Thankgiving Drama started today... Am I wrong here? Update in post #113. - The DIS Discussion Forums

Papa Deuce · 11-21-2009, 02:43 PM

3 weeks ago I invited my mom to join us at my BIL's for dinner - at his suggestion. My mom turned me down saying that she wanted to work in a soup kitchen for the day. My BIL lives 1:10 away... so this is a 2 hour and 20 minute round trip...

Last week I asked her again. And she turned me down again.

A few days ago my brother calls me and says my mom has decided not to work in the soup kitchen and her backup plans fell through. He asked me to bring my mom over to his house so he didn't have to make two round trips. He lives 40 minutes the other way. ( My mom lives just 4 blocks from me )... So he would have to drive 2 hours and 40 minutes to handle two round trips.

So that means if I did this I would have to drive 3:40 total on a day when I have plans to visit my BIL / SIL.... on a day when I'll be cooking before leaving. And my wife can't help as she is still in recovery from surgery. So, I told my brother no. If he wants to invite her, than he needs to do it all himself. His family can't come to my mom's for dinner because his FIL is an invalid, and they all live together.

Now, I don't know if my brother called my mom to get her to ask me this or not, but she called to ask me to drive her over to my brother's house so he only needs to make one round trip.

I reminded her that I did in fact invite her to go with us TWICE, and she said no, and now, I have plans and won't drive her to my brother's house.

She just hung up the phone on me.

Am I wrong, here?

princess momma · 11-21-2009, 02:45 PM

I think you're wrong for bringing your mom into the situation with you and your brother.

C.Ann · 11-21-2009, 02:47 PM

Why should you have to make all these trips and brother makes none?

Call brother and tell him he needs to call mom and tell her what time HE is going to be picking her up..

Why do people insist on ruining the holidays with all of this drama??

Papa Deuce · 11-21-2009, 02:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by princess momma

I think you're wrong for bringing your mom into the situation with you and your brother.

How did I do that? The only thing I did was ask my mom to join us for dinner.

EMom · 11-21-2009, 02:47 PM

No, you're not wrong. You asked and asked again. When she turned you down and indicated she had firm plans, you made alternate plans that cannot be easily changed. In fact, they would be a PITA to change. I say this is between Mom and the kid she wants to dine with. You're out of it. You have your wife to think of and that trumps a mind-changing mother.

Papa Deuce · 11-21-2009, 02:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by C.Ann

Why should you have to make all these trips and brother makes none?

Call brother and tell him he needs to call mom and tell her what time HE is going to be picking her up..

Why do people insist on ruining the holidays with all of this drama??

No, he wants to make ONE round trip... not 2.

C.Ann · 11-21-2009, 02:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Papa Deuce

No, he wants to make ONE round trip... not 2.

Well that's too bad.. You have been trying to get this settled for weeks now - to no avail.. You have your own plans to deal with, a wife recovering, cooking to do, and traveling as well.. What does HE have to do??

Sounds to me like he's just being selfish..

princess momma · 11-21-2009, 02:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Papa Deuce

How did I do that? The only thing I did was ask my mom to join us for dinner.

Maybe I've misunderstood. I think the driving thing sounds like it's between you and your brother. And you and your brother have put her in the middle.

I don't think it's too much for your brother to do for his mom, though. I'd just tell him no.

RitaZ. · 11-21-2009, 02:53 PM

I guess it comes down to the relationship that you have with your mother.

If it was my mom, I wouldn't hesitate to pick her up, drive her, whatever. She has been one heck of a mom and I couldn't do something like that to her. Parents put up with a lot of crap when they're raising us. It's only right and fair to put up with their indecisiveness. JMO.

cepmom · 11-21-2009, 02:53 PM

I don't think you did anything wrong...you asked her twice to join you. She declined, her plans changed, now she wants to eat at your brothers. I mean driving her there would be nice if it fit in to your plans, but since it would be too difficult for you to do so, let your brother pick her up and drive her home. It's not like he can't right? He just doesn't want to.

ohiomom28 · 11-21-2009, 02:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Papa Deuce

3 weeks ago I invited my mom to join us at my BIL's for dinner - at his suggestion. My mom turned me down saying that she wanted to work in a soup kitchen for the day. By BIL lives 1:10 away... so this is a 2 hour and 20 minute round trip...

Last week I asked her again. And she turned me down again.

