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Old 08-06-2012, 03:12 PM   #3046
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Good morning SSC!! I hope everyone had a fantastic weekend. Mine was good, but hit a seriously sour note with a long-time friend. Since many of you don't know me in person, I want to get your unbiased opinion on something (if you will indulge me)...

This is a bit long, but a little background may help... ok first, I really don't like exchanging money in between friends for the obvious reasons, however I do know that there are times when things happen and may need to borrow/lend etc. Well anyway, I don't usually lend money because its never proved a positive result, but the few times in my life that I've borrowed Ive always paid back on time with no hassle.

I have a girl friend of over 10 years... about 5 years ago, I got into a jam and needed to borrow $500. She lent it and I agreed to pay back in 2 weeks just before her mortgage was due. 2 weeks later it was paid back on the date directly into her bank account. Anyone I've borrowed from in the past, I do the same with because I would never want that to be a sour chord in our friendship. however, as I said, I really try to never "lend". If I have to give, I just give it. She emailed me about a month ago, to inquire about a $800 loan. I didn't really have it to give outright, but I agreed to loan her half of that, $400 if she could pay me back before the end of July so I could pay my mortgage. She agreed and I had no reason to doubt her. She's always been good with money and all of our friendship never gave me a reason not to trust her. I sent it to her account and we agreed that she would pay me back on the 25th of last month. She is usually very meticulous with he bills and never thought in a million years she wouldn't pay me back... well the 25th came and went and nothing. On the 28th I reached out and asked what was up. She said "oh I meant to call, waiting for check to clear and sending it tomorrow." She sent a transfer to my bank acct, but this past Wed, my bank told me the payment was returned. I contacted her and asked her if she just deposit in my acct, she agreed but then the next day (when I was away for a 2-day conference) she left me a vm that she sent western union. So Saturday I went to collect the Western Union (I had been calling/texting to get the control #) and they told me the transfer was cancelled. I called yesterday and this morning with no answer, response, nothing...

Im not really mad about the money not being paid back because I do understand things happen, but you would think that a friend of that many years would at least have the courtesy to just be honest about it instead of screwing my bank accout up and taking me on all this madness with western union. I haven't heard from her since last wed when I told her the transfer was returned. She won't answer my calls or texts. I'm sad that our friendship will probably end over this and never was the type to let money get between things like this, but what she did was dead wrong and I would have been disappointed but ok if she had just spoken to me about it. What would you do? Am I wrong if I just end the friendship and move on? Im so pissed right now its not funny.
I have had this same situation happen to me...I lent some money (around $100) to a very good friend and she said she would pay me back. Well, months had gone by and our friendship was going down the drain as well and I still hadn't seen even a tiny bit of the money back. It finally came down to her saying I was a bad friend and we would never be friends again, when I asked her for the money she refused. I finally told her that if I didn't receive the money I would have to take legal action to get the money back. I got a check in the mail 2 days later. To this day, we do not talk. She is the one that made the decision that I wasn't a good enough friend, so my theory is that she wasn't good enough to keep the money I loaned her.

I would reach out to your friend just one last time because you don't know the whole situation...Let her know that, if you are willing, you would take payments. Just make some type of effort to paying you back.

I know it is tough when this happens to someone you thought was a "good" friend. I have learned my lesson with lending money top "friends". If my BFF and I travel somewhere and I get the hotel, she either asks the hotel to split our bill or she pays for the gas the whole trip (to equal out the money spent).

to you on getting this situation solved in a manner that you can keep your friendship or be at ease with the decision that you make.
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Old 08-06-2012, 03:32 PM   #3047
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Old 08-06-2012, 07:06 PM   #3048
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Hmmmm... Tough one. honestly, It could also be that something (or a serious of somethings) have come up that prevented her from being able to pay you back like she planned, and she's just too embarrassed about the situation to talk to you about it right now. If you guys were close(ish) friends, it could actually make the situation worse if you are on the borrowee side since you know you could've put the friendship at stake because of the situation.

In general... I've gotten to the point with lending money that I just write off anything I lend without any expectations to ever see it again. been burned too many times when I did expect to be paid back.


Advice wise..... well... It's hard for me to really judge this friend's character or your relationship. Only you can do that. If it's someone who you consider a good friend instead of just a 10yr acquaintance (which I'm guessing it's a friend since you lent the money to begin with), It might be worth texting or contacting and just letting them know that if the situation has changed that is either preventing or delaying their ability to pay you back, You understand and am willing to let it slide for now... but that you are a bit concerned about her in general since it's not like her to act this way or avoid you. And after that.... just giving her some space for awhile. If it's a situation where something's come up that's prevented her good faith efforts to pay you back, it might be enough to help ease the guilt and stress enough that she might confide in you about what's going on.


