Am I the only one here who thinks that my children are to spoiled?

[wdwmom0f3]

They were making their Christmas list out tonight and it hit me. They EXPECT these things, they aren't just asking for them in hopes of getting a few items from the list. Things like Laptops, new cell phones, replace ipods and clothes, room items, you name it. It kind of flew all over me and now I am going to do something about it. I think that I am going to have them all feed the hungry or do something like that. They helped me collect items for a family a few years ago, but they have forgotten just how lucky they are. It breaks my heart. Their hearts are going to be broken too because I am setting a limit and sticking to it.

Do you think your kids are spoiled too, or am I alone with this problem?

[Tiger926]

Originally Posted by wdwmom0f3

They were making their Christmas list out tonight and it hit me. They EXPECT these things, they aren't just asking for them in hopes of getting a few items from the list. Things like Laptops, new cell phones, replace ipods and clothes, room items, you name it. It kind of flew all over me and now I am going to do something about it. I think that I am going to have them all feed the hungry or do something like that. They helped me collect items for a family a few years ago, but they have forgotten just how lucky they are. It breaks my heart. Their hearts are going to be broken too because I am setting a limit and sticking to it.

Do you think your kids are spoiled too, or am I alone with this problem?

We don't believe in Christmas lists - the whole concept is an "I want" exercise. We find this very distasteful and selfish. Our kids aren't allowed to circle toys in flyers, ask for stuff in stores, or make Christmas lists. Gifts are surprises and we have taught them to not be expected, nor to ask for stuff. When you let kids make lists with no boundaries, then of course they are going to put expensive items on there. Not sure what you can do about this for this year, except be insistent that it's not going to happen? But that may be difficult to do seeing the ages of your kids, and if you have always purchased them items from their list. I don't believe it's ever to late to start these types of lessons though...

We have taught our children that Mommy and Daddy discuss the appropriate gifts with Santa (by email), and then when a few gifts are agreed upon by us, we are then sent a bill to pay for those gifts. It sets up boundaries and they learn the concept of value. We also donate tons of stuff to charity, so our kids are very charitable as well. It all started when they were born - these are life-long concepts that they will carry with them.

Sorry you feel upset about this. Good luck, Tiger

[Mathfailure]

I find it difficult to say no to my children in many ways. The take me heres and can I do thats...how ever I have set a limit on what I will spend at birthdays and Christmas. It is a fair amount, and they will try to get me to go over, of course, but I stick to it. More because I know I could get completely out of control.

If the expectations are so high, you probably have set them there. Do limit it, with the pronoucement any way you feel best, and stick to it. I bet you will be tempted to do more, and tell yourself it is for the best for your children if you do not do more. Limits are healthy.

Doing for others is good, but really just buy less.

Sounds easy! But hard sometimes to do

[daisyduck123]

I don't really think my kids are spoiled. Concerning "things"...I think spoiled kids get all/most of the stuff they want, & my kids certainly don't get everything they want. Heck, DD15 & DS11 have often asked for tvs for their rooms & that most likely will never happen.

Now I do have them make Xmas lists every year, just so I have something to go on when I go shopping in December, otherwise I would never remember.

[VirataMama4]

My kids are the same way and I do consider them "spoiled" Since we are scaling back on spending this Christmas because of some unforeseen expenses, they will be in for a surprise! My stepDS just moved in with us and thinks that since we're the "rich" family, he has done nothing but ask for things. And these are things he showed no interest in before when he lived with his mom. We've tried explaining to both of the older kids that we are not "rich" by any mean but that we as parents do without so they can have more... This concept has escaped them so they will be feeding the less fortunate tomorrow and again before Christmas! And we have decided that doing volunteer work will be part of their every day lives from here on out! May be then they will learn to appreciate the little things in life. Good luck and I hope it helps knowing you're not alone with the "spoiled" kids!

[kwitcherkicken99]

My family never really got "big" gifts for Christmas. We got/did stuff throughout the year. If we wanted something big, we had to earn it by doing chores, helping grandparents (boy did that earn a LOT of money for me!), mowing yards for elderly neighbors, etc. Granted the biggest thing for me growing up was CD players and game boys, but still... we had to earn what we got.