A few days ago my brother calls me and says my mom has decided not to work in the soup kitchen and her backup plans fell through. He asked me to bring my mom over to his house so he didn't have to make two round trips. He lives 40 minutes the other way. ( My mom lives just 4 blocks from me )... So he would have to drive 2 hours and 40 minutes to handle two round trips.

So that means if I did this I would have to drive 3:40 total on a day when I have plans to visit my BIL / SIL.... on a day when I'll be cooking before leaving. And my wife can't help as she is still in recovery from surgery. So, I told my brother no. If he wants to invite her, than he needs to do it all himself. His family can't come to my mom's for dinner because his FIL is an invalid, and they all live together.

Now, I don't know if my brother called my mom to get her to ask me this or not, but she called to ask me to drive her over to my brother's house so he only needs to make one round trip.

I reminded her that I did in fact invite her to go with us TWICE, and she said no, and now, I have plans and won't drive her to my brother's house.

She just hung up the phone on me.

Am I wrong, here?

You didn't bring her into it. I would tell again that she can go with you or your brother can come and get her. Maybe she can stay the night so its not so much travel in one day?

cepmom · 11-21-2009, 02:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ohiomom28

You didn't bring her into it. I would tell again that she can go with you or your brother can come and get her. Maybe she can stay the night so its not so much travel in one day?

I think this sounds like a great idea. Maybe OP could drive her to brothers the night before and then brother can drive her home after Thanksgiving dinner.

Magic Mom · 11-21-2009, 03:00 PM

If it were me, I would take her. Your brother is being a jerk, but that's not her fault.

DMickey28 · 11-21-2009, 03:07 PM

Aren't you already driving there and back?

What's the big deal with bringing your mom with you?

ETA: Nevermind ... I get it ... You asked your Mom to go with you to your BIL and she said No. Now she wants to go to her Other Sons house for Thanksgiving and it's up to your and your brother to get her there? I get it .... Unfortunately, I'd let your mom know that your invite to go with you and your family to your BIL's house still stands if she would like to join you there. Otherwise, there isn't much more you can do. I don't think it's fair, once your plans are laid, for you to drive from your house 40 EAST, drive home and then drive over an hour WEST and back to your house. I suppose, if I could squeeze it in in the early AM I would but I wouldn't change my plans.

princess momma · 11-21-2009, 03:14 PM

I feel really bad for your mom, OP. Put yourself in her position. Her 2 kids don't want to be bothered with her. I get that she changed her mind, you've made plans, etc. She hung the phone up on you. She must be very hurt.

11-21-2009, 02:47 PM	#3
C.Ann We'll remember when... No time for green bananas When the going gets tough, she gets the Palmolive!! If I knew we were going to be graded here, I might try harder Join Date: May 2001 Posts: 28,920	Why should you have to make all these trips and brother makes none? Call brother and tell him he needs to call mom and tell her what time HE is going to be picking her up.. Why do people insist on ruining the holidays with all of this drama?? __________________ C.Ann ----------------- *"Scars remind us where we've been.. They don't have to dictate where we're going.."* "Life ain't always beautiful.....but it's a beautiful ride." "We won't be sad, we'll be glad for all the life we've had and we'll remember when...."

11-21-2009, 02:53 PM	#10
cepmom Mine are painted too My kids call me a "trash picker" Who wouldn't choose Chachi over a skunk? I hate finding burning butts in my mulch! Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: MA Posts: 5,069	I don't think you did anything wrong...you asked her twice to join you. She declined, her plans changed, now she wants to eat at your brothers. I mean driving her there would be nice if it fit in to your plans, but since it would be too difficult for you to do so, let your brother pick her up and drive her home. It's not like he can't right? He just doesn't want to. __________________ lots of offsite trips growing up3/1995 offsite11/2002 Wilderness Lodge8/2005 Polynesian~4 night DCL~Royal Pacific8/2006 10th anniversary 3 night DCL1/2007 SURPRISE 7 night Western DCL2/2007 Caribbean Beach~Nationals Competition8/2007 Girls Only Trip~Pop Century8/2008 Port Orleans Riverside12/2008 DH's Big 4-0 Birthday Celebration~Pop Century9/2009 My Big 4-0 Birthday Celebration~Pop Century* Coming Up ~ 8/2010 family trip to California and Disneyland!