From my own personal experience, I know that sometimes crap happens... and sometimes it's a snowball effect that can cause things to get worse for a bit before they start to get back to "normal". In those situations, I have sometimes in the past borrowed a bit of money (more like $20-100) to get me thru the first unexpected hurdle with all intention of paying it back at a time in the near future, only to then have 2 or 3 other things hit me unexpectedly which despite my best intentions make the timely repayment of that money I borrowed impossible. when that's happened, I've found myself in situations where when I do finally start to recover having to make another hard decision..... pay back the money I'm already late in paying back ASAP, even if it puts me in a tight spot that may make it hard to easily absorb another bump.... or wait a little longer to pay back that money since i'm already late paying it back in order to build up a better cushion so I'm less likely to be thrown for as much of a loop next time something unexpected happens.


Ok... I know I rambled a bit... but hopefully this might help you figure out how t proceed.
I heard embarrassed. That is exactly how I felt. I just want to close the gap now. Its strange. I just don't know how to contact them anymore. Your ex-friend might be struggling. She might need help. Perhaps you can give her an out. . .then later you can broach the subject again. but when she is in a better position. I hate money issues. not fun.
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Old 08-06-2012, 09:35 PM   #3049
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I heard embarrassed. That is exactly how I felt. I just want to close the gap now. Its strange. I just don't know how to contact them anymore. Your ex-friend might be struggling. She might need help. Perhaps you can give her an out. . .then later you can broach the subject again. but when she is in a better position. I hate money issues. not fun.
Well, it looks like I can call off the People's Court producers... (Sorry Micks...no character witnesses needed right now). thanks all for your kind and witty insight. I was following your advice and basically had decided to let it be. A friend of mine told me today that I just just let it go and work on forgiving her because (as you've all said) I don't know what could really be going on. He said to me "You have to forgive, because NOT forgiving is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die." Funny but very true statement.

So, I posted that as my FB status... and around 7PM, she called me a million times in a row in a panic about how "western union messed up and the money has been there since Saturday...blah blah blah" So she FINALLY gave me the control#. I picked up the money about an hour ago and just out of curiosity asked the agent if they could tell me when the transfer was initiated. She looked it up and it said it had been sent at 6:49PM today... so I guess her conscious got the best of her and she decided to pay up.
So...tomorrow, 5 o'clock.... DRINKS ON ME!

In other news... My job has been invited to the screening of "The Bourne Legacy" on Thursday night. I can't wait to see that... the only sad part is I couldn't find a date, so one of my girl friends is coming...but it should be exciting.
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Old 08-06-2012, 10:46 PM   #3050
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Originally Posted by LaLalovesWDW View Post
Good morning SSC!! I hope everyone had a fantastic weekend. Mine was good, but hit a seriously sour note with a long-time friend. Since many of you don't know me in person, I want to get your unbiased opinion on something (if you will indulge me)...

This is a bit long, but a little background may help... ok first, I really don't like exchanging money in between friends for the obvious reasons, however I do know that there are times when things happen and may need to borrow/lend etc. Well anyway, I don't usually lend money because its never proved a positive result, but the few times in my life that I've borrowed Ive always paid back on time with no hassle.

I have a girl friend of over 10 years... about 5 years ago, I got into a jam and needed to borrow $500. She lent it and I agreed to pay back in 2 weeks just before her mortgage was due. 2 weeks later it was paid back on the date directly into her bank account. Anyone I've borrowed from in the past, I do the same with because I would never want that to be a sour chord in our friendship. however, as I said, I really try to never "lend". If I have to give, I just give it. She emailed me about a month ago, to inquire about a $800 loan. I didn't really have it to give outright, but I agreed to loan her half of that, $400 if she could pay me back before the end of July so I could pay my mortgage. She agreed and I had no reason to doubt her. She's always been good with money and all of our friendship never gave me a reason not to trust her. I sent it to her account and we agreed that she would pay me back on the 25th of last month. She is usually very meticulous with he bills and never thought in a million years she wouldn't pay me back... well the 25th came and went and nothing. On the 28th I reached out and asked what was up. She said "oh I meant to call, waiting for check to clear and sending it tomorrow." She sent a transfer to my bank acct, but this past Wed, my bank told me the payment was returned. I contacted her and asked her if she just deposit in my acct, she agreed but then the next day (when I was away for a 2-day conference) she left me a vm that she sent western union. So Saturday I went to collect the Western Union (I had been calling/texting to get the control #) and they told me the transfer was cancelled. I called yesterday and this morning with no answer, response, nothing...

Im not really mad about the money not being paid back because I do understand things happen, but you would think that a friend of that many years would at least have the courtesy to just be honest about it instead of screwing my bank accout up and taking me on all this madness with western union. I haven't heard from her since last wed when I told her the transfer was returned. She won't answer my calls or texts. I'm sad that our friendship will probably end over this and never was the type to let money get between things like this, but what she did was dead wrong and I would have been disappointed but ok if she had just spoken to me about it. What would you do? Am I wrong if I just end the friendship and move on? Im so pissed right now its not funny.
Sorry it turned out like this, that's tough since you already had second thoughts but believed she was good to pay you back. I'm kind of a hard *** who would be inclined to say write her off, but if she is a good friend, maybe assume she is in a hard place and be the one to initiate the hard conversation? It could be very telling, maybe she is really in a bad place and not sure of how to handle it and she made a bad choice. Maybe she is just not worth it, hard to know... Let's hope she is feeling bad about it...
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Old 08-07-2012, 02:05 AM   #3051
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Originally Posted by LaLalovesWDW View Post
Well, it looks like I can call off the People's Court producers... (Sorry Micks...no character witnesses needed right now). thanks all for your kind and witty insight. I was following your advice and basically had decided to let it be. A friend of mine told me today that I just just let it go and work on forgiving her because (as you've all said) I don't know what could really be going on. He said to me "You have to forgive, because NOT forgiving is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die." Funny but very true statement.

