Friend coming dilemma

[kabbie]

So ugh! I need advice. I have planned my perfect solo trip to Disney in Dec and everything is paid for and scheduled. One of my good friends decides she is going as well. I have a studio at DVC resort booked. Am I under any obligation to ask her to stay with me? We went together Dec 07 (stayed in separate rooms) and I had a HORRIBLE time. She went around on her cell phone the whole time and made little nitpicking comments constantly about me. I was ready at the end of that trip to never talk to her again let alone go to Disney with her again.

I'm ok with going to Disney at the same time, but I want my personal space. I want to be able to come and go as I please and if it happens to correspond with what she's doing ok.

What should I do?

[yankeeGLEEgirl]

It sounds like you have been a friend and she has NOT.
If she acts the same, it would be an uncomfortable , not to say in the least a very long and unhappy week for you.
I would not allow this person to stay with me, and if you really have to spend time at the World with her, make it limited time, it is your vacation.

[cbg1027]

No, you're not under any obligation whatsoever. I would tell this person that you already have your trip planned and that they are welcome to join you for ___ and ____ (if anything) but that you made the rest of your plans for yourself and want to stick to them.

[mickeyluv'r]

If you wanted to keep it private, why did you tell her about it? Or if you did not tell her about it, don't. Simple.

Next time, don't discuss trips with her. Keep private the things you want private. This is an important life lesson.

I don't see why you are under any obligation to include her in your vacation, but if you invite her for part of it, you may well end up spending more than that with her. If you don't want to do it, don't. If on the other hand you are giving her mixed messages - telling her tempting details and flaunting your upcoming vacation, saying you want to include her part of the time but not sure how much time, then you are equally at fault in setting up a bad situation.

Be honest with yourself and your friend. Really, if you didn't want to go with her then why tell her about it and taunt her? You need to figure out why you felt the need to discuss it with her at all - what was YOUR motivation? Bragging?

[kabbie]

Originally Posted by mickeyluv'r

If you wanted to keep it private, why did you tell her about it? Or if you did not tell her about it, don't. Simple.

Next time, don't discuss trips with her. Keep private the things you want private. This is an important life lesson.

I don't see why you are under any obligation to include her in your vacation, but if you invite her for part of it, you may well end up spending more than that with her. If you don't want to do it, don't. If on the other hand you are giving her mixed messages - telling her tempting details and flaunting your upcoming vacation, saying you want to include her part of the time but not sure how much time, then you are equally at fault in setting up a bad situation.

Be honest with yourself and your friend. Really, if you didn't want to go with her then why tell her about it and taunt her? You need to figure out why you felt the need to discuss it with her at all - what was YOUR motivation? Bragging?

We have been friends since the past trip. I don't feel need to go into the whole background. I just want wanted the general opinion. Basically, if you were going to Disney and a friend was going at the same time, would you invite them to share your hotel room?

[mommy2allgirls]

Originally Posted by kabbie

We have been friends since the past trip. I don't feel need to go into the whole background. I just want wanted the general opinion. Basically, if you were going to Disney and a friend was going at the same time, would you invite them to share your hotel room?

If I needed my personal space and knew it then no I wouldn't. You already paid for and scheduled and your friend decided later on to go, it isn't your fault.

By the way I noticed you are from Southlake, Texas! I grew up there and graduated from there in 2000

[henry72]

Originally Posted by kabbie

We have been friends since the past trip. I don't feel need to go into the whole background. I just want wanted the general opinion. Basically, if you were going to Disney and a friend was going at the same time, would you invite them to share your hotel room?

I guess it would depend on the friend and the situation. You are under no obligation to invite her to share a room. I like doing things my way so I would probably prefer not to share a room. Now if we had planned this together, that would be a different story. At least with seperate rooms you are guaranteed not to see her ALL the time.

[Lynne M]

Originally Posted by kabbie

We have been friends since the past trip. I don't feel need to go into the whole background. I just want wanted the general opinion. Basically, if you were going to Disney and a friend was going at the same time, would you invite them to share your hotel room?

Only if I honestly wanted them to share my hotel room. It sounds like you don't. I wouldn't, either.

You had already made plans, she invited herself along. That, right there, relieves you of any obligation. Don't even mention a word about sharing a room. If she asks, just say you need your own space. There's not a thing wrong with that. My friends and I always get separate hotel rooms when we travel together, just cause we like having our own space.

