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Old 10-24-2011, 11:25 AM   #151
tric8783
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So my stress levels have really been rising, between numerous things, my mom and this whole guilt trip being one of them!

DF's family had one of their big parties on Saturday night, and I sat and talked with one of his cousins. She told me my mom apparently accused her of 'snooping' through my brother's house at the engagement party (where the party was) when she was trying to find my brother to thank him for having the party, etc. At this point I'm really embarassed, try to brush it off and say I'm sorry, that she really has a mind of her own these days and she's one of my biggest stressors, etc.

A big part of me right now is about to tell her she can invite them. I'm thinking of this because A. they may not even come, B. she will stop sending me the guilt emails and my stress level will lower, C. if they do come, they will occupy her and she'll have less opportunities or time to talk to and say crazy things to DF's family. I'm really thinking it might be a good idea at this point.

I also added a few people to the list over the weekend, (a few friends that were on the B list), after his cousin also told me they may not come because even if they leave the kids home, whoever watches them won't be able to get them to their baseball games. (The kids are 6 and 8). really?? haha I actually really like them, and I know they are very involved with their kids and sports, and maybe there's another reason they can't come and they don't want to say it, but it just got under my skin a little bit and I decided to invite my friends that are excited to come and have a good time!

Who knew this would be so stressful! I was really trying to be a breezy, stress free bride too and it is not working out!!! hahaha
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Old 10-24-2011, 02:21 PM   #152
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Originally Posted by tric8783 View Post
So my stress levels have really been rising, between numerous things, my mom and this whole guilt trip being one of them!

DF's family had one of their big parties on Saturday night, and I sat and talked with one of his cousins. She told me my mom apparently accused her of 'snooping' through my brother's house at the engagement party (where the party was) when she was trying to find my brother to thank him for having the party, etc. At this point I'm really embarassed, try to brush it off and say I'm sorry, that she really has a mind of her own these days and she's one of my biggest stressors, etc.

A big part of me right now is about to tell her she can invite them. I'm thinking of this because A. they may not even come, B. she will stop sending me the guilt emails and my stress level will lower, C. if they do come, they will occupy her and she'll have less opportunities or time to talk to and say crazy things to DF's family. I'm really thinking it might be a good idea at this point.

I also added a few people to the list over the weekend, (a few friends that were on the B list), after his cousin also told me they may not come because even if they leave the kids home, whoever watches them won't be able to get them to their baseball games. (The kids are 6 and 8). really?? haha I actually really like them, and I know they are very involved with their kids and sports, and maybe there's another reason they can't come and they don't want to say it, but it just got under my skin a little bit and I decided to invite my friends that are excited to come and have a good time!

Who knew this would be so stressful! I was really trying to be a breezy, stress free bride too and it is not working out!!! hahaha
Don't sweat it girl! You are going to encounter some people who just don't care as much as others and you know what? That's ok! Forget about them and have people there you want. Don't do anything to appease anyone else, unless it's the future hubs. It is your wedding, remember that. You can be nice but firm and those who care will accept that. Hang in there honey, it will get stressful (I didn't realize how much so) but it will all be fine and work out.
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Old 10-24-2011, 08:44 PM   #153
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Don't sweat it girl! You are going to encounter some people who just don't care as much as others and you know what? That's ok! Forget about them and have people there you want. Don't do anything to appease anyone else, unless it's the future hubs. It is your wedding, remember that. You can be nice but firm and those who care will accept that. Hang in there honey, it will get stressful (I didn't realize how much so) but it will all be fine and work out.
This this this!

Best advice: just brush off all negativity. Courtenay gave great advice!

Hang in there, girlie!
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Old 10-25-2011, 08:20 AM   #154
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Awww sweetie - I am so sorry that you are having family dramas. It would seem that very few brides get away without having some family-induced stress before their big day!!
I would say, that your feeling that you should be the bigger person and let your Mum invite her guests, is probably the best course of action. It will stop the stress for you, keep her quiet and keep her occupied at the wedding. If she is paying, it will not cost you any more than a two minute, polite 'hello' at the wedding events, if they come. If they don't, well you have done what was asked of you and your Mum can have no excuse to badger you further. Just MHO. Sometimes, we have to take the road of least resistance for our own sanity!!!
Just wanted to say, that re. the transport for the rehearsal and dinner, don't forget that you could use an outside company for this and not go through DFTW. It would probably be significantly cheaper. We rented a mini-bus to transport our guests from BLT to SSR (Turf Club Grill) for our welcome dinner, and it was very reasonable. Unfortunately, I can't remember how much it was or which company we went with in the end!!! I am sure that if you 'google' minibus transport in the WDW area, you will get loads of options.
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Old 10-25-2011, 10:40 AM   #155
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Originally Posted by tric8783 View Post
So my stress levels have really been rising, between numerous things, my mom and this whole guilt trip being one of them!

