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Old 09-03-2011, 07:04 PM   #1
Tinkerboy00
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Gay Couple Adopting?

Can anyone point me to any sites or organizations that help gay couples to adopt a child?

DH and I are ready adn want to start the ball rolling, but dont know where to begin. We had looked at surrgoacy with a friend but she backed out. We would like to adopt because there are so many children out there who need homes. I would love to adopt an Asian baby like Chinese or Japanese.

We live in Mass and are legally married by the state there, which allows joint adoption so we are covered legally that way.

Thanks in advance for any help.
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Old 09-03-2011, 08:15 PM   #2
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There are many organizations that will help, some for money, but you should try the foster care program. We have been foster care parents for a few years now and are now on our way to adopting a great little fellow. The nice thing is you are doing a great service to your community. If your state is anything like ours, you will go through some training, which helps in understanding and parenting a child.
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Old 09-05-2011, 05:31 AM   #3
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When I last checked a few years ago, gay or lesbian couples could not adopt internationally. It may have changed, but we stopped looking into the possibility back when all we ran into were brick walls.

Good luck to you! Every child deserves to have a loving home.
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Old 09-06-2011, 03:59 PM   #4
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First of all, congratulations on your decision! It's lofe changing! When my husband I adopted, we used Spence-Chapin in New York City. They were awesome. I don't know if they could hook you up with an agency by you. I know that they coordinate in Conneticut.

Also, Japan does not adopt outside their country and China is very anti-gay. The actress/writer Julia Sweeny adopted as single woman and she had to have written varification that she was not gay from those who had known her for 10 years or more. They also have become very strict on who can adopt. We have two children from China and even though we were allowed to adopt them, we could not do so today because of my husbands disability.
Korea is the same way. Don't mean to burst any bubbles, I just wanted to let you know what was going on there.

From what I see with Spence-Chapin, they try to facilitate open adoptions with a birth mother domestically. I think their website is spence-chapin.org At the very least, maybe it can give you some info.

Good luck! It's sooooo worth the journey!
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Old 09-06-2011, 04:01 PM   #5
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Friends of mine have a FaceBook page looking for a birth mom who will choose them to adopt her baby. If you are having trouble with traditional agencies that could be an avenue to pursue. Good luck!!
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Old 09-08-2011, 12:19 PM   #6
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Thanks for all the advice!!

DVCDan36 - we are going to explore the option of fostering as well. I love the idea of taking the parenting classes beforehand. The only thing I worry with about fostering is getting an older kid with severe emotional/mental problems

We would really love a kid around 2-3 yrs old.

Ive heard about couples doing blogs, craigslist postings, FB pages etc to find a birth mom that needs to put her baby up for adoption. I was thinking of starting a blog about us, and our journey to add to our family anyways.

We had a surrogate but she backed out recently. She had her reasons, and we completely understand but now it's like back to square one.

Thanks again!
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Old 09-10-2011, 03:24 PM   #7
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My partner and I were foster parents in NY. Originally, we expressed an interest in 8-10 year olds but because I was home and not working (laid off at the time), our first placement was an infant.

After several long term placements of infants, we ended up with our girls at the ages of 1 and almost 3. They were adopted at the ages of 5 and 3. Our 3rd is their bio brother who was born while we were going through the adoption process. He was placed with us at a week old and adopted around 18 months old.

They do have older siblings who live in another home.

Long story short, when you go through foster care, you can request certain ages but should be flexible because you never know what will come along. we certainly didn't plan for 3 but here we are.
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Old 09-11-2011, 06:33 AM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by momof3ds View Post
My partner and I were foster parents in NY. Originally, we expressed an interest in 8-10 year olds but because I was home and not working (laid off at the time), our first placement was an infant.

After several long term placements of infants, we ended up with our girls at the ages of 1 and almost 3. They were adopted at the ages of 5 and 3. Our 3rd is their bio brother who was born while we were going through the adoption process. He was placed with us at a week old and adopted around 18 months old.

They do have older siblings who live in another home.

Long story short, when you go through foster care, you can request certain ages but should be flexible because you never know what will come along. we certainly didn't plan for 3 but here we are.
I'm a HUGE beleiver in signs and you are literally the fourth person this week that has mentioned the fostering process. DH and I discussed this last night and think it may be the right option for us.

I wasn't aware that you could request certain ages untill last night when I spoke to a coworker whose neighbor has fostered 6 young kids and adopted 2.