11-21-2009, 03:00 PM	#13
Magic Mom Has a blue rat for a pet I guess he just doesn't understand the joy of coupons I guess you shouldn't be playin' tonsil hockey at a playground! Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: here Posts: 4,174	If it were me, I would take her. Your brother is being a jerk, but that's not her fault. __________________

11-21-2009, 03:07 PM	#14
DMickey28 DIS Veteran Comes from a very square 1950's Leave it to Beaver type family. Kaboom! is my new best friend! Join Date: Mar 2001 Location: Someplace between here and there Posts: 6,958	Aren't you already driving there and back? What's the big deal with bringing your mom with you? ETA: Nevermind ... I get it ... You asked your Mom to go with you to your BIL and she said No. Now she wants to go to her Other Sons house for Thanksgiving and it's up to your and your brother to get her there? I get it .... Unfortunately, I'd let your mom know that your invite to go with you and your family to your BIL's house still stands if she would like to join you there. Otherwise, there isn't much more you can do. I don't think it's fair, once your plans are laid, for you to drive from your house 40 EAST, drive home and then drive over an hour WEST and back to your house. I suppose, if I could squeeze it in in the early AM I would but I wouldn't change my plans. __________________ DS#1 Alexander Stephen 2.5 DS#2 Ryan Bradford EDD 3.28.10 RCS 3.22.10

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11-21-2009, 02:43 PM	#1
Papa Deuce BBQ loving, fantasy football playin,' DJ. Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: Too Close to work....west of Philly. Posts: 17,809	Thankgiving Drama started today... Am I wrong here? Update in post #113. 3 weeks ago I invited my mom to join us at my BIL's for dinner - at his suggestion. My mom turned me down saying that she wanted to work in a soup kitchen for the day. My BIL lives 1:10 away... so this is a 2 hour and 20 minute round trip... Last week I asked her again. And she turned me down again. A few days ago my brother calls me and says my mom has decided not to work in the soup kitchen and her backup plans fell through. He asked me to bring my mom over to his house so he didn't have to make two round trips. He lives 40 minutes the other way. ( My mom lives just 4 blocks from me )... So he would have to drive 2 hours and 40 minutes to handle two round trips. So that means if I did this I would have to drive 3:40 total on a day when I have plans to visit my BIL / SIL.... on a day when I'll be cooking before leaving. And my wife can't help as she is still in recovery from surgery. So, I told my brother no. If he wants to invite her, than he needs to do it all himself. His family can't come to my mom's for dinner because his FIL is an invalid, and they all live together. Now, I don't know if my brother called my mom to get her to ask me this or not, but she called to ask me to drive her over to my brother's house so he only needs to make one round trip. I reminded her that I did in fact invite her to go with us TWICE, and she said no, and now, I have plans and won't drive her to my brother's house. She just hung up the phone on me. Am I wrong, here? __________________ For the rest of my life I have one goal: to be a great role model for my daughters. Last edited by Papa Deuce; 11-25-2009 at 01:52 PM. Reason: Typo.

11-21-2009, 02:45 PM	#2
princess momma Good girls go to heaven, bad girls go everywhere. Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: Mayberry Posts: 719	I think you're wrong for bringing your mom into the situation with you and your brother.

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11-21-2009, 02:47 PM	#5
EMom Comes from a long line of all fork hole pokers I had the auburn haired Chrissy doll whose hair grew. She lost most of it in an incense fire. Don't ask Join Date: Jul 2007 Posts: 3,102	No, you're not wrong. You asked and asked again. When she turned you down and indicated she had firm plans, you made alternate plans that cannot be easily changed. In fact, they would be a PITA to change. I say this is between Mom and the kid she wants to dine with. You're out of it. You have your wife to think of and that trumps a mind-changing mother.

11-21-2009, 02:53 PM	#9
RitaZ. Move on don't hesitate Breakout Join Date: Sep 2000 Location: FL Posts: 9,930	I guess it comes down to the relationship that you have with your mother. If it was my mom, I wouldn't hesitate to pick her up, drive her, whatever. She has been one heck of a mom and I couldn't do something like that to her. Parents put up with a lot of crap when they're raising us. It's only right and fair to put up with their indecisiveness. JMO.

11-21-2009, 03:14 PM	#15
princess momma Good girls go to heaven, bad girls go everywhere. Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: Mayberry Posts: 719	I feel really bad for your mom, OP. Put yourself in her position. Her 2 kids don't want to be bothered with her. I get that she changed her mind, you've made plans, etc. She hung the phone up on you. She must be very hurt.

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