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Old 10-04-2011, 11:39 AM   #1
jennymac75
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What would you do?

Please be patient, as I have a tendency to ramble.

I had a rather interesting conversation with my mother yesterday. We were discussing my sons recent developmental screening for possible autism/aspergers. I told her, "He is my son and I would not change him for anything and love him no matter what." At this point, she stops me and says she needs to tell me something. She then proceeds to tell me how she knows how I feel, because my youngest brother is gay. I was floored. He came out to my parents, older sister and brother over 2 years ago. He never told me. I was not upset because he is gay, but upset because I was so out of the loop. My brother and I are close and talk all the time, yet he did not feel comfortable in confiding in me. I'm just a little lost.

I'm a pretty go with the flow kind of gal, completely accepting and pretty non judgemental. This situation is kind of confusing for me. Do I let my brother know and add another layer to his support system or just wait until he finally tells me himself. I love my brother more than anything and I really just want him to know that I accept him no matter what. I also don't want him to be angry with my mother for spilling his personal business. The only reason my mother told me was because she was tired of me being the last to know.
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Old 10-04-2011, 12:02 PM   #2
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I would let him know you love and accept him no matter what, but not necessarily mention who or even that someone told you.

That is really weird that he would tell them and not you, especially since you are close. Maybe he figured you already knew?
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Old 10-04-2011, 12:08 PM   #3
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I would tell him all of it. But, I'm like that...I think that secrets within the family are just avenues for problems.

I would likely even tell him that I was sad he hadn't told me himself.
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Old 10-06-2011, 09:58 AM   #4
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I'm wondering if he automatically thought you knew it? I never actually said to my family that I'm gay - but they all know.
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Old 10-06-2011, 10:03 AM   #5
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There could be a lot of factors. How old is your son? Maybe you were a new mother and he wanted to wait until things calmed down. Then, if your child is having developmental issues maybe he thought now. Next thing you know, it is two years later and that is awkward. I kind of think like everyone else, though. If you are close maybe he thought you knew.It could be something a small (big to him) as a comment you made that made him not tell you. This can be bridged. Talk to him and don't let it be a big deal. I know it hurts ( I have three sisters, girl I could tell you hurt). But, he is younger and learning his way in life.
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Old 10-06-2011, 03:04 PM   #6
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Since it's a brother (I have 5 of them) and not a friend who I woudldn't necessarily be as direct with. If you can see him in person, say hey dumba** I heard that you're gay from someone else and I love you. then you "thwap" him on the head for not coming to you.

If you can't see him in person (due to a long distance), then call him, don't text or eamil, and do virtually the same thing but instead of the head thwapping call him some offensive name from when you were kids.

That's how'd I'd do it.

Good Luck
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Old 10-06-2011, 05:50 PM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by C&G'sMama View Post
Since it's a brother (I have 5 of them) and not a friend who I woudldn't necessarily be as direct with. If you can see him in person, say hey dumba** I heard that you're gay from someone else and I love you. then you "thwap" him on the head for not coming to you.
Agreed. Keep it light and loving.
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Old 10-17-2011, 10:40 AM   #8
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C&G's Mamma's got the right attitude. Take that approach. Use humor to show that you're hurt and he's a dummy for thinking you would care.

If it weren't for your mom saying she was sick of you being the last to know, I'd think your brother already thought you knew. Weird that he'd keep this from you. As if being gay's a big deal anyway!
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Old 12-09-2011, 09:23 PM   #9
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I like C&G's Mamma's advice too. that's pretty much what my sister did with me.
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Old 12-10-2011, 03:29 PM   #10
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I so wish family or friends would come up to me and say they knew with out me telling.... i so wish.
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Old 12-10-2011, 07:41 PM   #11
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...Captain, ...I know you're not straight.

I would be patient and not say anything. If your mother is like 99.9% of all mothers everywhere else, she'll eventually spill the beans to your brother that she told.
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