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Old 04-25-2011, 09:35 PM   #31
Celidh
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Quote:
Originally Posted by WebmasterKathy View Post
(standard disclaimer: old straight lady here)

Talking with some friends recently who spent a lot of years living "straight" before coming out has me wondering:

How old were you when you came out?

If you lived a lot of adult years closeted, did you find your friends and family supportive?

I'd love to hear your stories...
Hmm, good question. The first time I fooled around with anyone, guy or girl was around the age of 11 or so when a female friend and I played "house" on a sleep over. We even got to have a bath together. I was truly devastated the next sleepover when she didn't want to play house again. LOL

That was it for me for years. I was always attracted to other females and definitely had it bad for a friend of mine in my early twenties. (ok a couple of friends when I think back) We went on a trip together and had to share a bed. I woke up curled up into her pretty much every morning. She laughed and I said it was because I was cold. I remember hoping that she would just roll over and....well, I won't go there. The weird thing is, it never really occurred to me that I was a lesbian. I really don't know why I didn't clue in when I definitely had an attraction to other girls/women. It's not like I grew up with a strong religious background or with extremely prejudiced parents. I guess I'm just more than a bit thick headed.

I dated many guys on and off. I could never figure out what was so great about sex, I didn't like it. I thought there was something wrong with me. I ended up getting married and had three kids. I wasn't happy in my marriage for many reasons, the least of which was my sexuality. I had wanted to leave for a long time but had no way out because I had moved from Ontario to Nova Scotia and had no support here. Only his family.

Finally, I truly started questioning and it hit me like a tonne of bricks. I finally figured out what was wrong with me and why I hated sex, I was gay. (my first real experience with a grown woman proved my theory, it was a whole new ball game, one that I actually enjoyed). I was willing to stay and see what we could work out on one condition, no more sex. Well, he wasn't having any of that. Sex was more important to him so I left.

Fast forward almost 6 years and I am on my own with my kids, bought a house 2 years ago, went back to school and now work in a law office and last summer my long distance gf moved in with me.

The road has been rough and there are still lots of potholes, but life is good.

I must say that although my ex was really hurt(and sometimes hurtful), he has come a long way. He will actually speak to my gf when spoken to now. given time, even though I know he will never be friends with her but it is not as tense as it was I hope that maybe we can have the kids bdays etc together. I actually gave him the option of travelling with us to Disney so he can see his kids at the most magical place in the world. He hasn't answered yet, but didn't say no right away. Part of me hopes he will say no, which I'm sure he will because he never had any desire to see Disney (he always told me when we were together if I wanted to go, I could take the kids myself without him) because then I won't have to worry about making him feel bad seeing my partner and I together.

So when did I come out; somewhere between the age of 11 and 35! It was a long trip.
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Old 04-26-2011, 12:19 PM   #32
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I questioned all through high school, but struggled because I liked boys and I liked kissing my boyfriend so that meant I wasn't a lesbian, right? Well why was I sometimes attracted to girls? Is this normal? Etc.

Didn't click til 9 months ago that I'm bisexual. Ohhh, duh.

So I came out to my parents last October. My boyfriend of 5 years and I broke up; I fell in love with one of my best girl friends - who's dating someone else, sigh - and that's the kinda place I'm in right now.

I'm super involved with the LGBTQ club on on my college campus, so I think I graduated from gaybie status fairly quickly.
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Old 05-03-2011, 12:32 AM   #33
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I knew when I was in Junior High that I was gay.I didn't come out until I got seperated from my common law wife of 2yrs.That's when I told my mom that I was living a lie and I wanted to be happy.She was ok with it.All she told me was to be careful and may god bless me.My dad in the other hand did not take it well.I don't really care if he except me or not.I'm a grown man and found the love of my life.I will not change him for the world.We been together for 16yrs.We will celebrate our 17yrs in Nov. of this year.
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Old 05-06-2011, 02:15 PM   #34
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This issue of Lesbian Connection discusses "latebloomers" and my story was published! I was excited!
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Old 05-11-2011, 06:19 AM   #35
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I figured it out when I was a junior in college, and had a massive crush on my roommate. I quickly got active in online communities (CompuServe, AOL), but didn't tell anyone or act on it in any way for three years.

I took a year off between college and medical school, and was living with my parents. I left my bottom dresser drawer open one day when I left for work - suffice it to say, what Mom found was not Playboy. My parents took it fairly well, though Mom took longer to come around than Dad did.

As a first year medical student, I went to the annual meeting of the American Medical Student Association in Miami. I spent the weekend sneaking in and out of the lectures and meetings sponsored by the Gay, Lesbian and Bisexual People in Medicine Committee, hoping no one from my school would see me. That was my first encounter with Freedom Rings and I bought myself a set as soon as I got home, which I wore under my shirt.

