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Old 06-26-2011, 08:11 AM   #76
TarzansKat
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Originally Posted by lauralong81 View Post
Been having major disney withdrawals and we don't know when we're going back, so I hopped on the boards to suck in some disney magic.


I think we have plenty of Disney magic here for you to draw in, so enjoy, enjoy, enjoy!

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Thank you for an AMAZING, enlightening, uplifting, thoughtfully written PTR and TR. I read through your entire PTR last night and started the TR this morning while my kiddos were still in bed. Reading about your mother and how you have really grown through the entire situation has really made me feel I can take on anything that comes my way. You are such an inspirational person with such an amazing outlook on life. I cannot say enough - good for you for taking an incredibly rough situation and turning it into a growing experience.

I look forward to hearing the rest.
Wow.

I'm really humbled by what you just wrote. When people say things like that to me, whether on the DIS or in "real" life, I always think, really? Am I really all that?

And a bag of chips? Old joke.

Anyway...thank you so much. What wnoderful words you've bestowed upon me, and I hope that I live up to half of it! I look forward to writing the rest and having you along for the ride, and I'm in awe that you read the PTR in one sitting! Wow. You must REALLY want the Disney magic.
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Old 06-26-2011, 07:43 PM   #77
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They're Called Smores, Buzz

Kleenex Alert - I cried writing this one. Just sayin'.

ďDon't worry, Woody. In just a few hours you'll be sitting around a campfire with Andy making delicious hot Schmoes.Ē

This particular movie quote, and its response, which is the title of this chapter, never fails to crack up my family.

Especially me.

Delicious hot Schmoes!

Anyway, I use it to introduce to you exactly what my six year old had on his mind once heíd finished his lovely Caseyís meal.

Buzz Lightyear!

On the way there, we stopped at the pretty little walkway between the Crystal Palace and Main Street and I took some more photos of the boys in front of the castle. It was just too good to pass up.

Although my inclination would be to head to Pirates of the Caribbean straight away, faster than you can say TarzansKat Loves Captain Jack, shall we say, this trip wasnít really about my inclinations. And although there was a moment, that will come much, much later on, in which I was indulged in a particular inclination, this trip was mostly about my kids.

And even moreso, mostly Nemo. Although I had some ideas in my head of specific things I wanted to do with Squirt, like his first character meet and greet, and things like that, Nemo is the child who is old enough to voice his opinions, and voice them he did!

We headed over to Tomorrowland and determined the stand by line for Buzz to be too long. I donít remember what it was, just that I wasnít willing to wait in it. We convinced Nemo that the best thing to do would be to get fast passes, and that we could come back later and not have to wait in the big line.

He liked this concept.

So we headed over to one of my Tomorrowland favorites, the People Mover. You know I can call it that now because they officially changed the name back to the Tomorrowland Transit Authority People Mover. Some of us remember the Wedway People Mover. Ah, memories.

Anyway, this is one of my favorite rides, and I canít pinpoint exactly why. You know as Iím sitting here thinking about it, I donít even really want to try to describe it. Itís just one of those things that is quintessential Disney to me.

We took our obligatory People Mover photos, itís a must do for my family to take photos on this ride every year, and I of course took a photo of the baby in one of the pitch black tunnels. You can call me a little bit of a sadist, but I love the wide, doe eyed look they get when itís pitch black in there, and I happened upon it one year by taking a picture of Nemo by accident, and ever since, I just canít resist. Itís so stinkiní cute.

Anyway, after the People Mover, Nemo and MJS wanted to check out the wait time for the Speedway, so we headed over there. I think it was about twenty minutes, and we agreed that Nana and I would take the baby, and they could go race cars. Nemo loves this ride. I remember how it made me feel as a kid, so grown up to be driving my very own car! He has such an awesome time on there, I couldnít say no to him. So Nana and I amused ourselves with a leisurely stroll into Fantasyland and back, and by the time we got back, the boys were done.

On our way back over to Buzz, we discovered the stand that sells the HUGE Disney inflatable balls. And someone was quite, quite enamored. It was so cute to see the baby go absolutely nuts, because he loves to play with a bouncy ball at home, and for him to see this huge one, his eyes lit up like you wouldnít believe!



