Im a Mom - Take 2

[DISNEY1975]

Does anyone have a large gap between second to last and last child?

I have 3 kids, 18, 15 and 5. I feel like I know what Im doing this time around!

Any lesson you learned from your first that you can do for your last?

With my DD5's birthday approaching, I know this time around to not even mention Chuck E Cheese as an option!

[remyandhollandsmommy]

Mine are 11, 5 and the last is due in Jan..I learned from my oldest that if they get hurt do NOT show sympathy right away..if so they will act like a leg was torn off instead of a small barely bleeding scrape.

I also learned that no matter how embarrasing it may look to visitors I may have to duct tape a diaper on to prevent "someone" from taking it off after they..err..made a "mess". That thought saved me when DD #2 was little lol.

[nutterbutter2010]

I'm 17 years younger than my youngest sibling. I don't think my mom learned anything in the 17 years!!!! LOL I joke!!!!

[Lachesis00]

I am! Oldest is 18, next is 2.5 and the baby is 1.5 years

I have to think on the next questions! Honestly, it's been a whole new ballgame. Especially the baby being a girl who is a spitfire and the boys are so laid back.

[Lachesis00]

So far, onsies are a saving grace. Little girl loves to run nekkie! I hate it.

Originally Posted by remyandhollandsmommy

I also learned that no matter how embarrasing it may look to visitors I may have to duct tape a diaper on to prevent "someone" from taking it off after they..err..made a "mess". That thought saved me when DD #2 was little lol.

[coolbeans]

dd is 13 and ds is 3, I agree with the pp that you learn not to make little ouchies sooo dramatic, that is a lifesaver!
My ds is "heck on wheels" 24 hours a day! dd was soo easy going, so I didn't really learn a lot from her to apply to him.

[remyandhollandsmommy]

Originally Posted by Lachesis00

So far, onsies are a saving grace. Little girl loves to run nekkie! I hate it.

I used to think that mine would grow up to be strippers lol..seriously they could NOT stand to keep clothes on and it drove me crazy. I tried onesies, buttons, and even those zip up sleepers safety pinned on and they tore out of all of them...duct tape worked best lol.

[DMickey28]

Remyandhollandsmommy - Congrats on the new little one! I am so glad you are back on the DIS and things are going well for you!

Mine are going to be three years apart so I have nothing to add. I do agree that not acting like a fall or boo-boo is a big deal! We look at him for a minute and he gages our reaction to determine what his should be! When he was about a year or so and just getting steady on his feet DH's best friend, who was one of our best babysitters when we lived in Florida, was over and DS took a digger falling against the couch. We knew he was fine but DH's friend jumped up, said OH really loud and reached for DS ... DS lost it!! Now DH's friend has his first baby girl, 2 weeks old, so it will be fun to watch him learn this stuff first hand.

We are thinking of having a 3rd and while the earliest we will have him/her will be 3 years after this one but I'd love to wait a bit longer. I just worry about the 3rd being the baby and being left out. We also only have two bedrooms (aside from the Master) and would like to wait until we can renovate, adding a Master Suite, giving each kid their own room. Especially helpful if I get my dream of a little girl eventually!!

[JoiseyMom]

My kids are 26, 25, 13 & 8. Yes, I learned I had more patience in my 20's!

[barkley]

Originally Posted by DISNEY1975

Does anyone have a large gap between second to last and last child?

I have 3 kids, 18, 15 and 5. I feel like I know what Im doing this time around!

Any lesson you learned from your first that you can do for your last?

With my DD5's birthday approaching, I know this time around to not even mention Chuck E Cheese as an option!

i'm younger than my closest sib by 6 years, dh to his closest by closer to 10. so i'm posting from 'the baby's' perspective.

no matter what you do, that age difference, at different points in their lives will make for them to be experiencing and enjoying things differently such that you can't please both at the same time.

based on that-if you have the family dynamic that people do things just because it's enjoyable for someone other than themselves-that's fine. if not-don't expect a teen to enjoy a geared to young child's bday party or outing, and don't expect a young child to behave 'appropriatly' at a teen oriented event (it's fine to leave the little one at home for an older child's special school or sports events-the teen would prefer you focus your attention on them or better yet not draw embarrassing attention to them by virtue of their younger sib there and acting inappropriatly-and the younger sib could'nt give a hoot about being there unless you've inflated 'how fun it will be' in their mind).

