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Old 12-03-2014, 06:51 PM   #1
Bamagirl43
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When did you let your child play at another child's house

My DS8 is in 2nd grade. One of the boys in has class has asked him to come to his house and play. A few weeks ago, his mom had sent me a text me to see if DS could come over and I had suggested they play at our house which is what they did. My thing is I don't know these people except for seeing them at a few class functions. They don't live close and the mom got my # from the class contact list. I met the dad when he dropped his son off at our house and both parents seem like very nice people. I've allowed my son to play at neighborhood children's homes and a couple of classmates whose parents I knew very well. I know I am a hover mother, but the world is what the world is. Am I wrong for not letting him to go? When did you allow your kids to go without knowing the parents?
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Old 12-03-2014, 06:56 PM   #2
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If it would make you feel more comfortable, why don't you extend an invitation to the other Mom or Dad to meet somewhere where the kids can play together. After that you will have a better feel about whether you want your son to go over there. At 8, it is really common to go to a friend's house and not have Mom or Dad stick around.
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Old 12-03-2014, 06:58 PM   #3
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Not trying to be snarky but it really is not a clean cut answer.. If you have reasons for not being comfortable since you don't know the parents that well then leave it at that.. They get to play at your house which is a nice compromise. For every parent that says you are being paranoid there will be equally as many of us that say to do what you feel comfortable with.. We all have our own reasons for parenting the way we do, don't let anyone guilt you into changing your mind..
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Old 12-03-2014, 07:17 PM   #4
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My youngest had her first play date in first grade. I didn't know the parents well. We talked for maybe an hour before I left her there. No red flags. It was a couple of hours. If anything weird happened she would have told me and not gone back. I figure people willing to take on the chaos of other people's kids for play dates probably aren't too terrible.
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Old 12-03-2014, 07:18 PM   #5
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3? After a couple of times I've stayed. By second grade, I knew which parents/kids to avoid from the grapevine. On the list of kids to avoid were those who's parents wanted to stay (by that age, play dates were beneficial, keeping kids occupied - no one wants to entertain). Also, at that age, I would get good feedback from my child, like "his mom is so cool - we didn't have to wear helmets..." Just ask around.
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Old 12-03-2014, 07:28 PM   #6
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By this age my kids were going on playdates with a variety of kids. Some we knew the family well, some we had just chatted with. If I was in doubt, I asked the parents I knew better for some feedback. I volunteered at the school for functions where I could meet other parents and spent time talking with them...I especially tried to connect with the parents of kids mine really liked.

I have never understood the logic that said my child can go to your house, but yours cannot come to mine. I am supposed to trust you with my child? Why should I trust you more than you trust me? That rubs me the wrong way. If we all took that attitude, there would be some lonely kids out there.
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Old 12-03-2014, 07:35 PM   #7
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It would seem that these parents know you just as well, and they trusted their child at your house.

Maybe a better compromise would be to ask if you can stay during the playdate since it's such a drive, and you can use the time to get to know them better.
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Old 12-03-2014, 07:40 PM   #8
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Kindergarten. Her BFF lives right around the corner from us so they pretty much live at each others house. They just get off the bus at the other stop. They're the coolest girls They're in 2nd grade now and you can't pry them apart with a crowbar!
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Old 12-03-2014, 07:48 PM   #9
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My kids have been going around to the neighbors houses since they were about 4, same with them coming here. Now that my kids are "older" its pretty much a free for all. No clue where they are sometimes but they always come home.
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Old 12-03-2014, 08:13 PM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mjkacmom View Post
3? After a couple of times I've stayed. By second grade, I knew which parents/kids to avoid from the grapevine. On the list of kids to avoid were those who's parents wanted to stay (by that age, play dates were beneficial, keeping kids occupied - no one wants to entertain). Also, at that age, I would get good feedback from my child, like "his mom is so cool - we didn't have to wear helmets..." Just ask around.
I agree with this.

1. If you volunteer at the school or participate in PTA, you probably have a good idea of some kids whose parents you could trust to host a playdate.

2. Second grade is too old for you to linger at the other families' homes for more than 5-10 minutes.

At some point, you have to step out on faith, or have a very sheltered child.
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Old 12-03-2014, 08:26 PM   #11
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The first time my daughter went to another kids house where we didn't already know the parents was kindergarten. We stuck around long enough for parent introductions and to get contact information. I believe the play date lasted an hour that first time.
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Old 12-03-2014, 08:33 PM   #12
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mjkacmom View Post
3? After a couple of times I've stayed. By second grade, I knew which parents/kids to avoid from the grapevine. On the list of kids to avoid were those who's parents wanted to stay (by that age, play dates were beneficial, keeping kids occupied - no one wants to entertain). Also, at that age, I would get good feedback from my child, like "his mom is so cool - we didn't have to wear helmets..." Just ask around.
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It would seem that these parents know you just as well, and they trusted their child at your house.

Maybe a better compromise would be to ask if you can stay during the playdate since it's such a drive, and you can use the time to get to know them better.
OP, not sure I'd do what's suggested in the 2nd quote in light of the comments in the first.
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Old 12-03-2014, 08:37 PM   #13
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It would seem that these parents know you just as well, and they trusted their child at your house.

Maybe a better compromise would be to ask if you can stay during the playdate since it's such a drive, and you can use the time to get to know them better.

I wouldn't recommend that. It really puts the parents on the spot. If someone asked me I would probably say yes, but I would hate every minute of it and I wouldn't ask that child over again.
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Old 12-03-2014, 08:38 PM   #14
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Old 12-03-2014, 08:44 PM   #15
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I wouldn't recommend that. It really puts the parents on the spot. If someone asked me I would probably say yes, but I would hate every minute of it and I wouldn't ask that child over again.

Well, something's gotta give if she wants to get to know the parents enough to trust them with her kid. She can stay once.

Around here it's pretty easy to get to know people cuz we practically live on top of each other. But that doesn't sound the OP's case.
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