[kkmcan]

My kids write a Santa letter telling him how they behaved this year and asking him for a few things (not more than 5). They know that these requests are just wishes. They do not expect them. And they know Santa tries his best to get a couple of the items.

I do try to get them 2 items off the list that are affordable. My ds will not be getting a laptop, a new DSi or Pocket Rocket this year, although those are on his list. He will be getting the Wii Madden 10 game, and the airhogs remote control car and a few other items that Santa thought he might like....

[micheleq]

They are kids Kids can get excited and ask for everything under the sun, and if they are used to getting all that then maybe it's time, like you said, to create some balance.

Your kids are old enough to go with you to a soup kitchen for a morning/afternoon. They are old enough to spend a few hours stocking a food pantry. They are old enough to visit a nursing home to sing carols.

For my DD4's 2nd and 3rd birthday parties we collected food for our local food pantry (we have a huge extended family so she gets tons of presents). She came with me to deliver it. She understands that there are kids out there whose mommies and daddies cannot afford toys, or lots of food. It's our job to share when we can.

Only you can decide if your kids are spolied. Incorporate little things all year round that will help them appreciate what they have

[jennipooh]

I know that I spoil my son. He has too many things. But my main expense, to be honest, is travel. Trips to Disney World are not cheap. Neither are trips to the beach, etc. I try to be honest with him that the things that he has are costly and I let him know that we are very lucky to travel like we do and have all that we have. At times, I know he wants more than I give him.

Particularly, at gift shops I am proud of how he is able to let go of his wants. He has a set amount to spend weekly, as well as when we travel or attend special events. He is very good about expressing that he wants more, but not whining about it or demanding it.

I am very blessed because he is a very giving child and loves to give and receive hand me downs. For birthdays and Christmas he never has his heart set on any particular thing, but does tell me (and Santa) several things he wishes for.

All this having been said, there are times that I worry a great deal that I give him too many material things and I pray that it does not adversely affect him by making him greedy, selfish or ungrateful. I think that as long as we keep these things in check we will do okay.

It is understandable that children would want all the shiny and exciting things they see around them and as parents it is very easy for us to spoil them.

I think that you are doing the right thing by recognizing and addressing this issue and I think that it is wonderful that you are seeing a potential problem with your children and that you care enough about them to not give in to their wants. You are giving them a greater gift by guiding them to be good and thankful people than if you gave in and bought them all that stuff they think they need! They won't see it like this at first, but they will be thankful in the long run.

[yellownovawife]

Well this caught my eye because I do sometimes think my girls are spoiled. I do try to curb it! When my DD asks for something she does not need like a new ipod when she has a perfectly good ipod then I tell her she can WISH for it but don't expect it. Whenever my kids mention something the really want I say "add it to your wish list." I do not think that is greedy or wrong to have a wish list. After all - there are lots of things I would like to have that I know are unrealistic (think Disney Vacation Club!) but it is okay to wish, right? We all know that some of our wishes will not come true and some of them will. Even when they were very young and did not want to put something back on the shelf at the toy store, they were very co-operative when I would take out a notepad and say - "Let's put it on your wish list." My kids know that when their birthday or Christmas rolls around there is always something from their "wish list." Often it is something they forgot they wished for a long time before. Of course, often the best gifts are the things Santa knew they would really like but they were not even on the list! Many of the wishes were just a passing fancey and luckily Sana and mom know which ones those are!

[dfchelbay]

Originally Posted by wdwmom0f3

They were making their Christmas list out tonight and it hit me. They EXPECT these things, they aren't just asking for them in hopes of getting a few items from the list. Things like Laptops, new cell phones, replace ipods and clothes, room items, you name it. It kind of flew all over me and now I am going to do something about it. I think that I am going to have them all feed the hungry or do something like that. They helped me collect items for a family a few years ago, but they have forgotten just how lucky they are. It breaks my heart. Their hearts are going to be broken too because I am setting a limit and sticking to it.

Do you think your kids are spoiled too, or am I alone with this problem?