So, I posted that as my FB status... and around 7PM, she called me a million times in a row in a panic about how "western union messed up and the money has been there since Saturday...blah blah blah" So she FINALLY gave me the control#. I picked up the money about an hour ago and just out of curiosity asked the agent if they could tell me when the transfer was initiated. She looked it up and it said it had been sent at 6:49PM today... so I guess her conscious got the best of her and she decided to pay up.
So...tomorrow, 5 o'clock.... DRINKS ON ME!

In other news... My job has been invited to the screening of "The Bourne Legacy" on Thursday night. I can't wait to see that... the only sad part is I couldn't find a date, so one of my girl friends is coming...but it should be exciting.
Well... there is a chance that Western Union did screw up....well... Not Western union, but the place she went to to send the money. Not all western union outlets staff the most inteligent of people... so if you are someone to give her the benefit of the doubt, It's plausible that the place she sent the payment from screwed up and she didn't realize it until your FB update.

All the receiving center can tell is when the money transfer was entered into the system. That doesn't mean the friend didn't call and ***** to the place she sent the money from, causing them to go oh crap, and basically resubmit the transfer to correct a screw up on their side.



......or she could just be a guilty little ***** who decided to come clean.



(Can you tell I have a nasty ability to see the best in people? bleh)
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Old 08-07-2012, 10:16 AM   #3052
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Well, it looks like I can call off the People's Court producers... (Sorry Micks...no character witnesses needed right now). thanks all for your kind and witty insight. I was following your advice and basically had decided to let it be. A friend of mine told me today that I just just let it go and work on forgiving her because (as you've all said) I don't know what could really be going on. He said to me "You have to forgive, because NOT forgiving is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die." Funny but very true statement.

So, I posted that as my FB status... and around 7PM, she called me a million times in a row in a panic about how "western union messed up and the money has been there since Saturday...blah blah blah" So she FINALLY gave me the control#. I picked up the money about an hour ago and just out of curiosity asked the agent if they could tell me when the transfer was initiated. She looked it up and it said it had been sent at 6:49PM today... so I guess her conscious got the best of her and she decided to pay up.
So...tomorrow, 5 o'clock.... DRINKS ON ME!

In other news... My job has been invited to the screening of "The Bourne Legacy" on Thursday night. I can't wait to see that... the only sad part is I couldn't find a date, so one of my girl friends is coming...but it should be exciting.
Aww so glad it all got resolved in the end! Definitely a scary thought when you're dealing with larger sums of money like that. But at least this way your friendship doesn't suffer at all.
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Old 08-07-2012, 12:22 PM   #3053
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That's great that things worked out for you. Have fun at 'Bourne'!

So, a co-worker came by yesterday and asked if I would like to go to Disney in October with a group from work. Turns out it is the same weekend as the meet. So I might be doing two trips that month. Have to see how finances go. He also mentioned that there are no rooms available thru DVC.
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Old 08-07-2012, 12:58 PM   #3054
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That's great that things worked out for you. Have fun at 'Bourne'!

So, a co-worker came by yesterday and asked if I would like to go to Disney in October with a group from work. Turns out it is the same weekend as the meet. So I might be doing two trips that month. Have to see how finances go. He also mentioned that there are no rooms available thru DVC.
That's one way to manage to get to the meet.
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Old 08-07-2012, 03:19 PM   #3055
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Something told me this crowd might enjoy this.....

Seriously.... Sometimes I scare even myself....


http://www.disboards.com/showpost.ph...3&postcount=53
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Old 08-07-2012, 04:38 PM   #3056
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Seriously.... Sometimes I scare even myself....
Must be hard having to shave in the morning and then seeing your reflection....

j/k
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Old 08-07-2012, 04:58 PM   #3057
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Must be hard having to shave in the morning and then seeing your reflection....

j/k
Another reason I seldom shave daily.
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Old 08-07-2012, 05:15 PM   #3058
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As for the loaning money topic, I decided a while ago that loaning money to friends is not worth the stress. I have given money to friends as a gift, no loan involved. And that's the only way I do it.
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Old 08-08-2012, 06:09 AM   #3059
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It's finally vacation day!!!! Mumford and Sons, here I come!
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Old 08-08-2012, 09:51 AM   #3060
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It's finally vacation day!!!! Mumford and Sons, here I come!
Ohhh have so much fun! I'm going to see them at Red Rocks later this month. Can't wait for their new album in September, hopefully it's as good as the first.
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