Help me deal with a serious case of the "I wants" with my 5 year old

[DawnM]

UGH!

My older two were not like this to this extent at all. I think it is because he is the youngest and he sees his older brothers with things and decides he wants them too. But they are toys that are for 9-12 year olds......

In fact, when I allow him to have some of those things (a difficult lego set or a DS game he is whining for that his brothers have and I let him have a turn) he gets so frustrated because it is beyond his level that he whines and cries about that!

I have gotten him something DIFFERENT and age appropriate but he will just look at it and put it down because he wants exactly what his older brother has!

Last night was a one hour crying fest because I wouldn't go to WalMart RIGHT NOW and get a Star Wars lego set just like his older brothers for him to play with. Not to mention they don't even have that set in the stores anymore anyway!

We explain, we talk, we get him other things.....for some reason this child is never satisfied. He has WAY MORE toys and things than the older boys did at his age (mostly because he has new things and things passed down from the olders) so I just don't get this!

It is so frustrating!,

Dawn

[MSSANDRA]

Maybe it's not about the toys but more about his being flustrated at not being as old as his brothers and feeling left out from thier activities. Perhaps try to plan some special mom and me or dad and me time or clue his brothers in as to how much he looks up to them and maybe they can help him not feel left out.
Try having a 3 yer old and a 17 year old in the house. He was mad this week-end because he could not go see New Moon with DS 17 and his friends!.

Prayers for things to get better.

[DawnM]

Thanks. You could be right. We DO a lot of stuff one on one with him though. My husband takes him golfing almost every weekend and many times it is just Dad and 5 year old.

I read to him often from 5 year old books that the olders don't like.......

I think part of the issue too is that the olders are close in age and are able to play with the same types of things together and he is left out or frustrated because he can't keep up many times.

Our play room is the called "the lego room" because that is about all that is in there and it is a HUGE amount of legos! They could play all day long up there.

I am trying to sell the Thomas set, but he is resisting even though he hasn't played with it in two years!

Dawn

[ms_missy66]

I 100% think it's an age thing. My 5 year old wants everything (EVERYTHING) she sees on TV. Shopping for her birthday and Christmas have been hard because she's insisting on everything. Thankfully we have a few relatives who have asked what she'd like, so Santa won't be expected to bring everything - yet still, there are going to be things missing. I was talking about this yesterday with my mom. I have a speech prepared for Christmas morning about how Santa knows what others have gotten her and NOBODY gets everything they want, no matter how good they are. And instead of being disappointed about the few things she didn't get, she should enjoy the things she did and remember there are children who only got one present this year from their family because they don't have a lot of money.

What's funny is that I remember my older daughter going through this and at age 6.5, she can't come up with a single thing she wants for Christmas. She, basically, feels like she has enough. The only thing she really wants is an American Girl, which I've convinced her she's too young for. Grandma is going to surprise her with one and I'm giddy about that! I'm hoping my 5 year old falls in her sister's footsteps and chills out with the "I want's".

[puffkin]

It sounds to me like he wants to be included with the older kids...not mom and dad

ARe there activities/toys that everyone can participate in? Do you have a Wii? Something like Mario Kart or some of the sports games that all ages can play and be competitive in. My 3 year old beats me consistently at Mario Kart Maybe having a family game night with games like Uno or Pitureeka that everyone can play and still have fun.

It just sounds to me like he needs activities that he can do sometimes with his brothers.

[clutter]

Originally Posted by DawnM

Thanks. You could be right. We DO a lot of stuff one on one with him though. My husband takes him golfing almost every weekend and many times it is just Dad and 5 year old.

I read to him often from 5 year old books that the olders don't like.......

I think part of the issue too is that the olders are close in age and are able to play with the same types of things together and he is left out or frustrated because he can't keep up many times.

Our play room is the called "the lego room" because that is about all that is in there and it is a HUGE amount of legos! They could play all day long up there.

I am trying to sell the Thomas set, but he is resisting even though he hasn't played with it in two years!

