I won't go up.... I won't go up..... I won't go up... - The DIS Discussion Forums

Claudia1 · 11-20-2009, 01:01 PM

I'm trying to get my DGS to sleep for his nap and he is rarely put to bed by anyone except his mom, my DD. He has been crying for 10 minutes and I know that he is fine. I can see him. He is wanting her and we need to get him so that he will go to sleep for others.

My head knows what to do but my heart is weak!

DD has moved back home with him because her not-so-dear hubby is in prison for violence issues (both domestic and otherwise). Yes, he hurt her and but she called the police. Both times. Yes, twice. She is due to deliver her third child in 3-4 weeks, so it is imperative that we get DGS on a routine that involves the rest of the family.

He is in his own bed with his own toys and his own environment, so the only thing missing is his mommy. He sees me all day long, so I am not a stranger. She is away today volunteering at the Salvation Army and I have him by myself. So this is a good time to get him used to somebody else putting him to bed.

His cries are winding down now but he is a persistant little guy.

I won't go into get him......

MulanUSAF · 11-20-2009, 01:04 PM

Ear plugs?

Jenvenza · 11-20-2009, 01:14 PM

How old is he?

Claudia1 · 11-20-2009, 01:23 PM

He is 19 months and he is fast asleep after 18 minutes of fussing. The last 7-8 minutes was because he threw his blanket out of the crib and I had to wait for him to turn so I could throw it back in without him seeing me. Once he got his blanket back, he was fine.

DMickey28 · 11-20-2009, 01:24 PM

My DS goes through these phases. He is 2.5 years old. Right now only Mommy will do ... DH gets him ready for bed and winds down with him in our room but I am the only one that can read to him. On the odd chance he lets DH read to him, he still wants me to tuck him in last.

It's a phase for us ... it's been like this for about two weeks. Before we were alternating and he was fine with it. If I am not around he has always been fine going down for Grandma or Noona.

They are stubborn little people, that's for sure! DS will lay there just whining "Mommy ... Mommy" in a sad little voice. I go in and he will look at me with those big eyes saying "Mommy, Mommy" in that little voice but doesn't need anything!

bumbershoot · 11-20-2009, 01:44 PM

I'm a big fan of meeting the needs of children. He is crying, telling you that he needs you. Telling you that there is something wrong; maybe not with his body, but with his heart or mind. When my son cries b/c he needs/wants me, I meet his needs/wants.

Especially with such enormous upheaval as he's experiencing...having an abusive father, about to have a new sibling, being in a new place...

Put another way, do YOU like crying yourself to sleep all alone with no one to comfort you????? I sure don't.

clovergirl5 · 11-20-2009, 01:57 PM

I really don't have any advice, just a

for you, dd and dgs. Hard situation. Its hard enough with toddlers when you don't have extenduating(sp) circumstances. I let my kids cry it out up to a certain time limit. I also started paying music on a small cd player. Disney tunes. She loves it and starts singing along evenually falling asleep. Good luck.

Jenvenza · 11-20-2009, 01:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bumbershoot

I'm a big fan of meeting the needs of children. He is crying, telling you that he needs you. Telling you that there is something wrong; maybe not with his body, but with his heart or mind. When my son cries b/c he needs/wants me, I meet his needs/wants.

Especially with such enormous upheaval as he's experiencing...having an abusive father, about to have a new sibling, being in a new place...

Put another way, do YOU like crying yourself to sleep all alone with no one to comfort you????? I sure don't.

I agree with this 100%. Especially at 19 months old. There is no way I would allow my child to cry for 20 minutes and no one go to them.

Kit'smommy · 11-20-2009, 01:59 PM

Does he cry when your daughter puts him to bed?

I'll be honest and say that I never allowed my child to cry himself to sleep at that age.

pixiewings71 · 11-20-2009, 05:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bumbershoot

I'm a big fan of meeting the needs of children. He is crying, telling you that he needs you. Telling you that there is something wrong; maybe not with his body, but with his heart or mind. When my son cries b/c he needs/wants me, I meet his needs/wants.

