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Old 11-16-2011, 05:28 AM   #151
Shelly F - Ohio
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So sorry for your loss honey
It sounds as though your Mom lead a very long and happy life until her dementia hit.
Your Mom & Dad had a long life together and they say when one passes on so does the other. Take comfort that the two of them are together again.
I know hard it is not to be there when she passes but remember she loves you. So hold that thought in your heart as you try to get through this very rough time.

On another note..I have been to Canfield Ohio. Went there to see Jo Dee Messina at the fair a few years ago.
Hugs to you

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I lost my mom for the final time on Saturday, 10/22.

It was suppose to be a happy day as it was our 35th Wedding Anniversary. My husband and I had nothing really special planned, just time with each other and our oldest son. We happened to be in his town that weekend getting some winterizing done to my mother's Ohio home.

The call came early in the morning. She had passed away, alone, in a bed, in an institution in FL.

I remember my last words to her, "Mom, It will be okay." The words were so inadequate for the situation at hand.

It was seven months and 7 days before her death. She was being taken away from me and her home. She was placed by her sons into an institution in FL, where according to them she would get care. My father, her husband had died three days earlier. His wishes were for me to care for her. It was in his will and before his death the entire family had agreed to it.

I will never understand what went down. I will never get over the pain of seeing her ripped away. She was so upset and wanted me.

A new widow who is 92 years old should not be taken from everything they know and hold dear!

She had dementia but she had very lucid times. She knew what she wanted and she understood what they were doing to her. She begged me to hide her away and find a way to stop them from taking her from her home. I tried every legal thing I could think of to stop them.

I lost Mom to dementia, my Mama appeared. She was a very different person from my Mom, but still a pretty great person. I lost my Mama to my brothers and their greed. Losing her three times has been impossibly difficult.

I am so glad she is now at peace and in Heaven. She knows that I kept every promise made to her and to dad. I will live a good life to celebrate hers!

She was the most amazing mother, grandmother, great grandmother, wife and friend. We who loved her most, are happy that she is no longer suffering!
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Old 01-04-2012, 02:58 PM   #152
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I lost my mom this past year 12/19/11, 19 days after we found out that she had cancer. She would have been 72 later this month.

She was able to come home and spend her last couple days at home with family at her side. If it was not for the excellent help Hospice helped provide I do not know what we would have done.

I am not sure I have really come to terms yet. It just seems like a dream and I will wake up and she will be here. We were starting to plan for our next WDW trip and she kept telling me she was not going to be able to come. Not sure WDW will ever be the same as my mom came with us every time we went.
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Old 01-05-2012, 02:01 PM   #153
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Originally Posted by friend2Figment View Post
I lost my mom this past year 12/19/11, 19 days after we found out that she had cancer. She would have been 72 later this month.

She was able to come home and spend her last couple days at home with family at her side. If it was not for the excellent help Hospice helped provide I do not know what we would have done.

I am not sure I have really come to terms yet. It just seems like a dream and I will wake up and she will be here. We were starting to plan for our next WDW trip and she kept telling me she was not going to be able to come. Not sure WDW will ever be the same as my mom came with us every time we went.
First of all, I am so sorry for your loss and right at the holidays

That sounds exctly how I talked when I lost my mom and I still have difficult days, especially holidays. I still have times I wish I would wake up or that I could have 1 more day, or just some time to talk to her when she can talk back.

My experience was a bit different, my mother passed unexpectedly and very quickly, talk about a shock. Hospice was a blessing when my grandmother passed away.

The first thing I wanted to do after her funeral was to take off and go to WDW, because I thought I would feel closer to her there. Our trips are so bittersweet now with her memories, I always kind of feel her presence when we're there and we always make sure to do something that she liked to do like ride IASW.

You will eventually feel better, I didn't believe that when everyone told me that, but it does get better, although it will never disappear.
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Old 01-05-2012, 04:50 PM   #154
Shelly F - Ohio
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Here is a big for you. I can see how it feels like a dream to you after lossing your Mom. The holidays came and you have been if fast forward for a few weeks now.
Now that the holidays are over it may hit you so have your support network close by. Remember we are here too. We have walked in your shoes and will help you through this.
Planning a WDW trip is a great diversion. When are you going? Where will you be staying at?



Quote:
Originally Posted by friend2Figment View Post
I lost my mom this past year 12/19/11, 19 days after we found out that she had cancer. She would have been 72 later this month.

She was able to come home and spend her last couple days at home with family at her side. If it was not for the excellent help Hospice helped provide I do not know what we would have done.

