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Old 10-15-2014, 06:50 AM   #1
DIS Veteran
Join Date: Aug 2003
Posts: 3,038

OT: Did you know that pre-arranged funereal plans are not worth the paper they are

written on
in Ontario, anyway.

What MIL bought and paid for was

to be laid out in a cremation casket to be viewed briefly by the family before cremation. She actually preferred to be laid out in the cardboard box with no casket, but SIL talked her into a wooden casket.

After cremation, for family and friends to go to the cemetary where I would read the 23 Psalm.

What MIL is getting:

Upscale to a $7,500 casket
The family will view her, then after the casket is closed, the room is opened to other family and friends. After visiting for an hour, the funereal service begins with the funereal director officiating. Then off to the cemetary to hear the 23 Psalm, then back to the funereal home for a full meal.

I am so annoyed because I preplanned my funereal and paid for it, not knowing it could be changed to whatever my family desires.
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Old 10-15-2014, 11:30 AM   #2
minnie mum
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Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: WAY too far north
Posts: 11,906

I'm not sure what the problem is. Did the funeral home insist on these upgrades from the prepaid plan? In that case there would certainly be cause for complaint. Or was it family members who wanted the additions? In this case your problem is with them. Was there no discussion among the family members before these decisions were made or was one person responsible?

I get that your MIL wanted a simple funeral without a lot of expense or fuss. But really, a funeral is for the surviving family and friends, isn't it? If they want to spend more money to allow more opportunity to pay their respects and then to have an opportunity to get together to celebrate her life and comfort each other after the service, is that so wrong?

If you are adament that you want your funeral plans followed to the letter, then just stipulate that when you make your own arrangements and make sure that your family and estate executor are aware of your wishes. Even then, I don't know how you could prevent your next of kin from changing things as long as they were willing to pay for them.
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Old 10-15-2014, 11:46 AM   #3
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Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Ottawa, ON
Posts: 1,364

The wishes for the funeral would have had more force if laid out in the will rather than in an order with the funeral home. If your MIL really wanted to be cremated, then that should have been in her will which would give her estate or court some more control. The will is a legally binding document that the executor is expected to follow unless there are extenuating circumstances.

For your own planned funeral, make sure the inviolable requirements are in your will, but allow the family to upgrade the things that are important to them. As Minnie mum says, it's mostly about comforting those who are left behind.

I extend my condolences to you and your family on the loss of your mom; going through a similar circumstance right now, and we are shocked at some of the costs. RIP DSIS 4/8/1960-9/10/2014.
M Ross

It's kind of fun to do the impossible. - Walt Disney

Last trip to WDW and US, March 8-17, 2013
Next trip planned for March 13-22 2015 - driving 1,500 miles on Friday the 13th

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