[kabbie]

Originally Posted by mommy2allgirls

If I needed my personal space and knew it then no I wouldn't. You already paid for and scheduled and your friend decided later on to go, it isn't your fault.

By the way I noticed you are from Southlake, Texas! I grew up there and graduated from there in 2000

I graduated in 1998! I still go to the football games all the time. Love Southlake!

[mommy2allgirls]

Originally Posted by kabbie

I graduated in 1998! I still go to the football games all the time. Love Southlake!

Wow, so we were at the school at the same time for a short time! Can you message me your name so I can see if I know you? What a small world!

[mickeyluv'r]

If I didn't want to go with them, no. I would feel no obligation to discuss it with them at all. Odds are pretty slim you won't run into them while you are there.

I'm not trying to be snarky, just blunt. I only discuss my vacation plans basically with those whom I have invited to join me, or those I would want to join me. I mean I always try to let someone know where I've gone in a basic sense in case we go missing or something, but that's about it. (I have pets, so that isn't much of an issue.)

Also, I just don't trust folks 100%. The more folks you let in on your plans the greater the odds that someone or their moron-cousin-neighbor will think breaking into your home while your away is a good idea. I'm even moderately careful about what I post here. I don't see much point in sharing my plans with others. what they don't know....

So if they haven't already invaded your plans, then I don't think you have any obligation to tell them about your plans, or to invite them to join you.

[Tara922c]

Well you can't exactly say, "you can't go to Disney with me". What I would do is simply ask her, "so have you booked a hotel yet?". If she asks to stay with you, simply tell her that although you would love her company during the day, you were looking foward to some much needed alone time. Be direct and tell her that you would like to have some alone time as well. Have breakfast together, then meet up for dinner, and to spend time together. We are going with my BIL and his family, and we plan to tell them the same thing. I have a friend who works for DIS, and I would like to spend a day with her, and her husband with my DD2, and DH w/o BIL, SIL, and their 3 kids in tow. You may be suprised that your friend may want some alone time too.

[letthewookiewin]

Originally Posted by Tara922c

Well you can't exactly say, "you can't go to Disney with me". What I would do is simply ask her, "so have you booked a hotel yet?". If she asks to stay with you, simply tell her that although you would love her company during the day, you were looking foward to some much needed alone time. Be direct and tell her that you would like to have some alone time as well. Have breakfast together, then meet up for dinner, and to spend time together. We are going with my BIL and his family, and we plan to tell them the same thing. I have a friend who works for DIS, and I would like to spend a day with her, and her husband with my DD2, and DH w/o BIL, SIL, and their 3 kids in tow. You may be suprised that your friend may want some alone time too.

I totally agree!! I would ask her where she was staying. If she says that she was planning to stay with you, just be honest and tell you it wasn't possible. If you want to meet up for a few things, that's up to you. You should in no way feel obligated to spend the entire time with her.

Originally Posted by kabbie

I graduated in 1998! I still go to the football games all the time. Love Southlake!

I didn't go to Southlake. A cousin, my DH, and my DH's brother did. The cousin and DH graduated in 1995 and the brother in law in 1996. My DH has two huge rings from his football days there. I love going to the games, mainly for the band. Mr. Behrends always has such a good band. We try and go to as many games as we can. We are going to the one Saturday night. I can't wait!!

[kabbie]

Originally Posted by letthewookiewin

I totally agree!! I would ask her where she was staying. If she says that she was planning to stay with you, just be honest and tell you it wasn't possible. If you want to meet up for a few things, that's up to you. You should in no way feel obligated to spend the entire time with her.



I didn't go to Southlake. A cousin, my DH, and my DH's brother did. The cousin and DH graduated in 1995 and the brother in law in 1996. My DH has two huge rings from his football days there. I love going to the games, mainly for the band. Mr. Behrends always has such a good band. We try and go to as many games as we can. We are going to the one Saturday night. I can't wait!!

I went to the playoff game at Cowboys stadium last week, but unfortunately I have to work this Sat. I love the band's show, Lids, that they do during the playoffs. It's the big draw for me in going to the games. Enjoy!

[Pixiedust34]

No. You're under no obligation at all to have her stay with you. It's up to you whether you'd like to meet up with her for a meal or for a day in the parks, but you're under no obligation to do that, either.