Wait until they get older and don't think it's necessary to have a job because parents will provide for their wants. Wait til they EXPECT a car for their 16th birthday. Or wait til you're the unreasonable one because they want to go to an out of state college, or private college for $20,000 or $30,000 per year, instead of going to a University within the state they live, so you don't have to pay out of state tuition, and/or private school tuition. This wouldn't be an issue if they got excellent grades and it was an excellent top ranked school...but it's C's and a never heard of college, and was a battle to even do any homework everyday.

Most kids today expect to get whatever they want. They have no work ethic. Most don't work. Yet, they expect that whatever they should want...NOT NEED...will be given to them and paid for by their parents.

It's really bad where we live too. Our kids went to excellent schools, which, as you know means all these kids' parents have money. They lived in million dollar homes and drove the Mercedes, BMW and Range Rover, etc. type cars. Our youngest started asking for a laptop in 3rd grade. Try explaining to a child that age why he should not have a laptop, when all his friends have them, and the school provides each child one on their desk in the classroom. Keeping him grounded has ALWAYS been a struggle because of all the people around us. It is still a struggle to this day.

I think if we had it to do all over again, we would probably have not lived where we live. Maybe live somewhere where people are more normal and live in the real world...with normal jobs and normal day to day lives.

[crisi]

I say no to my kids all the time - and while they aren't spoiled in terms of "expectations" they are still spoiled.

How many kids have taken a Disney trip every year of their lives? How many kids have their own computer in their home? How many kids have MP3 players, stacks of movies to watch, and basements full of toys? How many kids go out to dinner regularly?

If you look at the way most of the world lives, my kids are spoiled. They aren't brats about it, but they are fortunate children and being children, have little concept of how fortunate they are. If you look at the way most Americans live, they are still spoiled. We say no often and drill into them how fortunate they are to be born now, to have a family that can afford to vacation, that can afford to buy them cool tennis shoes or an American Girl doll. We also tell them often that when they move out of Mom and Dad's house (and they aren't living with us forever), they won't be able to afford to live the way Mom and Dad live.

[wmharley]

If you spoil your kids with gifts and toys, its honestly your own fault.

Our DD5 asks for things, but we tell her, A) not today, b) maybe another time, C) We got you something last time at the store, or D) we don't have the money.

She is content and ok with it. if we say A or B, then maybe another time she'll bring it up, but again, we usually do A-D and she's fine again.

My stepfather spoils my sister with items as a replacement for him, so personally, I don't think kids should be spoiled like this. the biggest spoiling i did was buying 2 seasonal passes for her and me, but this is really, so as a gift, we go to Disney for a daddy daughter day. She doesn't need to get anything, as this is a gift in itself. i will splurge on one item (cheap $5-10 item or a snack there like ice cream or candy at the candy store) for her if there is the money.

We both work full time, so we could afford things, but choose not to as we don't want her to become a child/adult expecting things. We are also going to start volunteering again over the holidays and next year, more than we've done this year, so she can see that there are others with less and she needs to be thankful for what she has. We are stressing this anyways, especially lately to combat the wave of consumerism going on this time of year.

[DawnM]

My kids have a lot of wants, but they also know they can't get all their wants and we try to explain that we all want all sorts of things, but we need to learn to be satisfied with what we do have and what we can afford without a credit card.

For us, it has been a huge lifestyle change over the past 4 years. We took a class similar to Dave Ramsey 4 years ago. It was a Christian program called Crown Financial. It changed our lives completely! We are trying to live it out with our children.....talk about things we WANT and why there are some things even Mommy and Daddy want but won't be getting and WHY. They are learning by example and by our discussions.

This year they want a Wii. We are actually getting it. But keep in mind that this has been on their want list for 2 years! So, delayed gratification, making do with the old PS2, all are life lessons.

Best wishes to you!

Dawn

[WantToGoNow]

My kids are probably spoiled although they do not get everything they want. I read through the posts on here about how much people spend on their kids for Christmas and it's well more than I spend on each of them. They are allowed to ask for 3 gifts for Christmas. I find by limiting the number, I find out what they really want. They will get more than 3 gifts but if I can get those, I do. This year, the limit is $200-$250 per child. My ds8 wants a DS (not DSi) so that will take most of his money.