I know Iíve said it before, and youíll probably get sick of me saying it by the end of this trip, but itís these unplanned moments that are so amazing to me. That when Squirt saw that huge ball, he was so delighted, so mesmerized, he had to stop and play for a few minutes. And that something so simple can make my baby squeal in delight and laugh and giggle and smileÖit just warms your heart. I think babies and children have a certain kind of joy that we lose as adults, and maybe if we get it every now and then, weíre not as free with it as they are. Thereís more freedom in youth than we think, and sometimes I wish I could be more like my child, wondering and delighting over something so simple. I guess thatís one of the reasons I love these vacations so much. Because there, in the World, I am. Wondering and delighting over these simple, stolen moments.

We spent a little bit of time fooling around at the misting station as well, the one with the rocket ship on top. It was neat to see MJS take the baby in there, and Squirtís face as he thought, what is this on me? The mist was so fine, but when Squirt came out, he was covered! It dried quickly and he enjoyed it but you could tell he was a little perplexed. We had to coax Nemo to go in, but once he did, he squealed with delight trying to avoid getting hit too hard, so to speak. It was so sweet. Again, one of those little stolen moments I just love.

After our fun and tomfoolery, it was time to redeem our fast passes and so we headed on over to Buzz and his delightful Space Ranger Spin.

I have to tell you, flat out, this ride is very nostalgic for me. I knew Nemo would want to ride it and I knew Iíd love taking Squirt for the first time, but I also knew itíd be pretty hard.

Buzz was my Momís favorite Toy Story character, and she loved, loved, loved this ride. Itís even hard for me to talk about her loving it in the past tense, as though I expect her to go in it with us, just like that dream I had where she came with us on the trip. It was another one of those moments where I just sort of marveled that it was still there, that life was continuing on. And I got to the part in line where Buzz is talking, and all I could think of was how many pictures weíd taken in front of him. Of Nemo as a baby, of my Mom with Nemo, of her saying, to infinity, and beyond!

You know when you lose a parent, and youíre going through many of the things that follow afterwards, your brain is sort of numb. And when you get to the point where youíre picking out a floral arrangement to place beside your motherís casket, and the florist wants to know if youíd like to write the card, you stand there, and stare at it. All I could think about was how much I didnít want to be writing that card. About the baby growing in my belly, about my son at preschool, about my husband at work, going on normally, and me feeling like I was dying inside because my mother was gone.

So I did the only thing I could do with my brain so numb and my heart going full throttle on sadness. I turned to Disney. And wrote the only thing that I could think of, the thing that I knew would make sense to her and to me, not caring who read it or saw it.

Dear Mom,
We love you. To infinity, and beyond!

Because I really do feel that someday, Iíll get to see her again. Beyond. And my love for her is so infinite, that was the only way I could describe it. With words from Buzz.

As much as I feel my mother in the town I grew up in, in the house I grew up in, in places that are familiar at home, oh, did I feel her right there in that spot. And part of me still wishes that I could go back through time and that sheíd be standing thereÖ

Iíve missed her so much these past couple of weeks. Nemo just finished school, heís now officially done with kindergarten, and while watching him play outside the other night, I couldnít help but miss her even more. One more milestone that we canít share. And I donít know, to me, finishing kindergarten made me even more weepy than him starting, because next year heíll be in first grade and going full days, and thatís really such a grown up thing for my little boy.

And I wish Mom was here to share it with. Much like I wished she was physically there on our Disney trip, wished I could turn that clock back.

Even though I know how much Iíve learned since then, how profoundly this loss has changed my life, I still want her back. Even though, in dying, she has given me so, so much. Itís something I talk about with my therapist (for those of you who are new to my reports, I willingly admit Iíve needed therapy since my mom passed as her passing was extremely untimely and traumatic) about. Both sentiments, though conflicting, can be true. I can want my mother back and I can admit that my life has changed for the better by experiencing this loss. Itís hard to hold both things in your heart and feel like youíre not betraying your loved one. Feel like youíre honoring their memory. But everything I do that involves me living life, really living it, not just going through the motions, that, I think is honoring my mother. Because we do channel our inner Dorothy (Mom loved the Wizard of Oz, especially Glinda) and follow that yellow brick road.

And right now, that road was leading me on Buzz Lightyear.

Nana and I rode together, and the boys all went in the vehicle ahead of us. I have to say, it was really fun to ride with Nana. I maneuvered the vehicle so that we could get as many points as possible, but I am not the best Buzz player. Iíll admit it. I donít even remember what my ranking was, because honestly, although I was playing, I was also busy watching the baby watching the ride, and it was really neat to see.

