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Old 10-14-2014, 02:57 PM   #1
Vernie822
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Aunt's Solo Trip

So, we have this Aunt P - We'll call her AP. My mom has 4 siblings. She is the youngest. There is also Aunt D, we'll call her AD. My mom has 2 sisters still alive, her brother died in August and her other sister died about 8 years ago. My mom's parents are both deceased as well. My mom and AD are very close. AP and my aunt Lynn were very close before she passed.

AP is 10 years older than my mom, about 60. She is in poor health. She has COPD and cannot get much farther than from the car to inside the house without having to sit down. She is on oxygen 24/7. In fact, when she comes to our house, my dad pulls his car out of the garage so she can get in and out of her car and get inside our house. She is my mom's oldest sister. AP has 2 kids, a DD and a DS. DD lives nearby with her DH and AP's granddaughter, age 8. DS lives about 8 hours away with his wife and 2 year old daughter.

AP's husband does NOT like to travel. He gets anxiety and just prefers to stay home. AP does not have the funds to travel and really can't due to her condition. She is on oxygen 24/7, does not sleep at night, and rarely leaves the house. She is also on disability. He works an OK job in manufacturing, but it does not leave them with much.

A few years ago AP was caught stealing from Walmart near the holidays. From what I was told, she had things in her scooter and just left the store with them in her purse. I don't know the details, but I believe she gave the officer a sob story and no charges were filed. I was so embarrassed for her and really just in shock. Apparently, she did this because she didn't have any money.

Now, my grandma died shortly after that. To each of her children (4 surviving at the time), she left what she had, along with the house. My dad and AP's husband fixed it up and sold it, splitting it 4 ways among the kids.

AP decided that instead of fix all of the things in her house (she 'hoards' a lot of things and a lot of her appliances need replaced), or maybe fix her car, she chose to take her 8 year old granddaughter and DD to WDW. She had to use a scooter the entire time and said the heat was pretty bad and she couldn't last much longer than a week.

DD's DH (AP's son in law) preferred to stay back and work and allow the 3 of them some special time in WDW. He promised he would take his DD later with her mom. Now he said that nicely - but really what he meant was he just didn't want to put up with AP on the trip.

They went all out and AP paid for everything. Plane tickets, Nemo suite, dining plan, BBB, CRT, Christmas party, etc. She told my mom that this trip was way more than she could afford but she really wanted to do it.

Obviously, in my opinion, it maybe isn't the best place to spend your money when you clearly could use it for other things in her situation, but it's not my business to tell her what to do. It's her life and she can spend her money the way she chooses.

BUT..

She is a compulsive liar (see the Walmart situation above), and keeps things from everyone. She argues with anyone who tries to help her. For example, tells my mom that 'no one ever does anything for her, all she needs is someone to take her to JoAnn Fabrics but no one can be bothered,' so my mom (who has 5 kids) offered to take her. AP refused and says 'No I'll just sit here at home all by myself..' because her hubby was busy. He likes to fish and hunt and does when he has the time but he spends a lot of time taking care of her. She yells and screams at her daughter constantly (this has had an affect on her DD's daughter). No one can help AP without getting screamed at. She is just a "poor me" type of person. In fact, AD, her daughter, my mom and I are going on a trip in March, and I've been sworn to secrecy to not breathe a word of it to her because my mom knows how mad she will be when she finds out we are going.

Fast forward to this spring. I'm planning my trip and she is asking me a ton of questions about when free dining is available, etc. I tell her, not thinking anything of it.

I joined a Facebook group about Disney that was a private group, just to ask questions and get ideas. She joined as well, 'liking' everyone's posts and commenting about her trip. I saw one day, a post from her that said "Hoping to see the Osborne Lights on my trip, I'll be there from November # to #"... So I sent a text to my mom saying I didn't know AP was heading back to WDW.

Neither did she.

So my mom brought it up to her, casually, and she said she absolutely wasn't going, this post must have been from her trip last year, and that there was no way I saw a post from her on Facebook, because it must have been a woman with the same name. Nice try, but Facebook isn't stupid and it has your location and the date and time of your post. Along with your profile picture!!

So I just brushed it off and thought maybe she had "planned" a trip but wasn't actually going. So I saw another post, and I said to my mom.. Are you sure?! And my aunt accused me of LYING and making things up! I assure you, I'm not. So my mom asked AP's DD, she knew nothing of it either. Her DD (granddaughter of AP) missed her dad so much on the trip that her mother promised they would make a trip with her and her dad soon, and would leave AP at home (DD and AP fought the entire time). So she was not in on the 'trip'.




Fast forward to 2 weeks ago, where I see more posts from her. Asking about ADR's for her "upcoming trip in a few weeks". A month ago, her husband lost his job. The plant he was working in just didn't have the business necessary for him to work there. To top it off, the employer stopped paying on their health insurance. AP NEEDS insurance and cannot afford any care without it!

You would think that she would cancel her trip that no one knows about - she's not. She finally told her daughter that she's gong alone, to WDW, in a month, and doesn't care what anyone else has to say. Some would say 'GOOD FOR HER!'....

I say 'good for her' because I know she won't be around much longer and I know this is what she wants.

