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Old 05-29-2010, 08:21 PM   #31
JerseyJanice
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Thanks again, everybody.

George's obit is in the newspaper today. I showed it to DH, who has been pretty angry and upset this whole week, and he broke down and cried like a little baby after reading it. DS is staying with his cousin (the deceased man's nephew), and I am glad he wasn't around to see his father crying like that.

I talked to George's sister-in-law and she said she would do a "Dear Uncle" flower arrangement from the kids. I offered to put in towards it, but she said no. So DH and I will send Edible Arrangements pieces to both her and her husband (George's brother), and George's dad.

SIL will bring both of the boys here tomorrow morning, then we'll go to my BFF's house for a backyard pool party. Our nephew will stay here tomorrow night. I'm debating on whether to let him stay here Monday night too, but only because I want to send DS to school for at least part of the day on Tuesday. Unfortunately, he missed a lot of days at school this year because of recurring strep throat. If it weren't for that, I'd keep him out on Tuesday. I already called the school to tell them he won't be in on Wednesday since that's the day of the funeral.

I'm going to quiz SIL tomorrow to see what they're doing for the repast. I have some suggestions of nearby places that would be good, but if they do it at the house, I'll make a dish and bring it over there.
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Old 05-30-2010, 07:37 AM   #32
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Sounds like you are doing a great job keeping things moving forward and helping everyone out with the organization with arrangements. What a gift that is to those around you that need that structure in this time of grief.

I can't imagine how your DH must feel, and even if your DS was around to be with him through the rough patches, I think sometimes it's good for our young adult sons to see their dads' vulnerable moments. Not only does it show the love they have for ones they care deeply about but also it's like they get the permission that men sometimes they feel they need to not always have to be the strong men who keep it all together all the time. I'm not sure if I'm writing it the way I'm meaning to say it, but I think you'll understand what I'm trying to say.

You are wonderfully supportive of your family and remember to take care of yourself through all this as well.

I am from No. New Jersey and still have family in Bergen County, it's my backyard, roots and I just feel connected to you through that! (My brother just made arrangements for my mother to be buried in Paramus, even though she lives in South Jersey now. She is in advanced stages of Parkinson's and is very weak so they went ahead and made arrangements for the future to make things easier down the line.)

Take care and you all remain in my thoughts and prayers.
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Old 05-31-2010, 06:04 AM   #33
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I just wanted to say I am so sorry for you loss and that I truly hate Cancer. It takes without care and destroys wonderful people and their families who have to sit by and watch this disease take over their loved one...

I do hope that the next few days go by and everyone can get through this loss as they need to.

I too have learned the meaning of life after losing a loved one and getting a diagnosis myself... I live for today, I take every moment, second and squeeze the most I can from it. I try not to let the little things get to me and just go for the gusto and my other thought is to keep one step ahead of what I refer to as the grim reaper... just go, go, go as much as you can and as often as you can. And spend time with the people that you love and those who get it....and love you back unconditionally..
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Old 05-31-2010, 09:35 AM   #34
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Thank you, MB and MM (and again, everyone else ).

We took George's nephew to my friend's house yesterday for a pool party barbecue. My friend always throws great parties and yesterday's did not disappoint.

Sadly, my friend's brother-in-law has close to the same illness as George did (stage 4 lung and liver cancer). He was diagnosed over a year ago and been treated with chemo and radiation. A malignancy spread to his brain recently, so they did a round of radiation therapy that doesn't appear to be successful. He lives down the street from my friend's house and didn't feel well enough to come to the party so his brother (my BFF's husband) brought him a plate of food.

MB, George will be buried in George Washington Cemetery in Paramus since that's where his mother and sister are. I guess that's where your mother will be; I can't think of any other large cemetery in Paramus.

Over Thanksgiving weekend, I go to a floral facility on Century Road to help decorate wreaths and grave blankets for the annual H.S. band sale. I was thinking I'll go to GW cemetery afterward since it's right up the road and place blankets on George's and his mother's plots.

I'm pretty sure that the plot George's mother is in was a double, and it's now fully occupied by her and her daughter. I'm guessing that they bought another double plot for George where his father will go since he gave up his spot with his first wife so his daughter could be put there. And I don't know how that man (George's father) can still function after all the tragedy he's been through.
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Old 05-31-2010, 10:03 AM   #35
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Janice, yes, my mother will be buried in George Washington Cemetery, it is where my father is buried and her wishes are to be buried with him.