Especially with such enormous upheaval as he's experiencing...having an abusive father, about to have a new sibling, being in a new place...

Put another way, do YOU like crying yourself to sleep all alone with no one to comfort you????? I sure don't.

I would not be able to let any baby, mine or not, cry for that long to get to sleep.....

poor little guy.....

MIGrandma · 11-20-2009, 06:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pixiewings71

I would not be able to let any baby, mine or not, cry for that long to get to sleep.....

poor little guy.....

I wouldn't be able to do it either.

I babysit for my grandchildren occasionally, my DD has a 4-year-old and a 10-month-old. When she is ready for her afternoon nap, I rock her and every time I tell myself I will put her down when she falls asleep. But no, I hold her instead, for the hour, or hour and a half she sleeps. I just can't put her down. She is growing up so fast, it won't be long and she won't want to be rocked to sleep for naps. So I cherish the chance to hold her like that anytime I possibly can.

OP, would it be possible to lay down with him while he goes to sleep, so he's not crying by himself? Or rock him to sleep and then put him in his bed when he's fallen to sleep?

PatsGirl · 11-20-2009, 06:35 PM

OP: I think that each day it will get less and less time for him to fall asleep. I know it is very hard but not everyone has the luxury of holding or rocking their children to sleep and it is important for him to learn to fall asleep on his own. You said he can see you and is surrounded by his belongings and that is great

I'm so glad you held out, tomorrow will be easier.

Your daughter is lucky to have you. Congratulations on your new grand baby to be and I hope that things get easier for everyone.

Claudia1 · 11-20-2009, 06:51 PM

It was really more of a tantrum cry than a "I'm hurt cry". He was wanting his mommy and she was not here. Unfortunately for him, there will be lots of times in the near future that she will not be able to put him down to sleep. I put him down the same way that she does and was there when he woke up. He woke up happy and we played for almost 30 minutes while he was still in his crib. He learned that Grandma loves him, too.

If he was hurt or sick or scared or any other type of pain, I would not have let him cry. However, in this case, he did need to learn that he can go to sleep without seeing his Mommy. He needs to learn that, sorry to say.

While DD is doing better than she has ever done, she did make a huge mistake this summer and violated the no-contact order with her DH repeatedly. I honestly don't understand the "stick-with-your-man-even-when-he-beats-you" syndrome, but that was her this summer. Consequently, the police got tired of letting it go and took her to jail for 5 weeks. I think she now understands that the law is the law and will not put herself in position to lose her children again. I only bring this up because we had the little guy for those 5 weeks, without contact with either parent, so I know him very well. Since her return, he understandably clings to her. However, we will care for him while DD in in the hospital for the new baby so it is better to go thru this now instead of later. After a couple of times with me putting him down, it will get much better. Today was the first .... and as another poster said.... tomorrow will be better.

I hope to get to the point that I can put him down easily with her in the house. However, I think I need my rosy colored glasses for that!

SDFgirl · 11-20-2009, 06:54 PM

OP, don't let people make you feel guilty about letting a 19-month-old cry it out. The "Cry It Out" method is not for everyone, but those who use it are NOT less-loving parents or grandparents. Kids need to learn how to get themselves to sleep.

There are many different ways to parent lovingly and deliberately.

belledreamer · 11-20-2009, 07:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SDFgirl

OP, don't let people make you feel guilty about letting a 19-month-old cry it out. The "Cry It Out" method is not for everyone, but those who use it are NOT less-loving parents or grandparents. Kids need to learn how to get themselves to sleep.

There are many different ways to parent lovingly and deliberately.

I agree.

Of course you wouldn't let a child cry if he/she was in physical pain, hungry, etc. But this doesn't sound like a child in pain, this more or less sounds like a child that couldn't have what he wanted. I know I'll probably get flamed for this, but a 19 month old is old enough to know what will move you to action.