As we disembarked, we took a look at the ride photos and had a good laugh at the baby staring at everything, and all our serious game faces.

Now that weíd tackled our favorites in Tomorrowland, and it was getting to be rather late in the evening, the question was, where do we head next?


Next Chapter

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Old 06-26-2011, 10:37 PM   #78
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Originally Posted by TarzansKat View Post
[I]
Even though I know how much Iíve learned since then, how profoundly this loss has changed my life, I still want her back. Even though, in dying, she has given me so, so much. Itís something I talk about with my therapist (for those of you who are new to my reports, I willingly admit Iíve needed therapy since my mom passed as her passing was extremely untimely and traumatic) about. Both sentiments, though conflicting, can be true. I can want my mother back and I can admit that my life has changed for the better by experiencing this loss. Itís hard to hold both things in your heart and feel like youíre not betraying your loved one. Feel like youíre honoring their memory. But everything I do that involves me living life, really living it, not just going through the motions, that, I think is honoring my mother. Because we do channel our inner Dorothy (Mom loved the Wizard of Oz, especially Glinda) and follow that yellow brick road.
So beautifully beautifully said. Methinks you have a very good therapist, you've come so far. It's amazing what the right one can do (freely admitting having had more than one lol).

I love your little moments, and the fact that you can realize they are moments when they happen. That right there, is a gift.

I'm picturing Squirt covered in mist, perplexed, as I type and it makes me smile.
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Old 06-26-2011, 11:04 PM   #79
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Hey TK, I"m here, but traveling. As soon as I get time to catch up after I get back after Wednesday, I'll read everything and get up to speed here
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Old 06-27-2011, 04:28 AM   #80
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I don't even know what I could write that would do this chapter justice, so I won't even try.

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Old 06-27-2011, 05:19 AM   #81
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That was beautifully written, TK. You are an amazing writer, you should look into writing some articles because what you write just resonates with people. I can't imagine going through what you have and it makes me so thankful for my family everyday, so thank you for that little reminder.
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Old 06-27-2011, 07:48 AM   #82
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Wow. Some really bittersweet memories in your last update. How hard to be thinking of your mom, yet so enjoyable to see a new baby drink in the whole experience.

And, you're so right - children are so free to react and give their honest opinion. I use them as a barometer all the time in church. I like to see their reactions to the different music that is placed. I love to watch them turn to see where the music is coming from. I like to watch them gently sway to the rhythm of a song. I figure if they are reacting instinctively, then there must be a few adults that are feeling it too, even though they remain motionless.
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Old 06-27-2011, 07:50 AM   #83
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Originally Posted by eandesmom View Post
So beautifully beautifully said. Methinks you have a very good therapist, you've come so far. It's amazing what the right one can do (freely admitting having had more than one lol).
I know that I've done a lot of work, but I credit my therapist with being the implementation for that process. She's amazing.

Quote:
I love your little moments, and the fact that you can realize they are moments when they happen. That right there, is a gift.


Quote:
I'm picturing Squirt covered in mist, perplexed, as I type and it makes me smile.
He was so cute!

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Originally Posted by All7OfUs View Post
Hey TK, I"m here, but traveling. As soon as I get time to catch up after I get back after Wednesday, I'll read everything and get up to speed here
Safe travels, my friend!

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Originally Posted by oOJulieOo View Post
I don't even know what I could write that would do this chapter justice, so I won't even try.

Thank you.

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Originally Posted by Lady Lallie View Post
That was beautifully written, TK. You are an amazing writer, you should look into writing some articles because what you write just resonates with people. I can't imagine going through what you have and it makes me so thankful for my family everyday, so thank you for that little reminder.
Thanks, LL. I've actually been thinking about writing a book now that I stay at home. I don't have a lot of free time, but when I do, the urge is there.

And I'm glad my writing makes you thankful for your family. That I can do that is a blessing.
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Old 06-27-2011, 08:01 AM   #84
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Kat--thank you for sharing that with us.

I know it was hard to write, but it was exactly how I felt Christmas after both of my parents passed.

Oh, and the bouncy-ball thing with Squirt? Pure magic!
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Old 06-27-2011, 08:43 AM   #85
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Wow - what an update - poignant, sweet, I could go on but you get the point.

Love all of the little moments you enjoyed - the big ball, the mister, etc. (Did you buy one of the balls? - I would have been so tempted to!)

