don't look down your noses and judge me, because we are doing it different. And, yes, I have seen MANY kids throw away Mommy and Daddy's money just because they could.

This will be my son's INVESTMENT - not a debt. It is HIS life. We don't expect him to pay us his salary once he finds a job after graduation. Why in the world would we pay for his schooling?
mvazul, I think you are reading WAY too much into responses here. Someone asked a question; I answered it. Mrs. Pete commented on my reply. We were not remotely even thinking of you or your situation. The entire financial aid process can be a bit goofy and unfair, depending on many factors. In fact, I am in the same situation as you are with an ex that will not help one bit. Unfair? Yes. Fact of life for my daughter and me, though, so we learned to work with it and searched out schools with great aid and where she had a very good chance at merit. She is now very happily into her first year at a wonderful school. I can only hope that every student will end up as happy as she is. Good luck to your family and son.

I do want to add, though, that it worries me when I see families that say their children will have to take out loans to cover the cost of school. (Not you in particular; I am talking in generalities here). I think many families that have not been through the process fail to realize that for most schools, a student CANNOT borrow enough money. Federal loans are limited, and there are really no other loans that a student can get solely in his or her name.
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Old 04-04-2012, 04:39 PM   #73
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DS19 actually graduated last year but deferred his enrollment and scholarships for one year so he could work and save money for his portion of his room/board so he wouldn't have to work during school. It's been a good experience for him because now he knows he wants a desk job We will help as much as we can. We have four kids total and paying for four colleges tuitions just isn't feasible, however we do have small college savings accounts for them. Plus, I paid for my education myself so I'm okay with making them earn their college degree.

He was accepted of Indiana University, the only school he applied to. He's paid all his deposits so we are in wait mode.
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Old 04-04-2012, 04:42 PM   #74
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Does anyone know of a good discussion board, similar to DIS, for college.
Since this is my first child going off to college, I would love to find a board where I could talk with other parents on what to expect, financial aid, handling her leaving, etc..

I found a couple, but they were all about bragging. I dont need to brag or want to hear all about everyone's perfect child with the perfect SAT score and all AP classes. Barf.
Including THIS board, until some of the perps left the DIS.

I have tried several boards, most are big time braggadocio. Most of the threads here turn ugly,too, I don't get why this subject is so controversial?

I read them a lot but stay out of them now. There were several threads that went to heck in a handbasket QUICKLY.
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Old 04-04-2012, 04:44 PM   #75
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Each family should do what they feel is best for their situation, but I think it's bizarre to insist that every college student should graduate with some debt. What on earth for? If parents are willing and able to pay 100% of college costs, why saddle a graduate with college debt? That doesn't make sense to me.

On a more cheerful note, who is shopping and what are you planning to buy for your rising freshman? Since DD will be going to school far away, we will probably go down a day early to do the major microwave/fridge things, instead of having to haul them all the way to Florida. Can't wait to start shopping for extra long sheets!
I agree! I am happy that we are able to do this for our kids.

And I also agree to buy stuff once you get to where the college is located. Bed, Bath & Beyond is great.....starting in the early summer you can start placing your orders and put in a delivery date once you college starts accepting packages. We had stuff arriving in the campus post office from about the 10th of August. Also the Wal Mart site to store was helpful. We could take some time picking out what was needed then just pick it up once we arrived. The BBB is especially good if your kids want a special pattern bedspread or color of sheets (cough cough your girls because I have learned boys don't care a bit what their comforter looks like) You can choose when supplies are plentiful and not have to transport them.
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