I am not sure I have really come to terms yet. It just seems like a dream and I will wake up and she will be here. We were starting to plan for our next WDW trip and she kept telling me she was not going to be able to come. Not sure WDW will ever be the same as my mom came with us every time we went.
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Old 01-11-2012, 12:31 AM   #155
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Quote:
Originally Posted by friend2Figment View Post
I lost my mom this past year 12/19/11, 19 days after we found out that she had cancer. She would have been 72 later this month.

She was able to come home and spend her last couple days at home with family at her side. If it was not for the excellent help Hospice helped provide I do not know what we would have done.

I am not sure I have really come to terms yet. It just seems like a dream and I will wake up and she will be here. We were starting to plan for our next WDW trip and she kept telling me she was not going to be able to come. Not sure WDW will ever be the same as my mom came with us every time we went.
I am sorry for your loss. I lost my mother almost 9 months ago. And sometimes I still feels like its a dream too. I have gotten thru my first holidays without her. I remembered telling my mom that I was going to take her on our second trip to WDW this yr. Like your mom, she said the same thing that she isn't going to be here much longer to see that magical place. I think that both of your moms knew that their time on this Earth was not going to be long.

It has been difficult at times especially when I want to talk to her. Yesterday, I got a chance to talk to her friend up north. Mom and her friend use to talk twice a wk. Mom's friend is an elderly lady and mom would call to check on her. Mom's friend missed her dearly and had a few crying spells on the phone. I amazed myself that I handled it well...I cried too but at the same time was consoling her too. She missed those calls and talking to mom just like me. Next month, I decided to take grief support class at a local church. I heard that it is a wonderful support program. I believe that it is nationwide. It's called griefshare.org if anybody wants to check it out.

Thanks for keeping this thread going....
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Old 01-11-2012, 07:09 AM   #156
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I want to offer my most sincere condolences to everyone here. I have seen this thread but haven't read any posts, until this morning. I thought even opening it up would just start a whole new 'can of worms' so to speak.

And get this... it's been 13 years since my mom was cured of cancer. I say "cured of cancer" because even the terminology of "died..." vs. "cured..." seems to help my mindset. 13 years and some days it still feels like it just happened, although it does get less raw.

I'll say more later, but I wanted to add my support to those of you who are in a very raw state of suffering right now. I know what it's like, yet we're all so different in our grief. My best friend also passed, 2 years ago, at age 40, from breast cancer, she left her 2 sweet kiddos behind... ages 12 and 9. I try to help them through as best I can, but ... well, you all know... that is something that almost has to be journeyed at their own pace.

Sending you all a lot of love right now... I wish you all more good days than bad, and I hope for you all to allow your sweet memories to wrap themselves around you and comfort you.

~Dawn
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Old 01-11-2012, 12:25 PM   #157
Shelly F - Ohio
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Ever have one of those days where you really need your Mom? Today is one of those days. I need some hugs and compassion today and a few prayers to keep me going.
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Old 01-11-2012, 12:35 PM   #158
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Shelly F.... consider yourself hugged!!!



I just said a prayer for you, and for everyone who is suffering.


There's a passage in The Secret Life Of Bees, and this isn't an exact quote, but the sentiment has always stuck with me. A motherless child is told by a woman who is her guardian of sorts, and very nurturing towards her, "Sometimes we have to learn to mother ourselves." Again, not an exact quote, but the explanation goes on to say that we learn to do what we need to to comfort ourselves, we get to know ourselves---our needs and our wants--- better, and then learn to compensate as best we can by nurturing ourselves.

Not even close to having your own mom though.
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Old 01-11-2012, 12:46 PM   #159
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Some times I just need a hug and reassurance that everything will be okay

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Shelly F.... consider yourself hugged!!!



I just said a prayer for you, and for everyone who is suffering.


There's a passage in The Secret Life Of Bees, and this isn't an exact quote, but the sentiment has always stuck with me. A motherless child is told by a woman who is her guardian of sorts, and very nurturing towards her, "Sometimes we have to learn to mother ourselves." Again, not an exact quote, but the explanation goes on to say that we learn to do what we need to to comfort ourselves, we get to know ourselves---our needs and our wants--- better, and then learn to compensate as best we can by nurturing ourselves.

