Daughters who have lost their Mother

[DonaldDuck80]

I still have mine but my wife is in this group. She lost her mother to breast cancer when she was only 4 years old. Due to her youth she doesn't have many memories of her. Her dad never remarried and his way of coping with it is not to talk about her, so it's been a frustration for my wife because she wants details of who her mom was. She wants to know what she liked, what holiday traditions she did, etc but her dad shuts her down when she asks. Then we struggled for seven years with infertility so Mothers Day was massively depressing for my wife. We finally welcomed an adorable little boy into our lives a little over a year ago but my wife still has pains about her mom not being here to assist her in learning how to become an effective mother herself.

[Shelly F - Ohio]

OMG Girls I need a hug in the worst way

Last July a 15 yr old boy who lives on our small street attempted to break into our neighbors house as soon as they left for Disney. He also tryed to get into our garage service door. All he did was turn the handle and that was it. Thankfully it was locked. We were up while this was happening and watching it on our video survellence system! We called the police 3 times that night because this kid who is on house arrest was outside of his property. The police ended up arresting him the next day. He was sentence to jail till Feb 2. he is now out and I am scared. The neighbors car was stolen and the kid admitted he was in the car but not the driver. He had also stole a garage door opener which the neighbor did not know was missing and the kid robbed them while they were at work. My husband came to bed late one night and found their van sitting in the middle of our cul de sack at 2:00 a.m because when they broke into the house the took a set of keys but the neighbor had the locks changed and he was not able to start the car but was able to get it out of gear and it rolled into the street.

We are suppose to go to Disney for a semi - solo trip. DH is leaving and spending 2 days on his own at Disney. Then I will join him for 2 1/2 days and he will then come home and I will spend 2 days by myself at Disney.

I am afraid to be gone from home for fear of this kid. I have smartphone and I can video our security system at anytime which brings me comfort.

I NEED A HUG and I need to feel that it will be okay to go to Disney.

[Alysa]

Poor you - how awful. Can you go by your neighbourhood police station and talk to someone there and maybe get a policeman to drive by while you are gone? Can a friend stop by and check on things for you?
Sending best wishes, prayers and pixie dust that all will be okay!

[Alysa]

Originally Posted by dznygurl

Wow! I wish I would have found this thread a long time ago. I often feel so alone with no one to relate to. My mom died Jan. 3, 2009 at the age of 58 from esophagus/stomach cancer. She was diagnosed May 2007. She was my best friend. She was such a special and loving lady with a huge heart. My kids meant the world to her. We spoke every day. She was their "second mama". They spent countless days and nights with her. They loved their Granny. I would often call her just to tell her when one of my kids did or said something cute. She listened and loved hearing those cute stories. She had told me once how sad she was that she would never see my youngest DS play a sport. I was able to enroll him into teeball a year early just so she could watch him play ball. My DH had to coach so he could play, but just to see her smile at him in his baseball uniform was priceless. I now have no one to share the cute moments with. My husband is an amazing man, but it just isn't the same. She whole-heartedly enjoyed every single thing I had to say. I have one brother (always in some sort of trouble so we don't speak) and no sisters. Some days I feel so alone and empty.
I feel angry when my friends talk about going places and doing things with their moms. I know that I shouldn't feel this way, and it has gotten better in time. But I truly want to scream when I hear how they went somewheres with their mom or how their mom will be joining them on vacation.
There is a great comfort in knowing that I am not alone now. Thank you all for sharing your stories.

You are not alone. I know exactly how you feel. I talked to my mum every day too and her grandkids adored her. Every day I feel so much sadness that my youngest never got to meet her. I think of her all the time when I have all those cute kid stories and I try to tell her in my heart but it's not the same. I worry about my daughter not having a sister because mine is one of the reasons I've survived this ordeal. And you know what I hate (just between you and me?) Trip reports where people talk about how annoying their mothers are being on their trip. "Are you kidding me? She is there with you!!!!"

Originally Posted by eeyora68

My Mom was diagnosed with metastatic bc in 06 she has fought but the Dr. told us Friday that she can't figure out what is wrong with her liver the tests keep showing no cancer but she was hospitalized for 3 weeks with fever and jaundice after receiving a new chemo. She is getting a mri to find out if it is cancer or if her liver is cirrhotic if it is cancer they can start chemo again but Dr, said that could kill her and if it is cirrhotic then they can only keep her comfortable and said without chemo they give her 3-6 months. I can't stop crying I have children so I will go on for them but I don't know how I will be able to live without her.I feel bad because I feel selfish that I'm feeling bad for myself when she is the who is dying.