But where I'm concerned - is her health. What if something happens?! She can't walk 10 feet, much less do everything herself. How is she going to travel alone!? Her money isn't my business, but I'm sick of hearing how they 'don't have any money' but she's spending $2500 on a trip for herself when her husband is out of work and they have no health insurance and she's stealing from Walmart.

I told my mom we should go down and just be present in case anything happens, but she says no, haha.

SORRY for the long winded rant.. But should I just accept this behavior and move past it? I honestly can't believe she called me a liar and told my mom I must be making things up because she's planning some secret trip no one can know about. I guess I'm just worried something will happen to her on her trip and no one will be around.
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Old 10-14-2014, 03:40 PM   #2
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MYOB.

Aren't you the one who was just posting about actuarial testing certifications and crying at work? Do you really need any more drama? Just MYOB. Clearly nothing and no one is going to stop this woman and no good will come to anyone who gets sucked down the rabbit hole with her.
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Old 10-14-2014, 03:50 PM   #3
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This is your Aunt's decision. Even if you disagree with her decision making abilities, she is a grown up and can go on vacation if she wants to.
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Old 10-14-2014, 03:52 PM   #4
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cabanafrau View Post
MYOB.

Aren't you the one who was just posting about actuarial testing certifications and crying at work? Do you really need any more drama? Just MYOB. Clearly nothing and no one is going to stop this woman and no good will come to anyone who gets sucked down the rabbit hole with her.
Agreed - I just saw the other thread about being stressed out about work/exam. This would be the last thing I would worry about and be taking the time to write a long post on a message board about.
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Old 10-14-2014, 03:58 PM   #5
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OP, I'm sure you mean well, but you are entirely too invested in what your aunt does and does not do. Who cares what she spent her inheritance on? it's her money to do with as she wishes. If I were in her shoes, knowing my health was declining and it's "now or never" I would probably spend it all taking my kids to WDW one last time.

You cannot make your aunt into a nicer, more thoughtful, more compassionate person and you have absolutely no control over her finances, so why not take a step back. Let her continue with her charade of going on this WDW trip. Maybe she will, maybe she won't, but it isn't hurting anyone to let her continue her planning and talking with others who are also planning trips. Don't be surprised if a few days before the "trip" something "terrible" will happen and the whole thing gets cancelled. Or maybe she will go on her "trip" and post fantastic trip reports that she totally made up. My point is, who cares?

I'm in agreement with you about not telling her about the trip with your mom and AD. That would probably be hurtful. Even if she could manage the trip, and it doesn't sound like she could, there is no reason that your mom and her other sister have to include AP in all their doings. Perhaps she can do things together in town on a more frequent basis. It sounds like your aunt's health is precarious. That thought would make me pretty grouchy, too.
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Old 10-14-2014, 04:16 PM   #6
Vernie822
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Thanks everyone.

Yes, my exam is stressful. I'm sure I could have better used the time it took to write this post, to study (honestly, I was taking a break for 15 minutes.. lol).

I know I need to MYOB - but I am worried about her. It's just an unfortunate situation. I know I should butt out and avoid any more drama in my life, but it's difficult when you genuinely do care about someone. It's even harder when people try to help that person and they just don't listen.
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Dining Report: Is there a fast pass for the margarita booth? 7 Days of DDP + Food and Wine

POFQ Girls Trip - March 2015
Polynesian - September 2015


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Old 10-14-2014, 04:18 PM   #7
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Take a step back. Is what I would do.

I know you are upset, sounds like you are concerned about her well being. But, she is an adult, as long as you aren't supporting her you have no right to have an opinion about it. Maybe this is why she's keeping it a secret.
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Old 10-14-2014, 04:21 PM   #8
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Actually a single person going to a cheaper hotel can do a trip for a lot less that $2500

Its her $$

MY SIL inherited a boatload of $$, always said she was taking her whole family-esp the grandkids to WDW-and never did. She died a few years later...threw her $$ away (my opinion) on Louis Vuitton $600 purses and other silly stuff. You cant control others lives
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Old 10-14-2014, 06:58 PM   #9
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Is it possible that she's not really planning a trip? Could she be making the whole thing up just to create drama. Maybe she learned about your trip and thought, "Oh yeah! Well I'm going on a trip too." Perhaps hers will never really materialize. Just a thought.
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Old 10-14-2014, 08:39 PM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Vernie822 View Post
So, we have this Aunt P - We'll call her AP. My mom has 4 siblings. She is the youngest. There is also Aunt D, we'll call her AD. My mom has 2 sisters still alive, her brother died in August and her other sister died about 8 years ago. My mom's parents are both deceased as well. My mom and AD are very close. AP and my aunt Lynn were very close before she passed.

AP is 10 years older than my mom, about 60. She is in poor health. She has COPD and cannot get much farther than from the car to inside the house without having to sit down. She is on oxygen 24/7. In fact, when she comes to our house, my dad pulls his car out of the garage so she can get in and out of her car and get inside our house. She is my mom's oldest sister. AP has 2 kids, a DD and a DS. DD lives nearby with her DH and AP's granddaughter, age 8. DS lives about 8 hours away with his wife and 2 year old daughter.

