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Old 10-10-2011, 09:18 PM   #211
PRINCESS VIJA
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day 127. This one's for you Jane!

I shared my journal with my trainer that I have through my DH's work. She has been there for me through my ups and downs. she cheers my victories, supports me when I am down, and checks in with me when I haven't been to the gym.

Well, I got some comments back from her and lets just say it was a... smackdown.... Brutal and honest. some of the comments inspired me, some of them scared me, some made me sad/depressed/ full of despair, some I agree with, some were hard to read - so probably something I needed to read, some were motivating, and some I am not sure how to take.

Well, I have said it before I will not give up on myself. I need to do this for me, I realize that I need to work harder to get to the goals I have for myself.

So I dedicate this day to Jane and tried to plan out a day that she would be proud of for me, and I followed through!

Healthy choices:
Breakfast: my scrambled eggs made with Pam, skim milk
Lunch: tuna salad on wheat breat, orange, light yogurt
dinner: homemade stir fry (so it has less calories), rice
Snack: 1/4 cup cottage cheese, 7 crackers, 1/2 serving ham slice, banana

Calories: 1500

Exercise:
1/2 hour aerobics
1/2 hour walk with DH


I skipped the chocolate from the candy dish at work. We had caramel apples served to us by the hospital as a fall treat and didn't take one, even when they were brought into a meeting and the tray was presented to me, skipped seconds with dinner, drank water, did laundry, logged for today.

I think I did great today and earned my smilie!!!!
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Special Magical Moments!
Dec. '03 Magical Family ~ Opened MK
June '06 First Family of Tomorrowland ~ first on Buzzlight year and 30 fastpasses received!
Oct. '07 DD woke up Tinkerbelle
Oct. '07 Won Dream Fastpasses
Oct. '08 First Family at Epcot Character Meet and Greet
Oct. '08 Magical Family ~ Opened MK
Aug. '09 Magical Family ~ Opened Disneyland Park
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Old 10-11-2011, 07:36 PM   #212
PRINCESS VIJA
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Aced her PPSTs
 
Join Date: Feb 2001
Posts: 7,376

day 128. Still doing good!

I did good today. Breakfast was the same as yesterday, lunch was leftover stirfry, with an apple. Home grown apples and the yellow delicious are so sweet! I avoided taking any chocolate from the candy dish at work. I really wanted one, but kept away. there was one left and I was so happy when someone took the last one, out of site, out of mind and I didn't take any!

I'm writing earlier than usual, worked late, went to DD's volleyball game, she did really great, and DH and I went for a walk. Haven't had dinner yet, that is next.

NCIS night and Biggest Loser. I am behind in watching BL, I've DVR'd them and I will be enjoying those soon. I am really enjoying Kim Benson's book "finally thin", I am not far into the book, but so far so good.

Same as for me...

so far so good!
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Special Magical Moments!
Dec. '03 Magical Family ~ Opened MK
June '06 First Family of Tomorrowland ~ first on Buzzlight year and 30 fastpasses received!
Oct. '07 DD woke up Tinkerbelle
Oct. '07 Won Dream Fastpasses
Oct. '08 First Family at Epcot Character Meet and Greet
Oct. '08 Magical Family ~ Opened MK
Aug. '09 Magical Family ~ Opened Disneyland Park
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Old 10-11-2011, 08:40 PM   #213
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PRINCESS VIJA View Post
WOW is all I can say. this morning I was very irritable. To the point that I was almost in tears becasue I could not understand why I was so irritable. It felt like this is not right, very frustrating to me. I mentioned it to DH and he wondered if it could be menopausal symptoms??? I'll have to look into that. I think I am going menopausal, but have no idea what to expect.
Mmmm menopause. Maybe I will blame last week on that lol. Really, really off. Not so much with eating, but no real exercise and no journalling.

Not good. Check my blog for more details, but for rest of week, I resolve to:

a) work out at least three times (two walks, one strength training) at minimum.

b) chart food everyday.

c) send the lemon pie in with the husband to his place of employment - will keep the pumpkin one more day (as I haven't had any yet), then send it too.


Was Canadian Thanksgiving yesterday.

No serious pig out days - but getting slopping.

Gotta get moving again.

Have a magical day.