How lucky George is to have your love, even in death, to love him and his mother with grave blankets for the holidays.

I hope George's nephew is doing well, you have been wonderful to him.

I'm sorry to hear about your friend's BIL.

I know this is a difficult week for you. You remain in my thoughts and prayers especially in the coming days.
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Old 06-01-2010, 07:25 AM   #36
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I'm off from work today and tomorrow for the wake and funeral. I have to admit I'm dreading both. I don't expect people to be too worked up today, but tomorrow is going to be horrible. My mother- and sister-in-law really let the tears flow at a funeral. It's going to be awful.

I had a dream last night that we were all at the beach house George's family owns, and I was hugging and holding him and wouldn't let him go. Before all this happened, I probably wouldn't have put him at the top of my list of closest family members, but since we knew it was inevitable that he would be gone, I can't stop thinking about all the times we shared.

Oh, George, I hope you're in a better place now.
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Old 06-01-2010, 12:41 PM   #37
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I have to change my clothes and go to the wake now. I did a few things this morning, like pick up a new pair of dress pants for my son who I swear grew 2 inches overnight recently. I stopped by Uncle George's house with an Edible Arrangements. He and his wife were supposed to go over to the funeral home at 1:00 to make sure everything is the way they wanted. He said he can't wait for the whole thing to be over; he is exhausted.

He was looking at some of Little George's bills and said he just doesn't understand how this happened. A doctor was actually treating Georgie for COPD, but never saw any lung cancer. How could a nonsmoker have COPD? It's mind-boggling that no cancer was found until he was nearly terminal.
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Old 06-01-2010, 02:56 PM   #38
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JJ - how hard this must be for you & your family! My heart goes out to all of you. We have been spared losing many of our "contemporaries". It IS different than losing older members of the family & older friends. I'll keep good thoughts that you'll get through these two days.
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Old 06-02-2010, 06:14 AM   #39
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Thank you, Julie.

We got through the wake yesterday, and the funeral is this morning.

I don't know how I'm going to keep any make-up. It's hot and humid here today and I can't stop crying.
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Old 06-02-2010, 06:58 AM   #40
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Hang in there Janice. I remember with my brother-in-law a few months ago, you just go through the motions as if there is some force just pushing you against your will. You feel like you are in a fog and it all seems surreal(sp?).

We are all thinking of you - weather has been crazy - we had two feet of snow the morning of my brother-in-law's funeral and we had to all dig ourselves out to get there. I don't know how we made it and thank God we had a snowblower and there was snow on the ground already from the last 18 inches a few days before that. Not as many people came because of it. I would rather take today.

Stay strong
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Old 06-02-2010, 07:07 AM   #41
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I admire you for all your emotions for your husbands cousin. I bearly know most of my DH's cousins. I lost my uncle a couple of weeks ago, so I've gone through this recently too. Bless you
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Old 06-02-2010, 02:33 PM   #42
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We had a beautiful and dignified Mass this morning, then headed to GW Memorial Park to lay our cousin and good friend to rest. George's plot is very close to where his mother and sister are, and next to the golf course, so it's also apropos as George was an avid golfer.

His coworkers were the pallbearers, then our older nephew did one reading and George's stepbrother did the other. My parents-in-law brought the offering up to the altar; that was a highly emotional moment because my MIL was crying and shaking horribly while she did it.

Anna, it was just like you said--so intensely sad and surreal. When we sat in the funeral home this morning gazing in silence at him for the last time, I felt like I was deep inside a dream; it just didn't seem like it could possibly be happening.
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Old 06-02-2010, 06:01 PM   #43
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I'm glad the worst is behind you now. I think the funerals are the worst.
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Old 06-02-2010, 06:21 PM   #44
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Glad you got through the day I agree with the hardest being today. But still a long journey of grief and all that comes with it~ may you all start the healing.
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Old 06-03-2010, 04:29 AM   #45
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Remember that we all grieve in different ways & none are wrong. Some people like to talk about our lost ones a lot & some don't. Whichever one makes you feel better is the right one for you. I lost a good friend in a car accident 3 years ago & I still haven't deleted her phone number from my phone. Ironically, her number was given to another friend, but in my contacts, it still has the name of my deceased friend. I know that kinda weird, but it keeps her memory alive for me.
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