Dawn

I can tell you, as the third child, that he sees that his brothers are pals, and he's a pita that has to be tolerated. Sadly, I don't think there's a solution. One-on-one time with a parent just highlights the differences. As does having the brothers include him. Because he knows his brothers were 'told' to do that. Do you do lots of playdates for him?

[mrsbornkuntry]

Originally Posted by clutter

I can tell you, as the third child, that he sees that his brothers are pals, and he's a pita that has to be tolerated. Sadly, I don't think there's a solution. One-on-one time with a parent just highlights the differences. As does having the brothers include him. Because he knows his brothers were 'told' to do that. Do you do lots of playdates for him?

I agree, this may be part of the problem. Maybe you could talk to the older boys away from him and ask them to include him or play something with him every once in awhile without being asked. My 13yoDD will sometimes just grab a book and say hey, can I read this to you? Or invite my 5yo to play school or watch a movie or something and it makes his day. He also learned to keep up with his brother at sports so he could play too, he got so tired of being left out of basketball that he kept practicing until he could shoot in a regular hoop instead of a fisher-price one. But with some toys he has asked for I will show him the box and say "we don't get toys that aren't for your age, look, this says 8 and up" and neither does Santa.

[FSUDisneyGirl]

I agree with some others...teach your older kids the importance of spending time (that they choose) with their younger sibling. There are a million things they could do, and let them know that he is having a hard time "keeping up"...if he hears things from them like "You are really good at Legos for a 5 year old!", maybe he will feel better and content about himself.

[liriel]

My son is very similar he is 4 and has an 8 yr old brother. Its not so much about wanting items with him as it is that he wants to be just like his big brother, and included in everything he does. It spills over into wanting the same toys his brother has as well. He only wants his own lego sets that are the same as his brother's because his brother doesn't want him to play with his stuff. He is our high maintenance child and he just has extreme emotions about everything. Plus he is still young enough to not quite grasp that he cannot do everything his brother does.

[DawnM]

They are getting a Wii for Christmas this year!

We do have a Playstation and that has been hard because many of the games he cannot play. The few that he can, the older boys aren't interested in.

Dawn

Originally Posted by puffkin

It sounds to me like he wants to be included with the older kids...not mom and dad

ARe there activities/toys that everyone can participate in? Do you have a Wii? Something like Mario Kart or some of the sports games that all ages can play and be competitive in. My 3 year old beats me consistently at Mario Kart Maybe having a family game night with games like Uno or Pitureeka that everyone can play and still have fun.

It just sounds to me like he needs activities that he can do sometimes with his brothers.

[brergnat]

I would encourage you to buy the THREE of your boys ONE toy for Christmas that they can ALL play with. Wii is a good idea, but again, there will be issues with games that are not suitable for your 5 year old...

We have the same issue in our home, to a lesser extent. Our DS5 is WAY advanced in his ability to play, read, use electronics, etc. He has High Functioning Autism as well as a "genius" IQ. Our DS3 is "typical" in terms of his development, BUT his big brother is his hero. He wants to do everything that he does! He gets upset when he can't.

So, this year, after MUCH research, I have decided to buy my boys a Quadrilla Marble Run (the one offered at Toys R Us this year). During my research, I read MANY wonderful things about this toy, and the ability for kids of ANY age to use it! The box actually says "ages 4-99". And, I really believe it. This is an exceptional building toy, with a plethora of available expansion sets to create more and more elaborate marble runs as the kids advance in their skill level. You should really check it out! Just go to www.quadrilla.com (site is in German and English). There is also an abundance of videos on YouTube of kids AND adults showing off their elaborate marble runs! It's a fascinating toy...and I know my boys will enjoy it together (my 5 year old will do most of the building, and DS3, for now, will be amused by putting in the marbles and watching them "go").

I think that getting your boys to play TOGETHER on something that they can ALL have fun with (without it seeming like a "chore" to your older boys) is key. Will really help out the little one...