Hi Eeyora, What is happening with your mum? Any updates? I don't know what it is about the liver because they told my mum for over a year they were certain she did not have liver cancer.

[Shelly F - Ohio]

Originally Posted by Alysa

Poor you - how awful. Can you go by your neighbourhood police station and talk to someone there and maybe get a policeman to drive by while you are gone? Can a friend stop by and check on things for you?
Sending best wishes, prayers and pixie dust that all will be okay!

I have a police detective who lives across the street from us. I plan to tell him today about our trip and to also inquire about what home security system he has. He told me several months ago but I have forgotten. What I have to keep telling myself is that he has to be fearful of us since we have the video security system and caught him red handed.
In the spring he was arrested and placed on house arrest which he violated by trying to break into our house. So the arrested him again. Unknown to us they had let him out just 30 days after he was arrested. While he was out we did go to Disney again for 4 days and nothing happened and it was about a week after we returned that we found out he had been out on house arrest.
So the fact we were gone for 4 days and nothing happen plus the video monitoring we can do, plus most of his break ins are on the weekend and we will be gone during the week, I feel a bit safer.
With everthing this kid has done I am surprised he has not gone to jail for a long time. He broke into the house owned by a relative of one of our Judges!!! The house if vacant and owner by the Judge's Uncle in Florida and they only come back to Ohio 2 times a year.

THey were just here in Dec and said the house as a complete wreck. A video store has him on tape try to exchange a video he stole from that house. He took valuable antique's.

This kids boast on this FB page phares like "I did the crime but I won't do the time". talks about being high all the time. Which we (the whole neighborhood) knows this family smokes pot. The dad has a criminal record the house is in foreclosure but they filed an appeal. The sheriff sale was all set till the filed the appeal. UGH. WHAT A MESS.

[Heluvsme]

OH Shelley, what a scary time! One thing I know for sure, just when you think you have their MO figured out, they'll go and change it! If he needs cash, if he's desperate, and if he gets cocky enough, he will throw out all the "reasons" he can't rob you at such and such time. It will happen when it strikes him!!
Praying for your safety! This really is frightening!

~Dawn

[Shelly F - Ohio]

Originally Posted by DonaldDuck80

I still have mine but my wife is in this group. She lost her mother to breast cancer when she was only 4 years old. Due to her youth she doesn't have many memories of her. Her dad never remarried and his way of coping with it is not to talk about her, so it's been a frustration for my wife because she wants details of who her mom was. She wants to know what she liked, what holiday traditions she did, etc but her dad shuts her down when she asks. Then we struggled for seven years with infertility so Mothers Day was massively depressing for my wife. We finally welcomed an adorable little boy into our lives a little over a year ago but my wife still has pains about her mom not being here to assist her in learning how to become an effective mother herself.

Does she have an aunt or uncle or someone for her mom side that could help answer these questions?

[Shelly F - Ohio]

Originally Posted by Heluvsme

OH Shelley, what a scary time! One thing I know for sure, just when you think you have their MO figured out, they'll go and change it! If he needs cash, if he's desperate, and if he gets cocky enough, he will throw out all the "reasons" he can't rob you at such and such time. It will happen when it strikes him!!
Praying for your safety! This really is frightening!

~Dawn

I don't work so I am home to watch the house most of the time. One thing we did was put my car in the garage -It use to sit outside. Now he won't know if I am home or not. Which is nice when we go to the airport he won't miss our car being gone.
And the other good thing is that the detective who lives across the street will retire in 3 months. So I will feel a bit safer

[eeyora68]

Originally Posted by Alysa

You are not alone. I know exactly how you feel. I talked to my mum every day too and her grandkids adored her. Every day I feel so much sadness that my youngest never got to meet her. I think of her all the time when I have all those cute kid stories and I try to tell her in my heart but it's not the same. I worry about my daughter not having a sister because mine is one of the reasons I've survived this ordeal. And you know what I hate (just between you and me?) Trip reports where people talk about how annoying their mothers are being on their trip. "Are you kidding me? She is there with you!!!!"