Linda

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Old 10-12-2011, 10:04 PM   #214
PRINCESS VIJA
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WISH Biggest Loser/BL I
Viva Latvia!
Future teacher, destined to touch young hearts and minds
Aced her PPSTs
 
Join Date: Feb 2001
Posts: 7,376

Day 129. Pretty great day!

I was up early and exercised! worked out for 50 min. Ate pretty good today, and also got in an extra walk today. I have to go as DS needs the computer area of homwork, will write more tomorrow

HI Linda!!! So glad to see you again!

__________________
Special Magical Moments!
Dec. '03 Magical Family ~ Opened MK
June '06 First Family of Tomorrowland ~ first on Buzzlight year and 30 fastpasses received!
Oct. '07 DD woke up Tinkerbelle
Oct. '07 Won Dream Fastpasses
Oct. '08 First Family at Epcot Character Meet and Greet
Oct. '08 Magical Family ~ Opened MK
Aug. '09 Magical Family ~ Opened Disneyland Park
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Old 10-13-2011, 10:59 PM   #215
PRINCESS VIJA
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WISH Biggest Loser/BL I
Viva Latvia!
Future teacher, destined to touch young hearts and minds
Aced her PPSTs
 
Join Date: Feb 2001
Posts: 7,376

Day 130. SOOOOO proud of myself... and DD!!!!

First for DD. She is on a volleyball team for the first time and is doing great. Better and better! She really rocks her serves! today during her match she got the ball to serve and with 2 points they were going to win the match. She didn't let the pressure get to her and she scored those 2 points!!! The expression on her face was priceless when they won that match. The teams overall are really improving. I am soooo proud of all the girls!

For me... Did super great again! Woke up this morning and realized I didn't have my lunch made yet. I hate making it in the morning as I leave very little extra time. I still made the effort to make my tuna salad sandwhich and got my orange and yogurt ready for lunch. GREAT LUNCH! As I was getting ready to go to lunch I was really craving chips. I could go to the vending machine, but chose instead to eat my lunch and then if I felt hungry I would get them. ALSO on the table were bagels someone brought in to share... Free for the taking, and instead I skipped the chips and the bagel. Just ate my lunch that I brought!

no snacking after work, and ran off to DD's game. Came home had a great dinner. No snacking at night. Got really tied up with helping DD with her homework and the clock was ticking away. I got my shorts on to exercise but then was summoned to help DD. 50 min later (my usual bedtime) I had a choice to make, I really wanted to work out, so I did. I put in one of my WATP DVD's and did 1/2 hour of exercise! I was sweating and enjoying the exercise.

REALLY PROUD OF MYSELF!

I KNOW I earned my smilie today!

__________________
Special Magical Moments!
Dec. '03 Magical Family ~ Opened MK
June '06 First Family of Tomorrowland ~ first on Buzzlight year and 30 fastpasses received!
Oct. '07 DD woke up Tinkerbelle
Oct. '07 Won Dream Fastpasses
Oct. '08 First Family at Epcot Character Meet and Greet
Oct. '08 Magical Family ~ Opened MK
Aug. '09 Magical Family ~ Opened Disneyland Park
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Old 10-14-2011, 09:39 PM   #216
PRINCESS VIJA
BL6 Blue Team Captain
WISH Biggest Loser/BL I
Viva Latvia!
Future teacher, destined to touch young hearts and minds
Aced her PPSTs
 
Join Date: Feb 2001
Posts: 7,376

Day 131. LOTS of walking at work today...

Today for work I put on the MILES! the type of patients I recovered today really had my hopping and moving, These days I wish I could wear a pedometer to see how far I am walking (they just don't seem to work for me). It was a great day and I really think my patients appreciated everything.

In addition to all of that walking today I worked out 1/2 hour on the stairmaster today. Felt great. I know I was super tired, but did it anyhow, mostly because I remember how good I felt last night after doing WATP and I wanted that again today.

Finished watching week 2 of BL. I would love an opportunity to go work out there for just a day, let alone possibly months, and it frustrates me that some of the contestants whine and complain and don't take full advantage of the opportunity presented to them. also refreshing to see others shine and excell. Anyone knows me, they know how competitive I can be, and I would love to get in there and show what I could do. Tara is still my hero!

