Birthday party help

[Justmyson]

I need advice. Last year we went to Disney for my son's birthday and I wish we had a trip planned again this year. This year I am trying to plan his birthday party without hurting anyone's feelings. My third grade son goes to a large school that has predominantly boys in his grade level (close to 50 boys). He is friends with kids in his class as well as the other classes in his grade level. He also has friends from sports teams and other afterschool programs. The number of kids he wanted to invite to his birthday party was overwhelming. When we did a party two years ago he invited all the boys in his class. However, since his social circle has grown there are many other boys he is better friends with than his classmates. I told him he could only invite 15 kids to his birthday party but he got to pick the kids himself. It was difficult for him to bring the number down to 15 but he was able to do it. The problem is one of my friend's kid did not make the list and I know she is going to be upset. The kids are in the same school and grade but not in the same class. I see her socially and our kids have been on the same sports teams but they only hang out when we adults get together. They do not do playdates, they don't talk at school, we don't get together for kid outings, etc. I asked my son about inviting this child. And he really does not want to. The child tends to throw fits and tantrums...yelling and kicking things when he doesn't get his way. And my son is afraid he will throw a tantrum at the party which is very possible. Also, my son cut down his own list to the 15 and there are other kids he would much rather add to the list than this child. I want to respect my child's wishes since it's his birthday party. I am not sure what to do. Do I make him invite this kid even though he really doesn't want to and there were other kids he wanted to invite but stuck to the 15 limit I imposed? If we don't invite him, how do I address this with my friend? Thanks for any advice.

[Stacerita]

Originally Posted by Justmyson

I need advice. Last year we went to Disney for my son's birthday and I wish we had a trip planned again this year. This year I am trying to plan his birthday party without hurting anyone's feelings. My third grade son goes to a large school that has predominantly boys in his grade level (close to 50 boys). He is friends with kids in his class as well as the other classes in his grade level. He also has friends from sports teams and other afterschool programs. The number of kids he wanted to invite to his birthday party was overwhelming. When we did a party two years ago he invited all the boys in his class. However, since his social circle has grown there are many other boys he is better friends with than his classmates. I told him he could only invite 15 kids to his birthday party but he got to pick the kids himself. It was difficult for him to bring the number down to 15 but he was able to do it. The problem is one of my friend's kid did not make the list and I know she is going to be upset. The kids are in the same school and grade but not in the same class. I see her socially and our kids have been on the same sports teams but they only hang out when we adults get together. They do not do playdates, they don't talk at school, we don't get together for kid outings, etc. I asked my son about inviting this child. And he really does not want to. The child tends to throw fits and tantrums...yelling and kicking things when he doesn't get his way. And my son is afraid he will throw a tantrum at the party which is very possible. Also, my son cut down his own list to the 15 and there are other kids he would much rather add to the list than this child. I want to respect my child's wishes since it's his birthday party. I am not sure what to do. Do I make him invite this kid even though he really doesn't want to and there were other kids he wanted to invite but stuck to the 15 limit I imposed? If we don't invite him, how do I address this with my friend? Thanks for any advice.

I would not force my child to invite your friend's son. He narrowed the list down to 15 like you asked him to. That's hard for someone to do. Now, I could see if he liked the child or enjoyed playing with him, but it doesn't seem so. And from the sounds of it, I wouldn't want to invite him either. Even if its my friend's kid. If the kids aren't friends, your friend should already have a clue about that. It shouldn't surprise her if he isn't invited. I would just keep it low key and not mention it. Address it when it comes and and just state the truth, your son had to choose a small group and he picked only his closest friends. If she is your friend she should understand. Not saying she won't be upset though. But really, who do you want to be upset, your friend or your son?

[scrapquitler]

If I were in your shoes, I'd leave it alone. Your son chose the 15 children he wanted to invite as you requested, and at this point, I don't see why he should add a child he doesn't want to invite. It sounds like you are worried that your friend will be upset, but I think that most parents would actually be relieved not to have as many birthday party invitations (at least I'd be in that category!). I would hope that my friends wouldn't be irritated at me about my child not chosing to invite their child to a party...

[golfgal]

I learned LONG ago that my kids knew the "friends" better than I did and I trust their judgement on that. If he doesn't want to invite the kid, don't make him. You will never be able to plan a party without hurting someones feelings so give up trying, besides, life is full of disappointments and too many kids are sheltered from learning those lessons as it is--it's going to make adulthood very difficult for a lot of kids.

[The Mystery Machine]

You asked him to narrow it down and he did that.

This is more about you than your son. You are afraid of the consequences. This is when you find out if your friend is a real friend.

And if the friend is a real friend, start doing things without the kids.

[scottishduffy]

Your son has invited 15 friends. It sounds like this other person is your friend, but the child is not his friend. I would bot force him to invite the child.

If it ever comes up just say that this year was smalller birthday and there just was not room for child X. This a reasonable and honest explanation. You can then offer to get together with Mom sometime, since the two of you enjoy each other. If your boys rarely play together she must already know that the boys are not best friends and thus would not make the list for a small party.

[C.Ann]

Your son did a great job of tackling a difficult task..

Those are the kids who get invited - end of story.. "Friend" will just have to understand - if it comes up..