If you respond everytime he starts to cry for something that isn't a need, he'll keep doing it until he gets what he wants. It doesn't hurt a child to "cry it out"

Let the flames begin...

11-20-2009, 01:01 PM	#1
Claudia1 Torments DISers with choc. chip cookie escapades Step AWAY from the cake, ma'am! Join Date: Aug 1999 Posts: 2,652	I won't go up.... I won't go up..... I won't go up... I'm trying to get my DGS to sleep for his nap and he is rarely put to bed by anyone except his mom, my DD. He has been crying for 10 minutes and I know that he is fine. I can see him. He is wanting her and we need to get him so that he will go to sleep for others. My head knows what to do but my heart is weak! DD has moved back home with him because her not-so-dear hubby is in prison for violence issues (both domestic and otherwise). Yes, he hurt her and but she called the police. Both times. Yes, twice. She is due to deliver her third child in 3-4 weeks, so it is imperative that we get DGS on a routine that involves the rest of the family. He is in his own bed with his own toys and his own environment, so the only thing missing is his mommy. He sees me all day long, so I am not a stranger. She is away today volunteering at the Salvation Army and I have him by myself. So this is a good time to get him used to somebody else putting him to bed. His cries are winding down now but he is a persistant little guy. I won't go into get him......

11-20-2009, 01:14 PM	#3
Jenvenza Ratted out her husband's lack of pony knowledge for a tag! Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Houston Posts: 3,182	How old is he? __________________ Check out my February 2010 PTR! http://disboards.com/showthread.php?t=2317888

11-20-2009, 01:24 PM	#5
DMickey28 DIS Veteran Comes from a very square 1950's Leave it to Beaver type family. Kaboom! is my new best friend! Join Date: Mar 2001 Location: Someplace between here and there Posts: 6,958	My DS goes through these phases. He is 2.5 years old. Right now only Mommy will do ... DH gets him ready for bed and winds down with him in our room but I am the only one that can read to him. On the odd chance he lets DH read to him, he still wants me to tuck him in last. It's a phase for us ... it's been like this for about two weeks. Before we were alternating and he was fine with it. If I am not around he has always been fine going down for Grandma or Noona. They are stubborn little people, that's for sure! DS will lay there just whining "Mommy ... Mommy" in a sad little voice. I go in and he will look at me with those big eyes saying "Mommy, Mommy" in that little voice but doesn't need anything! __________________ DS#1 Alexander Stephen 2.5 DS#2 Ryan Bradford EDD 3.28.10 RCS 3.22.10

11-20-2009, 01:44 PM	#6
bumbershoot DIS Veteran Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Tacoma WA Posts: 19,277	I'm a big fan of meeting the needs of children. He is crying, telling you that he needs you. Telling you that there is something wrong; maybe not with his body, but with his heart or mind. When my son cries b/c he needs/wants me, I meet his needs/wants. Especially with such enormous upheaval as he's experiencing...having an abusive father, about to have a new sibling, being in a new place... Put another way, do YOU like crying yourself to sleep all alone with no one to comfort you????? I sure don't. __________________ -molly 13 DLR trip reports of various kinds found through this link *prepretrip report for WDW*

11-20-2009, 01:57 PM	#7
clovergirl5 ♥Christmas is not a time nor a season, but a state of mind. To cherish peace and goodwill, to be plenteous in mercy, is to have the real spirit of Christmas.♥ Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Southwest Michigan Posts: 1,168	I really don't have any advice, just a for you, dd and dgs. Hard situation. Its hard enough with toddlers when you don't have extenduating(sp) circumstances. I let my kids cry it out up to a certain time limit. I also started paying music on a small cd player. Disney tunes. She loves it and starts singing along evenually falling asleep. Good luck. __________________ CLOVERGIRL5 ♥♥ JENNY ♥♥ Last edited by clovergirl5; 11-21-2009 at 01:27 PM. Reason: cause I got my dvd and cd players messed up:)

11-20-2009, 01:04 PM	#2
MulanUSAF Mouseketeer Join Date: Aug 2009 Location: NC Posts: 105	Ear plugs?