DF's family had one of their big parties on Saturday night, and I sat and talked with one of his cousins. She told me my mom apparently accused her of 'snooping' through my brother's house at the engagement party (where the party was) when she was trying to find my brother to thank him for having the party, etc. At this point I'm really embarassed, try to brush it off and say I'm sorry, that she really has a mind of her own these days and she's one of my biggest stressors, etc.

A big part of me right now is about to tell her she can invite them. I'm thinking of this because A. they may not even come, B. she will stop sending me the guilt emails and my stress level will lower, C. if they do come, they will occupy her and she'll have less opportunities or time to talk to and say crazy things to DF's family. I'm really thinking it might be a good idea at this point.

I also added a few people to the list over the weekend, (a few friends that were on the B list), after his cousin also told me they may not come because even if they leave the kids home, whoever watches them won't be able to get them to their baseball games. (The kids are 6 and 8). really?? haha I actually really like them, and I know they are very involved with their kids and sports, and maybe there's another reason they can't come and they don't want to say it, but it just got under my skin a little bit and I decided to invite my friends that are excited to come and have a good time!

Who knew this would be so stressful! I was really trying to be a breezy, stress free bride too and it is not working out!!! hahaha
I totally said the same thing, I wasn't going to be stressed, this was all going to be fun! And hey Disney is planning my wedding so things have to be perfect. Well that attitude only lasted a little while. There are so many things that come up when planning a wedding, its just not easy. I have come to realize after talking to so many people that is normal for all this stress, so you just have to accept it and work with it however you can As far as your mom and her guest list do whatever you think is going to make things easier for you. If you have to give in then thats what you do. Btw I can't believe she said that to Df's cousin!!!

I can't believe someone would use the excuse that their kids wont' be able to get to their sports events if they are at your wedding lol. People say some crazy things. We had some major drama with my dad's family after we got engaged.(not that your cousins comment was this bad but still we all go through it more so with a destination I guess) There were several comments by my cousins on his side and aunts about how dare I have a Disney wedding because not everyone would be able to come! So that made things easy we wiped them off the guest list and we added people who really want to be there!

Good luck with everything, can't wait to hear what you decide. How many people will you end up with if you add your mom's family?
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Old 10-25-2011, 12:14 PM   #156
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Originally Posted by CourtenayB View Post
Don't sweat it girl! You are going to encounter some people who just don't care as much as others and you know what? That's ok! Forget about them and have people there you want. Don't do anything to appease anyone else, unless it's the future hubs. It is your wedding, remember that. You can be nice but firm and those who care will accept that. Hang in there honey, it will get stressful (I didn't realize how much so) but it will all be fine and work out.
Thanks so much for the kind words!! I've really been down about it and am so glad to have these boards! Of course if I'm upset or acting crazy, DF looks at me like I have 3 heads and doesn't understand why I'm so stressed. ahhhhh!
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Old 10-25-2011, 12:15 PM   #157
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This this this!

Best advice: just brush off all negativity. Courtenay gave great advice!

Hang in there, girlie!
Thank you, thank you!!!
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Old 10-25-2011, 12:17 PM   #158
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Originally Posted by tinkerbell 766 View Post
Awww sweetie - I am so sorry that you are having family dramas. It would seem that very few brides get away without having some family-induced stress before their big day!!
I would say, that your feeling that you should be the bigger person and let your Mum invite her guests, is probably the best course of action. It will stop the stress for you, keep her quiet and keep her occupied at the wedding. If she is paying, it will not cost you any more than a two minute, polite 'hello' at the wedding events, if they come. If they don't, well you have done what was asked of you and your Mum can have no excuse to badger you further. Just MHO. Sometimes, we have to take the road of least resistance for our own sanity!!!
Just wanted to say, that re. the transport for the rehearsal and dinner, don't forget that you could use an outside company for this and not go through DFTW. It would probably be significantly cheaper. We rented a mini-bus to transport our guests from BLT to SSR (Turf Club Grill) for our welcome dinner, and it was very reasonable. Unfortunately, I can't remember how much it was or which company we went with in the end!!! I am sure that if you 'google' minibus transport in the WDW area, you will get loads of options.
Thanks Joanne! I did look into getting an outside shuttle for the RD, but at the time I was only looking for one way as we were having the DP at the GF, so now that our plans have changed maybe I should look for quotes again. Thanks for reminding me!
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Old 10-25-2011, 12:21 PM   #159
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DF looks at me like I have 3 heads and doesn't understand why I'm so stressed. ahhhhh!
You're not the only one, lol.... DF thinks I'm a nut. He's not stressed about anything and I'm on the other end of the couch freaking out, lol.