i don't think parents give enough credit to 'the babies' of families with older sibs. they don't realize that they are well aware when their teen sibs are being forced to spend time with them or have them included or go to bday type parties they would'nt otherwise be caught dead at. the younger sib does'nt nesc. view it as 'he loves me so much he's coming to something he hates' but can rather view it as 'he's only coming because mom will get mad/won't let him do.../told him he loses his priveledge to...if he does'nt come and pretend to enjoy it'.

that said-plan the bday parties as you would for any child-not based on what one or two of the guests (as in the teen sibs) would want, but what the majority of same age guests (as the bday kid) would want (or the bday child wants). don't try to force a relationship-they are at very different stages in their lives-2 are entering adulthood, one is well entrenched in childhood (and believe me, it gets harder when the older two become full fledged adults, perhaps have children and begin (i think out of habit with their own kids) to exert a parental authority on what will then be your young teenager).


my sibs are almost 17, 15 and 6 years older than i.

one thing i've come to realize is that while we were raised by the same parents, i was raised by very different parents than my sibs. my parents were older by the time i came along-so my sibs would say that my parents were "broken in" and maybe a bit more indulgent with me (i would dispute that-my sibs taught them all the tricks so they were more wary with me). i would counter that i was the one, during my teen years, at home overhearing (despite my parents best efforts to shield me) their discussions/concerns about my young adult sib's behaviour/college issues/relationship issues/marital issues. i was the child that was with mom and dad during an entirely different period of their lives. it was'nt nesc. better or worse-just different, so my attitudes and habits are different-we have very different perspectives on what our family lives were like.

i don't mean to scare you, just to make you aware-in the long run it will be the 5 year old that remembers the bday he/she was dying to go to chuck-e-cheese and could'nt because his/her older sib did'nt want to, whereas the older sib won't give a second thought about you making this accommodation to suit them.

[DISNEY1975]

Originally Posted by barkley

i'm younger than my closest sib by 6 years, dh to his closest by closer to 10. so i'm posting from 'the baby's' perspective.

no matter what you do, that age difference, at different points in their lives will make for them to be experiencing and enjoying things differently such that you can't please both at the same time.

based on that-if you have the family dynamic that people do things just because it's enjoyable for someone other than themselves-that's fine. if not-don't expect a teen to enjoy a geared to young child's bday party or outing, and don't expect a young child to behave 'appropriatly' at a teen oriented event (it's fine to leave the little one at home for an older child's special school or sports events-the teen would prefer you focus your attention on them or better yet not draw embarrassing attention to them by virtue of their younger sib there and acting inappropriatly-and the younger sib could'nt give a hoot about being there unless you've inflated 'how fun it will be' in their mind).

i don't think parents give enough credit to 'the babies' of families with older sibs. they don't realize that they are well aware when their teen sibs are being forced to spend time with them or have them included or go to bday type parties they would'nt otherwise be caught dead at. the younger sib does'nt nesc. view it as 'he loves me so much he's coming to something he hates' but can rather view it as 'he's only coming because mom will get mad/won't let him do.../told him he loses his priveledge to...if he does'nt come and pretend to enjoy it'.

that said-plan the bday parties as you would for any child-not based on what one or two of the guests (as in the teen sibs) would want, but what the majority of same age guests (as the bday kid) would want (or the bday child wants). don't try to force a relationship-they are at very different stages in their lives-2 are entering adulthood, one is well entrenched in childhood (and believe me, it gets harder when the older two become full fledged adults, perhaps have children and begin (i think out of habit with their own kids) to exert a parental authority on what will then be your young teenager).


my sibs are almost 17, 15 and 6 years older than i.

one thing i've come to realize is that while we were raised by the same parents, i was raised by very different parents than my sibs. my parents were older by the time i came along-so my sibs would say that my parents were "broken in" and maybe a bit more indulgent with me (i would dispute that-my sibs taught them all the tricks so they were more wary with me). i would counter that i was the one, during my teen years, at home overhearing (despite my parents best efforts to shield me) their discussions/concerns about my young adult sib's behaviour/college issues/relationship issues/marital issues. i was the child that was with mom and dad during an entirely different period of their lives. it was'nt nesc. better or worse-just different, so my attitudes and habits are different-we have very different perspectives on what our family lives were like.

i don't mean to scare you, just to make you aware-in the long run it will be the 5 year old that remembers the bday he/she was dying to go to chuck-e-cheese and could'nt because his/her older sib did'nt want to, whereas the older sib won't give a second thought about you making this accommodation to suit them.