Hi Eeyora, What is happening with your mum? Any updates? I don't know what it is about the liver because they told my mum for over a year they were certain she did not have liver cancer.

Thanks for asking my Mom passed 12-14-12 I was holding her hand it has been very difficult I miss her so much not a day goes by that I don't cry.

[Alysa]

Originally Posted by eeyora68

Thanks for asking my Mom passed 12-14-12 I was holding her hand it has been very difficult I miss her so much not a day goes by that I don't cry.

Oh my dear, I'm so dreadfully sorry.

[Deesknee]

Originally Posted by eeyora68

Thanks for asking my Mom passed 12-14-12 I was holding her hand it has been very difficult I miss her so much not a day goes by that I don't cry.

So sorry for your loss. I hope in time those tears are less often, and the warm memories bring more and more smiles. Bless you.

[maxaroni]

Mom is seriously ill. I'm losing her and it hurts so bad I can't stand it. I cry at the drop of a hat. I am 56 yrs old, mom is 76. I still have my dad who is also 76. Dad is moms primary caregiver.

Mom was diagnosed at 69 with a blocked basilar artery to the brain. Surgery would be too risky. She has had many strokes, each one leaving her a bit more disabled. However, she had a bleeding stroke in '08 that took her right side pretty bad. She lost her peripheral vision on her right side and sees double, with the help of special lenses in her glasses (prisms), it has helped her double vision somewhat. She has no feeling in her right leg, knee down. She is chronic pain in her upper right leg (thalamic pain). She needs a new shoulder and hips but surgery is out of the question. She is in severe pain every day.

Mom is also in end stage renal disease but not quite in need of dialysis. She is at 14 - 15% kidney function, they want her at 10-12%. She has restless leg syndrome, muscle cramps, decreasing appetite.

She can barely walk with a walker, mostly in a motorized scooter or wheelchair. She only goes out when she has a doctors appt or church.

She's had breast cancer twice...'89 when she had a lumpectomy and many lymph nodes were taken, cancer in 3. 2001 she was diagnosed with breast cancer again and needed a mastectomy.

Now, she has a nodule on her lung and enlarged lymph nodes in her chest. Found in December. Rescanned last week, still there and the doc thinks it's cancer. Not definitive but that is his thinking. Not sure if they will biopsy or not as she is not a candidate for surgery nor chemo. She has fluid around her heart since December....could be from kidneys or cancer. She had an echocardiogram and back to the cardiologist on Thursday.

My heart is breaking each and every day. I'm losing my mom and why does someone have to go through so much. My heart breaks for her as she was once a vibrant and very active woman. My heart breaks for my dad for what he is going through and how will he be.

Mom and dad have been together since age 15. They married at 19 and had me at 20. We are all only children, as were their parents, so no close family to speak of. We live 2 miles apart, which is a blessing.

I don't know how to cope with any of this and just fall apart at anything. My emotions are right at the surface and even my DS20 going away for the weekend (goes to community college) had me tearing up. He was away at college his freshman year and I handled it but now, everything has me tearing up.

We think our parents will live forever and no matter how old we are, it still is so hard. I have young parents and everyone said to me, it will be years before your dealing with this....nope.

Thanks for listening

[RnbwSktles]

This is such a touching thread

I lost my mom to breast cancer almost a year ago, on Mother's Day 5/13/12. She was definitely ill, but her passing was very sudden and unexpected. She was only 59.

I can't believe it's been nearly a year already, but it has been easier than I would've expected. I think I had mentally prepared myself for years so that when the time came, the hardest part was actually having to tell people that my mom had died. Everyone seems to expect me to break down, but I am ok. My mom and I had a good relationship, but we weren't best friends like so many other mothers & daughters. I miss her and still occasionally forget that I can't share a funny store with her.

[Marsheliz]

I am so happy I found this thread. My mom was diagnosed January 10, 2012 and died 2 weeks ago on April 10, 2013. We actually took her to Disney with us this past September. I literally watched her die and it's so hard. My 4 year diesnt understand and thinks that she is going to be back sometime if he prays enough... My heart is just broke.

[Alysa]

Happy Mother's Day Mum. Miss you.