Not even close to having your own mom though.
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Old 01-18-2012, 11:11 AM   #160
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Ever have one of those days where you really need your Mom? Today is one of those days. I need some hugs and compassion today and a few prayers to keep me going.
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Some times I just need a hug and reassurance that everything will be okay
I know exactly how that feels. I just have to sit down and cry and that seems to help.
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Old 01-19-2012, 01:03 AM   #161
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I know exactly how that feels. I just have to sit down and cry and that seems to help.
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Old 01-22-2012, 08:22 PM   #162
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I'm glad I can come back to this post when I feel sad and miss my Mom. Tomorrow January 23rd would have been her 90th birthday, but sadly she got sick at age 68 and was in a nursing home for the last 4 years of her life until she died at age 79. I just wish I could hear her voice again, sometimes I still can. Hugs to all the daughters who are missing their Mom today..
Michele
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Old 02-05-2012, 01:58 PM   #163
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This has been an encouraging thread. It helps to hear from others who really understand how I feel. I lost my Mama on Monday Jan 30th 2012 after a very brave two year battle with cancer. She went way too soon and way to young. She had just turned 62 in September. I know that time will help but I am really struggling with the fact that she will not be around to watch my beautiful children grow up. I feel cheated that my baby boy wont remember her. Thanks for making this thread. Its nice to have a place to vent.
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Old 02-05-2012, 02:59 PM   #164
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Lydia, I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your mom. I lost my mom in Oct 2011. It has been unbelievably difficult for me. I miss her so much!

I lost her first to what everyone but me, thought was Alzheimers. She was not following the normal course of deterioration so I kept saying that she had dementia from strokes. After my father died in March 2011, my brothers took her away from me, her home and everything she knew and confined her in an institution. I lost her again because of this. They would not tell me where they put her. I was told that within a week she had stopped walking. She walked almost a mile every day with me. I just got her death certificate and she died of starvation. She refused to eat for them. I also just got her brain report back and she did not have Alzheimers she had vascular dementia.

I wish being right made me feel better. If only I could have found out where they took her and rescued her. I know she would still be alive if she was with me! It is all so unbelievable!

Two nights ago, I dreamed of her for the first time. She was smiling with tears in her eyes. She was walking behind me and saying goodbye to things. At one point she was walking under the train station at Disney World and saying her goodbyes to her beloved mouse! She was with my dad and he was doing the same thing. I got a strange peace from the dream.
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Old 02-06-2012, 10:52 AM   #165
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Quote:
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This has been an encouraging thread. It helps to hear from others who really understand how I feel. I lost my Mama on Monday Jan 30th 2012 after a very brave two year battle with cancer. She went way too soon and way to young. She had just turned 62 in September. I know that time will help but I am really struggling with the fact that she will not be around to watch my beautiful children grow up. I feel cheated that my baby boy wont remember her. Thanks for making this thread. Its nice to have a place to vent.
Welcome, sorry you have to be here under these circumstances, but know the rest of us know just how you feel. I lost my mom when she was young, only 60, but I had no idea she was going to leave me.

Just know that she will get to watch your children grow up, maybe not in the traditional sense, but she will. Also, keep her memory alive so that your youngest will know her. I was 5 when my grandfather died, but I will always have memories of thinge we did together, but mostly because my grandmother and mom made sure to keep his spirit with me.

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Lydia, I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your mom. I lost my mom in Oct 2011. It has been unbelievably difficult for me. I miss her so much!

I lost her first to what everyone but me, thought was Alzheimers. She was not following the normal course of deterioration so I kept saying that she had dementia from strokes. After my father died in March 2011, my brothers took her away from me, her home and everything she knew and confined her in an institution. I lost her again because of this. They would not tell me where they put her. I was told that within a week she had stopped walking. She walked almost a mile every day with me. I just got her death certificate and she died of starvation. She refused to eat for them. I also just got her brain report back and she did not have Alzheimers she had vascular dementia.

I wish being right made me feel better. If only I could have found out where they took her and rescued her. I know she would still be alive if she was with me! It is all so unbelievable!

Two nights ago, I dreamed of her for the first time. She was smiling with tears in her eyes. She was walking behind me and saying goodbye to things. At one point she was walking under the train station at Disney World and saying her goodbyes to her beloved mouse! She was with my dad and he was doing the same thing. I got a strange peace from the dream.

That sounds so much like the way my grandmother died, although they do believe she had Alzheimers and we did everything we could, it was the fast progressing kind. My aunt took her, to try to help until my mom could retire, but instead didn't provide her with the care she needed and there was no excuse for it, there were 5 grown adults in their home who could have prevented what happened to her. My mom and I did for many months, just the 2 of us. I gave them detailed instructions. I have lived with feeling guilty, I had been caring for her, but had to go back to work, but it wasn't my fault and they have to live with what they did.

My grandmother got to a point where she didn't want to eat and we did everything possible, the doctor gave her meds to try to get her to eat, which helped a little bit, but not much, they sort of lose the part of the brain that lets them know they are hungry, that they can walk, take care of themselves, it's very difficult.

It has been just over 3 years since I lost my mom and while it has gotten better, life will never truely be completely normal again, but know that we are here to support each other.

My mom's 64the birthday is coming up on Saturday and I have to spend the day alone, that will be very difficult
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