Planned a good lunch again that included celery sticks! Had egg salad sandwhich, celery sticks, strawberries and 1/2 cup cottage cheese. In the past I would have had chips with my sandwhich and this time did not! IN ADDITION TO THAT I didn't have the cookies or brownies that someone brought in. On our busy Fridays people often bring in snacks as we don't get to lunch till late. but this time I refrained, they smelled good, but I have to admit it wasn't too hard to not take them. I just decided that I wasn't going to have them and didn't have to have that mental battle of "should I" or "shouldn't I". That was great!

Earned another smilie!!!
__________________
Special Magical Moments!
Dec. '03 Magical Family ~ Opened MK
June '06 First Family of Tomorrowland ~ first on Buzzlight year and 30 fastpasses received!
Oct. '07 DD woke up Tinkerbelle
Oct. '07 Won Dream Fastpasses
Oct. '08 First Family at Epcot Character Meet and Greet
Oct. '08 Magical Family ~ Opened MK
Aug. '09 Magical Family ~ Opened Disneyland Park
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Old 10-16-2011, 08:01 PM   #217
PRINCESS VIJA
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WISH Biggest Loser/BL I
Viva Latvia!
Future teacher, destined to touch young hearts and minds
Aced her PPSTs
 
Join Date: Feb 2001
Posts: 7,376

day 132 & 133 What a nice weekend!

Pretty nice weekend all around, except for a few bumps in the road

Day 132. Sat. woke up and did 1/2 hour on the stairmaster again. Felt GREAT! Brought a fun appetizer to my Godson's birthday party. I had stuffed cucumbers and mini BLT stuffed tomatoes. They were both very good, liked that I had the veggies with the stuffing (although the stuffing was not low fat). And only a couple of the tomatoes were left, otherwise they were all gone!

Something bad came out of the party though. There was someone there who behaves like an arrogant ****! Details don't matter, but it is immensely funny to me to see his behavior because from my vantage point he has very little to be arrogant about, and in fact is kind of a dufus. BUT he really made me and DH angry because apparantly when DD went to get food she got 2 servings of the subs. She said that he was laughing at her, and she immediately felt self conscious, and bad about her appearance. On the way home we talked about body image and she was very upset, close to tears. Ughhh, just days earlier she told me, and I quote.... "I love my life". Now, she is upset, and self conscious. I tried my best, but people are just so mean. Just because he has some psych issues, and one of his kids has issues does not mean he has the right to try and screw up someone elses kids. (And no, I am not just saying that because I am angry at him, he does have psych issues, a family member told me some of the issues he has and his kids' issue (This person is the BF of his wife, and there are visible signs). So now we have a long road of damage repair because of this one ****. I really debated about writing this out, because who knows if they will ever read this. I doubt they would, no one in my extended family knows I am writing this journal, I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, I really don't. So calling someone an **** and a dufus puts me right in his league. HOWEVER I would never say anything about his issues, or his kids issues to them, they don't even know that I know. I don't want to hurt anyone like they hurt my kid, but when you mess with my child, the claws come out. I guess venting on here is the safest way of dealing with my anger.

We are working with her and her volleyball, keeping her active and I will be working on getting her back to her happy self again. Teen years can be so hard.

And although I did make some good choices, overall I didn't really "try" the whole day, so I don't think I earned my smilie.

Day 133. MY BABY is 17!!!!!
Ahhh, how does the time fly? I can't believe DS is 17! Can I possbily be that old? I guess so! LOL. I had fun reminiscing with DS about what he remembers special in his life, and then DH and I drove somewhere and we reminisced too. Very fun. We bought some beautiful mums today, planted in the garden, made a very yummy traditional latvian meatball soup with lots of veggies and had a nice day. I didn't get my workout in though. I have learned from this weekend that I need to work out earlyl in the day on weekends because otherwise I don't get it in. no smilie for me today.

