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Old 09-01-2010, 09:27 PM   #1
anamanxs
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Need Magic from the Mouse!

Hi All,

I have really debating about writing here, but I am going to try! It has been a really rough year for me.... I have a cruise planed (not Disney) on the 20th of September that I really can't even get excited about but know that I would be disappointed if I didn't go. It (I will be going with someone I have been seeing about 10 years) has been planned for over a year, I got it for a really GREAT price since we (my friend) took one last year and it had problems and they gave us a really good discount on another cruise and it would expire Oct 1st. When I started looking at prices for hotels I found I could get 2 nights at the All Star Sports for about the same as I could get 1 night at Coco Beach or Port Carnveral. And I have a one day hopper pass from a trip I took with my daughter to Disney about 10 years ago.

I have been a long time Disney fan and have been at least 4 times but as I said it has been about 10 years. My daughter actually got enaged at the Castle about 12 years ago! The first time I went we had the A, B, C, D, and E tickets, and I always remember it as "The Happest Place", and I don't expect to find happy but to forget the pain for one day would be welcomed. My memories of the "THE World" are happy times spent there with my children, I wish I could take them there again and I will go again with my daughter and her family in the next few years (possibly next summer) but I will never be able to go again with my son; since I lost him unexpectly last Feb to a heart attack.

I am so numb inside, and I hope the Mickey can make me smile again if even for a day. I think we will go to Epcot. I am such a planner and usually for trips I have everything planned and ready but I just can't get into it.

Thanks for listening, and a few prayers would be appreciated.
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Old 09-01-2010, 10:50 PM   #2
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I am deeply sorry for your loss. I can not imagine the heartbreak you have been going through.

I hope and pray with all my might that you have a magical holiday, and get a few smiles in.

Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

Also, don't be shy to keep posting here. We are a great bunch of carers right here. Let us know about your trip, if you can and are willing.
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Old 09-01-2010, 11:12 PM   #3
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Sending you pixie dust and smiles.
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Old 09-02-2010, 03:30 AM   #4
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Glad you made the decision to post, we are always here to 'listen' and give you a cyber hugs

I have never lost a child and can only imagine the pain that you must feel, I am so sorry that you have lost your precious son.

Perhaps your happy memories from the past will help you find peace when you visit Disney again but be kind to yourself and remember that it really is OK to grieve and be happy at the same time (if that makes sense).

I shall keep you in my thoughts and am sending you a BIG Koala cuddle from 'down under'.
Best wishes for your trip.

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Old 09-02-2010, 09:07 AM   #5
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Thanks for the warm wishes and hugs! I actually have been reading another board for the loss of children and I must say, it is full of gloom and that is not what I need right now. I have enough of that myself, I need to be able to reach for the light, that is what my son would want, and my daughter and grandchild also need!

Thanks again for the wishes and hugs, much apreciated!
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Old 09-04-2010, 08:52 AM   #6
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Week is over and two weeks from today we will be arriving at the "World", I have been thinking about all the GREAT times I had there with my children; when they were little of course. I have an awesome picture of my son before the Bi-polar was discovered and the roller coaster ride began standing in front to the silve globe at Epot! His long blonde hair and my daughter with her bird nest bangs. This picture is forever in my head I have it printed somewhere. Actually I think this has been a productive week! I started talking to a counslour and made a grief journal since I couldn't find one I liked. I am waiting for it to arrive, I made it thru shutterfly, hopefully it will help.

Thanks for listening, i am one that tends to keep things inside and sometimes it just helps to let the feeling out! My SO thinks I should be able to talk to him but all he tells me that I need to get over it! I will never get over, I will learn to live with it; but never over losing a child... no one does! But, i d want to learn to smile again...
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Old 09-04-2010, 05:13 PM   #7
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I am so sorry for your loss~ words cannot say how truly sorry I am about your son. I am one of the many that believes that there are truly healing moments that can take place with Disney. Your son's spirit lives on in your love and memory, take that love with you and he will be there with you!

One of the things that I love so much about Disney is to watch other children smile and laugh and giggle at Disney. I love to watch their wonderment and awe. Find that something that makes you feel the same way, whether it is rides, treats to eat, the parades, fireworks, etc. I always make wishes and say little prayers during the fireworks, I don't know why, but it makes me feel like they are more effective when I do.

Go, have fun, allow yourself to live, love, laugh and have a GREAT time!
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Old 09-04-2010, 09:21 PM   #8
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I love the wish idea at the fireworks that is such a neat idea! I have always been a firm believer in Mickey's power, guess it doesn't hurt that I work in a childcare center and know what you mean about the look in a child's eyes. I now work in the Admin office and do not see the children in the centers as often as I would like. I can't wait to take my grandson there, but this not this time.

I got my journal today, and I was able to look at it and each picture brought memories and I was able to look at them; I think that is a positive step. I do not know what this boards rules are but I have a link to my journal if we are allowed to post it.

Thanks for the kind words and hugs they are appreciated!
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Old 09-04-2010, 09:37 PM   #9
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You can post that link. Just think about what personal information might be on there. For you, not for us.

I am glad you got your journal. It does sound very therapeutic.

2 weeks, that will fly by
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Old 09-06-2010, 06:10 PM   #10
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It just has pictures, I left the words to be in my own hand writing. Thanks
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Old 09-07-2010, 07:17 PM   #11
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So sorry for your heartache. My mom lost a son. My brother. I am so so so happy you are seeing a therapist & doing the grief journal! kudos to you. I know it must be very difficult. My mom didn't get counseling, it's been 13 years now. I wish she would. Praise to you. I will pray for you & your family. I hope you are sprinkled with pixie dust in all of your journeys.
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Old 09-07-2010, 09:26 PM   #12
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Thanks, thought I had a really good weekend but today was sad! the 7th are hard since it brings the bad memories not the good ones. I have been trying to get a yellow rose on the 7th of each month to honor my son but work interfered today; I was really not happy about that. I did comment on his face book page; before I went to work.
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Old 09-07-2010, 09:49 PM   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by anamanxs View Post
Thanks, thought I had a really good weekend but today was sad! the 7th are hard since it brings the bad memories not the good ones. I have been trying to get a yellow rose on the 7th of each month to honor my son but work interfered today; I was really not happy about that. I did comment on his face book page; before I went to work.
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