OT: Are you the "cheap parents" -- and does it help or hurt your kids?

[NotUrsula]

Yeah, that'd be us. No NorthFace, no iPod, no contract cell phones, most of his clothes are used, we made him save up and match our contribution for the DS ... you get the picture. We're hard-butts when it comes to spending money on "cool" things when it is possible to get something good enough for much less.

DS complains mildly about it, but he's an Aspie and is too odd to ever "fit in" socially even if he did have every cool gadget and name brand, so it isn't a great tragedy IHO.

Personally, I think it's good for him to learn to rise above marketing hype; though I don't know how much of that part is sinking in. Mostly he just doesn't want to spend his own money to own the "cool" things, and he recognizes that we won't give in, so he writes it off as a lost cause.

[natenapril]

No I guess we are not the "cheap" parents. We have three kids and they have some of the things you mentioned. I guess being "cheap" won't work for us. We do enjoy music and being able to contact one another if there is a need or want.
But when I think of the money I could save I am sure it is nice to be "cheap"!

[XYSRUS]

Total cheap parents here-and we have money in the bank to show for it, and cool vacations every year and no fights over money and ....yeah we're cheap. Kids whine a little but never a big deal. Everyone gets what they need.

[RMulieri]

We are a little bit o both.We do splurge for things that are better quality and are neccessary like good jackets ( like Northface) .But we have basic cellphone service, basic cable etc. We do spoil our DD for Christmas and her birthday.But the rest of the year she has to earn her money to buy things she wants

[carj]

I would say that we are somewhere in the middle. We don't buy our kids their heart's desire but they do have quite a few cool items.

We made them save up and buy their DS's but we bought them each an ipod touch for a road trip that we took last summer.

I wouldn't spend a lot of money on a coat because living in Texas, we mostly wear light jackets if it is cold.

I do actually enjoy giving them something "cool" to have that is the hot item of the moment.

They get a lot of clothes from garage sales that are in great condition but I still always take them school shopping for some things at places they want to shop.

I am hoping to instill in them that used items are great because you pay less for them and can still function great. I don't think that it has to be an all or nothing kind of thing.

If you son wants those items, he will find a way to earn the money for them I bet.

[NotUrsula]

Originally Posted by natenapril

No I guess we are not the "cheap" parents. We have three kids and they have some of the things you mentioned. I guess being "cheap" won't work for us. We do enjoy music and being able to contact one another if there is a need or want.
But when I think of the money I could save I am sure it is nice to be "cheap"!

Just to be clear, he has a video-capable MP3 player and a phone, just not the "it" brands of the moment, and not every-bell-and-whistle service. I wouldn't say he is horribly deprived. (I do have another child, but as of yet she's too young to care.)

[HLDisney]

I'm a bit of both. I won't pay more just for the brand name, especially when it comes to clothes, but I will pay a little more for good quality stuff and I will get my DD what she needs to not stand out too much among her peers (but she'll often have to pay for it herself out of her allowance.) For example, she does have a DS lite but she had to pay for half of it herself out of her allowance and she didn't get it until she was almost 7 (unlike many of her friends who got theirs when they were 4-5yo) However, she's not going to get her own computer/laptop as she has been begging for the past 2 years because we already have one desktop and one laptop at home and there's only the two of us (she wants one to be specifically hers but I don't see a need for that at this point) She's also not going to get an iTouch (I don't even have one) and a cellphone is going to wait until she actually has a need for it.

On the other hand, I'm willing to pay a little bit more for Lands End and Gymboree clothing (bought on sale/clearance/overstock) because I feel their quality is better and I prefer their more traditional, conservative styles to the, IMO, more provocative and "mini-teenager" styles I find at Walmart and Justice, for example. But for basics like sweats, socks, underwear, it's definitely Target or Walmart stuff for us.

Helen

[JUJU814]

We're probably on the other end of the spectrum. Dd, 17, has the northface, laptop, ipod, iphone, unlimited texting etc. The little ones each have a DS (birthday presents) and we did the family Nintendo Wii. They are all enrolled in various activities and such. Dd shops at American Eagle and Hollister..but doesn't hesitate to get stuff at Target either.

It's hard for me to say if it hurts or helps...my dd, 17, is just a doll. She is so sweet and has never acted spoiled, and is just always so thankful for whatever we get her. I think I'm in for a rude awakening with the little ones as they get older. They have entirely different temperaments.

I don't go out and buy stuff for them just for the sake of it, it's usually gifts and such, but I'm not that frugal. I kind of wish I was.

They don't get stuff at all to fit in or be cool. I think gift giving is one of my love languages and I enjoy going all out for them at birthdays and Christmas.

My friend criticizes me all the time for "spoiling" them but they do not behave spoiled..and I think she's unreasonably cheap and strict with her girls. Her little girls were going to school in pants inches too short because she refused to spend more than $x on pants for her..and it's not like she didn't have the $$. I felt bad for her little girl.

I struggle every year at this time with the issue of overindulging.