AP's husband does NOT like to travel. He gets anxiety and just prefers to stay home. AP does not have the funds to travel and really can't due to her condition. She is on oxygen 24/7, does not sleep at night, and rarely leaves the house. She is also on disability. He works an OK job in manufacturing, but it does not leave them with much.

A few years ago AP was caught stealing from Walmart near the holidays. From what I was told, she had things in her scooter and just left the store with them in her purse. I don't know the details, but I believe she gave the officer a sob story and no charges were filed. I was so embarrassed for her and really just in shock. Apparently, she did this because she didn't have any money.

Now, my grandma died shortly after that. To each of her children (4 surviving at the time), she left what she had, along with the house. My dad and AP's husband fixed it up and sold it, splitting it 4 ways among the kids.

AP decided that instead of fix all of the things in her house (she 'hoards' a lot of things and a lot of her appliances need replaced), or maybe fix her car, she chose to take her 8 year old granddaughter and DD to WDW. She had to use a scooter the entire time and said the heat was pretty bad and she couldn't last much longer than a week.

DD's DH (AP's son in law) preferred to stay back and work and allow the 3 of them some special time in WDW. He promised he would take his DD later with her mom. Now he said that nicely - but really what he meant was he just didn't want to put up with AP on the trip.

They went all out and AP paid for everything. Plane tickets, Nemo suite, dining plan, BBB, CRT, Christmas party, etc. She told my mom that this trip was way more than she could afford but she really wanted to do it.

Obviously, in my opinion, it maybe isn't the best place to spend your money when you clearly could use it for other things in her situation, but it's not my business to tell her what to do. It's her life and she can spend her money the way she chooses.

BUT..

She is a compulsive liar (see the Walmart situation above), and keeps things from everyone. She argues with anyone who tries to help her. For example, tells my mom that 'no one ever does anything for her, all she needs is someone to take her to JoAnn Fabrics but no one can be bothered,' so my mom (who has 5 kids) offered to take her. AP refused and says 'No I'll just sit here at home all by myself..' because her hubby was busy. He likes to fish and hunt and does when he has the time but he spends a lot of time taking care of her. She yells and screams at her daughter constantly (this has had an affect on her DD's daughter). No one can help AP without getting screamed at. She is just a "poor me" type of person. In fact, AD, her daughter, my mom and I are going on a trip in March, and I've been sworn to secrecy to not breathe a word of it to her because my mom knows how mad she will be when she finds out we are going.

Fast forward to this spring. I'm planning my trip and she is asking me a ton of questions about when free dining is available, etc. I tell her, not thinking anything of it.

I joined a Facebook group about Disney that was a private group, just to ask questions and get ideas. She joined as well, 'liking' everyone's posts and commenting about her trip. I saw one day, a post from her that said "Hoping to see the Osborne Lights on my trip, I'll be there from November # to #"... So I sent a text to my mom saying I didn't know AP was heading back to WDW.

Neither did she.

So my mom brought it up to her, casually, and she said she absolutely wasn't going, this post must have been from her trip last year, and that there was no way I saw a post from her on Facebook, because it must have been a woman with the same name. Nice try, but Facebook isn't stupid and it has your location and the date and time of your post. Along with your profile picture!!

So I just brushed it off and thought maybe she had "planned" a trip but wasn't actually going. So I saw another post, and I said to my mom.. Are you sure?! And my aunt accused me of LYING and making things up! I assure you, I'm not. So my mom asked AP's DD, she knew nothing of it either. Her DD (granddaughter of AP) missed her dad so much on the trip that her mother promised they would make a trip with her and her dad soon, and would leave AP at home (DD and AP fought the entire time). So she was not in on the 'trip'.




Fast forward to 2 weeks ago, where I see more posts from her. Asking about ADR's for her "upcoming trip in a few weeks". A month ago, her husband lost his job. The plant he was working in just didn't have the business necessary for him to work there. To top it off, the employer stopped paying on their health insurance. AP NEEDS insurance and cannot afford any care without it!

You would think that she would cancel her trip that no one knows about - she's not. She finally told her daughter that she's gong alone, to WDW, in a month, and doesn't care what anyone else has to say. Some would say 'GOOD FOR HER!'....

I say 'good for her' because I know she won't be around much longer and I know this is what she wants.

But where I'm concerned - is her health. What if something happens?! She can't walk 10 feet, much less do everything herself. How is she going to travel alone!? Her money isn't my business, but I'm sick of hearing how they 'don't have any money' but she's spending $2500 on a trip for herself when her husband is out of work and they have no health insurance and she's stealing from Walmart.

I told my mom we should go down and just be present in case anything happens, but she says no, haha.

SORRY for the long winded rant.. But should I just accept this behavior and move past it? I honestly can't believe she called me a liar and told my mom I must be making things up because she's planning some secret trip no one can know about. I guess I'm just worried something will happen to her on her trip and no one will be around.
Short answer, yes, you have to "accept" the behavior of others.

If "something" does happen, there are hospital's in Florida and I am confident she could receive help if she needs it.

So quit worrying about her.
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