Vent - In-laws the good, the bad and the ugly :)

[JoiseyMom]

Let my start this by saying, my in-laws are loving and generous...especially MIL. I do have issues with them...and my biggest compliant about mil is she is too intrusive...but well...she has changed a bit and there have been several issues since May that have made me go..what the heck is going on with her!!

Mil called the other morning at 8AM asking if they could take them on a cruise over Xmas. Now since the week of break was too expensive, she wanted to take them the 19 of Dec, and they would miss 3 days of school. The kids love cruising (well they love DCL) and we said yes...but I think we said it too quickly. We should have asked DD13 and DS8 first. Now when I mentioned to DH that I was really surprised mil wanted to take them on a cruise, since she really doesn't care for cruising, unless it is the only way to visit that place. He said well she knows the kids love to cruise, and she feels that we (meaning me) are keeping the kids from them. WTH!!!! Ok...lets give some background info.

In-laws live all of 5 minutes away..and are the only ones that have ever watched our kids. They can see them anytime they want!! Now, they asked about a week ago if the kids wanted to go with them Dec 5, into Brooklyn to go to the Botanic Gardens. I said I would ask the kids. I did, my DD13 was like...no..DS8 asked what it was, I told him and he said no too. I let mil know that they didn't want to go. Well I gather from DH, that they think we decided this, or I decided this for them..and it was me/us saying no, not the kids. That the kids would of course want to go to a garden in Dec and walk around and look at their grandfather take pictures of flowers... WTH!! Then they said they would take them to the Brooklyn Museum too...and told DS that it was like the Franklin Institute in PA. Well it isn't like that, and I don't like that they are lying to DS. But if DS decides to go it is gonna bite them in the butt, cause DS will be bored and will let them know it every 2 seconds!!!

Why they want to take DS someplace that he won't have any interest in is beyond me. Take him to the museum of Natural History..that he would love!! DS is ADHD, with some OCD thrown in, even the cruise has me concerned since my fil has no patience with DS. The last time we were over their house for a bbq, DH and I looked at each other and said nope..not for awhile again!! FIL yells and criticizes DS for like everything. DS likes to eat with his fingers...yes it is gross and we have done out best..but he is impulsive and does it. I am not going to constantly pick a losing battle with him. They think he acts the way he does because we are permissive parents....it is insane. We pick battles, you have to with any child, especially with an ADHD child. And considering my mil was a special ed teacher and raised my Dh and bil, I am surprised at times by her behavior. My DS gets the ADHD from my DH's and his family...it isn't from my side. MY DS is very much like my DH and my bil. You would think she would realize how to deal with him.

So, now I have my mil who thinks we are lousy parents, who don't want them to be around our kids... She is so far off base. DH has told her this, but she doesn't believe it. Now to add fuel to the fire, my DH and his brother aren't talking to each other. There was a fight, because of me (yes it was because of me ). My bil live in gf and I got into the silliest argument..it was so stupid..and DH was like, you 2 are both being stupid, I said yes you are right..we are, and then bil blew it all out of proportion, IM'ing DH that I was wrong and I had to stop yada yada yada, and DH said to him, it is a stupid fight, I am staying out of it. BIL wouldn't let it die, and kept pushing that DH was taking my side, and DH said no, I am not taking sides..it is stupid and they are stupid doing this, and I agreed with him...it was stupid. And then bil crossed a line and said something he shouldn't have and DH did take my side. He is my husband and will stand up for me.

Now I really wish he would let it go and talk to his brother again. I don't care. My take on the matter is that his brother is a moron and what he says about me doesn't matter because of where it comes from. He is just a jerk, and I don't care about his opinion. Well DH wants an apology. So mil blames me, and thinks DH won't talk to his brother because I am angry. Sigh, DH has told mil that it is DH not me, that I don't care!! LOL...she just can't imagine HER son being mad at his brother...that it has to be that evil evil wife of his!!! LOL!!!!

She thinks I hate my bil. I don't hate him, I just think he is a stupid clueless man, who's opinions don't matter squat to me. I don't like the way he treats my DS8, that is a biggie. He has no patience for DS and also thinks we are permissive parents. DS touches everything, so we are bad. Sigh...now bil is childless by choice (thank the lord) and wants no children. He is also annoyed that when we wrote out our wills years ago, he doesn't get the kids!! We made in-laws first and my bff second. Why are we going to leave our kids to a man that has no patience with them, and doesn't ever want kids!! We want our kids with loving parents that want to be parents and will love our kids that way. Now, bil loves them but would make a HORRIBLE parent!!

So...all this is my fault The evil dil/sil that wants to keep the in-laws away from the kids!! LOL!! I have asked my DH, have you ever told your mom..that the only reason we usually go to every dinner/bbq event she has is because I make him!! LOL...dh would rather stay home!!!

Oh...and mil still hasn't realized, even though she has been told that DD13 wants to be home so she can talk to her bff's and text and be on her computer. She is a teenager and doesn't want to hang with her grandparents the way she used to. When she is on her phone they tell her she is being too loud. She is usually bored there when it is longer then a short few hour visit.

Ok..thanks for letting me vent. Now DH has to talk to his parents about the proper way to deal with our kids, if they want a fun vacation and not a nightmare vacation!!!!!!!!!!!!

[AKL_Megs]

OMG, too much drama!

Seriously, if your DD doesn't want to go (I don't blame her...) and your DS shares the sentiments, I would just have your DH tell her that the kids prefer to stay HOME and do things with her! Suggest having her take them into the city or something. Can't they just go for a weekend or something?

[JoiseyMom]

Originally Posted by AKL_Megs

OMG, too much drama!

Seriously, if your DD doesn't want to go (I don't blame her...) and your DS shares the sentiments, I would just have your DH tell her that the kids prefer to stay HOME and do things with her! Suggest having her take them into the city or something. Can't they just go for a weekend or something?

Weekend makes more sense to me too...but mil said she needed to go away and somewhere warm..and wanted to take the kids. It is already booked too..so it is a done deal. I am sure they will be ok...but only if they chill out on DS! It can get rather frustrating..which is why we haven't gone over there as much.

It is silly really...she watched them a few weeks ago when they had a few days off from school, she had them for a sleep over in Oct so we could go out for dinner on our anniversary.. her perception of this is all outta whack..and it makes no sense to me. But I am not going to force me kids go with her if they dont want too!! She does see them, I have no idea why she feels she doesn't!

I know she isn't happy we aren't all spending THanksgiving together, since DH won't go because of bil. I am having our eldest DS and his fiance and it will be the 6 of us at our house. DH is very happy about this..he doesn't have to go anywhere and he loves my cooking .

I am actually trying to plan a trip for spring break so we don't have to deal with the drama for Passover!!