At that meeting, we set up an umbrella group for all the gay and lesbian medical students in the New York area (if you include northern NJ and Long Island, there are TWELVE medical schools!). I went to THOSE meetings, but by the second one that May, I was depressed about not telling my friends and classmates what I was doing. I decided very quickly not to hide anymore... so I showed up to class on the first day of the trimester wearing a t-shirt with the legend "I Can't Even Think Straight" - and made sure the three biggest gossips in class knew exactly what it meant. Within 48 hours, everyone knew. A close friend quipped that I didn't just come out of the closet - I kicked it down and burned it.

(I didn't go on my first date with a guy for nearly another year, but that's another story.)
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Old 05-11-2011, 10:34 PM   #36
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DrGaellon View Post
I figured it out when I was a junior in college, and had a massive crush on my roommate. I quickly got active in online communities (CompuServe, AOL), but didn't tell anyone or act on it in any way for three years.

I took a year off between college and medical school, and was living with my parents. I left my bottom dresser drawer open one day when I left for work - suffice it to say, what Mom found was not Playboy. My parents took it fairly well, though Mom took longer to come around than Dad did.

As a first year medical student, I went to the annual meeting of the American Medical Student Association in Miami. I spent the weekend sneaking in and out of the lectures and meetings sponsored by the Gay, Lesbian and Bisexual People in Medicine Committee, hoping no one from my school would see me. That was my first encounter with Freedom Rings and I bought myself a set as soon as I got home, which I wore under my shirt.

At that meeting, we set up an umbrella group for all the gay and lesbian medical students in the New York area (if you include northern NJ and Long Island, there are TWELVE medical schools!). I went to THOSE meetings, but by the second one that May, I was depressed about not telling my friends and classmates what I was doing. I decided very quickly not to hide anymore... so I showed up to class on the first day of the trimester wearing a t-shirt with the legend "I Can't Even Think Straight" - and made sure the three biggest gossips in class knew exactly what it meant. Within 48 hours, everyone knew. A close friend quipped that I didn't just come out of the closet - I kicked it down and burned it.

(I didn't go on my first date with a guy for nearly another year, but that's another story.)
What are freedom rings?
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Old 05-12-2011, 01:12 PM   #37
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Quote:
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What are freedom rings?
They are six anodized aluminum rings in the same colors as the gay flag.

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Old 05-12-2011, 06:57 PM   #38
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LOL, I wasn't sure if I wanted to know what these "freedom rings" were that you wore under your shirt!
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Old 05-13-2011, 02:22 PM   #39
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LOL, I wasn't sure if I wanted to know what these "freedom rings" were that you wore under your shirt!
Same here!!!
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Old 05-19-2011, 01:44 PM   #40
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I grew up in a very accepting family...I 'came out' to them at the same time I figured it out myself, I guess. I wasn't interested in anybody 'that way' until I was 18. My mom's sister and my dad's brother are both gay, and I grew up with their partners also being my aunt and uncle, and my straight sister has been super involved in GSA stuff for years. My first serious boyfriend knew I was bi and supported me. Oddly enough, some of the least supportive people in my life were my gay friends, some of whom don't believe in bisexual people - they label me as a lesbian playing straight!
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Old 05-25-2011, 02:20 AM   #41
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I was fifteen when I first started questioning, but if I look back on my life now, it is OH so obvious to me

After a lot of self-reflection and really long discussions with a few close friends, I determined that I was bisexual. I was out to handful of friends, but none of my family knew. Unfortunately, since I was still in high school, word got out and rumors spread. I got called some names, and had a few particularly nasty phone calls from private numbers on my cell phone. It never got too bad, but it was enough to keep me in the closet until I graduated.

One place I was especially careful was at skating. I was a figure skater in high school, and the girls I skated with, were, minus a few exceptions, not the nicest girls in the world. Even to this day, there are only a few people from the rink that know about my sexuality.

Once I got to college, things changed drastically. I immediately joined my college's GSA, and fell in love with the group. I was a very active member, and even got voted Member of the Month in my second semester. I began dating my first girlfriend at the end of my freshman year, and our relationship lasted six months. During this time, I was dragged out of the closet at home. My mother flat out asked me if I had a girlfriend, and I had no choice but to say yes. She asked who it was, and I told her, and that was the end of the conversation. We don't talk about it too much now, but I know that she loves me and, for the most part, accepts me. My dad on the other hand, has been nothing but spectacular. He, like Mom, asked me directly about my sexual orientation, and I came out to him as pansexual, which I had decided was a better fit for me. We talked for over an hour, and while it was incredibly uncomfortable, he has since proved to be an even better dad than he was before, which is saying something!