I try to teach them thankfulness and generosity to others.

[crisi]

We are both as well. Our kids are not dressed in designer duds (are North Face jackets cool now? Who'da thunk?). We have endless gadgets in our house, but they tend to be family gadgets, not kid gadgets, and related to my husband's job (or mine). There are a lot of Target clothes, but there are also high quality shoes and winter wear (in Minnesota my kids will have high quality snowpants and boots) though far less emphasis on the label (which I don't pay attention to) than the quality. My daughter's schoolmates found out yesterday that she has had a Disney vacation almost every year of her life while I was in the room - and I could see which little brains were turning and cooking that information to be used to their advantage.

It helps smooth the way with shallow people at the moment. Kids who perceive other kids as "rich" are 'nicer' to them - but it seems only to ingratiate themselves enough to be able to take advantage of the situation. Long term, I think my kids are too spoiled and will have a hard time responsibly accustomating themselves to their own level of income once they leave our house. I want to give them opportunities - I don't want to create a sense of entitlement. It concerns me.

[mrsbornkuntry]

We're a little of both. My kids have some of the popular gadgets, but they get them as they prove they're responsible enough for them, as gifts for birthdays and Christmas, and often they are refurbished. The kids know that they are refurbished and they are just as likely to look for used items when they are shopping with their own money as well.

I don't think they're spoiled or over-indulged at all. I'd rather spend money on things that they will like and use for gifts than wasting money on things that they don't really want just because it's cheap.

[disykat]

Originally Posted by XYSRUS

Total cheap parents here-and we have money in the bank to show for it, and cool vacations every year and no fights over money and ....yeah we're cheap. Kids whine a little but never a big deal. Everyone gets what they need.

Same here. I grew up with the cheap parents (despite the fact that they had money) and I'm doing the same with my kids - purposely.

[Colleen27]

We're on the cheap side of middle, but not hard-line about it; they get a lot of what they ask for, in part because they've asked for so little.

DS has a phone on our plan because that's cheaper than a pay-as-you-go for as little as he uses it, but no texting or anything (he's 11 and not interested in texting or phone-as-entertainment yet). Both kids have mp3 players, but not iPods. They both got DS's for Christmas last year, and we have a family Wii that we all play.

They don't have any real brand preferences for clothing yet. A lot of DD8's and almost all of the baby's clothes come from mom-to-mom sales and DS11 wears mostly Target and Kohls brands. I do spend more on shoes, though - Sketchers and Tony Hawks, mostly - because in my experience they actually last until outgrown, unlike many of the Payless or Target pairs we've had.

I don't really look at it as doing them a favor or teaching them any vital lesson that they couldn't learn if they had name-brand everything and the latest gadgets. For us, it is all about practicality - the practicality of not giving a rough and tumble 11yo an expensive electronic gadget to carry around every day, the practicality of not paying extre for the brand on a pair of jeans that are going to be grass stained within a week's time, the practicality of prioritizing spending in such a way that allows us the vacations and other special experiences that the whole family values.

[kpgriswold]

We're like you. Our kids have generic MP3s and pay-as-you-go phones. We don't have cable because we found that everyone wasted too much time on junk TV. I am picky about quality, but refuse to spend silly amounts of money, so we buy clothes at Marshalls and Kohls and clearance sales where ever we find them.

The payoff is that we were able to purchase a Wii for the whole family to use together, to visit WDW without going into debt, and have nice piles put away for the kids to go to college and for us to retire on.

This is the way I grew up, and I think I turned out pretty well.

[mousebymarriage]

I would say we are a little of both.

DD13 has the ipod touch(which she bought with her own money) and a cell phone with unlimited texting. She really doesn't care about shopping in store like Hollister or American Eagle, she does have a couple of things from there but, she buys the clothes she likes and doesn't care if they come from Wal-Mart or Hollister. She got a laptop for christmas last year but, she needed it for school, she is in advanced/honors classes (8th grade) and uses it almost everyday for homework or projects. She has 3 pairs of Uggs, 1 we bought last September for her birthday, 1 we bought last year for christmas and the other pair she bought with her own money.

DS8 has an ipod (my mother-in-law) gave him her old one. He doesn't have a cell phone because he isn't allowed to go anywhere without an adult so he doesn't need one. He has a nintendo DS(bought last year for christmas). He has a laptop but, he bought it with his own money (I was surprised he bought it because I swear the child still has the first dollar he ever received. We didn't feel it was necessary for a 7 year old, which he was at the time, to have a laptop, he really wanted one so he bought it himself).

[KirstenB]

No, not the cheap parents unless you count no celphone for our 11 yr old. I don't work, and I've told her she's welcome to take mine when she goes somewhere.

Otherwise, she has 2 laptops (don't ask, dh is a computer geek, and he has 2 also), abercrombie clothes, etc. We don't give her everything, she has a regular MP3 player as opposed to Apple. I grew up with nothing. It's important to me that dd has some things that are "cool".