Families are difficult sometimes, and I hope it gets better for you!! The time will fly and everything will be great
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Old 10-25-2011, 12:23 PM   #160
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I totally said the same thing, I wasn't going to be stressed, this was all going to be fun! And hey Disney is planning my wedding so things have to be perfect. Well that attitude only lasted a little while. There are so many things that come up when planning a wedding, its just not easy. I have come to realize after talking to so many people that is normal for all this stress, so you just have to accept it and work with it however you can As far as your mom and her guest list do whatever you think is going to make things easier for you. If you have to give in then thats what you do. Btw I can't believe she said that to Df's cousin!!!

I can't believe someone would use the excuse that their kids wont' be able to get to their sports events if they are at your wedding lol. People say some crazy things. We had some major drama with my dad's family after we got engaged.(not that your cousins comment was this bad but still we all go through it more so with a destination I guess) There were several comments by my cousins on his side and aunts about how dare I have a Disney wedding because not everyone would be able to come! So that made things easy we wiped them off the guest list and we added people who really want to be there!

Good luck with everything, can't wait to hear what you decide. How many people will you end up with if you add your mom's family?
Oh yes, we got the resistance too His family was asking me if they HAD to buy park tickets to attend the wedding, etc. They are all looking for "deals" to stay off property in condos with full kitchens because they for some reason think Disney's prices are so crazy. I was irritated at first and I'm trying to just stop myself and let it go!

I seriously cannot believe she said that to his cousin either... tail between my legs embarassed. Thanks, Mom.

I also found out recently that his parents apparently want to throw us a reception when we get back... ahem NO. I slightly understand, but we are inviting his entire family and everyone we are close to, so I don't find a need to throw another party when we get back for the people who didn't come or people we didn't invite because we aren't close with them. I'm trying not to be selfish, but it's not like we're only going down with 10 people (then I would understand the at home reception). I'm still also getting asked when the characters and princesses are coming. I'm laughing it off until they see how nice the wedding is actually going to be and then let them feel silly for mocking us. People can be downright fresh! but trying to keep positive positive!!!
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Old 10-25-2011, 12:38 PM   #161
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So I decided to bite the bullet and let my mom invite the people she wants to invite. We're at 139 now. We are hoping to only get around 75 or 80 so we'll see how that goes!

I asked my mom about talking to DF's cousin and she said she would never say that to someone, so who knows what is going on there. I'm just going to move along.. positive positive!

I've heard in the forecast we may have snow flurries on Friday, I really hope not since we are supposed to be taking our e-pics then! I'm really looking forawrd to them! We still don't have a location from the photographers, so I'm reallllllllly interested to know where they think "fits" us and they want to go.

I also found a website online for custom koozies! They sent me a picture of the design and I'm really looking forward to them! The front will say our names, the date, and WDW between a scroll design, and the back will say "To Love, Laughter & Happily Ever After" They are also only $.88/koozie which I thought was a pretty good deal! I'm hoping to put them out at cocktail hour in a basket near the bar or something! I will post a picture of them once they come in!
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Old 10-25-2011, 12:44 PM   #162
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You're not the only one, lol.... DF thinks I'm a nut. He's not stressed about anything and I'm on the other end of the couch freaking out, lol.

Families are difficult sometimes, and I hope it gets better for you!! The time will fly and everything will be great
YES! That is exactly what happens every night at our house I swear.
Thank you! I'm really going to try and just let things go as much as I can!
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Old 10-25-2011, 08:36 PM   #163
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Morning ladies!
I have some family drama I'd like some opinions on!

DF's family is large, (compared to mine anyway) so they probably take up about 1/2 of our guest list. All of them live near us, and we celebrate everything as one large group, we have at least one family party a month, and the ALL come.. to every.single.one. So to say I know these people and feel comfortable with them after 7 years is an understatement! DF didn't go away to school, he didn't live on campus either, so he has his core group of friends from HS and that's about it, which to me is great, shows he's loyal, really cares about them, and they all really are great. When we first started dating, I really wished my family were close like that, I have cousins, aunts and uncles, etc, but my parents lost touch with most of them, I haven't hung out with any of them since I was little and the connection is just basically gone.