Wow..thanks for that. Its great info! I do kind of force my older ones to spend time with my daughter. Not only is there an age difference, but my older ones are boys and never really liked playing with Barbies and Dollhouses! I didnt realize she might know what is going on, and I could see how she would be even sadder when the boys say "I dont want to"

Yes, by boys got the best of me in my late 20's. My daughter will get me in my 40s..it will be different. I never thought of that either. I just think Im prepared for what comes rather than playing as it comes.

The boys are not going to her party, but I learned 13 years ago that Chuck E Cheese partys are choatic, loud, uncontrollable etc.. I jut could never do another crazy party like that.

Great post! Thanks

[powellrj]

My kids are 26, 18 and 13. Dh and I have been married 31 years and it really seems like we have had several different lifetimes! Its sometimes hard to remember many things we did before we had the youngest and she has no idea what we are talking about! We will talk about places we have been to and things we have done and DD will say she hasn't been there, done that and we stop and realize it was the other kids we did it with!!! We really have to make an effort not to make her feel left out. We tell her that her brother got the young poor parents and she got the older wealthier ones!

One thing that is hard is that we are much older than many of her friends parents. She does have a few friends whose parents are in their 50's, but for the most part, most of them are in their 30's and in a different segment of their lives. I have found I am friends with more of her friend grandparents than I am with their parents.

[barkley]

Originally Posted by DISNEY1975

Wow..thanks for that. Its great info! I do kind of force my older ones to spend time with my daughter. Not only is there an age difference, but my older ones are boys and never really liked playing with Barbies and Dollhouses! I didnt realize she might know what is going on, and I could see how she would be even sadder when the boys say "I dont want to"

Yes, by boys got the best of me in my late 20's. My daughter will get me in my 40s..it will be different. I never thought of that either. I just think Im prepared for what comes rather than playing as it comes.

The boys are not going to her party, but I learned 13 years ago that Chuck E Cheese partys are choatic, loud, uncontrollable etc.. I jut could never do another crazy party like that.

Great post! Thanks

wow-now i realy identify with your dd-all 3 of my older sibs are boys as well!


one thing i found out later in life that my mom did which i think was a good idea, was to limit my exposure to the girls my oldest brothers dated. reason being was she was well aware that i realy longed for a sister, esp. an older sister, and she did'nt want me to develop attachments to these young women who naturaly were being extreemly nice and attentive to the 'little sis' of the guy they were interested. her concern was at least one of my brothers was what could best be termed a 'serial dater', and those girls likely would'nt be around very long so it was better if i did'nt get attached or get my hopes up if one of these girls started telling me 'oh, we'll do this, and this and this....'.

[Acklander]

I have a 25 year old, and a 9 year old. I refer to them as my two "only" children. I think the thing I learned the most is that I don't have as much control over the outcome as I think I do. I remember with my first I was real big on, no war toys, and raising a non sexist, non violent child. In high school his nickname on the foot ball field was "The terminator", so I blew that one LOL.
I don't panic over the little things with the younger one, but am more go with the flow.

[DISNEY1975]

Originally Posted by Acklander

I think the thing I learned the most is that I don't have as much control over the outcome as I think I do.

I watched a show the other week that had a father saying..

"When they are little and starting school, you have dreams of them getting straight A's and going to Cornell or Yale. By the time they are in high school, you just hope they graduate and go to college."

That made me smile, as its very true..especially with my second child. Hes a sophmore and gets basically gets Bs and Cs. I know hes much smarter than that, and I blame myself for not teaching them better study habits. I always just thought as long as the homework is getting done, I dont care when they do it. It was usually late at night, afters sports, dinner, TV and video game playing. With my daughter, I will start her off, in Kindergarten, doing it right after school and hopefully I will insist on this for the next 12 years.