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Old 11-27-2011, 10:20 AM   #1
AGoofyinVA
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A vent...

I am a regular poster here on the DIS posting under a pseudonym...please excuse this ramble but I feel as though I have to get this off my chest somehow or I will explode.

Iím worried about my dog. Heís an 11 yr. old diabetic basenji. We went through some tough times last year as he lost his diabetic ďsisterĒ (and soul mate) then was diagnosed with diabetes himself. He went blind less than a month later and wasnít adjusting well. We had cataract surgery for him and he eventually ended up losing one eye due to infection. It is barely a year later and he now has a severe fungal infection in his nose. The anti-fungal meds and the infection are making it very difficult for him to eat. I donít know if heís getting enough of the medication or the right amounts of insulin and food. Itís enough to make me pull my hair out.

The stress of his condition has caused another stressorÖa financial one. Everyone is having a tough time because of the economy. Add that factor to an already stressed budget, no cost of living increases in salary for nearly five years, and over $5000 in vet bills over the last year. In addition, Iíve had two surgeries in the past two months and was also diagnosed with diabetes. Our washing machine died and taxes are due. And itís the holiday seasonÖhow do I buy gifts? My dogís anti-fungal medication was originally priced at well over $10 a pill ($300 a month, and heíll need to be on this med for several months) but luckily we found an online discount drug card that saved us more than 60%.

I applied for a part-time holiday retail job. My interview is scheduled for December 10. I donít know how long holiday retail jobs last, but Iím thinking itís only a few weeks. Thatís fine, at least for a few weeks, I can earn a little extra cash.

I canít tell anyone about my diabetesÖfor a lot of reasons. My mother is struggling with the disease herself and has other mental issues to boot. I really canít handle her disappointment in me. Yes, we both have type 2 and while I understand that there are other factors at work here, the bottom line is we didnít eat and exercise for our health and ended up making a ďbadĒ situation worse and ďuncontrollableĒ. And there are so many changes we have to make to make things controllable. Itís a lot to swallow (no pun intended).

Anyway, I donít tell most of my friends about the diabetes for much the same reason. I am ashamed. Thatís my issue and I need to do what I can to get this beast under control and Iím trying but Iím struggling.

Iíve been trying to exercise more but itís inconsistent. Iíve been trying to eat better but it is also inconsistent. My life feels like one big inconsistent and unpredictable MESS!

My husband is my best friend and I am so thankful to have himÖbut there are limits to his understanding, you know? There are limits to how he can help. He feels inadequate sometimes and I am simply running out of energy to keep encouraging him.

So, health issues for me and my dog, financial issues that feel like they have no end. Iím overwhelmed at home and at work and it feels like Iím fighting a losing battle. Itís not a matter of IF I drown/failÖitís a matter of when.

Oh GodÖthatís depressing. I donít want to be depressing. I want to be happy. I just donít know how to get there. I can do it if I just ignore everything else, but eventually I wonít be able to ignore it anymore.
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Old 11-27-2011, 04:23 PM   #2
Pea-n-Me
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Don't play the blame game with your diabetes. It's unhelpful. Just take it from here. Every time you reach for something to eat, it should be something healthy, in a smaller portion than what you're used to. Also, take a walk every day - 10 minutes out and 10 minutes back. Increase a little every week. Drink lots of water and get plenty of rest. This guy did great: http://www.disboards.com/showthread....ferrerid=70088

As for the dog, you probably know I love them, too. But there can come a time when it becomes impossible to manage ongoing problems in an elderly dog and money is being spent on futile efforts and not things that are needed in your own life, such as medical and utility bills, taxes on your home, etc. At that point you may have a difficult decision to make. But it doesn't mean you don't love your dog or that you haven't taken great care of him all this time. It just means that further efforts may be in vain and it's ok to allow him to pass peacefully if that's what you must do to take care of not only yourself and your family, but him.

If you are depressed, seek help. I wish you well and good luck.
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Old 11-28-2011, 08:50 PM   #3
jking6
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my prayers are with you and your best friend. I know personally all to well how it is to deal with large medical debt. Mine is for me not for my best friend (his name is Nascar)
I was diagnosed with Melanoma in Feb and no medical insurance. NY state said I made $1.04 to much money a month to qualify for insurance. $6500. upfront for surgeon and $35,000 in Hospital debt. equals $100. every 2 weeks till I die anyways.
I understand how hard it is to tell people close to you. There is still family that probaly do not know, and several disappointed friends that were not told right away.
Do not blame yourself. My mom is a diabetic and has been for 30+ years and weights maybe 125 lbs. She fought it with medication as long as she could but for several years she has needed insulin and now she may need a pump.
Please take care of both you and your friend. I know I would do anything possible for him (probably sell my sole for nascar) so I feel your pain.
I wish you both the best and will keep you in my prayers. do not hesitate to private message me if you just want to talk.
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Old 11-29-2011, 06:13 AM   #4
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Pea-N-Me gives great advice!

I can tell that in some ways you are a lot like me. The minute that I become stressed, any exercise or eating habits are the first that suffer and then the cycle gets worse. I have to be in a very healthy "state of mind" to be diligent about exercise and eating. Once something bad happens, I fall apart, sit on the couch and eat the worst things for me. I am fortunately that I have not had to deal with diabetes (yet) but I don't rule it out based on my habits.

The best thing you can do for yourself is to start moving. Just a quick walk (with the dog even) will help. Work up a bit everyday. Force yourself off that couch. Getting outside and moving has found to be every bit as helpful for depression and stress as medication. Once you start moving and see some progress, I guarantee you, you will feel motivated to do a little more.

Rather than try to radically change your eating TODAY, log on to Sparkpeople or MyFitnessPal.com and just log in EVERYTHING you eat. At the end of each day you will start to get a profile of your eating habits--very important for a diabetic. Just look at it and see where your are off. When you are feeling better, start tweaking certain areas (carbs) to get them lower.

This is what I did to lose weight and I found that just taking the time to learn about my habits was a successful thing for me.
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