So my goal for this coming week is to get 7 smilies in a row. I got 5 and then didn't try hard enough this weekend, so my goal is to try all week long and then work even harder next weekend!
__________________
Special Magical Moments!
Dec. '03 Magical Family ~ Opened MK
June '06 First Family of Tomorrowland ~ first on Buzzlight year and 30 fastpasses received!
Oct. '07 DD woke up Tinkerbelle
Oct. '07 Won Dream Fastpasses
Oct. '08 First Family at Epcot Character Meet and Greet
Oct. '08 Magical Family ~ Opened MK
Aug. '09 Magical Family ~ Opened Disneyland Park
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Old 10-18-2011, 09:34 PM   #218
PRINCESS VIJA
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WISH Biggest Loser/BL I
Viva Latvia!
Future teacher, destined to touch young hearts and minds
Aced her PPSTs
 
Join Date: Feb 2001
Posts: 7,376

Day 134 & 135. tough times

Day 134. I have to admit I lost my focus yesterday. I didn't feel good in the morning, very exhausted. I just felt VERY tired all day. Came home and ate WAY too much, not sure if it was to try and get more energy, or what, but I spiraled down. Frustrating, when the train slows down and stops it is so hard to get going again. I ended up sleeping most of the afternoon, evening and then slept all night. Because I slept all night, I do feel that I was fighting something, otherwise I wouldn't sleep at night. But it is no excuse for the eating that happened.

Day 135. I feel a bit better today, behaved a bit better today, but I still struggled. I did go for a quick walk and watched BL tonight and got reinspired. I know this is a long process and a journey. I know in my mind and heart that I am right back on that train tomorrow, but jumping off for 2 days just stinks.

So I made the goal of getting 7 smilies in a row, time to up that and go for 14. I know I can do it. The contestants from the BL are so inspiring, and as always I look to my hero Tara and what she all accomplished. I can't wait till I am someones hero!
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Special Magical Moments!
Dec. '03 Magical Family ~ Opened MK
June '06 First Family of Tomorrowland ~ first on Buzzlight year and 30 fastpasses received!
Oct. '07 DD woke up Tinkerbelle
Oct. '07 Won Dream Fastpasses
Oct. '08 First Family at Epcot Character Meet and Greet
Oct. '08 Magical Family ~ Opened MK
Aug. '09 Magical Family ~ Opened Disneyland Park
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Old 10-20-2011, 08:44 PM   #219
PRINCESS VIJA
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WISH Biggest Loser/BL I
Viva Latvia!
Future teacher, destined to touch young hearts and minds
Aced her PPSTs
 
Join Date: Feb 2001
Posts: 7,376

day 136 & 137. I am really struggling

Yesterday I was in bed, exhausted from a very busy day.

I am struggling again. ughhh, I wish I would figure out consistency.

what triggered my stumble was stepping on the scale. Now why did I do that? I know that is a trigger for me.

stupid, stupid, stupid.
__________________
Special Magical Moments!
Dec. '03 Magical Family ~ Opened MK
June '06 First Family of Tomorrowland ~ first on Buzzlight year and 30 fastpasses received!
Oct. '07 DD woke up Tinkerbelle
Oct. '07 Won Dream Fastpasses
Oct. '08 First Family at Epcot Character Meet and Greet
Oct. '08 Magical Family ~ Opened MK
Aug. '09 Magical Family ~ Opened Disneyland Park
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Old 10-21-2011, 10:16 AM   #220
Desiree
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Vija, wow, I love this concept that you are doing (the 365 days..)! What a great job! Even if it's a small step, it is a step!

I have a 17 year old too. It cannot be possible that my baby is graduating high school this year! I'm not THAT old!?!
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Old 10-26-2011, 11:06 AM   #221
PRINCESS VIJA
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Viva Latvia!
Future teacher, destined to touch young hearts and minds
Aced her PPSTs
 
Join Date: Feb 2001
Posts: 7,376

Quote:
Originally Posted by Desiree View Post
Vija, wow, I love this concept that you are doing (the 365 days..)! What a great job! Even if it's a small step, it is a step!

I have a 17 year old too. It cannot be possible that my baby is graduating high school this year! I'm not THAT old!?!
thank you so much! It has been fun concentrating on positive things, that is for sure!
__________________
Special Magical Moments!
Dec. '03 Magical Family ~ Opened MK
June '06 First Family of Tomorrowland ~ first on Buzzlight year and 30 fastpasses received!
Oct. '07 DD woke up Tinkerbelle
Oct. '07 Won Dream Fastpasses
Oct. '08 First Family at Epcot Character Meet and Greet
Oct. '08 Magical Family ~ Opened MK
Aug. '09 Magical Family ~ Opened Disneyland Park
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Old 10-26-2011, 11:10 AM   #222
PRINCESS VIJA
BL6 Blue Team Captain
WISH Biggest Loser/BL I
Viva Latvia!
Future teacher, destined to touch young hearts and minds
Aced her PPSTs
 
Join Date: Feb 2001
Posts: 7,376

day 137, 138, 139, 140, 141, 142... completely lost focus!