So my side for our guest list consists of my parents, my two siblings and their husband and gf, one of my cousins that lives in FL, and my uncle that lives in CA, both the cousin and uncle are on my mom's side. We don't talk to my dad's side since my grandparents passed and that just is what it is. I did go away to school and I'm pretty social, so I have about 40 friends that I'm inviting, DF has the family and I have the friends. It actually balances in my mind.

My mom recently had an old friend pass away and since then she's been trying to re-connect with her side of the family. In my view, I think she is trying to use my wedding as some sort of family reunion. She wants to invite her sister (that I have only met twice in my life and I'm 28), and a few other cousins I also have only met a few times. I am very adament in telling her no, they are not being invited. We are having a destination wedding for a reason, we both want it to be small and intimate. I really don't want people I don't know at the wedding and DF agrees. My mom keeps sending me guilt emails trying to make me give in and say they can be invited, telling me it's sad I'm not considering other people's feelings, that we're inviting all of DF's family and none of mine, etc. At this point DF's family is my big family and I don't consider people I don't even know my family. I can't say that to her of course!
My mom also wanted to invite them to the engagement party and I told her no, since they were not being invited to the wedding. She went behind my back and invited them herself anyway, and then none of them showed up.

Am I being totally unreasonable?? Part of me says just give in, she is paying, who cares. But a bigger part of me says I don't want people I don't know coming to my wedding, it will make me feel awkward and uncomfortable and I don't want my wedding to be some family reunion where we don't see or talk to them again for another 20 years. Ugh!! What to do??
Hey girl! Sorry to hear all about the family drama! My parents and DH's parents invited a ton of friends to the wedding too. Probably as many as DH and I did. My parents paid for the wedding but I told my mom that as long as her friend didn't cut into my budget then it was fine And only a couple of them came, which made my mom happy


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I also added a few people to the list over the weekend, (a few friends that were on the B list), after his cousin also told me they may not come because even if they leave the kids home, whoever watches them won't be able to get them to their baseball games. (The kids are 6 and 8). really?? haha I actually really like them, and I know they are very involved with their kids and sports, and maybe there's another reason they can't come and they don't want to say it, but it just got under my skin a little bit and I decided to invite my friends that are excited to come and have a good time!

Who knew this would be so stressful! I was really trying to be a breezy, stress free bride too and it is not working out!!! hahaha
And what is it with people. I have a cousin who is married and has 3 kids. My wedding was Saturday evening. He came with his wife and kids to Disney on Wednesday and left Saturday MORNING!!! Just so they could get our room discount! And they didn't even bother trying to see me! My mom was super pissed but I told her I didn't really care since I could use that money towards something I wanted more!

Good luck and I hope it all works out!
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Old 10-25-2011, 10:46 PM   #164
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I will definitely let you know! We actually are probably right at that point, my ticker says 6 mos, a week and a few days! I better get on a calculator and get on the phone!!

You're def right! I'll post more about this below!
I counted up the days and I think Sunday is my day to call, so yours should be in just a few more days. I'm still going to double check myself, though. Good luck!

I hope the stress goes away and you're able to have fun with planning again!
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Old 10-26-2011, 08:11 AM   #165
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So I decided to bite the bullet and let my mom invite the people she wants to invite. We're at 139 now. We are hoping to only get around 75 or 80 so we'll see how that goes!

I asked my mom about talking to DF's cousin and she said she would never say that to someone, so who knows what is going on there. I'm just going to move along.. positive positive!

I've heard in the forecast we may have snow flurries on Friday, I really hope not since we are supposed to be taking our e-pics then! I'm really looking forawrd to them! We still don't have a location from the photographers, so I'm reallllllllly interested to know where they think "fits" us and they want to go.

I also found a website online for custom koozies! They sent me a picture of the design and I'm really looking forward to them! The front will say our names, the date, and WDW between a scroll design, and the back will say "To Love, Laughter & Happily Ever After" They are also only $.88/koozie which I thought was a pretty good deal! I'm hoping to put them out at cocktail hour in a basket near the bar or something! I will post a picture of them once they come in!
I hope your guest count comes to a number that you like!!

Snow!! How exciting! I'm a FL girl and think snow is pretty fun... I bet no one else shares that sentiment but me! For your sake, I hope the snow stays away for engagement pictures! Can't wait to see them!

The koozies sound adorable! Can't wait to see the pics!
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