We had one of those evenings last night - the three of us played a few board games and then went outside to catch lightning bugs. Simple yet perfect!
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Old 06-27-2011, 08:51 AM   #86
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Originally Posted by TarzansKat View Post
Thanks, LL. I've actually been thinking about writing a book now that I stay at home. I don't have a lot of free time, but when I do, the urge is there.

And I'm glad my writing makes you thankful for your family. That I can do that is a blessing.
You really should start a book. I really think you are an amazing writer. Someday I want to write a book but I think you've got more talent in the writing department than I do.
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Old 06-27-2011, 09:53 AM   #87
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Just found your tr. The end of the school year was so busy, I didn't have time to come on here. Your updates are beautifully written. I am sure your mom was there with you, sharing this trip.

Can't wait to read more.
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Old 06-27-2011, 12:34 PM   #88
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I can't believe I just found your TR, I had no idea you started it!

My boys are the same ages as yours 6 yrs and my baby will be 10 months in a couple days..

I can't imagine how you felt going back to Disney this first time without your mom. It breaks my heart thinking about the pain that you are feeling.
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Old 06-27-2011, 01:21 PM   #89
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What a great post, Kat. Everything I'm thinking and feeling about my own loss, you are able to put into words so beautifully, I wish I was able to do that! But I'm glad I have you to do it for me.

The Wedway Peoplemover is one of my favorite Disney rides too, and I don't know why. It's one of the few things I remember from my first trip, so anything I remember from that trip is a favorite of mine. It's just so Disney, and it's a nice way to relax and take in Tomorrowland.
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Old 06-27-2011, 04:46 PM   #90
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Quote:
Originally Posted by creativeamanda View Post
Kat--thank you for sharing that with us.

I know it was hard to write, but it was exactly how I felt Christmas after both of my parents passed.
You're welcome.

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Oh, and the bouncy-ball thing with Squirt? Pure magic!
It was awesome!

Quote:
Originally Posted by jenb1023 View Post
Wow - what an update - poignant, sweet, I could go on but you get the point.

Love all of the little moments you enjoyed - the big ball, the mister, etc. (Did you buy one of the balls? - I would have been so tempted to!)

We had one of those evenings last night - the three of us played a few board games and then went outside to catch lightning bugs. Simple yet perfect!
I'm glad you enjoyed the update, and that sounds like a great night with the family!

I did not buy one of the balls. Although tempting, those things are super expensive!

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Originally Posted by Lady Lallie View Post
You really should start a book. I really think you are an amazing writer. Someday I want to write a book but I think you've got more talent in the writing department than I do.
Oh, hon, you're sweet. Thank you very much. I love the way you write, though. Everyone has their own style, you know?

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Originally Posted by Native NYer View Post
Just found your tr. The end of the school year was so busy, I didn't have time to come on here. Your updates are beautifully written. I am sure your mom was there with you, sharing this trip.

Can't wait to read more.


Happy you're here, hon!

I feel you on the end of school business. It felt like I was just making it through the last couple of weeks, so I can only imagine how you feel being in charge of all those kiddos!

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Originally Posted by TinyDancer View Post
I can't believe I just found your TR, I had no idea you started it!

My boys are the same ages as yours 6 yrs and my baby will be 10 months in a couple days..


We can commiserate on the kiddos, that's so neat that they're the same ages.

Quote:
I can't imagine how you felt going back to Disney this first time without your mom. It breaks my heart thinking about the pain that you are feeling.
Thank you. I'm not so sad all the time. Some days are harder than others, yesterday was one of those.

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Originally Posted by Nermel9 View Post
What a great post, Kat. Everything I'm thinking and feeling about my own loss, you are able to put into words so beautifully, I wish I was able to do that! But I'm glad I have you to do it for me.
Hey, if I can help you articulate it, I'm all for it. The whole point of this is not just writing about the trip but so other people can be helped by my process of healing. I really feel strongly about that, or I wouldn't share what I do.

Quote:
The Wedway Peoplemover is one of my favorite Disney rides too, and I don't know why. It's one of the few things I remember from my first trip, so anything I remember from that trip is a favorite of mine. It's just so Disney, and it's a nice way to relax and take in Tomorrowland.
I totally agree with you. I remember going on it as a kid, and you know, it really hasn't change that much over the years, despite its various names and incarnations, it's still the same old People Mover. There's a kind of comfort in that, I think.

And I won't lie.

On a hot day, that cool breeze as you're whipping around the track is really nice.
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