Oh boy, completely fell off the mark and lost focus. Can't believe how badly I fell off the wagon. So many thoughts running around in my head, with uncontrolled behaviors, NOT healthy at all. I would say the best choice that I made through that time is to not give up, I kept looking for inspiration, reading books, I held on by my fingertips and am clawing my way back...
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Special Magical Moments!
Dec. '03 Magical Family ~ Opened MK
June '06 First Family of Tomorrowland ~ first on Buzzlight year and 30 fastpasses received!
Oct. '07 DD woke up Tinkerbelle
Oct. '07 Won Dream Fastpasses
Oct. '08 First Family at Epcot Character Meet and Greet
Oct. '08 Magical Family ~ Opened MK
Aug. '09 Magical Family ~ Opened Disneyland Park
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Old 10-26-2011, 11:17 AM   #223
PRINCESS VIJA
BL6 Blue Team Captain
WISH Biggest Loser/BL I
Viva Latvia!
Future teacher, destined to touch young hearts and minds
Aced her PPSTs
 
Join Date: Feb 2001
Posts: 7,376

day 143... woke up and decided to get movin'!

I woke up this morning really wanting to get moving again. I like how I feel when I exercise, I like how I feel when I get things done. I DO NOT LIKE how I feel when I lay around at night, on the couch watching TV just waiting for time to pass. I'm losing time, and time is one of the most precious things we have.

I also have to say that last night I watched a tv show called "I used to be fat". Anyone hear of that? It is pretty good, last nights episode had a girl on and the mom was overweight too. Talked about how she felt guilty. Oh yes, I do feel guilty about the poor role model I've been for my kids. I need to start eating healthier so my kids do better. DS is already doing pretty good, I need to really work so DD gets healthier too.

And a big trigger for me is that darn, stupid scale. I weighed myself this morning, but I plan on not weighing in for a while. Too much of a numbers game for me. I just want to really focus on how I am feeling, how much better I feel when exercising and doing things.

I am tired of not feeling good, or good about myself.

So today I woke up, and did 2 miles with the Biggest loser power walk DVD. Feels great!
__________________
Special Magical Moments!
Dec. '03 Magical Family ~ Opened MK
June '06 First Family of Tomorrowland ~ first on Buzzlight year and 30 fastpasses received!
Oct. '07 DD woke up Tinkerbelle
Oct. '07 Won Dream Fastpasses
Oct. '08 First Family at Epcot Character Meet and Greet
Oct. '08 Magical Family ~ Opened MK
Aug. '09 Magical Family ~ Opened Disneyland Park
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Old 10-29-2011, 09:31 AM   #224
Desiree
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Hey Vija!

I've seen that show. I didnt realize it was back on. Need to go set the dvr! And yes, I know exactly what you mean about being a role model for the kids. I really need to get my tush in gear and help dd too. Hoping its not too late.
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Old 10-29-2011, 10:26 AM   #225
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Hi,
I've been following your journal since you started, and I really think your problem is that you are too hard on yourself. Every time you post things like "I need to do 4 workouts a day, or I need seven smilies in a row, or I deserved the nasty things the trainer said"...not really direct quotes but you get the gist...you end up in trouble. Be nice to yourself. The week before you fell apart you had five great days in a row. That is something to be proud of. Maybe you haven't lost as much as you wanted, but you have lost some weight haven't you? Your habits are changing slowly but surely. In the long run, which is the only one that counts, you'll make it. If the scale gets you down put it away where you can't get to it w/o really working at it, then you won't give in to impulse weighing. Yes, we all need to keep track, but I know if I get on the scale knowing I've eaten too much, and than yep, there it is, a gain...I eat more! Better to ignore the scale, be moderately good for 2-3 days, then check. Things are back to normal, and I don't fall apart.
Maybe it will make you feel better if you think to where you would probably be weight wise if you hadn't started this program.
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