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Old 06-27-2011, 08:19 PM   #76
valbob89
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Ship of pools

Do you remember from the movie Caddy Shack when children and grown men and women ran and splashed, screaming, from the club pool because this brown -- thing -- was floating in it? And Bull Murray shows up in elbow-length rubber gloves, a spray-paint mask and seven-buckle arctic boots at the edge of the pool with a leaf skimmer to dredge out a Baby Ruth bar?

Well, what of Mr. and Mrs. Hogjowl who think that darling Petunia and Little Ferdinand will "hold it" while they're forced to sit in the tepid Mickey Pool for two hours while Daddy waddles off to Signals for a helmet full of beers and Momma Hogjowl is spreading towels across sixteen lounge chairs then goes to the spa to get her hair done?

Ferdie, with back turning red from UV, discovers it's fun to squat on the water fountain. And Tunie, grunting, strains a load through the baggy elastic of her worn-out bikini.

Ferdie smells the gift and promptly hurls into the pool; the wretched flotsam bobs its way to Mr. Jones' chest, who's splashing playfully with Junior in his swim diaper, which Disney expressly prohibits. Mr. Jones, in autonomic response, promptly projectile-vomits his burger, fries and beer with soft-serve ice cream chaser (topped with caramel and nuts, of course), spraying the simulated teak deck and two other parents.

What follows are screams, rounds of sympathetic emesis expanding towards the Goofy pool, increasing turbidity in Mickey's pool, kids slipping as they run, adding their own discharges, bawling, from the stench.

Out of nowhere, in a brilliant flash, a battallion of yellow-jumpsuited "cast members" with buckets, swabs, rags and spray sanitizer converge like baby spiders on a moth-strummed web. Someone in the bowels of the engine room, alerted by the howling klaxon on the pool-plumbing console, races to the flashing blue Pump and Purge panel and simultaneously slaps the flush lever and spins the emergency washdown pressure valve like a giant roulette wheel.

Surrounding the pool, the deck-apes in coveralls spin towards the hose racks and squeegy blades on broom handles. Like a choreographed Rockettes high-kick, in sequence they swing overhead and then drop before them their swabs, squeegies, and sweeper nozzles (pop-pop-pop splat pop-pop-pop swoosh pop-pop-pop), encircling the vile vituperation and sweep it in tiny breaking waves back into the pool. The waters are swirling down, down, down, faster and deeper, into Mickey's mouth; a vortex appears and creates a howling banshee scream not unlike a thousand teenagers sucking the last drops from a thousand Big Gulps.

A sudden furnace-like Santa Ana blast flaps the towels on six of Mrs. Hogjowl's abandoned but apparently reserved loungers; sippy cups are capsized; Mrs. Jones, still sleeping with her MP3 earbuds cranked up to 12, is awakened by the mists of the quelling disaster. From Mickey's mouth in the pool a ripping "schlisssssss----pfoomPP!" echoes off the red smokestacks like a stateroom toilet to the 18th power.

The air falls as still and hot as Parrot Cay before dessert is served. One cocktail napkin flutters drily to rest on Mrs. Jones' taut, coconut-oiled tummy. She gasps, and the 96 swabbies spin, gazing in horror at a piece of trash that's not in a can. None dare approach the bronzed lady. Slowly they back away, disappearing into cracks of doorways, under stairs, behind the towel boxes. One dives into a big yellow and red ventilator horn.

Only his shoe hints that anything has been the least awry. His shoe, and the napkin -- the napkin that none of the boatswain's mates dared grab from that shining, bikini'd, abdominal plank.

"Hey!" she shouts at the few stunned parents standing in awe around the pool, having witnessed what surely would top Richard Dreyfuss' narrative from Close Encounters of the Third Kind. "Why'd they drain the danged baby pool again? And where's Junior!?!"

And that's why I tell kids, "Get out of here" at the adult pool in Quiet Cove.
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Old 06-27-2011, 08:19 PM   #77
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When I first saw this thread I thought 'aw, c'mon - it's Disney, have a little fun, get into the spirit.' then... I started reading. HILARIOUS!!!

We haven't even been on a cruise yet, and I'm almost excited to giggle at what everyone has said is cheesy and over the top. While I've been stuck in Disney Delight, gotta give props to "The Curmudgeon" for this humorous take on DCL.

Thanks for a funny thread - and the image of a scruffy cigar smoking Snow White won't soon leave my head!!!
You will probably love nearly all the things mentioned here....the FIRST time!

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Old 06-27-2011, 08:25 PM   #78
ibouncetoo
I get excited by the little things!
I follow directions well!!!
I'm not allowed to buy any more craft supplies till I actually MAKE something LOL
 
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Those aren't stuffed toys. They're familiars.





(ONCE I came very close to bringing my stuffed Tigger with me...but to leave on the bed........)

.
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Old 06-27-2011, 08:31 PM   #79
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Originally Posted by Angelic Jennifer View Post
I've been a cast member. Not on the cruise ships, but in MK at WDW. Some of us don't mind doing things like that at all. Some of us love it.