Now, I'm out to pretty much everyone, minus a few members of my family. I am so thankful for the fact that my coming out was relatively easy.
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Old 05-27-2011, 03:10 PM   #42
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Here's my story that was published in the current episode of Lesbian Connection magazine.

Topic - Late Bloomers, cont. LC May/June 2011

Lesbian Memo

Did I miss the memo? Perhaps I should have connected the pieces quicker and when I was younger. But we learn from all our experiences, and life usually turns out as it should.

Let me back up. The basics: I married when I was 21, and I was a stay-at-home mom. We moved around the country for my husband’s education and jobs. Half in jest I called myself a “boring suburban housewife” – with my fiery personality, I was anything but boring. However, I was living a relatively boring life. My biggest fear was financial insecurity –ironic given how things turned out.

I was shocked when I fell for a woman I’d met online who identified as bisexual. How could a straight woman fall for another woman? I was always careful not to put myself in situations where I might do something I would possibly regret, something against my moral code, including developing romantic feelings for another person. It took me about six months to accept the reality that I was not straight. At first I denied it all, even to myself. Then I began, in bits and pieces, to entertain the idea. It was an ebb and flow, with me retreating back to the ideas that I was just going through a midlife crisis…that I had feelings only for this one woman…that I was bored with hetero sex and just needed to spice it up. Anything but the reality that I was a lesbian.

I also started to recall that for years I’d fantasized about kissing certain female friends, had had a crush on my lesbian hairdresser, and had especially enjoyed a female masseuse. Each of these revelations alone did not mean much, but in hindsight I knew that I’d had same-sex attractions for ten years.

A couple of years before my epiphany, my husband lost his job and was unemployed for over a year. I can only guess, but perhaps my husband’s job troubles and our financial problems rattled me enough that I began unconsciously to reexamine my life, my goals, what made me happy, and what I desired. My marriage had been shaky for some time, but this was probably the catalyst that led to its demise. I do know that when I look into the eyes of my youngest child, who just turned eleven, I thank my lucky stars that I did not have my light-bulb moment before he was born. I cannot imagine my
life without him, or any of my children.

It has been a tough journey. However, I’d do it all over again in a heartbeat. Perhaps I would have made some different decisions along the way – not so much in what I did, but how I did it. In the process I hurt my children and my husband. However I did the best I could at the time, with what skills and self-awareness I had.

I’ve had to face many fears, and financial insecurity is still front and center. But I know I’ve made it this far with a roof over my head and food on the table. I’ve had to learn to face challenges head-on, without numbing myself with alcohol or pills. Job hunting at my age has been an adventure since, except for running a home daycare, I’ve only been a stay-at-home mom. I have always wanted to be a social worker, and I’d love to work with other latebloomers, helping them through their journeys, and I’m hoping to go back to school soon.

Living alone has had its challenges. Some days I like being the only adult in the house, however other times I wish I had someone to share the load, take out the garbage, cook dinner. Most importantly, I often wish I had someone to share the joy and the happy times, someone to go to bed holding, nudge so they would quit snoring, and wake up next to. I wish I had someone who brushed against me as they walked by, and who loved it when I stole an unexpected kiss from them. I have faith that when the time is right I will have that special someone.

I am glad that I chose to live an authentic life and recognize that I am lesbian. I am glad that I accepted myself and had enough self-respect to know that I deserved happiness even when there was a price to pay. I embrace my sexuality. I’m not only attracted to women sexually, but also emotionally and spiritually. There is a connection and electricity with women which I never had with a man.

I may have missed the lesbian memo when I was younger, but I am grateful for my children and thankful that my journey has included the happy and sad times, along with the tests and rewards; I have learned
from it all.

I am grateful that I have been able to face many of my fears, work through them, and emerge a stronger woman, ready to handle all of the joys and challenges that await me.

–Linda, Montgomery Village, MD
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Old 05-30-2011, 08:07 PM   #43
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I officially came out to everyone when I was 17.
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Old 06-16-2011, 11:40 AM   #44
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Well I'm glad you all posted about this.

My almost 11 year old DS asked me in the car the other day if I thought he was gay. So my response was, "Well, do you think you're gay?" He thinks he might be based on his crushes on boys and on some adult males like Johnny Depp.

So my advice to him was that being gay was like hair color or eye color or being a talented artist, and to just be himself and not to worry at the question for a few more years. He understands that I am always there for questions and that he's the same kid to me, whether he's gay or straight.

I hope I told him the right things.
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Old 06-16-2011, 09:06 PM   #45
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I wish you had been around for me to ask ????'s to when i was that age. Never had it in my life and i'm straight. Nice Job
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