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11-20-2009, 01:23 PM	#4
Claudia1 Torments DISers with choc. chip cookie escapades Step AWAY from the cake, ma'am! Join Date: Aug 1999 Posts: 2,652	He is 19 months and he is fast asleep after 18 minutes of fussing. The last 7-8 minutes was because he threw his blanket out of the crib and I had to wait for him to turn so I could throw it back in without him seeing me. Once he got his blanket back, he was fine.

11-20-2009, 01:59 PM	#9
Kit'smommy Luck favors the prepared, darling. Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: The Sunshine State Posts: 487	Does he cry when your daughter puts him to bed? I'll be honest and say that I never allowed my child to cry himself to sleep at that age. __________________ Me DH DS (6) Samwise

11-20-2009, 06:35 PM	#12
PatsGirl Kids will write the darndest things I'm a fan of the Red Sox and anyone who beats the Yankees I can't believe my parents lived through my shenanigans Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: South of Boston, Very north of Magic Posts: 3,092	OP: I think that each day it will get less and less time for him to fall asleep. I know it is very hard but not everyone has the luxury of holding or rocking their children to sleep and it is important for him to learn to fall asleep on his own. You said he can see you and is surrounded by his belongings and that is great I'm so glad you held out, tomorrow will be easier. Your daughter is lucky to have you. Congratulations on your new grand baby to be and I hope that things get easier for everyone. __________________ Last night my sister and I were sitting in the den and I said to her, "I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle to keep me alive. That would be no quality of life at all. If that ever happens, just pull the plug!" So she got up, unplugged the computer, and threw out my wine. Brenda , Jacob 19 and Alexandra 12 We booked Boardwalk Villas for April ~ three weeks after my Girls' Trip to Isla Mujeres

11-20-2009, 06:51 PM	#13
Claudia1 Torments DISers with choc. chip cookie escapades Step AWAY from the cake, ma'am! Join Date: Aug 1999 Posts: 2,652	It was really more of a tantrum cry than a "I'm hurt cry". He was wanting his mommy and she was not here. Unfortunately for him, there will be lots of times in the near future that she will not be able to put him down to sleep. I put him down the same way that she does and was there when he woke up. He woke up happy and we played for almost 30 minutes while he was still in his crib. He learned that Grandma loves him, too. If he was hurt or sick or scared or any other type of pain, I would not have let him cry. However, in this case, he did need to learn that he can go to sleep without seeing his Mommy. He needs to learn that, sorry to say. While DD is doing better than she has ever done, she did make a huge mistake this summer and violated the no-contact order with her DH repeatedly. I honestly don't understand the "stick-with-your-man-even-when-he-beats-you" syndrome, but that was her this summer. Consequently, the police got tired of letting it go and took her to jail for 5 weeks. I think she now understands that the law is the law and will not put herself in position to lose her children again. I only bring this up because we had the little guy for those 5 weeks, without contact with either parent, so I know him very well. Since her return, he understandably clings to her. However, we will care for him while DD in in the hospital for the new baby so it is better to go thru this now instead of later. After a couple of times with me putting him down, it will get much better. Today was the first .... and as another poster said.... tomorrow will be better. I hope to get to the point that I can put him down easily with her in the house. However, I think I need my rosy colored glasses for that!

11-20-2009, 06:54 PM	#14
SDFgirl Weekend spelunker Cutting up foods makes me happy Shared a flight with Carol Brady Warning! If I don't know you I might bum a ride to get a haircut! Join Date: Mar 2005 Posts: 2,010	OP, don't let people make you feel guilty about letting a 19-month-old cry it out. The "Cry It Out" method is not for everyone, but those who use it are NOT less-loving parents or grandparents. Kids need to learn how to get themselves to sleep. There are many different ways to parent lovingly and deliberately. __________________ Our Happy Family Me DH DD2yrs DD1yr "Everything will bring a chain of love..."

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