If only you all knew what some cast members go through to make your vacation as magical as they can ... It's impressive, and there's a reason we all come back, cheese or no ...
Yes, dear Angel, sweet Jennifer: we love it too, five or six times; we pay well for the experience, more than we have on Princess, Celebrity, Carnival or that awful Norwegian. Plus, we have two more Disney cruises already scheduled. And then we love to complain about it before we surreptitiously schedule another Atlantic crossing on the Magic!

The few. The proud. The Curmudgeons!
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Old 06-27-2011, 08:43 PM   #80
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I hear you, Valbob .. I'm jsut saying that in my days as a CM, it really didn't get old for me. I could sing the same songs everyday, dance to the parades while helping guests find that absolutely necessary something, and everytime for me was like the first time. Some of those cast members aren't just acting ... (but secretly, some of them are!)
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Old 06-27-2011, 08:45 PM   #81
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It's not Duffy yet?
Don't get me started.
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Old 06-27-2011, 08:53 PM   #82
ibouncetoo
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Don't get me started.


Yeh....and ask him about the REAL princesses vs. the 'wannabees'.

.


Curmedgeons...look away from the screen.....

Angelic Jennifer....I would have killed to have been able to do that when I was young! Got to participate in the Disneyland parade a few times (in my 50's!) and that was such a treat!

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Old 06-27-2011, 08:56 PM   #83
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Originally Posted by valbob89 View Post
Yes, dear Angel, sweet Jennifer: we love it too, five or six times; we pay well for the experience, more than we have on Princess, Celebrity, Carnival or that awful Norwegian. Plus, we have two more Disney cruises already scheduled. And then we love to complain about it before we surreptitiously schedule another Atlantic crossing on the Magic!

The few. The proud. The Curmudgeons!
Yep, 5 down and 4 booked, the two soonest is a back-to-back on the Dream. I reckon it will open up a new world of possibilities for me. I'm looking forward to Remy with eager anticipation, watching every episode of Upstairs/Downstairs I can get my hands on and planning my passive-aggressive evening wear.
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Old 06-27-2011, 09:05 PM   #84
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There is another thing that annoys me (what just one?), and I really am probably alone in this ... It's the big mural of Walt Disney leaning on the piano where they altered it to remove the cigarette he was smoking.

For pity's sake the man smoked and drank whiskey!

I know why they did it, but they should have just selected another photo from the 10 billion of him and not tried to alter history because it was not politically correct.

Every time I see it it sends chills down my spine. I can't help thinking of the photos that Stalin had Trotsky airbrushed out of.
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Last edited by iankh; 06-27-2011 at 09:21 PM.
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Old 06-27-2011, 09:06 PM   #85
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Originally Posted by valbob89 View Post
SNIP

And that's why I tell kids, "Get out of here" at the adult pool in Quiet Cove.
Wow, that was fantastic! Made me laugh so much and there are far too many truth's in there!

Thank you so much for the laugh

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Old 06-27-2011, 09:07 PM   #86
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Originally Posted by ibouncetoo View Post


Yeh....and ask him about the REAL princesses vs. the 'wannabees'.

.

.
Oh, yes, that's a whole other thing that really annoys me.
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Old 06-27-2011, 10:07 PM   #87
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...


Thank you so much for the laugh

Ex Techie
You're quite welcome. And since you SNIPped me, there's another grumble.

Fellow curmudgeons: If you've been around these dozeboard yakrooms very much, you've seen the 8-screen-long collection of near-duplicate photos of Mouseluvvrrr2117's towel monkeys that TinkyDinkyluvvsPooh302 has then quoted in full just to say "cute!"

And then PanmanJonsWifeluvsSmee17a copy-quotes that to say "You're so right. I looooooove towel art!

So, fellow crankypantses: You click Quote. Then you select and delete all that you don't want and put in elipses ... (or SNIP, as extechie did) so everyone doesn't have to read my entire scree about the Mickey Pool Poopetraters. Or at least scroll through it, grumbling. Be sure to keep the bracket/quote at top and bottom, though.

and I'm still not joining.
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Old 06-27-2011, 10:57 PM   #88
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hilarious!!!
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Old 06-27-2011, 11:16 PM   #89
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For example ....
Quote:
Originally Posted by valbob89 View Post
Be sure to keep the bracket/quote at top and bottom, though.

and I'm still not joining.
But I was so hoping to meet you at a Curmudgeons meeting on a future cruise!! We can meet in an obscure location during the sail away party (after all getting announced as "the Curmudgeon family") and we can make matching tees to wear to dinner with jean shorts that say "Don't do the Dance" or "I tip well, please don't beg" or some other cleverer phrase that you curmudgeons can come up with.

Please continue to make me laugh!
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Old 06-28-2011, 12:50 AM   #90
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You're killing me! You hid it well on the Panama cruise!
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