We were wondering how long the process to adopt one was. Thanks for the info
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Old 09-11-2011, 08:24 AM   #9
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Our family was formed by adoption. I don't know the answers to your questions (although the person who posted about China being adverse to allowing gay couples to adopt is absolutely correct.) but I wanted to encourage you on your journey. I've had people ask me if I wanted to have "my own children". Our girls are mine 100%. I've never felt like I was raising someone elses children. I love our girls with an intestity I didn't know I could feel. I hope you are able to add to your family and know the joy of being a parent. Best wishes for a happy family!
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Old 09-12-2011, 06:03 AM   #10
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Originally Posted by 2GirlsMama View Post
Our family was formed by adoption. I don't know the answers to your questions (although the person who posted about China being adverse to allowing gay couples to adopt is absolutely correct.) but I wanted to encourage you on your journey. I've had people ask me if I wanted to have "my own children". Our girls are mine 100%. I've never felt like I was raising someone elses children. I love our girls with an intestity I didn't know I could feel. I hope you are able to add to your family and know the joy of being a parent. Best wishes for a happy family!
Thank you so much!!

The more we explore our options foster parenting seems like the right thing. We know that it may be an emotional roller coaster if we become attached to a child in our home, but then they leave to reunite with their bio family.

We totally know that that is the point, and of course want that to happen. We are looking at from the view point that we can (for a short period of time) show a child the possibilities of whats in the world that they might not glimpse in their bio home that is full of turmoil.

If we can have a kid for a year, and show it what is out there, and a better side of life, maybe it will return home expecting more (look towards education instead of crime, etc)

And hopefully, one day we can adopt one of them
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Old 09-25-2011, 03:35 PM   #11
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When my husband and I went through Foster Care Training, there were more gay couples/singles than straight ones. I would suggest that as a viable option.

Our family was formed via international adoption & we found that to be a very gay-unfriendly avenue. We are not gay, and was not happy with the opposition we saw. Our children were born in Guatemala & there was several gay singles who adopted, but they had to prove they were not in a relationship and there would be a strong figure of the opposite sex in the childs life. Ridiculous!

Good luck on your journey. My children were born of my heart & not my body and I wouldn't have it any other way.
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Old 09-30-2011, 08:31 AM   #12
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Originally Posted by grumpyskirtgirl View Post
When my husband and I went through Foster Care Training, there were more gay couples/singles than straight ones. I would suggest that as a viable option.

Our family was formed via international adoption & we found that to be a very gay-unfriendly avenue. We are not gay, and was not happy with the opposition we saw. Our children were born in Guatemala & there was several gay singles who adopted, but they had to prove they were not in a relationship and there would be a strong figure of the opposite sex in the childs life. Ridiculous!

Good luck on your journey. My children were born of my heart & not my body and I wouldn't have it any other way.
Thank you Tina!

I found out that one of my coworkers neighbors and good friend actually works with the department handling Fostering and I am going to chat with her more.

The next session of classes start in Jan which is when we felt ready to start the process, so here's hoping.
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Old 09-30-2011, 09:19 AM   #13
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My partner and I just adopted in January. We had a birth mother who wanted us to parent her child so we had him since birth. All the legal stuff was done through our agency. But we are in PA so i'm sure you wouldn't want to travel. International adoption can be done, but one of you would have to adopt as a single parent then the other could adopt as a second parent later. International is very expensive though, I would recommend domestic adoption. Most agencies are fine with gay couple adopting, but you'd have to do some research to find agencies in your area. If money is an issue, you might want to consider going through the foster system. It's extremely cheap or free and you even get money every month for the child until he turns 18, you could always use it for a college fund or something like that if you like. We actually found our birth mother through Facebook. The adoption is very taxing, and i was venting one day and a friend saw my post and told me about her friend who was pregnant and looking to adopt. So you never know where a birth mom might pop up! There are many sites out there where you can post profiles, etc. I wish you luck in whatever path you choose!
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Old 10-05-2011, 04:14 PM   #14
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My partner and I just adopted in January. We had a birth mother who wanted us to parent her child so we had him since birth. All the legal stuff was done through our agency. But we are in PA so i'm sure you wouldn't want to travel. International adoption can be done, but one of you would have to adopt as a single parent then the other could adopt as a second parent later. International is very expensive though, I would recommend domestic adoption. Most agencies are fine with gay couple adopting, but you'd have to do some research to find agencies in your area. If money is an issue, you might want to consider going through the foster system. It's extremely cheap or free and you even get money every month for the child until he turns 18, you could always use it for a college fund or something like that if you like. We actually found our birth mother through Facebook. The adoption is very taxing, and i was venting one day and a friend saw my post and told me about her friend who was pregnant and looking to adopt. So you never know where a birth mom might pop up! There are many sites out there where you can post profiles, etc. I wish you luck in whatever path you choose!
Congrats on your adoption! Do you know of any gay adoption groups on Facebook that are worth checking out?
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Old 12-27-2012, 08:30 AM   #15
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I know this is an old thread, but because of things that came up we put this off. But now its looking like 2013 is the year

We are looking at fostering or adopting through the state right now. Im not sure of the timeline though, beause all of the parenting classes we have to take are on days we are not available so it might have to wait till Summer when I can move my schedule around.

I just wondering if anyone had any great book, site, group recs etc to get more info? Anything would be a help.
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